Don't get me wrong, I think once you are in a relationship there should be a certain amount of your time dedicated to your bf/gf - and a large amount at that.. but not all of it.
Last year I started seeing this guy and would message him back as soon as I saw it, leave my tablet on all day to talk to him, message him while I was eating my food, watching TV with my family, had a friend visiting and whilst I was at college even if I was meant to be doing my work. I barely spoke to my family anymore, or messaged my friends unless they messaged me first - I even delibrately give male friends short dull replies as I didn't want to in any way be unfaithful to the guy I was seeing or do something I wouldn't be comfortable with him doing - and I knew I wouldn't be comfortable with him getting too close to other girls. I wouldn't even really be watching TV as I was messaging this guy every 2 minutes.
What happened? He more or less cheated on me so who did I come running too? That's right! My friends and family. Problem? Well even though they tried to help it was difficult to connect with them since I'd sort of distanced myself from them for a while. I ended up getting really close to one of my male friends and am now going out with him. He is pretty sweet and caring although can be annoying sometimes.
My Dad said a few months back that he didn't like it as it seemed I was the one putting all the effort into the relationship. He told me it didn't make sense as he doesn't think my boyfriend is ugly, but does think I am better looking than my boyfriend, funnier and smarter and that it's like comparing a piece of mud to a diamond. He told me it didn't make sense as it almost seemed I was begging my boyfriend and it was like a diamond begging a piece of mud to go out with it and people look at that and think "Eh?!".
I was mad and embarrassed he suggested I was begging my boyfriend to go out with me and was just about to deny it.. When I realised he was right. It seemed I didn't learn anything from my 1st relationship as I was the same with my now boyfriend - messaging him all the time even when I was eating, at college, watching something or otherwise busy - I even stopped watching films with my family in case my boyfriend wanted to Skype or something and would stay up late to message him even if I had college the next day and wanted to go to bed.
When my boyfriend wasn't online I would just write about him (e.g. write letters to him describing my feelings but not sending due to embarrassment), look up ways to flirt for when I saw him or stare at a picture of him and daydream. I would also tell my friends all about him.
I've since thought about it and realised that kind of obsession isn't healthy. I also realised how important family and friends are as well as a bf/gf. I do still give my boyfriend a lot of attention, just not as much and also spend time with family and friends. Yes, I do still mention my boyfriend to them but now I talk about other things too.
So, why was I spending so much time on him anyway? Well the obvious bit was that a new relationship is new and exciting and I really like him and enjoy talking to him, the other part? I was worried that if I didn't give him attention for a while, well then maybe another girl would give him attention and then he'd end up talking to her and liking her instead.
When I thought about it though, if he did go of trying to get with other girls just because I was busy for say an hour speaking to friends/family or doing work.. Well then I wouldn't want him as a boyfriend anyway. I want to be with someone loyal who wouldn't go of chatting up other people just because I had to go for an hour. So basically, if my boyfriend is worth having then I shouldn't have to worry about that anyway and if he isn't worth having then I will find out sooner if I leave him to his own devices and if he does turn out to be unfaithful, I will know to get rid of him and find someone who is.
My other reason for spending so much time on him? Well I live with my family and see them every day so can speak to them whenever, I don't live with my boyfriend or see him as often so I spend a lot of time messaging him instead. I realised however that I message him more than I speak to my family sometimes so maybe I do speak to him a lot in a way, and he is often online so I can pretty much message him whenever even if he takes a couple hours to reply.
Another thing I realised was that, supposing this relationship goes wrong? I would need the support of my family and friends, it will be difficult to connect with them again after not paying enough attention and I would have wasted my time getting so invested in someone who was only temporary and not spending enough time on other people who care about me (I could really regret that one).
And if this relationship does work out then I will probably have plenty more time to spend with him anyway - Decades even! My parents on the other hand are getting old so as much as I don't like to think about it I might not have as much time with them left as I would like, do I really want to spend all my time on someone who may be temporary or may have the majority of the rest of my life to spend time with while ignoring loving family members who I may have limited time with? Heck no! Yes, I need to give my boyfriend attention but I need to give my friends, family and pets attention too - It should be evened out. I realise that now. I also realise it's good to have time to myself sometimes and just do whatever on my own.
Please don't make the mistake I did in the past by spending all of your attention on your bf/gf/crush, even out your attention to other people too.
Thus concludes this MyTake, thank you for reading, sorry if too long and sorry for any grammar errors.
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