Relationships

Are You Responsible For Having A Crappy Partner?

The first time I was exposed to the concept of complete responsibility was through Brian Tracy, an amazing business/self improvement speaker.

In a nutshell, Brian would corner the listener and explain, “you are responsible for what you have in life, not your parents, not the government, YOU.” This concept was not that strange since I already believed I was very much in charge of my life.

However the level of responsibility Brian was asking me to take I didn’t quite understand. I always felt that much was just luck of the draw; that it was not my fault if my boss was an ass or my girlfriend cheated. I thought the world was just full of jerks and I was unlucky enough to run into them periodically.

An old woman kicks my ass


I was in Japan and was training for a triathlon.

I was training at the local public pool and was initially shocked that the pool was full of geriatrics! It was so annoying; they would float around bumping into me like injured manatees.
"What in the hell made me think that I could force my will there?"

To give you a little background - I really struggled with older people in Japan. I felt they were very rude and xenophobic. This feeling came to a crescendo at the pool. I wanted to strangle one particular turkey necked woman who would PURPOSELY get in my way. I would try to pass her and feel her swerve out to block me. I could feel the anger ignite in me.

I was training here!! I was a proper swimmer!! Get these freakin floating corpses away from me! I radiated hate as I did a flip turn a little too close the offending liver warted centurion. 10 minutes later I was in an argument with the lifeguard and was soon banned from the pool. To say the least I was livid.

Still in an explosive state I asked a friend of mine for advice, he gave it to me but not in the form I desired, while looking for empathy I got honesty. “I hate to tell you this buddy but if was going to happen to someone it would happen to you.” I got off the phone stunned by that comment and when I finally embraced my role in the dance I was ashamed.

This is an embarrassing story for me to tell because I am so ashamed by my behavior. I don’t know why I was such an ass, I was in a foreign country, and it was a public pool predominantly used by senior citizens. What in the hell made me think that I could force my will there? My anger and geriatric-phobia radiated out to the 30 senior citizens there and I managed to attract and antagonize the one angry one. It was clear to me that my frustration and nonacceptance was being reflected back at me. Unfortunately I was blind to it because I had shrouded myself in blame and finger pointing.

How does this possibly relate to dating??


I don’t have to like the angry lady that made my swimming so difficult. She was bitchy xenophobic pile of refuse but by radiating the same energy I ended up taking a huge whiff of her crap. What I am saying is don’t get caught in this trap! Don’t get caught in the cycle of finger pointing and fear. Sure he is an asshole, I totally agree with you! But so what!! Life is about happiness and if given another chance I would have never gotten kicked out of that pool.

Taking responsibility for you
  • The greatest thing you will ever master is you own thinking, start now
  • Afraid of him/her cheating? Guess what your brain will find for you.
  • Energy draws energy, hate draws hate, and victims draw victimizers

Maybe you feel this is offensive and you think “I am not that way, I didn’t bring this on. It was him! He was the liar! How could I be responsible for that???” I grew up lying to my stepfather but never my mother for simple reasons. He was very critical and I was afraid of him. Does that excuse my dishonesty? NO… but there is a reason why you are getting what you are getting.


There are probably many reasons why and they can not be solved one at a time. The first step is to consider that you might have something to do with it.


Mike Masters writes a blog for women about relationships at MikeTheMasterDater.com. Traveling the world and dating every single girl he met along the way allowed Mike to make an uncountable number of mistakes in relationships. These mistakes led to a fluency in the psychology of dating that could only be gained from radical immersion.
Are You Responsible For Having A Crappy Partner?
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