Why Men Should Stop Being So Butthurt About Womens Pasts

[Anonymous]

Now let's be honest, the only people who judge other people with prejudice are those who are insecure, sometimes extremely so.

I've seen so, so many guys going on about how women treat guys like doormats, bash up 'nice' guys, only prefer rich macho dudes.

The truth of the matter is that most of these guys actually feel inferior to women who've had a history of dating more than a conservative number of guys or having had multiple sex partners.

Men don't want to be someone's second as much as any woman. Or even more so. The fact that a woman has been with someone before causes such distress that these guys start deluding themselves and degrading women in general. Unless...

But jokes apart,

These guys feel like they were chosen because the woman being so easy, somehow cheapens their own value.

But the truth nobody is forcing these guys to date women they don't like. Nobody expects them to do that. So why shame women?

Are they so inferior that they want to settle below their expectations? Its a guys fault for deciding whom he wants to date, not a woman's.

But then what if the type of woman you detest is actually the right woman for you? What if she was looking for you all along? And you, her? Would you really bias against what you were looking for because you don't like the one thing about her? Its incredibly sad for both the parties, happiness in sight but no courage to grasp it.

Yes, you've to be brave to stand up against your own dogma and prejudice. You've to look within yourself if you can look past your own limits to accept a person like that. If not for her, at least for yourself.

But ok, even if a woman's dating past is absolutely the deal killer, you don't have to choose her. There is absolutely no expectation that you should bear any affection or responsibility to a woman you genuinely dislike. There's still no need to shame them.

But the problem, the heart of the problem is, prejudice. Dislike and prejudice are two different worlds. Even if a woman has a past, what business is it of ours, especially when we don't even want know them.

Because in the end, the most attractive trait about a man is his maturity.

[lolatyou]

I'm not sure why they would feel inferior just because they have a different preference.

If a guy has slept with a lot of women before me, it wouldn't be an insecurity issue for me, it would be a compatibility issue, among other things.

I would think we would have a difficult time connecting emotionally because he obviously doesn't view sex the way that I do. I would also have reservations as to what kind of person he was because while it's possible that he did absolutely tell everyone of those 40 women he slept with that it was just sex, it's also possible that he didn't and he had no issue using or misleading people or that he just isn't good in relationships.

Sexual past and numbers can say a lot about people in my opinion. I think that some women who sleep around are a little broken in one way or another, of course we all are but we don't all turn to other things to cope with it.

I'm not trying to judge just because I think differently but when it comes to a future serious relationship with someone, I absolutely judge the amount of sexual partners that someone has had. I'm not sure why people like to scream-"oh you're just insecure" at a man simply because he may have those very same reservations.

I don't necessarily think you need to break things off and end it and not give the person a chance if you really like them though but it would be foolish to not take someone's past into account and at least discuss it with them to see where they stand now if that's something that's personally important to you.

It really depends on the situations. Some guys don't care at all about it one way or another, some do, some prefer women with experience because they like it. So why are the ones who have their reservations about it, the only ones called insecure?

Unless it's painfully obvious- like some of the guys on here who have slept with multiple women but demand a woman be a virgin.

[gray_sailor]

Very well written.

I have always thought that the phrase "He's just insecure." was a useless, throwaway sort of line. It offers no insight, no perspective and no explanatory value at all.

I liken it to taking my car to a mechanic and leaving it with him for a week and on returning having him say, "The engine doesn't work right."

Well, yeah... I knew that a week ago... is that all you've got to contribute?

The insecurity is obvious. The real question is this: "Is the insecurity resolvable?"

The answer is: in some cases yes, in some cases no.

The second half of the answer is where the risk is located for either party in a relationship. Neither pretending that this risk is not there nor asserting that this risk should not exist, does anything to actually address the risk.

[continued]

[gray_sailor]

Ultimately, people are well advised to mate assortatively.

Those who engage in casual sex can pair off.

Those that have sex exclusively in relationships can pair off too.


By the way, welcome to GaG😊

[lolatyou]

lol, yes, that's true. I think a decent amount of women prefer experienced men though. It's kind of odd how that works.

And thank you but i've been here once before for a little and deactivated, couldn't stay away from the crazy though so I came back lol

[gray_sailor]

I get your point.

Also interestingly, if an experienced man mentions his preference for an less experienced woman, he is excoriated for his sexist views. Never mind that this is just the complement of the woman's stated preference.

Welcome back. 😊

[ikissedtheskyonce]

@gray_sailor men who sleep around but prefer a women with 0-1 partners is hypocritical. So stop trying to justify it

[ikissedtheskyonce]

I don't think you understood his mytake @lolatyou
He said everyone is allowed to choose who they want but that does not make it ok to insult them

[lolatyou]

I understood and even agreed with that part and other parts as well and I even understand that it was primarily directed at the men on this site who whine and complain about it constantly. I can still agree with those aspects of it and not agree with others and have my own opinion though.

[gray_sailor]

@ikissedtheskyonce

I'm not trying to justify anything.

I merely pointed out an interesting perspective.

When "inexperienced Elaine" chooses "been around Bill" for a mate because he's been around, everybody is fine with that.

When "been around Bill" finds "inexperienced Elaine" attractive because she's inexperienced, everybody cries sexism.

Note that Bill & Elaine are in a relationship together. Funny how Elaine can be happy with her choice while Bill is still wrong for even making his.

[ikissedtheskyonce]

@gray_sailor it's not sexist, I never known people to call men sexist for doing that. If anything that is what most men are expected to do by society

[gray_sailor]

@ikissedtheskyonce

The writers myTake is incoherent and inconsistent.

"Would you really bias against what you were looking for because you don't like the one thing about her?"

This statement argues against making a choice using a given criteria.

"There's still no need to shame them."

This statement makes the ethical claim that one should not be insulting as a consequence of having made a choice.

I agree wholeheartedly with this second statement.

But the second statement does not establish the validity of the first.

The writer does more than what you say here:

"... everyone is allowed to choose who they want..."

First he argues against making specific choices, then, reluctantly, he allows that of course anyone can make any choice they want so long as they're not an ass about it.

These are two separate ideas that are easily mixed with each other.

The implication is that making some choices is insulting all by itself. That is wrong.

[gray_sailor]

@ikissedtheskyonce

Might I refer you to your own statement of a few minutes ago:

"... men who sleep around but prefer a women with 0-1 partners is hypocritical."

The judgement of sexism is embedded in your statement. The hypothetical man is a hypocrite for preferring one set behaviors from a woman while he engages in a different set of behaviors as a man.

You just criticized "been around Bill" for having a sexist set of practices in making mating choices. It's the hypocrisy that makes his actions sexist.

This is why I think this myTake is poorly written.
Its one thing to make a call for decorum and decency. It is another to criticize someone for how they make highly personal choices.

Mixing the two confuses rather than enlightens.

[ikissedtheskyonce]

@gray_sailor why do you keep mentioning me. I did not even respond the first time you tagged me not too long ago lmao. It's not sexist I'm just being honest. You are trying to justify it

[gray_sailor]

@ikissedtheskyonce

I'm not trying to justify anything.

I already said upthread that I think it best for both genders to mate assortatively. People of similiar experience and values are the best fit. There is no more internally consistent position than that.

@lolatyou and I were having a discussion and YOU jumped in and accused her of being mistaken about the myTake and accused me of justifying bad behavior.

I am (and have been) defending myself against that charge.

Also, here is a thought experiment:

Suppose that "been around Bill" was gay. Suppose further that Bill prefers a partner that is inexperienced. This would still potentially be hypocricy but there would be no charge of sexism as Bill and his partner are the same gender.

Noting the existence of hypocrisy across gendered lines is noting the existence of sexism whether doing so is intentional or not.

[BuchitaBuchys]

This sounds nice and all, but I know I have a problem with a guy's past. I've been cheated on by men, I'm not saying all men are cheaters, they're not. But if there's "red flag" behavior, I won't be able to ignore it. I'm not going to call you a whore and spit on you, but I have a hard time taking guys seriously if they are promiscuous, if they have a high body count, and/or they do hookups and ons. Especially if they've cheated before.

Kudos to the people who can separate sex from emotions, but I know I cannot.
That's very worrisome to me.
-What if I'm just another notch in his belt? Another scratch on his bedpost?
-What if he cheats but still tries to say he "loves me", because "she meant nothing" to him since he finds it so easy to separate love and sex?

We'd just be too incompatible.
No, I don't want a virgin either because I want good sex lol But I prefer a partner with a conservative count like me.

This take is well intentioned, I like the fact that you said there's no need to disrespect them if you don't agree with it.

[myTake Owner]

Yeah, my point is that we guys shouldn't stone women for being slutty, I mean why even bother if we're not gonna date them. And about the guys who sleep with the 'sluts'? I've never seen them being shamed or being held accountable.

[Righttobeararms83]

My experience with Slut shaming that its actually other women who do the stoning and usually the most promiscuous ones are the first to start chucking bolders.

[myTake Owner]

@Righttobeararms83 the comments here suggest otherwise. I know in the real world, men wouldn't shame women as much as women shame women.

[Righttobeararms83]

Well there you go. Perhaps next a take about women slut shaming other women and leave guys out of it lol

[myTake Owner]

@Righttobeararms83 yeah, need proof bro.

[Righttobeararms83]

Listen to women speak to other women about other women in a school or office environment.

[BuchitaBuchys]

@Righttobeararms83 in my experience, it's men. And they are ruthless with it. Online and irl. There's not many revenge porn sites where women post pics/videos of their ex bfs.
I know around where I live, they also make Facebook pages titled like "Chicago's hoes" and they shame the girls they've had sex with. Many times you find underage girls posted. And there's many pages like this where men create and run them.
I've only seen maybe one or two guys on here, but they weren't shamed for promiscuity, nope. They were shamed for either snitching or switching gangs.

From what I've seen, men do it a lot, and they are ruthless with it. Destroying her reputation.

[Righttobeararms83]

Hhmm maybe its s cultural thing or bad parenting. The only guys I know that act this either had absentee parents, are children of divorce, or are the kids of single moms.
I do know a chick that was so upset after her boyfriend dumped her for cheating that she sent a vid of her banging another guy saying how much bigger and better he was than him. So naturally her ex sent it to porn sites, his buddies, Facebook and even to her parents asking if they could ask her not to send that filth to him as its just mean.

[BuchitaBuchys]

@Righttobeararms83 then there are a lot of people with bad parenting. Men and women.

I knew a girl in high school who her boyfriend cheated on her. He treated her like crap at the end of their relationship, and then she broke up with him. He ended up saying how good her oral skills were, he didn't believe she was a virgin prior to him. So she got slut shamed and was called lewd nicknames like "head doctor" for a while. She was so scared to start a new relationship because she didn't want to be cheated on and slut shamed afterwards.

Men are ruthless with it. Yes, women will say she's a hoe for looking nice in that dress, but everyone just ignores it as jealousy. I feel that people trust men more when they call women hoes.

[Righttobeararms83]

Well to be honest all she had to say was he had a limp shrimp dick and was premature I've seen many girls do this on guys especially the cheaters.

[BuchitaBuchys]

@Righttobeararms83 she wasn't one to stoop down to his level.

[BuchitaBuchys]

@Righttobeararms83 it shouldn't be like that anyways. Resorting to insults back and forth. Just enjoy your sex, and let others do the same.
If you don't like it, then keep your nasty comments to yourself.

[Righttobeararms83]

No but she let him bully and harass her turning her into a joke. Did her ex get another girl after his behaviour.

[Righttobeararms83]

"If you don't like it, then keep your nasty comments to yourself." Sorry was that last pary directed at me?

[BuchitaBuchys]

@Righttobeararms83 an eye for an eye leaves the world blind.

Lol no. It's to everyone. You (I'm using you in a general sense) have the right to call anyone names. But should you?
It is within my legal right to be rude (assuming I don't physically threaten them) to the people serving me when I go to the store. But should I?
Just because we *can* do certain things, doesn't mean we should exercise this "right".
You have your right to say it, even if I don't agree with it.

[Righttobeararms83]

Eh... ok
Just one thing before I go I get the turn the other cheek thing but you got stand up for yourself or people will tramp all over you.

[BuchitaBuchys]

@Righttobeararms83 lol this person wasn't me. I was a virgin until I got to college.
But it wasn't uncommon for dudes to slut shame their ex gfs. Some even went as far to share nudes and videos.
Another reason I abstained from relationships until after high school.

While I agree that being too passive and diplomatic sometimes backfires on those being bullied, I disagree with stooping down to their level.
An eye for an eye leaves the world blind.

[OlderAndWiser]

"Now let's be honest, the only people who judge other people with prejudice are those who are insecure, sometimes extremely so." You begin with a false premise.

Guys have every right to question a prospective partner about her past, and girls have every right to question a guy about his past. If a guy doesn't want a partner who has had sex with 30 other guys, that is his privilege; if that is how he feels, it doesn't matter how compatible they otherwise might be. That is his deal breaker: end of relationship, end of story.

If that means he doesn't want to pursue a relationship with her, he can lie about his reasons or he can be honest. Of course, most people advocate honesty, but honesty is not always the easy way to resolve a situation. If he tells her that he doesn't want her because she has had too many partners, even if he says it is because she is a slut. . . he has the right to express his opinion. Whether she responds by feeling shame, or anger, or embarrassment, or whatever. . . this is under her control, not his. He can't make her feel shame just like she can't make him feel love.

I hear way too much about "slut shaming" as if people should be free to have 100 sexual partners without anyone ever thinking badly of them because of that. Wrong! You have the right to screw as many different people as you want. I have the right to form whatever opinion I want to have about your behavior. If hearing someone else express their opinion about your behavior causes you to feel shame. . . instead of getting angry at the person who called you slut, maybe you should pause and reflect upon your promiscuous behavior.

[Kuraj]

Complete nonsense, sex means something to me, something on an emotional and personal level.
If you have sex "because I like the feeling of getting boned" then you have a very different understanding of sex that is simply not compatible with my view.
I'm not going to "shame" you for it, but we are simply NOT compatible, end of story.

[myTake Owner]

Yes. Good. That's what I meant.

[RationalMale]

Really depends, doesn't it?

If some girl is 24 years old and has a partner count at 5... well, that's fairly reasonable by today's standards. If you're dating an 18 year old and she's not a virgin... given today, it's not a huge reason to get upset.

The flip side is--for every girl who's literally a virgin in college or didn't slut it up, there's at least a couple girls who have slutted it up and banged 12 guys by the time they were old enough to drink. And now she's going "I'm not one of those girls who just sleeps around! I deserve a real man!"

I'm reminded of the story of Dorian Grey. He was immortal and never aged--but for all the heartbreak and debauchery he participated in, his portrait showed the condition of his soul, aging and becoming wretched in his stead.

How many girls, and guys, have spent years making their portrait wretched and hideous, then turn around expecting to have a partner who is lovely?

We can talk about not shaming people... yet the facts remain. Reality remains. If a girl was a slut who gave herself away in her prime years, why should a decent man be willing to commit to her, now that she is emotionally scarred? If a woman in the past chose to slept with men who do not belong in a good society, why would a decent man ever call her beloved or wife?

As for bad guys... ugh. My own younger sister is one of these women you speak of, of how we should "not shame" such women for having a past. I don't really feel too sorry for such women, because they for insane reasons choose men who all too often should just be killed. She moved out of home to be with a charming suitor who my parents forbid her from seeing. Later, she defended him as a good man, even while sporting bruises from his fists. Later still, I went with my father and provided armed protection to assist her in retrieving her belongings, after she claimed he assaulted her, imprisoned her in their apartment, etc. Her next lover was even more... charming. And even more deserving of bullet, if anything she said was true. (She claimed he bragged of murders.)

[myTake Owner]

Wow...

[RationalMale]

Are you blown away by "only good women deserve good men"? Or at the fact that I don't feel bad for women who ignore friends and family screaming "that guy is scum" and end up dating trash who deserve a bullet?

[myTake Owner]

Confessing to the murders part.

[RationalMale]

The hilarity was that it was October, she told my parents that five months earlier he had made such claims... she only revealed such things after the DNA test came back as not his kid and he made threats.

Ironically, she also claimed prior that my family, and police, were racists for thinking he looked like a criminal. (he's black.) Apparently we were all right on the money in thinking he was scum. Or she was a crazy liar. Who can say?

[Bandit74]

I agree that guys shouldn't go out of their way to try and insult girls simply because they don't meet their standards. I have theory for why they do it but in the end it doesn't accomplish anything.

With that being said, I do find it funny that you're trying to convince guys to stop shaming women for their pasts by shaming those men for their preferences (insecure, butt-hurt, immature). All youve done is get the approval of the women here but I guarantee your take won't convince a single slut-shamer to change their ways by insulting them and talking down to them in a condescending tone.

-"The truth of the matter is that most of these guys actually feel inferior to women who've had a history of dating more than a conservative number of guys or having had multiple sex partners."

I dont think so

IF they do feel inferior, they feel inferior to the men that the girl dated in the past. They don't feel inferior to the girl.

Even if the guy is insecure about himself , does that somehow invalidate his preference?

If an average guy is considering dating a girl who has been with 15+ guys it is highly probably that she has been with guys who are better than him in various aspects. Men lower their standards for casual sex so women can often hookup with guys from higher leagues, they just can't get them to commit.

Women dont decide who to marry based on who was the best sex or most attractive, they choose the most stable and reliable guy. So in the monotony of marriage where it is already hard enough for couples to keep the spark alive, is it really that unreasonable for a guy to not want to be with someone when he suspects she has been with higher quality guys?

Especially considering how guys tend to invest more financially in relationships and lose more in divorce.

Also I think its unfair to just write it off as "oh he's just insecure", its so lazy. While insecurity can play a role there's also more to it. There is also ego that plays a role and potentially how the guy values sex/intimacy. If he believes in only having sex with women he has an emotional bond with he might want a girl who is the same in that regard.

[myTake Owner]

What is the point of shaming you're not interested in then? You're not compatible? You could care less about them, its insecurity that makes people drag other people down.

[Bandit74]

I said in my first sentence that guys shouldn't shame the girls they're not interested in.

What is the point of this take?

Do you honestly think any of the slut shamers who read this are going to change their ways after you insult them and talk down to them?

All the people giving you positive feedback already agreed with you, so you haven't changed anything. All youve done is preach to the choir.

[myTake Owner]

No, do you think any Take for that actually turns people's mind around? I've never thought so. I just read a few Takes here which were plain immature. The point is not to convince but to see it from another perspective.

[Bandit74]

Some more than others.

[AleDeEurope]

"But then what if the type of woman you detest is actually the right woman for you?" How can she be the right woman for me if I detest that kind of woman? That makes no sense. It's like saying "the food you hate the most, is the one you'll enjoy the most". You can't enjoy a meal if you freaking hate the taste. Just like you can't enjoy a woman if you freaking detest her.

I get what you're saying, and I sorta agree. It's ok for a person to decide whether to date a person or not, and I think the past is something to consider. I doubt many girls would be open to the idea of dating a guy that has cheated on his past/s relationship/s, or a guy who was previously a player.

I don't believe in "the past is the past". That's bullshit. You can't just ignore what built you; what made you what you are today. Yes, people can change, but prove me you've change, don't just whine and cry because I can't accept your past, and because you've changed. Prove that you've changed.
And even if they've changed, the other person doesn't have to be forced to like and accept what they did. I won't ever date a pornstar, I don't care how much they changed, I'm simply not gonna do it.

I'm honestly tired of all this "oh, you gotta accept a girl's past", cause I, like many other guys, keep getting judged by our past, and rejected by our past.

But also, if you plan to do nothing with a girl, there's no reason to get butthurt about their past, cause you're not gonna interact with that person, so why care.

[myTake Owner]

Nobody says the past is the past, I mean don't you find it ridiculous, for a guy to breakup because his girlfriend is not a virgin?

[AleDeEurope]

I hear that phrase thrown out over and over again. "The past is the past". No, it's not.
I don't find it ridiculous. Though I don't agree with that, I don't find it ridiculous. What about religious people that want to wait till marriage? What about those who wanna have that unique experience with someone that feels the same way as them?

[myTake Owner]

Have you ever read 'the past is the past' a single time in the Take?

[AleDeEurope]

No, but I'm talking in general.

[wrightontime]

I like the take but, I want to add something. What if she tells you she loves you MORE? What if she chooses to stay with you longer than the past guys? She loving you more than anyone else, She loving you more than herself, and She choosing to stay with you longer than any past guy is something serious to consider.

If a guy is into a girl, he should give her a chance to see if she loves him MORE and stays longer than past guys. From my experience, the relationship starts to hit its prime when she is officially with you longer than any other guy and she tells you she loves you more.

I have dated a few girls in the past and was Butt Hurt by their past as well. Two of them told me they loved me more. That was the single thing that grabbed my soul. At the time, I treated them like shit, used them for sex, and dumped them from being Butt Hurt. To me, they were pieces to shit that i could fuck an dump.

Now i think about what could have been with those two who told me they loved me More. They ended up being great girlfriends to other guys. Why couldn't that be me.

Now, I'm with a girl who I am into. I want to grow with this girl and see if she ultimately loves me more and chooses to love me for longer than the last guys. I'm not going to fuck it up this time.

[Anonymous]

I disagree. What if you learned of the woman's past a year into the relationship, or when things got too serious?

Some women always play the "you're insecure" card to justify their whorish ways.

I would never down talk a woman because I don't like something in her past, but I damn sure would not be in a serious relationship with her.

Why do I have to be in a relationship with you in order to have sex with you? Why can't I just F**k like you let them others do.

Don't be a freak with everyone else, and then change your life when you are with me. I would hate to be walking around like lovebirds with you and then we run into your past everywhere we go.

Me and my girlfriend works in the same place and so does one of her old flings, who I found out about later, and I simply want to punch him in his face every time I see him, because I know that when he sees her probably say something slick to her. She won't tell me if he did, for the sake of keeping the peace.

Also ladies if past don't matter, what if your S/O told you that he use to touch little kids in his past, but he got help and he's not into that anymore, would you still date him if you have children?

I don't care if I have been with my lady for 10 years, and I found out that she was whorish in her past, Im leaving her. It has nothing to do with insecurity, because if I had known from the beginning I would have ended it then.

[myTake Owner]

Well, good for you.

[ManOnFire]

I do sort of agree with this. I mean, if a guy doesn't want a woman like that he shouldn't bother even trying to date her. It's that simple.

However, it's still not a lot different from how females can worry about a guy's past with relationships, wondering if he's a cheater or playboy just because he's slept with a lot of women or dated a lot, yet still wanting to date him, and worrying that she can't live up to the women he dated or one in particular. I know, I know: most females are gonna tell you this isn't true.

[Mesonfielde]

>>> But then what if the type of woman you detest is actually the right woman for you?

With such a grave difference on how you handle intimacy and social relations, that seems highly unlikely.

But yeah no one is forcing me to date them and so I won't. I don't see the need to whine about it, there are many girls out there who want an established relationship FIRST. afterwards I don't care if they have an ex or two. Although 15+ would be concerning.

[myTake Owner]

Agreed. This just a response to some of the more clingy sounding Takes I've read.

[desidoll]

The best MyTake ever. I 100% agree with this. I have no problem with men who choose not to date women who have bad past but insulting them? That is too much. No one has the right to tell others what to do with their lives, unless it affect them in some extents.

[myTake Owner]

Thank you.

[desidoll]

Welcome! :)

[lumos]

Yessss. I've seen so many questions on here from guys who are all like "I love my girlfriend to death but she has slept with 2 more people than I have and I want revenge/to even things out/to cheat/to get her to allow me to sleep with 2 more girls" like what the actual fuck lmao. Get over yourself.

[myTake Owner]

Who? Me?

[lumos]

Lol no, the guys who want to "even things out" or cheat on their girlfriend just because she's somewhat more "experienced" than them.

[myTake Owner]

Oh yeah. Men are not obligated to date women they don't like, at the same time its quite hypocritical to shame them.

[lumos]

Right? Nobody is forcing them to date girls who don't fit their preferences. If you think it's so bad to sleep around then good for you, don't date those who have if it's so important to you lol.

[myTake Owner]

No I mean we shame women for being 'sluts' and then we say its easier for women to get laid. Beyond me, how you can't expect someone to be easy and then shame them for being too easy? It's dumb.

[lumos]

No I know, I understand what you're saying. And at the end of the day bashing people in general just because they don't fit your personal preference is stupid, you can't expect everyone to match your tastes so what's the point?
These guys most likely only want all girls to be easy FOR THEM. I. e. the girls shouldn't be easy for other guys. This means the guy only puts in little to no effort in order to score with girls, while these girls in return basically stay faithful to only him. It's every insecure guy's wet dream. They get to sleep with whoever they want, they get the ego boost of having several girls stay faithful to only them, and the satisfaction from seeing these girls basically giving a huge middle finger to every other guy on the planet (most likely "assholes" that "totally don't deserve to have sex with anyone because I'm a nice guy and I'm the only one who's allowed to have sex").

[myTake Owner]

Yeah your typical nice guy.

[lumos]

Yep. Grinds my gears.

[myTake Owner]

Grinds everyones gears really. Even give the decent guys a bad name.

[stardust101]

Wow that would be a great way to get rid of me forever. Take revenge on me because of my past... so sad that a lot of men think this way.

[desidoll]

Omg this makes me laugh like crazy lol. I think I have read that question somewhere.

[SarahsSummer]

Amen!! If I like a guy im not going to dissect his past to find something I may not like. If I find him attractive, chances are some other woman or women did as well. What's important is who he is now. Same with the vice Versa. You are correct about insecure guys "needing" to know a woman's past history mostly because he's afraid he won't stack up. The past is inconsequential and It's nobody's business. So many people are looking to thwart their own happiness for what? Because someone actually existed before the two met? The only importance of ones past is that it helped to mold the person you are attracted to today. Just yesterday on GaG I read of a 30 yo guy who will only date virgins. SMH. In for a lonely life.
"happiness in sight but no courage to grasp it" Great line ☮❤️😊
I only wish you weren't anonymous.

[Elena_the_Star]

Dude why are you anonymous? You deserve and Oscar for calling out your gender on their sexism, given I know how much guys suffer from peer pressure and the need to fit in. Feel free to message me and keep being awesome!!

[RationalMale]

I'll ask it. How is expecting women not to have been sluts, or dated trash, sexist?

if a guy was promiscuous and holds women to a high standard, that could be called hypocrisy.

If a guy did not sleep around and holds women to an equal standard, that's called having standards.

Where does sexism come in?

[Elena_the_Star]

@RationalMale Two things
1) Calling a women a slut is shaming her for her sex life. if you don't want to date her don't but you are under no right to shame others for a different sex life.
2) Most of these guys would have been promiscuous if given the chance that's they are jealous, the few rest also have no right to shame others.
Sexism does come in because guys are never held to that standard, so called good guys want 'good girl' but ever heard a girl saying I want a guy who didn't have more than 2-3 gfs? Why don't you people Fuck and let others fuck?

[Righttobeararms83]

Be fair when it comes to dating most women hold any potential suitor up to a standard they themselves cannot live up too.

[RationalMale]

Would they? That's a heavy assumption, akin to "all men would be thieves if they could." Isn't that pretty sexist alone, if you want to talk about sexism?

And girls are free to be virgins until marriage or bang 100 men a year. Their choice. Just like guys have the choice to go "ugh, that girl banged 37 men this year, what a slut, not girlfriend material."

That's akin to saying you can't be an accountant because people say accountants are boring folk, or can't be a cop because people say cops are a-holes.

[Elena_the_Star]

@RationalMale
I said "most" and you and me both know its true. Most guys would fuck around given the chance.
They get judged as always, just as you are judging now, if they stay virgin they are prudes and if they fuck around they are sluts. So its not really a choice if there's a social pressure attached to it. The irony is they want someone someone great in bed but not experienced, like hello? what are you even saying? Bah, who can understand men.
He could simply say I am just looking for a girl who matches my view and is waiting like I am instead of saying what a slut just as I won't laugh and call a guy pussy for being a virgin and just say," I am looking for someone", that, my friend is how you don't be an asshole.

[Elena_the_Star]

@Righttobeararms83 Like wanting a living Barbie isn't a standard for men, eh?

[Righttobeararms83]

Actually no. Modern men these days dont want a blonde airhead plus this ain't the 50's we want women to earn a living and pay their way. Men and women have different standards and requirements that do always line up the same which is to be expected. Guys and gals shouldn't be upset if they can't meet these. High numbers of sexual partners is just a red flag that most men have when considering a serious relationship even if they themselves have high numbers. Thats about as sexist as a woman wanting a strong man when they are not.

[Elena_the_Star]

@Righttobeararms83 Oh please, yes they want a girl with a job but looks is their top priority, big boobs, big asses, small waist, you know the works. It never ends. You can say no to a woman you don't want to be with without being a dick and shaming her.

[Righttobeararms83]

"Oh please, yes they want a girl with a job but looks is their top priority, big boobs, big asses, small waist, you know the works. It never ends." In fairness that sounds like my wife but thats not why I'm with her.
I have said no to women in the past because I didn't want to be with a woman with large numbers and a checkered history.

[Righttobeararms83]

I have said no without being a dick or shaming.

[Elena_the_Star]

@Righttobeararms83 Congrats then. What's the fuss then?

[Righttobeararms83]

No fuss im sure I have a point somewhere lol

[RationalMale]

Dang. And only 16. High school must have changed a good bit since I was a kid...

[Righttobeararms83]

@RationalMale yeah I dont remember school being all about tits and ass. I blame MTV.

[Elena_the_Star]

@RationalMale wtf has my age got to do with it?

[Righttobeararms83]

Its not your age but the time you were born into. What your talking about slut shaming, nude pics, sexting and all was unheard of fifteen years ago. Even teenage sex though we talked about the chicks we wanted to do it was rare for a guy to loose his virginity before eighteen.

[Elena_the_Star]

@Righttobeararms83 Nah it was there- it was just kept under the wraps. People did all those things but they were not as open about it as they are today. From where I come from, sex before marriage is an unheard thing, but its only that 'unheard', people fuck ofcourse, teens, college adults and everyone else, far less than US or anywhere ofcourse and its still there as in any society. The difference is nobody talks about it here so we think nobody is doing it-but plenty of people are.

[RationalMale]

Because if you were 22 and talking like this and dealing with this, I wouldn't be shocked. But you're literally a kid and this is coming out of your mouth. That says you're likely in a very non good environment. It speaks to how society as a whole is somewhat degrading.

[Elena_the_Star]

@RationalMale I am not a kid, I am turning 18 next year. Its called teenage, being a teen is not equivalent to being a kid. Do you not know this? Today everyone is well informed about what is going on in society and everyone likes to talk about it. It has literally NOTHING to do with age, maybe in your time teens played with dolls at this age but today teens are more educated, informed, assertive and outspoken and there's no reason why not. Bringing in age is just a low blow. Argue on facts not age.

[Anonymous]

As a "Nice Guy",

It wouldn't bother me if a girl had a serious relationship and did sleep with her ex-boyfriend...

It would bother me if this girl had slept around with "Jerks" or the "Bad Boy Types"...

This is because "Nice Guys" try to get the girl, but we just don't as they chase the bad boy... now we feel rejected and bitter. 10 years later the same girl wants the "safe" nice guy who she rejected earlier in life but is upset when she doesn't understand why he has problems with her history.

[Anonymous]

I totally agree with you! Some of us are just not fortunate enough to have long-term relationships last. I've been in several relationships, and though I hoped they would last, the guys had other plans in mind. You don't always know the other person's agenda when you get into a relationship. One day they are telling you they want to move in with you and the next day they are texting their other girlfriend (who you had no idea about).

Deceptions run deep and sometimes people are just unlucky in love.

Also, sometimes people change. Just because someone slept around as a teen, doesn't mean they can't settle down and be a great partner.

I truly wish I was in a LT relationship, but I just haven't been that lucky.

Some people like to say I haven't tried hard enough or I am making bad decisions. But I'm not, it's just been pure bad luck. The people I find that judge me the most are people who met their husbands in high school. Not many people are so fortunate.

[ObscuredBeyond]

When I get with a girl, I disclose my previous attempts with her when the time comes. Because those previous girls have affected me emotionally, and that will influence my judgment. I feel she has a right to know what is influencing my judgment. All I ask, is the same in return from her. Because if some guy was a douche to her and it's clouding her judgment and causing her to interpret something innocent I do in a totally wrong way, I have a right to know why she's upset, so I can take measures not to upset her in the future.

If you won't throw the dog a stick or two, how are you ever gonna play fetch?

Also, if her mere kiss is gonna contain some nasty germ, I have a right to know what I'm being exposed to, and vice-versa.

[jaysonkell]

I have some insecurities, but that's not stopping me. If it happens it happens, if it doesn't then it doesn't. There's this girl who lives near me, we met awhile ago and she is like the perfect girl in my mind, she's what I'm looking for. We talked for awhile and she told me some of things she does and we share somethings in common. I don't why but, I was stupid and didn't get her number. I see her around but we haven't talked since, but I'm not going to give up on her. I'm really hoping there's going to be a day where I can talk to her again.

[Anonymous]

Week I am a virgin and I want a women who maybe if a virgin or maybe had very few like 2/3 at the max... I don't want any girl who had slept around in the past... Sorry it's a compatibility issue...

So yes I do care about her past.. I don't care what you take her to educate me

[myTake Owner]

Upto you man, nobody is forcing you to pick someone.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeaa right.. But the thing is if I loved a girl then for me her past wouldn't matter...
But I still would follow the don't tell and don't ask rule

[myTake Owner]

Which is also what I said.

[truthhammer]

i want someone like my equal.

i m not one of those guys who can't get girls. but i refrained from casual sex though I've experienmented (educational purposes)

if she has more than 9 sexual partners, its a deal breaker.

i won't date someone who constantly had a dick or serial dated. these are strong signs of a character/perception flaw that can potential hurt me and destroy me.

i respect women who can stay single and grow the fuck up. the prettier girls I've dated often seemed to be serial daters and it turned me off.

by the way i didn't read the whole article. like the first few sentences. not even lol

[Righttobeararms83]

Well personally sexist or not I wouldn't get into a relationship with a woman with high numbers I know maybe thats sexist but hey women have their own red flags, standards and requirements that dont line up the same as men.

[myTake Owner]

Yup.

[10dsw]

Ironically I can tell from the get go that you are the type of guy that typically becomes a doormat!

Anyhow I don't know any guy who is butthurt about a girl's past... I think there are other reasons guys become frustrated... but not really this one.

[myTake Owner]

Ironically, how doest saying 'don't shame women' make you a doormat? If that makes me a doormat, it makes you a misandrist.

[10dsw]

Nope. It just makes you someone who doesn't "get it".

[myTake Owner]

And I'm sure that someone who can't explain why I don't 'get it' actually gets it. You've got nothing to go on.

[10dsw]

All righty! But always remember... the girls who complain to you about how bad men are ironically are having sex with those exact same men. In the mean time... here you are.

[myTake Owner]

Nobody likes women like that. I did say such women are plain ignorant.

[10dsw]

The 100+ messages they receive daily if they online date says otherwise :)

Cheers -

[Polocrew]

Lmao sounds like you are only one who are about that shit OP, All I ever know about women's past is if she got std or shit or not

[myTake Owner]

Good man.

[Bandit74]

But dont you just do hookups?

Obviously you wouldn't care about a womans past if you're just going to fuck her for a week or two and then toss her off to the next guy.

The guys who care about a womans past only care when they have feelings for her and are considering making a serious commitment to her.