The Many Faces of Distance Relationships
There are many reasons why people end up in distance relationships. Maybe they didn't find anybody fitting in their proximity, maybe they started a relationship but got separated by life's circumstances, it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is that you wish to pursue such a relationship and are ready for a...
Sacrifice?
Now, the word sacrifice does sound kind of pathetic, but that's what it is. Continuing a distance relationship with somebody dear to you is a form of sacrifice, and this is actually very important, but not for the reason you think.
Simply put, you reminding yourself that you are making a sacrifice doesn't do much good. Thinking about ceasing to sacrifice, instead, won't do a lot of good for your relationship either. At most, you'll get little out of it, and could potentially expect your partner to make up for your sacrifice, which might not happen, and then you'd get pissed off about it. Or you might more easily tempted to break off your relationship in order to feel good.
Instead, think of THEIR sacrifice. Don't forget that, even if you're somewhat separated, it takes two (at least two, that is, to be correct to people participating in polyamory/polyandry/polygamy) people to be in a relationship, and in this sense, you have to realize that the other person is taking part in it too.
In order words, rather think about how THEY are enduring the relationship despite hard circumstances, despite being far from the one they love, despite probably being frustrated a lot. But enduring it. This should give you the motivation not to let it go to waste, because this is something SOMEBODY ELSE is doing for YOUR SAKE (aside from theirs), so think about it. But speaking of...
Frustration?
Well, yes, some people are frustrated in relationships that aren't distance relationships. Some people will never be satisfied. But you, who are in a distance relationship, learn to cherish what you can have, when you can have it. You can't be hard on your partner for wanting everything every time you meet. Especially if you see each other in times that are few and far between, you have to take this into an account.
You have to realize that what they want is not how they usually are or what they'll be like in a relationship. It displays a desperate buildup of frustration, and some people aren't very good at hiding it. So you have to endure your partner's weaknesses in their much greater form, just like your partner has to endure yours, because they'll become much more apparent once you've gone through a lot of frustration.
I am speaking out of experience here, my girlfriend still does not understand that I don't just want to have sex with her when we see each other, it is just that we see each other so rarely, and I crave her so much, that when I come over, I would do nothing else but hold her so close to me all the time, whether it's in bed or otherwise, because it is the result of all the built up frustration that I've gone through, through all the times I really wanted to hold her in my arms and cherish her, but could not.
But I cannot judge her for this because she also has built up frustration in other ways, she wants to go out with me, to be with her friends around when I am there too, she wants to see me accepting her in public, and so on. So I cannot only think of my own frustration, I need to realize that she has her own, and since we have little time, we have to compromise.
And to be honest, I do get pissed when people who are not in a distance relationship talk about their relationship problems because they really look so trivial to me. They are usually with really incompatible persons to begin with, and are not willing to put much effort to make their relationships work, and they cry at every slight bit of frustration that goes their way. They also easily get mad at their partners when they express their frustration too, even if it is slight.
People who are not in distance relationships tend to be much more spoiled due to this, which is not necessarily a bad thing (I wish I was more spoiled than frustrated, to be honest, because that'd indicate I am having it easier), but at the same time they let much more trivial problems mess with their relationships and they find it harder to mistrust their partners. Speaking of...
Trust?
Well, speaking of distance relationships versus non-distance relationships, which do you think takes more trust to commit to?
Well, the answer is obvious, but there's something interesting here. While you can mistrust your partner in a non-distance relationship, you can also kind of spy on them, and have some social security with them being your partner and thinking they might not want to do something stupid so you might find out.
However, depending on how far you are from your partner, you can as well be a "free target". Like, if they cheat on you or keep lying to you, you are just going to have to accept that you can't easily know that. Of course, things have become easier with social networks and such, but really, if you're in a distance relationship, you'll find it is much easier to cheat and lie, and the same is true for your partner.
So you need to trust your partner in a way that doesn't exist in non-distance relationships. You can only hide things so much when your partner is around, when they are not it becomes a whole different thing. You need to trust them that they won't see you for days, weeks or months (in extreme cases, years) and that they will stay faithful to you (well, if that's the rule that you've agreed to, of course). Depending on when your relationship had turned into a distance relationship, you might also find it hard to develop your trust towards that person due to too little personal contact, or to develop your relationship to begin with, speaking of...
Development?
It kind of takes guts to admit it, but no matter what you talk to each other about, or how long you've been texting, a distance relationship will just develop much slower than a regular one. The reason is that you aren't put in situations where you have to deal with your partner's bad sides, or to enjoy the good ones, you don't necessarily share the same pool of friends, you have little in common in your day-to-day routine, and it's almost as if you are... distant.
Well, yeah, that's kind of obvious, but that's exactly something you have to keep in mind - you can be in a distance relationship for years, but still not get close to your partner as you wanted. You might realize someday that they are hiding something they would not be able to hide from you if you were much closer, but they did anyway because there was not a situation where they would've been forced to tell you something.
While it's natural to keep secrets, even if you're in a committed relationship, you also need to realize that there are naturally going to be many more if you are in a distance relationship, because, like what I described above, you might have little chance to deal with the darker side of your partner. Knowing one's secrets can be very intimate and if you can react positively to secrets that would embarrass somebody, you can create a deeper bond with your partner.
The trope that goes on in a distance relationship is that there's less of everything but you need to keep this in mind, in order not to be depressed about your failed expectations. Some people come naturally with the time you're around each other. I've been with my girlfriend for two and half years. While we've indeed talked for two and half years, if you add up all the days we've been around each other, it barely adds up to two months, and it really hurts me when I think about it. But that's it is important to have...
Faith!
It is imperative to have faith in your relationship, whether it's a distance relationship or not, but it is much more necessary in this case. This is different from trust, since a trust is something you build up with your partner. Faith is something you need to work on yourself and it might be a truly long journey.
You need to have faith that you'll be able to develop a fruitful relationship despite the odds.
You need to have faith that, even if you cannot always know it, you can trust your loved one(s).
You need to have faith that you'll be able to overcome any sort of frustration.
You need to have faith that your sacrifice will be worth it.
But last, but not least, and something you do not want to think about, but eventually may have to:
You need to be strong in case it doesn't work out. Life is not all about effort, sometimes no matter how much effort you put in, things will not work out, because somebody somewhere didn't do the right thing, and it's all in past, which you cannot change. So you also need to build up a lot of strength to withstand any blow, because you won't amount to much in life if you put all the effort in something, and it fails, right?
This is something that can be said for ordinary relationships, but if your distance relationship fails before you can be united, it is going to boil down to putting in a lot of effort, dealing with a lot of frustration and sacrificing a lot for not getting what you wanted.
It is just a good thing to learn to be able with that kind of a situation, because in life - there are plenty to begin with.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
It is not responsible to expect another person in another land living a far away life to not have relations. Both people and God to make LTR happen...
lol this is funny because im in a long distance relationship