What I want to talk about is the pattern I see in relationships around me.
And that pattern would be, claims of love within the month, then breaking up the month after.
If you are dating someone, who is legitimately a bad person and especially bad for you, break up with them. Do not fall into the trap of thinking you love them, and that they'll change, or that it's YOUR fault they're acting this way because it's NOT.
You cannot love someone within a week of knowing them. I've been with my boyfriend over a year now and while he will tell me he loves me, I've yet to say the words and he respects me for it, because I won't say it without knowing it's true. I've never been in love, I don't know what it feels like, I have an inkling that I might love him, but until I know for sure, I'm keeping my mouth shut.
This goes for ALL young people. If you are fourteen claiming love, you most likely do not love them. You are infatuated, you are horny, you are whatever. It might even just be peer pressure saying if you're in a relationship then you're in love. That is not how it works.
If you have encountered their flaws, their habits, their insecurities and all the shit about them that REALLY irks you, and you still really like them? Then sure, claim love, I can't tell you that you don't love them.
But if you've not known them long enough to REALLY know them? Then you cannot claim love because you do not love them, you love the IDEA of them.
Now, onto what I'm actually here to write about.
Breakups.
No, I'm not going to talk about how to breakup with someone, or even when. I'm going to talk about why you SHOULDN'T break up with them.
Now, I've never been broken up with. My first boyfriend I broke up with because he cheated on me, my girlfriend I broke up with to go back to being friends, because we could only ruin our relationship by being in one.
So, it's not like I'm saying this from a perspective of someone who's been hurt. No relationship that I've had so far as HURT me in any way.
I've not cried over anyone, I've not missed being with anyone, the most I've done was got really bloody excited when my current boyfriend asked me out, even if he was drunk and it was over the phone (romance at its best XD).
I have gone through four periods of time where I didn't want to be in a relationship anymore with my current boyfriend.
I kept thinking, this is it, I'm not feeling it anymore, I want to do my own thing again and not have to worry about him.
Mostly all selfish reasons, nothing he'd ever done.
The first time I went through that, wanting to break up with him that is, I was set on it. I decided this isn't working, I don't feel like we're a real couple, we don't see each other much, blah bibidy blah, I chickened out. He went away to visit Wales for a month, and it was during that time that I decided for sure that I'd break up with him, but I'd wait till he came back because I wanted him to still have a good holiday and not worry about anything back here.
Yeah, didn't happen. He got back and I was so excited to see him that I was giddy, and I rarely ever get excited let alone giddy. So that solved that for me, if I can have that positive a reaction to seeing him again after a month of no contact, then there was no way I was going to break up with him.
The other three times didn't last nearly as long, I tend to be very logical about how I process my emotions, especially if it's the kind i can just sit back and think about, so everytime I start thinking I want to breakup, I go through all the reasons in my head as to why I should, and all the reasons why I shouldn't. Reasons why I shouldn't always win out.
One of those reasons being, I don't want to hurt him. And I don't mean, in the way you wouldn't want to hurt someone by not coming to their birthday, I mean not wanting to hurt them in the sense of hurting them, would hurt me. I don't mean physically though, I corkied him pretty great the other day, and did not feel bad at all XD (he'll get me back for that one day, don't you worry).
So, we all go through those moments where we just don't feel it. We don't feel like being with this person anymore, we don't want to be in a relationship or you feel like it's going nowhere. We all get that.
A lot of people now though, instead of sticking it out, will just break up instantly. The moment it happens.
I see people, healthy individuals who seem to have no trouble coping with their own self, allowing a temporary feeling get in the way of potential happiness, then complain they can't find a relationship that lasts them.
It's because they won't LET any relationship last, the moment they feel like it's not going anywhere, they bail.
And that is the issue with people now. They do not try. They do not persist in their relationships. They don't consider WHY they're feeling the way they are and work on it, no, they just assume it can't be fixed and chuck it.
Then complain about nothing working out.
Here's a tip for the people who's relationships never work out:
WORK IT OUT.
It is the most simple solution yet everyone appears to be blind to it.
You can't just EXPECT a relationship to work and be good, and expect everyone to be happy just because you say so. No, you have to work on relationships. If you are unhappy, figure out why and change that. Communicate with your partner, if they aren't also willing to work on the relationship, then talk to them more and if it's a lost cause, leave. Because if you're the only one doing anything? That's a very one sided relationship and is not fair on you.
But at least instead of walking away wondering why it didn't work, you can walk away with your head up saying
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