Relationships

A Guide to Surviving in a Long Distance Relationship

The thing that every couple dreads- the significant other (abbreviated SO) moves away, goes off on multiple work trips, is a soldier, etc. Whatever the reason may be (it may even be as simple as your schedules conflict and there is no time to see each other), there is still hope. Long distance relationships (otherwise known as LDRs) are possible, but it takes time, effort, and patience. Here are some tips to make it last:



1. Figure out a way to communicate.


You were supposed to call!


Communication is vital in a relationship, so any form this can take the better. You may even have to revert to *gasps* writing Dear John letters to each other if calling or texting isn't an option. Constant communication (or at least continuous) helps you feel like you are there with your SO even though you aren't. Find out what kind of methods your SO likes- emailing, texting, calling, skyping, snapchatting. Even if you don't like talking on the phone, if that is what your SO prefers, then do it. Compromise on how often you use each other's preferred method of communication.



2. Talk about yourself and be honest with how you are feeling.


I didn't know you were feeling that way. Why didn't you tell me?


Not having hubby or your bae around can leave you feeling pretty down sometimes. Make sure your SO knows that you miss them and are thinking about them often. Be sure to talk about your feelings with them still and vice versa- ask them how they are doing with things. If you ever feel like your SO isn't giving you enough time during the day or like they are losing interest, tell your SO immediately. Don't keep the feeling inside because it will blow up sooner or later and I guarantee you it will end your relationship.



On a brighter note, keep telling him silly stuff that you do during the day or what you had for breakfast. Send them funny memes that remind you of them. This keeps the connection and friendship you two have alive and fresh for when they come back. You two will still share the same jokes and conversation style.



3. Know what it will take on each end.


Sorry we didn't talk a lot today. I've been busy.


Being in a LDR is hard and time consuming. Sometimes you'll have to drop what you are doing because they are coming home unexpectedly or you'll have to cancel on them when they come home because something important came up. Realize that there are some days you're going to barely hear from them. This can be extremely frustrating and stressful. You will also miss the other one and not get to kiss or hug them. The physical link missing from your relationship is also hard to handle sometimes. They aren't going to be there to hug you when you feel bad or cheer you up. LDRs hurt physically and mentally.



4. Trust them.


The office is crazy right now, sorry if you don't hear from me today!


When you don't hear from or see your SO often, you can't help but think there is a problem when there isn't. You start to think "I wonder what he is doing right now." and "Is she with that guy I seen on her Facebook wall?" or "Why didn't he text me today? What is he really doing?" These thoughts of paranoia can't be helped, but they can be dealt with. A lot of trust comes into play in an LDR. You have to trust they are doing what they say they are. Make sure your SO knows your schedule so there isn't any confusion and vice versa.



5. Show the love.


Love shack! Baby, love shack!


Show your SO that you love them and think about them every day. Send them a good morning and a good night message that includes a happy "I love you!" Send them small gifts or cards in the mail, or if you're a broke college student like me, fashion a lovey dovey gushey text every once in a while and tell them what you love about them. A lot of the time in LDRs one person doesn't feel like they are loved enough. Try to ease this feeling by assuring them of your love and faithfulness.



6. Most importantly, realize that you are going to have your ups and downs.


I think we need to talk.


Your relationship with fluctuate so much as you both adjust to the new situation and even after things settle down. Some weeks you are going to feel like your relationship can outlast time itself, and other weeks not so much. When you are apart from your SO and are fighting, it is the worst feeling in the world. Once again, communicate communicate communicate. Tell them how you are feeling and what you are going through. This may cause a lot of problems and turmoil, but getting things out in the open sooner is better than later. Plus, your relationship gets stronger once you resolve the issue.


What not to do in a LDR:


1. Don't ever have the mentality "Well he didn't text me so I'm not going to text him." or "She didn't call me so I'm not going to call him this time." or "They didn't make time for me so I'm not going to make time for them." This only hurts your relationship and drives a wedge between you two. Realize that there are going to be days when your SO doesn't feel like talking and vice versa.


2. Don't look for ways to make your SO jealous. Sometimes not having them near makes you feel unloved and like you need to get his attention. Don't tell him "So I was walking to class today and a cute guy was flirting with me." or "There was this hot intern that brought me coffee today." This leads to negative feelings and the potential for a fight. It also gives the SO the thought process of "Are they cheating on me?" which is never good.


This can easily be avoided by recalling fond memories of a first date or your first kiss. It will get them to open up to by saying things like "You looked so good in the moonlight." or "That outfit made you looked ultra sexy." and give you that mood-booster you need.


3. Don't hold back your feelings or problems. If your SO does or says something that makes you angry or upset, tell them. Don't not say anything just because you don't want to fight. It is better to get things out in the open rather than act like everything is hunky dory.



These are some things I've experienced being in an LDR myself. My boyfriend and I aren't separated by a great distance, but we are limited to seeing each other about every other week. I hope you have a bit more of an idea of what it takes to be in one or have learned something. If you have any tips or suggestions, please feel free to leave them below :).

A Guide to Surviving in a Long Distance Relationship
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