I read a lot of questions on G@G asking, "How do I communicate properly?" Or "How do I know if a girl/guy is enjoying our interaction?".
Good conversationalists are often few and far between. We have our own opinions and judgements about our communication, but often, we have things we'd like to change.
Here are a few tactics you can use in your interactions with others in order to both form a connection and perceive whether they're enjoying conversation.
1. Make eye contact
Eye contact is important before and during the interaction. Before you approach someone, even if they're across the room, look them in the eye and smile. Do this a couple times before you even speak to them.
2. Ease into light topics
Ask a few questions that the person can share details about for you to expand the conversation from.
A few examples might be:
"Where are you from?"
"Do you have family?"
"What interests/hobbies do you have?"
"What could you talk about for hours on end?"
"Do you work/what is your job?"
3. Watch their physical responses
Do their eyes light up when you ask questions, or do their facial expressions looked strained? Are they turned towards you, undistracted, or are they standing with tense, closed posture?
If the person your interacting with is giving short answers and often looking around the room, this could be an indication of being busy, not being interested, or just mentally not into the conversation (we all have mental overload sometimes!).
4. Don't rush through the conversation
Allow the conversation to run smoothly. Show your interest in hearing details, and even ask, "Oh, that sounded interesting, can you share more about it?". Nod your head, smile, and acknowledge as the person is speaking to communicate your interest.
5. Share your thoughts too
Often I feel we can get stuck in a rut of being the only one asking questions, which makes us feel like we can't share anything about ourselves. That's okay! If there's a pause, and they haven't asked, "What about you?", share a few details about yourself, briefly, to keep the interaction mutual.
6. Try to make connections and find similarities
If they say something you can relate to or that you also enjoy/have experienced, you can nod your head in agreement and say, "Me too! [share brief personal thought about topic]."
7. Continue to try and make the person comfortable
Pay attention to whether you might sound prying or simply interested. Watch their facial expression for any indication of pleasure or tension, and work your conversation off of those indicators. For instance, if you say, "Do you have family?" And they suddenly get a cold look on their face and answer very briefly, move on. This might mean it is a touchy subject.
8. When you need to end the conversation
If you are feeling uncomfortable or nervous, or if they are, end smoothly by saying, "Well, I enjoyed talking! I hope we can talk again sometime." Smile, nod your head at them/shake their hand, and end there. But don't feel like you messed up! Don't allow yourself to feel bad about any mistakes you might have made.
Communication is an art form, and it has to be perfected--nothing can be perfected in just a few tries.
9. Write yourself a list of questions to ask people
This might sound lame to some people, but even people who appear confident use this tactic. Go home and think of specific things you want to know about people and have them on the ready to slip into conversation. Prepare beforehand, thinking of who specifically you're going to try to talk to that day. Set goals for yourself in interacting with others.
10. Be a good listener
In any area you can practice in, learn to be willing to listen to others, and to show care and kindness as you listen, not boredom. Everyone loves to be listened to, and if someone finds out you're one of those rare gems, people will love and appreciate that about you, and will WANT to talk to you, because they know you care.
These are things that I have seen further conversation and have helped interactions, and I hope they're helpful to you too!
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