Only You Can Make The Rules In Love

[bbch25]

I see people posting regularly about “is it normal for this age gap” or “Is it normal to feel this” or “How soon is it normal to feel love”.

And all I can ask is:

1. Who is able to properly answer that question?

2. Who sets these rules that says “Oh, you’ve only known each other a month, can’t be love”?

I know of a couple who got married two weeks after meeting for the first time, and they’ve been together 15 years now. Likewise, I know of a couple who were together 10 years and then finally got married and it failed. Not saying marriage was the problem there, but that ties in to the question of “How soon is too soon to propose”.

Because, nobody makes the rules, nobody knows yours and your partners’ feelings. Yes, this is a website for opinions, and that is all people share. But, if it feels right to you (and it’s legal!), then it may just be right and you shouldn't need to question it, nor let others make you feel it needs questioning.

If your partner is 20-30 years your senior, that may not be the average every day couple you see in real life or on movies, but that doesn’t make it any less real or special. Because if we can’t control who we fall in love with, why can society or parents or friends or strangers try and control how long until it’s real, how long until it’s meaningful? How long until you’re ready for the next steps?

Listen to both your heart and brain, your heart will make you make stupid decisions probably, but your brain will also hold you back from fully embracing a partner. A middle ground is best. I saw a question asking “how soon can two people move in”. Looking at that couple that got married after two weeks and have been successful, all I can think is – there’s no set time limit!

If you FEEL, you love someone, and you think about them all the time etc, then no matter the (legal) age difference, that person is who you are with and who you love. And society can’t tell you different. Because, you make your own rules in a relationship.

Be in love, and be happy!

I know someone questioned me and my current boyfriend and said "aren't you moving fast" and I was about ready to question things when I realised, no. She can make that decision, she has no idea our feelings, how he treats me or I treat him, we're both happy, and that's the important part.

[needsanswers100]

I get where you are coming from with this mytake and I feel like some people genuinely follow your mantra of “Feeling” you love someone. However, I think the large majority of society doesn’t follow that mantra (me included) so they are asking these questions because they want to make sure they are matching the standard set by society. The questions individuals ask vary based on how they perceive themselves in society. Using myself as an example I come from an incredibly materialistic city in the North East, we are very judgmental about what kind of clothes a person is wearing, who he or she is dating (or not dating), what job he or she has etc... When somebody from a society like mine is asking that question it is because he or she wants to know if they are meeting the standard. If they don’t meet the standard then he or she will do anything in their power to fix it. It is terrible that my society and myself think in this way but it is bred into us from a very young age. It is hard to change such a habit after in is practiced over and over again in your mind for years. We are humans, we are built to recognize patterns and develop rules for making decisions in our lives so this is what our society has come to. It is hard to say if this way of thinking will ever change in main stream society but only time can tell.

[bbch25]

I understand what you're saying. I suppose it's this need to fit society and standards that I'm trying to break passed. If people know they love a person, and friends tell them it's too quick or no it can't be love and you believe that... you're breaking two hearts to fit the standards. Which is kind of sad.
But, I grew up listening to the standards and the movies and trying to fit into my community. I suppose seeing people get hurt over people needlessly listening to others, or others thinking they have the right to tell people how to live their love lives is sad.

[rescuemyheart]

Thank you... thank you soooo mucy for this. These are exactly the thoughts I've been having

[Spiorad_Aisce]

I agree with the premise of the take but approach it a little different - Say I find myself in a situation where I ask for others input, what I am doing is getting information/points of view/data taking it in, putting it with my own point of view. I will then analyse the whole lot and decide the course of action I wish to take. I suppose everyone has their own way of dealing with things some steam ahead with their own perspective, others consult others to be told what to do and a lot are somewhere in the middle. Who is most correct, a lot depends on what you think is right for you or what worked for you in the past. I honestly don't think for most people there is a right or wrong answer that is where fate/destiny and luck come in.

[bbch25]

But even then, you're still making your own decision in the end, and that is still in line with my thoughts. I'm not telling people not to seek opinions, I ask people "does this dress suit me" still, but ultimately I decide. I suppose it's more people that genuinely ask and if someone says "Oh I think it's too big of an age gap" or "it's not been long enough, you can't be in love" and you just believe them and not make your own decision or follow your own thoughts/feelings, is what is sad. But I do see your approach.

[Jasmine777]

I've been saying that. Every situation is different. What works for one doesn't work for everyone. The biggest problem I see is if you like someone too much you have a psychiatric disorder. People complicate everything with their rules. Love really isn't that hard or dramatic. My biggest problem right now is people think you have to have a given time period between relationships. If it happens, just go with it. Otherwise, you may pass up the right one.

[bbch25]

That's so true too. I mean I'm of the belief you should have a proper healing/getting over time between relationships, for your own sake and the respect of a potential new partner. But how long it takes you to heal/get over someone, is entirely subjective. You may only take a week, I may take months.

[Jasmine777]

Exactly!

[Lamborghini1616]

I liked this post. It helps me quite a bit with my situation. Thank you :-)

[Reflexy]

We ask for a receive advise for lots of things. From careers to clothes to finances. Why are love and relationships any different?

[bbch25]

Not saying they are, and asking advice is never a bad thing. It's when you are asking for an answer, not advice that's a problem. If you feel you're in love with a person, other people shouldn't be able to just tell you "no you're not". Presenting your situation to others for their opinions is one thing, but to decide "oh, society tells me it's not long enough so OBVIOUSLY it's not long enough" is wrong. That's not following your own mind or heart, or simply heeding advice.

[Prince_teddy4u]

It's your call. You will gonna love. Love more than anything and live for love.

[Buttface99]

Great stuff!

[skeptic007]

the bible