Relationships

Ladies, Being In a Better Relationship Starts with You!

Ladies, Being In a Better Relationship Starts with You!

Ladies, sometimes we get caught up in this idea that our boyfriends and husbands are 100% THE PROBLEM in our relationship. Everything they do, or say, is of course wrong in the same way men sometimes feel that way about women, but that's rarely if ever true. Being in a healthy balanced relationship starts with you and understanding your part in how things are going and working between you. Relationships after all, are a two way street, and if you haven't yet figured out how to drive, start here by beginning to understand a few things about protecting and growing your relationship in a healthy and mature way.

1. Your relationship should involve just the two of you

I shudder when I see women putting all of their business out there for everyone and anyone to know either on social media or in public. Of course on occasion, you are going to want help with an issue, but there is no need for every single person you've ever met from your nail tech, to your teachers, to your friends, to the mailman to know about it. What a partner tells you in confidence, in trust, in kind, is something that is meant for your ears. Creating trust means knowing what they tell you in private, stays private. It is not your business to go about telling every single person your problems, or his problems, or what happens in your bedroom, or trying to belittle him in public in a nasty and immature way because you're frustrated. If the shoe were on the other foot, you wouldn't want that done to you, so don't in turn do that to him.

Ladies, Being In a Better Relationship Starts with You!

2. Use your words, not your fists

You're not a kid anymore, this is real life, real adult life, where people who get angry must use words to solve problems. Don't for a minute start to believe it's okay to slap, punch, or kick your partner in an argument because you believe it may not hurt him. You are hurting him because you're choosing to express your anger in a violent and again, immature, and destructive way that says more about you, then it does of him. If you are so angry that you can't control yourself, take a walk, and then get some help, or realize that maybe you are in a relationship that is actually not healthy for you to be in.

3. You are not the only one with valid thoughts/opinions

Perhaps your couch would look better in your new apartment, but he may think the same thing about his own couch. In a relationship, you need to work together and compromise. Sometimes you get what you want, and sometimes he should be able to get what he wants. There are two people involved who both deserve to have their voices heard. You are not always right, nor should you want to be to the point where you feel the need to lord over your partner. You shouldn't just want to "let him win," from time to time, but actually value his thoughts and opinions. Practice learning to compromise not out of a feeling of obligation or giving in, but because you truly value his opinions and thoughts just as you do your own.

Ladies, Being In a Better Relationship Starts with You!

4. His habits shouldn't be the end of the world

...and neither should yours. It can be frustrating having to deal with a partners bad habits, but it isn't the end of the world. Don't become obsessed with trying to correct him as if he were a child. Your partner has a lot of qualities that make you want to be with him, and sometimes you just have to let some sh*t go or find a creative solution to whatever is making you crazy.

5. Allow yourself to trust

This one can be tough if you've been hurt before. You may feel the need to obsessively monitor his comings and goings and fact check all the time with friends or co-workers, but if you want to be in a healthy relationship, you have got to first be upfront about past issues and why you're at this level, but then start to let go of the toxic leash you are possibly putting around your new partners neck. He does not have to be by your side 24/7 in order for him to be faithful to you or for him to be trustworthy. Let him show you through his actions that he's doing the right things for your relationship.

Ladies, Being In a Better Relationship Starts with You!

6. Show appreciation

If your biggest complaint is that you do everything for the relationship and he does nothing, then perhaps, it's time for a new relationship, but odds are your boyfriend/husband does do nice, thoughtful, responsible, loving, kind, and caring things. Remind him that you do in fact, appreciate those little or big things that he does for you. Everyone wants to know, at least on occasion, that what they are doing makes that other person happy and that it is appreciated. When you never say thank you, you never appreciate anything he does, guess who won't want to do anything for you anymore and who may actually grow to resent you...

7. You're not telepathic

Not only should you use your words instead of your fists, but you should just use your words in general to express what it is you are trying to say. No one is a mind reader. You cannot expect someone to just know why you're upset because you looked over at them. Instead of dancing around a subject, just say what is the problem or what's going on, so that you can talk about it in a mature fashion instead of getting upset when the other person genuinely has no clue why you're upset because you haven't actually expressed the reasons why. We tell young children who are upset to use their big boy and big girl words instead of throwing tantrums, and you should follow suit.

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We could just as easily flip this around for men as well, but rather then just saying "well what about men, shouldn't they do these things!"...of course they should. It's a relationship involving two people who should be actively trying to negotiate their relationships together, but rather then point the finger at someone else and what they should do all the time, we also need to look at the fingers pointed back on ourselves and take responsibility for how we are contributing to potential problems that may occur in a relationship because of our own actions. Not everything is everyone else's fault all the time.

Ladies, Being In a Better Relationship Starts with You!
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