Love is a choice

[supernerd99]

Society breeds the concept of "the one". Finding that ideal partner who ticks a number of boxes, and is the mate made in heaven that will fulfill all their fantasies and needs. Is it true though? Does such a person exist or is just like chasing a chimera? I ask myself. Am I perfect? Do i offer perfection? How can i ask it from others? I hear female and male friends complaining all the time how they got betrayed (over trivial things), and been done wrong, and didn't get what they deserved etc. They didn't give them what they needed. They, they, they. Can you really go far with a leechy mindset like that? In my experience no. It's much more satisfying when you give. Even if that is simple things like some positivity and a good vibe.

Love is a quite abused word. "I lost my love for her", "he doesn't inspire my love anymore". Well its probable, but did you have any part in that? Did it ever cross your mind that you might have been the reason he began treating you differently? Mayne your spark died before his/hers? Did it become a routine for you as well? These vibes you can't help but convey them to the other person, you can't hide it. Was there any love inn the first place? Maybe you've quit on yourself as well? There is no stasis in this life, you either ascend or descend. and that definitely builds or levels upon a person's attractiveness. So who is to blame? Is love really a thing that is forced uppon you by external factors? Is it an electric current with which the other person is oblidged to shock you daily? yes and not. mainly not. Because love IS A CHOICE. When i wake up in the morning i say, "what can i do to make my wife's day brighter today"? love is a mindset. love is choice of life. love is an exodus of your individuality while maintaining it at the same time. love is many things but definitely not an external chemical reaction someone else must induce on you. You must be the proper chemical to attract the occurence of the reaction in the first place. Work on a daily basis on becoming the better version of yourselves and you'll see your spark for life will also boost the spark of your love. Aso love, is not directed towards just one person. If you can't love in a broader sense, I believe you are potentially breeding two victims in a pathologically depended way. Be considerate, learn to put yourself in the other person's shoes, and finally realise that never never ever won't you find a clone of yourself. Each person is unique, and you'll have to deal with your opinion not being understood or accepted by them. and even if you did, you would probably break up with him/her, because we look for what completes us not what keeps us in our old self's level and ways.

Hatred isn't that bad in some cases either. Hate victimizing yourself, hate procrastination, hate your comfort zone, hate not taking responsibility and hate on letting yourself be the easy quitter. Hate on lacking discretion, and not knowing when to talk, be silent, react, leave and let things cool down, persist or even quit.The sexes are not opposite as some claim, they are just somewhat misguided.

[OlderAndWiser]

I agree with the gist of what you said, but I do want to respond to your introduction:

"Society breeds the concept of 'the one.' Does such a person exist or is just like chasing a chimera? I ask myself. Am I perfect? Do I offer perfection?"

The One is never perfect. The One is a good fit for me and the areas of incompatibility are not deal breakers, not anything that I can't tolerate. Likewise, I am not a perfect fit for The One, but she likes most of what I am and she can tolerate the areas of conflict.

People who think The One must perfectly match their criteria will be waiting all of their lives for someone to fit that description. However, if you realize that The One doesn't need to be a perfect match. . . I think there are many women out there who could be The One for me..

[EmBem]

I totally agree with this article. I think there is not one true love, when you find someone you love both parties need to make it work. If both parties are in it for the long run and they get along well, then thats when the magic begins :)

[ISaidFuryNotFurry]

I do believe in "the one" to a certain degree. I however believe that there are hundreds of thousands of "the ones" out there. If you do make it happen, if you do ever meet them, if you do ever get the luck to be with any of them, then you have found your match.

How could there possibly be only one person for you? If that was true, then perfection would exist in this world, and we know that no such thing exists. The one is whoever you love, that loves you, and is compatible enough to be with you through thick and thin. Someone you will work hard with to build a beautiful relationship and grow to love through the years. There are several such people out there. If there was only one, then the odds of you ever meeting that person would be way too slim, and as we know, there are many people that are in loving relationships.

[udolipixie]

Love is a choice
I highly doubt that as I find love is quite shallow. I highly doubt most guys are going around approaching gals they find unattractive and choosing to push through and love her. I really really doubt most guys would be happily merry with a sexless relationship choosing to push through and love her.

In my opinion commitment is a choice which is what your post seems to be describing to me. Love however I find is quite shallow.

[supernerd99]

Then you unfortunately never experienced it. I'm sick of hearing people say i hate love, love is that love is the other, love hurts, love is half poison half nectar. no. love is zero poison. if it has a drop of poison it ain't love. if you hate it you've never lived it. that's my motto. you lived something else society calls "love". in enlgish you have only one word for love that decribes eros, lust, motherly love, friendship, everything. thus the confusion. in greek there are more than 7 definitions for each nuance and kind of love. and still when we are talking about true love its depth is infinite. its almost blasphemous to even try and define it. i dont expect from my wife to magically make me love her. that chemical forced external societal nonsense concept is thin air. if i dont have love in me as a person i won't love my wife.

[supernerd99]

i'm not saying its all black and white. butterflies and perfection. we are humans. we have weaknesses. we are a mix of darkness and light, of glory and chaos. the point is to try to walk on the path of light to the maximum of our abilities and willpower... .

[udolipixie]

"if i dont have love in me as a person i won't love my wife. "
More likely to me if you won't love your wife if you didn't find her attractive, were sexually satisfied by her, and maybe found her appealing.

I highly doubt you just chose to love your wife. Likely you had reasons and more than likely to me she was only ever even considered because you found her attractive.

In my opinion if love was a choice than anyone could love anyone however I find that's not the case. Love is seemingly shallow and conditional. To each their own.

[supernerd99]

my friend i promise, there is more to it than you think. do you think that if my wife's face is burnt, or when she got got theroid problems and got fat, my love for her got affected? also loving everyone is not an impossibility. on the contrary its an obligation. i hope you change mindset and opinion one day.

[udolipixie]

"my friend i promise, there is more to it than you think."
I highly doubt that unless you were blind when you approached your wife.

"do you think that if my wife's face is burnt, or when she got got theroid problems and got fat, my love for her got affected?"
I think if from the beginning her face was burnt and she was fat you wouldn't have even noticed her. You likely chose your wife based on her looks and personality. You probably wouldn't have grown to 'love' her if she didn't initially have those qualities.

" also loving everyone is not an impossibility. on the contrary its an obligation. "
In your opinion it's an obligation. In my opinion you can only genuinely love those you know and I doubt one can know all.

"i hope you change mindset and opinion one day. "
I'm unsure why you would hope that as I'm quite happy with my mindset and opinion. Are you one of those males that think he knows best for gals and that gals would be happy/happier living and thinking the way he dictates?

[supernerd99]

no, you are right, to each their own :) i disagree on how i were attracted to her though. i didn't like her face much initially. as i were getting to love her passion for life and compassion for others she grew physically in me as well. now after 4 years i have no eyes for another woman.

dont buy too much in the internet stereotypes of the shallow men who go for supermodels only... .

[udolipixie]

"dont buy too much in the internet stereotypes of the shallow men who go for supermodels only... "
Nowhere did I state or suggest I believed in such a stereotype. I stated I find most guys approach gals they find attractive. Nowhere did I state the level of attractiveness was supermodel only. It seems you tend to do a lot of projecting and assuming thinking it is the truth rather than your opinion/perception. To each their own.

"no, you are right, to each their own"
Cool then it seems we are both happy with our opinions and mindsets.

[supernerd99]

also i can't agree that love isn't an inner condition. she has so much love for everyone, kids, old people, young people, animals, plants, everything, her heart is like a big sun that has enough warmth for all. i try to mimick her but will always be lightyears behind her in that aspect.

[supernerd99]

you seemed to assume things about how i liked my wife and answered accordingly. well i dont claim i have any absolute truth but my experiences and discretion lead me to discern between choices who seem right or less right to me. and love not being an inner condition doesn't seem ight to me as a life mindset. i could always be the one who is wrong though who knows. high five and peace.

[udolipixie]

"you seemed to assume things about how i liked my wife and answered accordingly. "
I stated my opinions (in my opinion), my perceptions (seems/seemingly), and what seemed likely to me (most likely to me). Nowhere was my wording as if it were anything but such.

While you on the other hand worded your statements as if they were facts and truths.

Me: More likely to me if you won't love your wife if you didn't find her attractive, were sexually satisfied by her, and maybe found her appealing.

You: you unfortunately never experienced it
You: "dont buy too much in the internet stereotypes of the shallow men who go for supermodels only... "

Perhaps it is more suited to word your statements as opinions not claims if you don't want others to call you out on making assumptions.

[supernerd99]

well honesty without discretion is bad some times. i honestly believe you didn't. but it was probably an exageration, as the supermodels example was just a figure of speach, it was far fetched, just to get a point across. in fact nothing is black or white only shades of grey. you certainly at some point have experienced true love from you parents or even from a partner, but what your words made me think was that you probably had quite some negative experiences to form such an opinion on love and get in a seemingly cold/super realistic approach to the subject. love is choice. our mood is also a choice. that one i learnt it from my wife. in the past i'd let the circumstances dictate my mood, i learnt though that i have power over that. its not the morning sun or rain that will spoil my mood cause sun is a state i can choose to have inside me, and no external rain can cloud my happiness then.

[udolipixie]

"well honesty without discretion is bad some times."
Egh I didn't consider it a 'bad' thing as I generally don't do moral/good-bad judgements excluding harming children/animals. I was just giving you possible advice on how to prevent other misunderstandings... o. O

" you probably had quite some negative experiences to form such an opinion on love and get in a seemingly cold/super realistic approach to the subject"
Nope I find I'm just generally indifferent to most things and quite logical/practical about perceptions.

Alrighty then. It seems we're done here and are amicably different in our opinions and perceptions. Laters. (?)

[supernerd99]

you said "love i find is quite shallow". then i 100% wholeheartedly believe you dont know what that is. just from this phrase alone could enflame my silly little rant. you also said.. commitment is a choice. yeah duh, agreed surem, but do you think one can commit without love for the other person? out of what? economic interest? for the shake of the kids? thats slavery not marriage. i'd better never marry this way. these are not mutualy exclusive girl. these are NEEDED for a functioning longterm coexistence of two different individuals.

[udolipixie]

"you said "love i find is quite shallow". then i 100% wholeheartedly believe you dont know what that is"
It seems more like you believe I don't know what you consider love is. You are aware you are not the sole person who gets to decide what is and what isn't love right? I don't know or want to know what you consider love. You may not know or want to know what I consider love. To each their own.

[supernerd99]

haha certainly have a great life. your brain working in a unique way is what makes interactions all the more woth it. prosper and shine girl. love isn't a myth! i'll die an idealist dumbass like that i guess haha,

[supernerd99]

well love is when you try to think what the other person wants before she asks for it, when you are there when she needs you in her darkest and hardest times, when you give in abundance in all senses of "give" without asking nothing back. when you dont do whatever you want and sometimes hold back in your own desires. when you wake up in the morning and say "how shall i make her happy today"? when you hear her voice in the phone after a tiresome day in the work and you get all restful and relaxed. when just with the though of seeing her again when you return home you put a smile on your face and it shines in such a way that makes people wonder. thats love i think, and i'm sure it goes much much deeper and i only scratch the surface. but i guess you didn't want to know my opinion on it. well i wouldn t mind learining your opinion though. cause every person has something to offer, something to enhance my perspective and make better the life of people around me.

[filthwheesel]

Love in my opinion is not a choice, when I got a crush, I felt a deep longing and caring for this person but I chose not to interact with them, because I didn't want to throw a wrench in her life. So I chose to spend 1.5 months disabling this feeling and putting it in a box where it resides. But I still love her, and she's still the only person other than family that I would cry if she died.

[supernerd99]

"crush" is not love, and it doesn't even exist actually.

[Omar5881]

You made a very good point and your take was good but I disagree I think love isn't a choice but reacting towards that love is the choice let's say I love a person I didn't choose to love her but I choose how to react upon this feeling

[supernerd99]

if love is not a choice it won't last man. its a mutual choice especially if we are talking about erotic relationships.

[Omar5881]

Well normally love don't last like at first time after years love changes into something like ( I don't know the word in English but) it's like you live with someone so you get used to him and he becomes a part of you that you can't leave coz you know love got many forms

[supernerd99]

exactly love is not static, it evolves and transforms and mature. its a dynamical process.

[skeptic007]

your right love is a choice wish people would actually put that choice to effort

[Gegalix]

What a wonderful article. I'm amazed :')

[OrdinaryGentleman]

Feels like a responsibility to ost dudes.