Relationships

Jealous Of Not Being Anyone's First GF/BF? Read This!

I'm an insecure enough person as is (which I am trying to work on), but it doesn't help when my boyfriend brings up stuff about his ex (his first girlfriend, I am his 2nd). He doesn't speak about her too much, just the odd comment now and again which I find annoying, it's usually something neutral or negative, but it still bothers me that he even thinks about her since he is with me now. I know he doesn't contact her and deleted her of Facebook ages ago, before we were even going out and he seems as though he hates her but still, he brings her up and I don't like it.


Sometimes I wish that I'd have got to know him better sooner and gone out with him to be his 1st girlfriend before she ever had the chance so then I wouldn't have to hear about her.. But then again, yesterday I was thinking about it and realised that being someones first gf/bf may not be all it's cracked up to be and perhaps being their 2nd or 3rd isn't so bad:


See, 1st thing I realised was that (maybe not in all cases) but in a lot of cases people aren't actually super into their 1st, or at least not to begin with - It's just because that was the first person to express interest in them who they didn't find too bad looking, they might not even have been that attracted to that person but just excited about having a relationship. I can give 3 examples - 1 of my own and 2 of what other people have told me to back up this theory -


1.) The 1st time I met my 1st boyfriend, I wasn't actually that into him. I thought he looked a bit weird and the thought of liking him didn't occur to me until a mutual friend (who we'd meet through) called out to us and started making a heart shape with her hands and going "Kissy kissy". He told her he had a girlfriend though but a little later that day I felt like he was flirting with me, I kept thinking of it the day after like "was he flirting with me? Does he like me? ..Do I like him?" I wasn't really sure but then remembered he had a girlfriend so kept telling myself off for thinking about it. The following day he added me on fb, mentioned something along the lines of "Honestly, them at the park! I had a gf" I noticed he used the word had. He started saying stuff that made it pretty obvious he liked me and it wasn't long before he straight up admitted it. I was a bit shocked that someone who I didn't find completely unattractive liked me and was very flattered. I thought "well we seem to get on well.. He seems nice.. He's sort of cute.. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to go out with him if he likes me, I just want to get to know him more" we more a less ended up dating and I did start to like him a little bit more although I wouldn't say I was hung up on him. I suppose it was just exciting to have my first real dating experience. I like the boyfriend I have now more though so just because that other guy was my 1st it doesn't mean he was the 1st guy I was in love with or that I love/d him more than my now boyfriend. That's simply not true. If I'm honest I like my current boyfriend more than I ever liked my ex.


2.) Before we knew the other liked them, back when me and my boyfriend were just friends he was telling me about how he wasn't really that into his ex at first, I asked "But you liked her in the end?"


"Hm, a bit" He didn't sound like he cared much. He told me that how he found out was that she messaged him saying that she always liked him in school and he kind of thought "Hm, should I? Shouldn't I?"


I've never had to have that worry about "Is he only with me because I put the idea in his head?" Due to the fact that he was first to admit he liked me.


3.) When I was with my 1st boyfriend, my Dad was a little concerned about me. He told me the story of his 1st girlfriend. He said that the silly thing was that he actually wasn't that into her, it was just because someone told him that she said she liked him so he went over and spoke to her and was really flattered and surprised someone liked him and that's really why he decided to go out with her in the first place, not because he fancied her all that much.


Another downside I realised to being someones 1st boyfriend or gf? They probably have no idea what to do with you seeing as they have never experienced this before. When I was with my 1st boyfriend I don't recall ever really being first to make a move - I'd hug him.. After he hugged me. I'd kiss him on the cheek.. After he kissed me. I'd hold his hand.. After he held mine and I'd dance with him.. If he took my hands and started leading. He would sometimes send me cute messages, poems, pictures or gifs he made (such as one saying "I love you (MyName)") I don't recall ever sending anything like it back. I don't particulary like my ex, I think he is selfish and a liar if he hasn't changed since the last time we spoke, but I'll give him credit where it's due: He probably put more effort into our relationship than I did. I didn't really know enirely what to do or how I was suppose to act with him seeing as he was my first boyfriend and I'd never had that before then.


Now that I have my current boyfriend, I do sometimes make a move first - I was first to hug him and kiss him on the cheek but he was first to pull me on his lap and spoon me. I also sometimes send him cute messages. I'm not sure I would do some the things I do with my boyfriend if I had not learned from the first so in one way it's a good thing if your bf/gf has had a bf/gf before you since they know how they're meant to treat you - You're probably not stuck having to do all the work yourself.


Besides, being someone's 1st bf/gf may be good.. But being their last is even better.

Jealous of not being anyone's first gf/bf? Read this!


Jealous Of Not Being Anyone's First GF/BF? Read This!
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