I normally agree with you but I don't agree here. I have men I have been friends with for years and we were only ever friends, even when we were both single. I still talk to them and it's never been like that. I think you can't be friends with someone if you don't see them as a friend.
YOU can... you're a female. MOST (not all, but most) men can't. I know it might be hard to accept, but I can almost guarantee you that some (if not most) of those male friends have had desires for you. Sure, they may have suppressed them, but they're still there...
Just ask them for a session of sex in a serious way and see for yourself. If they are married, chances are less as they won't want themselves to be in trouble but if you have any single friend, try it out. You will probably have the answer. And by asking sex means you have to be very fucking serious about that. The guy should believe that you actually want sex and not just doing any acting.
In my experience guys hardly make friends with girls they're not attracted to. Usually it's the girl maintaining a one sided friendship.
For me I'm too much of an emotional mess around guys I find attractive to even be friends. I never get past being acquaintances. I act too stand offish around them and eventually we revert back to being strangers.
Pretty much all my guy friends I had weren't my type at all physically. I never felt any butterflies around them or thought romantically of them. I did enjoy talking with them but not really enough to be butthurt if we were no longer friends. Usually that happened when they confessed feelings or got a girlfriend which is understandable.
This happened to me over and over again in college to where now I just don't act super friendly towards guys I don't find attractive. Even married men where I work will act friendly towards me and I can't think of any other reason why they would. Women typically don't do that.
@pooper89 lol smart move. I'm still in college and I am more friendly to guys I don't find attractive since it's easier to be myself. I kind of act stiff and aloof around guys I'm attracted to.
Well, no wonder you can never be friends with women -- you've already made up your mind that it's impossible and just approach women with the intent on fucking them.
You can say what you like. I have three close male friends. We've been friends for over ten years. Two of them are married (not to each other, but to other women). I assure you, they are not going to cheat ion their wives with me.
I've been friends with both those guys since before they were married. The third one isn't married and as far as I know not in any kind of relationship. Sorry, but your mytake is so much bull.
men can be friends with a woman they aren't attracted to. As long as neither parties are attracted to each other, there isn't an issue. But most guys won't go out of their way to hang out with a woman alone, unless he is sexually or romantically interested
I have female friends that are just friends and we leave it as that.
I love when people complain about being friend zoned by a girl. From my experience, it's better to be friends with someone than an enemy even if you like them more and they don't feel the same way.
Plus it's a possible way to meet other women that way.
You can still be their friend without being a doormat.
"I have female friends that are just friends and we leave it as that."
So, you have NO desire to have sex with them, at all? Meaning, if they offered tomorrow for no-strings attached sex, and there would be no consequences, you wouldn't WANT it?
It's not about what you've DONE as much as it is about what you'd LIKE to do.
You say that you'd have sex with your female friends (the ones you find attractive, anyway). That essentially means that, even though you DO nothing (overt) towards that interest, it's still going to impact the way you treat her, how much you're willing to put up with from her, and how long you'll stick around. It makes a difference!
And women need to understand that. It can't be changed, really, but at least if you understand something exists, you can make better-informed decisions.
I see where you're coming from but I'd say it's all situational. We were both drunk, started making out, and then banged later.
It's funny because my friends in or circle wanted her way more than I did. I wasn't even bragging about it but it just kinda happened. No awkward feelings afterwards and we still hang out to this day.
this is pretty interesting because yes, we work in very different ways and obviously men are more visual and are programmed to go around and put their sperm wherever they can, that's biology, whereas females are the other way around because increasing our reproductive output is not as easy, all animals respond to this principle. But, if we were 100% like other animals then we would eat out babies if we thought they were weak lol so there are some circumstances where we kinda go against some principles because of emotions, so although I agree that we're programmed in a different way, I still think you can be friends with someone of the opposite sex. I have loads of guy friends and i'm gonna be honest, I know some of them have.. desires lol but I also have some that are literally like my brothers, there's no way we see each other like this, just no lol
Bravo! Right on target. I keep saying this and you're right, the girls just don't get it.
The difference is the way our brains work - girls make an emotional connection that is far removed from their sex-drive. So they're happy to have guys around that will validate them and do stuff for them even if they're not in the least sexually attracted.
Guys are visual, and sex-driven. The only reason he would pay attention to a girl is if he's sexually attracted her. Otherwise what's the point? Right? It's just the way they're wired. The problem is the guy that will hang around for this is what we call a beta-chump, he's just hoping if he kisses her ass for long enough that she'll break down and give him some sex. ain't never gonna happen - the vag-tingles are just not there - she's waiting for Chad Thundercock to wander by and pay her attention - THEN she gets all wet in the panties.
Not quite a long time ago I was "talking" with a guy. Things were going great, we've spent a lot of time just talking about different things. And I was flirting with him and he flirted back. We've decided to meet in person one day and that was also great- we've had an amazing chat up until he tried to kiss me. Note that this WASN'T a date, it was just a meet-up. I gently turned him down because I wanted to take things slow, and he seemed to be fine with that... After that we had a brief chat online and then the infamous "I'll text you later" happened and we haven't spoken ever since. I had a small crush on him and he we could've ended up dating but I guess he just wanted to sleep with me.
That is really not true, men and women can be just friends.
I have females friends that are just friends, there is no maybe we have a chance of hooking up one day involved. A couple of them are ex's, but I would never consider again have a physical relationship with any of them.
My longest friendship with a female has been going on for fifty odd years, we were babies together, we lost contact when we were 5. Reestablished contact when I was 18, and have been a part of each other lives ever since. We have traveled together, have shared a bed a few time while traveling. Stay at each other homes, when we visit each other. But in all that time, we have never come close to ever getting into a sexual situation.
We are very close, both of our siblings (I have 5 brothers, she has 3 sisters) to this day, express their disbelief that we have never been physical with each other.
There is one big big thing I think most of us make mistakes on
When you say women aren't interested in casual sex --> why do so many believe that. Its simply not true
Women engage in a lot of casual sex. In fact if i line up every single guy and every single girl. I can betcha the girls take the lead when it comes to casual sex. Porn. Camming. Money for sex. Sugar daddy. 3somes. You name it she's done it
its takes two to tango. If guys are having casual sex, he has a women there that also wants casual sex
--> with that ya it can be hard to be completely plutonic but not unheard of
"Women engage in a lot of casual sex. In fact if i line up every single guy and every single girl. I can betcha the girls take the lead when it comes to casual sex. Porn. Camming. Money for sex. Sugar daddy. 3somes. You name it she's done it"
Can you not see that almost all of the examples you just gave show that her interest is MONEY (or status)? She's not having casual sex because she wants casual sex - she's having casual sex TO GET SOMETHING ELSE SHE *REALLY* WANTS. She's just using casual sex as a means to an end. And some women do it just for attention, or validation. Sure, a few do it because they genuinely enjoy it, but that's the exception.
Guys don't have casual sex for any other reason than they want casual sex. The motivation is completely different.
The definition of friendship for me is based on the question of what is the common interest between these two that makes the friendship. Music, hobby, drugs maybe... something right? I never see two straight dudes hanging out because one likes to listen to the other's stupid problems and the other is so glad to find someone that will actually listen. ... and if you do, guess what... that dude listening to those problems is pretending to really care and he is glancing at the other dudes cock every chance he gets.
So 9 times out of 10, I'm calling bullshit when a girl says "he's just a friend" or "he's just a nice guy." Because the answer to that question (what is the common interest?) Doesn't even exist or is different.
Trust me ladies, 9 times out of 10 he's bragging about how he's gonna snake you from your bf/husband to all the other guys at work. lol
So to start off with you outline three categories of guys and instantly disqualify them from the whole assumption? It is possible, I've had a number of close guy friends for years and I understand what you're saying about how things can easily progress from friends to 'more than' but that doesn't mean they weren't friends in the first place. A lot of the guys I've been friends with for years (yes, spending time with them) are married now & it can definitely make things more relaxed or more distant depending on the partner. But it depends if the guy is looking at the women around him for who they (individually) are or how likely he is to sleep with them. Because if it's the second one he'll be lucky if he can have true guy friends let alone find a good partner. It's definitely possible but it takes respect & caring about each other, otherwise, yeah, it'll be impossible.
I have plenty of guys in my life who are just friends and who think of me as a friend. We give each other relationship advice, we talk about life, we look out of each other just like my girl friends and I do. I don't understand why you don't think it's possible.
Want to be shocked? Try this: go up and ask them "how would you feel if I told you I wanted to have sex with you, just once, to see what it was like?"
How many of your "friends" are going to say "look, I get it, but I'm just not attracted to you that way" vs how many will say "Really? When? I'm good to go now..."
You may not think of them in a sexual way, but that doesn't mean they don't think of YOU in a sexual way. They're MEN, and men are DIFFERENT. But find out for yourself: ASK THEM.
unless these guys are gay (which I doubt most of them are) I can tell you right now the thought is floating around their minds. Given your age group these guys are naive. They are keeping you in their "orbit" for possibility...
I say this because I got brutally friend zoned 3 times in my late teen and early 20s. I stuck around thinking they would change their mind (which I now know will never happen).
It's okay to be friends with these guys. They made a decision to keep talking to you. But if any of them started showing signals early and you did your friend zone black magic... realize its torture for them.
@somewheresomeway that's very, very false. I am a very monogamous person, whenever I see that I like a girl (both mentally and physically) but with whom I know it wouldn't work (for different behaviours or point of views or whatever) I'm good with becoming friends with her, because I am a people person in general.
@Giacomanzo That's great - but it just means you are an EXCEPTION to the rule. I said at the beginning that they exist - they're just RARE, and women shouldn't assume the exception; they should assume the rule, and most of the time, they'd be right.
I don't know. Most people I know, both men and women are like me. But I guess that also depends on the fact that we surround ourselves with who's similar to them. That being said, I think nobody should assume nothing. Nor the "rule", nor the "exception".
Then she probably doesn't have guy friends in the first place. But if she does - maybe because she has an awesome personality or an incredible talent - then she's one of those exceptions.
People here don't give a shit about biology. People who are from science background with a bit good logical reasoning ability will clearly find it easier to understand you and agree with you but those who have arts background clearly will not have and idea what's going on in here. They will always live in a state of delusion which they will never able to be aware of. As far as I am concerned, I find your take very interesting. It helped me have a better picture of the relationships. Very helpful.
I had feelings for my friend who is my classmate. She rejected me because she's in a relationship, but we're still friends till today. I'll say we grew closer and still are growing closer, but I don't have any intentions of fucking her. If in the future things happen, then they happen.
So I dismiss your argument because it appears to be largely based on the stereotypical view of men being overshadowed by lust. And even if the stereotype was not present, your argument barely makes complete sense because it appears to be a one-sided view. Perhaps you have not been able to successfully sustain a friendship with your female friends, which is why you have formed such an argument. If that is the case, as it appears to be, you need to change the way you view women.
"I had feelings for my friend who is my classmate. She rejected me because she's in a relationship, but we're still friends till today. I'll say we grew closer and still are growing closer, but I don't have any intentions of fucking her. If in the future things happen, then they happen."
Are you kidding? You just proved my point: you WANTED to be with her, and to this day, you are STILL willing to be with her! She FriendZoned you, and you seem to be happy to wait there.
You're just as in denial as many of the women here. [rolleyes]
Firstly, I rebut your assumption of me still willing to wait to be with her. Although your point that I wanted to be with her is valid, I am clearly not waiting to be with her. If you had taken the liberty to read my post with greater clarity, I had stated that we are friends and we are getting to know each other better as friends (emphasis added).
Secondly, it is obvious to many that the only party in denial here is the author himself. It would be unwise and unjust to merely assume the fact that all of us who challenge your argument are in denial because clearly, the author himself seems to be pushing for the validity of his argument in desperate measures. As such, it would be wise for the author to get a fresh perspective on the argument he has come up with.
For the reasons given above, I dismiss the author's argument and continue to assert that he should take the liberty to make proper assertions that are of sound mind in the future.
I was quoting YOUR words that you are still open to having sex with her. I didn't write those words, YOU DID. You can't be "just friends" if you are still interested in having sex with her.
Never once in my original post and reply thereafter did I mention specifically that I want to have sex with her. Neither was this mentioned when you quoted me. Your last sentence simply reflects my position regarding your mentality, that you appear to view women whose sole purpose is to satisfy your sexual needs. As mentioned earlier, it would be best for you to reshape your perspectives.
@MrOracle He might also be open to receiving a massage from his friend. Does that mean they're not "just friends"? I mean, sex is really that meaningless to men, right (according to your post)? So why does being open to sex make it any less "just friends" than if he was open to receiving a massage?
Um this post is freaking me out! My boyfriend is super friendly with a girlstripper from his workwork, he calls her regularly outside work hours, they hang outside of work, she sent text messages I've seen end with xx , he's says she's "hot"!! When I've expressed im not comfortable with their friendship, he said they are close friends its a brother and sister like friendship. This post has me feeling like its not :-[ likely...
The thing is, if that GIRL decides she's not going to sleep with him, then they won't sleep together. And girls "friendzone" guys all the time. But think about it: if every guy didn't want to sleep with her, why would she NEED a friendzone?
I'm not saying he will cheat - guys CAN be attracted to women, and WANT sex with them, but control themselves and not actually DO it. But the honest truth is that the temptation to do it will be strong, and some guys just don't have the will to resist (and some won't even bother to TRY to resist, but those guys are assholes anyway).
Sorry about that - but in my opinion it's better to start with the truth, and not be in denial. You can manage your life better overall if your eyes are fully open and you see things how they really are. It may not be how you'd LIKE it to be, but being in denial is almost always worse for you in the long run.
Yeah its time to make some boundaries. You habe the right to tell him to either choose her or you, tbh most girls i know would leave the second he mentioned being friends with a stripper. You got a hell of patience, i guess you really love him..
Thank you so much for your views, even though hard to swallow the cold facts, it has force me to face and deal with what I thought all along but stuffed it away and tried to ignore even when I didn't want to... for his sake, to keep the peace when it not cool.
Well, he may not have had sex with her yet. Its not always very easy. But i guess he still had the intent to do so. I think you should have a talk with him and just be honest with your feelings. And if he starts bullshitting, tell him to cut the crap and be honest. Im sorry this is happening to you. It must feel pretty bad to be fighting over a guy with a stripper
wanting to have as much sex is put into all of us men. But our love is only for the special ones. Maybe he loves you purely but wants to have multiple sex. Figure it out by talking with him.
I agree with you for the most part.. because 90% of the guys I was friends with later confessed they used to have a crush or something... or they still have feelings for me.. BUT girl-guy friendships are not as rare are you think they are.. there can be times when two people are friends but they just don't like each other in sexual way at all..
oh and by the way "Ladies, tell your āguy friendsā that, while you value his friendship, things will NEVER, EVER go further. Essentially, kill all hope of sex or a romantic relationship." I almost always do that.. because I'm not looking for a relationship and I wanna stay single for a while.. but still I get stuck in this shitty situation where I have to lose a friend. I would love to have a gay friend if anyone's available.
Overall It's a well written mytake and I had a great time reading it. :)
Basically you are saying that a strait guy or a bisexual guy can be friends with a women he does not find attractive. The reason is because if a guy finds a woman attractive then he automatically wants sex with her. A straight woman or a bisexual woman can only be friends with a guy she does not find attractive. She has guys as friends just go attention.
There are guys who see others as nothing other than sexual objects and same goes for woman. There are guys and women who see others for other things besides sex and or just what they can get from then such as concert tickets, free meals etc.
Mostly what I'm saying is that MOST of the time, guys will have a sexual attraction to the women - and OFTEN, they do their best to keep it hidden - but that attraction will nevertheless have a big impact on their "friendship", even if she doesn't realize it.
This also explains the guys who simply aren't interested in friendships, or why guys "fade away" once they figure out that sex is completely off the table.
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I normally agree with you but I don't agree here. I have men I have been friends with for years and we were only ever friends, even when we were both single. I still talk to them and it's never been like that. I think you can't be friends with someone if you don't see them as a friend.
YOU can... you're a female. MOST (not all, but most) men can't. I know it might be hard to accept, but I can almost guarantee you that some (if not most) of those male friends have had desires for you. Sure, they may have suppressed them, but they're still there...
Lmao. No. Trust me, they don't. Maybe some in the past but not the current ones.
Just ask them for a session of sex in a serious way and see for yourself. If they are married, chances are less as they won't want themselves to be in trouble but if you have any single friend, try it out. You will probably have the answer. And by asking sex means you have to be very fucking serious about that. The guy should believe that you actually want sex and not just doing any acting.
@RJGraveyTrain unless he has a girlfriend himself, he would want your p*ssy instead of a friendship
In my experience guys hardly make friends with girls they're not attracted to. Usually it's the girl maintaining a one sided friendship.
For me I'm too much of an emotional mess around guys I find attractive to even be friends. I never get past being acquaintances. I act too stand offish around them and eventually we revert back to being strangers.
Pretty much all my guy friends I had weren't my type at all physically. I never felt any butterflies around them or thought romantically of them. I did enjoy talking with them but not really enough to be butthurt if we were no longer friends. Usually that happened when they confessed feelings or got a girlfriend which is understandable.
This is what has happened to me in the past
This happened to me over and over again in college to where now I just don't act super friendly towards guys I don't find attractive.
Even married men where I work will act friendly towards me and I can't think of any other reason why they would. Women typically don't do that.
@pooper89 lol smart move. I'm still in college and I am more friendly to guys I don't find attractive since it's easier to be myself.
I kind of act stiff and aloof around guys I'm attracted to.
Girl you gotta work on that if you're gonna get a boyfriend (idk if you're single or not though)
I know where you're coming from though. I used to be the same way
@pooper89 ya that's one of the main issues as to why I'm single.
Ima fix that problem eventually, thanks šš
This article is idiotic. You reduce men to simpletons who only think of sex and women as users who keep men on the sideline for attention.
I actually have more respect for my male friends than that and they do with me.
No, I don't. I'm simply suggesting that sex is always going to be a very strong factor that needs to be acknowledged.
You think I'm "reducing" men, but I think you're reducing the issue - and that's exactly what I'm trying to address here.
Well, no wonder you can never be friends with women -- you've already made up your mind that it's impossible and just approach women with the intent on fucking them.
You can say what you like. I have three close male friends. We've been friends for over ten years. Two of them are married (not to each other, but to other women). I assure you, they are not going to cheat ion their wives with me.
exactly!
"Men in a happy, monogamous relationship already could potentially be ājust friendsā with women - but in practice, itās pretty rare."
I've been friends with both those guys since before they were married. The third one isn't married and as far as I know not in any kind of relationship. Sorry, but your mytake is so much bull.
and I can say it's perfectly possible as well, as a man
act to ask him to have sex with you and see for yourself.
Acting should have been very serious though.
men can be friends with a woman they aren't attracted to. As long as neither parties are attracted to each other, there isn't an issue. But most guys won't go out of their way to hang out with a woman alone, unless he is sexually or romantically interested
I have female friends that are just friends and we leave it as that.
I love when people complain about being friend zoned by a girl. From my experience, it's better to be friends with someone than an enemy even if you like them more and they don't feel the same way.
Plus it's a possible way to meet other women that way.
You can still be their friend without being a doormat.
"I have female friends that are just friends and we leave it as that."
So, you have NO desire to have sex with them, at all? Meaning, if they offered tomorrow for no-strings attached sex, and there would be no consequences, you wouldn't WANT it?
Depends on if I find them physically attractive. I've only slept with a friend once.
It's not about what you've DONE as much as it is about what you'd LIKE to do.
You say that you'd have sex with your female friends (the ones you find attractive, anyway). That essentially means that, even though you DO nothing (overt) towards that interest, it's still going to impact the way you treat her, how much you're willing to put up with from her, and how long you'll stick around. It makes a difference!
And women need to understand that. It can't be changed, really, but at least if you understand something exists, you can make better-informed decisions.
I see where you're coming from but I'd say it's all situational. We were both drunk, started making out, and then banged later.
It's funny because my friends in or circle wanted her way more than I did. I wasn't even bragging about it but it just kinda happened. No awkward feelings afterwards and we still hang out to this day.
this is pretty interesting because yes, we work in very different ways and obviously men are more visual and are programmed to go around and put their sperm wherever they can, that's biology, whereas females are the other way around because increasing our reproductive output is not as easy, all animals respond to this principle. But, if we were 100% like other animals then we would eat out babies if we thought they were weak lol so there are some circumstances where we kinda go against some principles because of emotions, so although I agree that we're programmed in a different way, I still think you can be friends with someone of the opposite sex. I have loads of guy friends and i'm gonna be honest, I know some of them have.. desires lol but I also have some that are literally like my brothers, there's no way we see each other like this, just no lol
Bravo! Right on target. I keep saying this and you're right, the girls just don't get it.
The difference is the way our brains work - girls make an emotional connection that is far removed from their sex-drive. So they're happy to have guys around that will validate them and do stuff for them even if they're not in the least sexually attracted.
Guys are visual, and sex-driven. The only reason he would pay attention to a girl is if he's sexually attracted her. Otherwise what's the point? Right? It's just the way they're wired. The problem is the guy that will hang around for this is what we call a beta-chump, he's just hoping if he kisses her ass for long enough that she'll break down and give him some sex. ain't never gonna happen - the vag-tingles are just not there - she's waiting for Chad Thundercock to wander by and pay her attention - THEN she gets all wet in the panties.
This is known as the 'friendzone' :)
Not quite a long time ago I was "talking" with a guy. Things were going great, we've spent a lot of time just talking about different things. And I was flirting with him and he flirted back.
We've decided to meet in person one day and that was also great- we've had an amazing chat up until he tried to kiss me.
Note that this WASN'T a date, it was just a meet-up. I gently turned him down because I wanted to take things slow, and he seemed to be fine with that... After that we had a brief chat online and then the infamous "I'll text you later" happened and we haven't spoken ever since.
I had a small crush on him and he we could've ended up dating but I guess he just wanted to sleep with me.
That is really not true, men and women can be just friends.
I have females friends that are just friends, there is no maybe we have a chance of hooking up one day involved. A couple of them are ex's, but I would never consider again have a physical relationship with any of them.
My longest friendship with a female has been going on for fifty odd years, we were babies together, we lost contact when we were 5. Reestablished contact when I was 18, and have been a part of each other lives ever since. We have traveled together, have shared a bed a few time while traveling. Stay at each other homes, when we visit each other. But in all that time, we have never come close to ever getting into a sexual situation.
We are very close, both of our siblings (I have 5 brothers, she has 3 sisters) to this day, express their disbelief that we have never been physical with each other.
There is one big big thing I think most of us make mistakes on
When you say women aren't interested in casual sex --> why do so many believe that. Its simply not true
Women engage in a lot of casual sex. In fact if i line up every single guy and every single girl. I can betcha the girls take the lead when it comes to casual sex. Porn. Camming. Money for sex. Sugar daddy. 3somes. You name it she's done it
its takes two to tango. If guys are having casual sex, he has a women there that also wants casual sex
--> with that ya it can be hard to be completely plutonic but not unheard of
"Women engage in a lot of casual sex. In fact if i line up every single guy and every single girl. I can betcha the girls take the lead when it comes to casual sex. Porn. Camming. Money for sex. Sugar daddy. 3somes. You name it she's done it"
Can you not see that almost all of the examples you just gave show that her interest is MONEY (or status)? She's not having casual sex because she wants casual sex - she's having casual sex TO GET SOMETHING ELSE SHE *REALLY* WANTS. She's just using casual sex as a means to an end. And some women do it just for attention, or validation. Sure, a few do it because they genuinely enjoy it, but that's the exception.
Guys don't have casual sex for any other reason than they want casual sex. The motivation is completely different.
The definition of friendship for me is based on the question of what is the common interest between these two that makes the friendship. Music, hobby, drugs maybe... something right? I never see two straight dudes hanging out because one likes to listen to the other's stupid problems and the other is so glad to find someone that will actually listen. ... and if you do, guess what... that dude listening to those problems is pretending to really care and he is glancing at the other dudes cock every chance he gets.
So 9 times out of 10, I'm calling bullshit when a girl says "he's just a friend" or "he's just a nice guy." Because the answer to that question (what is the common interest?) Doesn't even exist or is different.
Trust me ladies, 9 times out of 10 he's bragging about how he's gonna snake you from your bf/husband to all the other guys at work. lol
true
So to start off with you outline three categories of guys and instantly disqualify them from the whole assumption? It is possible, I've had a number of close guy friends for years and I understand what you're saying about how things can easily progress from friends to 'more than' but that doesn't mean they weren't friends in the first place. A lot of the guys I've been friends with for years (yes, spending time with them) are married now & it can definitely make things more relaxed or more distant depending on the partner. But it depends if the guy is looking at the women around him for who they (individually) are or how likely he is to sleep with them. Because if it's the second one he'll be lucky if he can have true guy friends let alone find a good partner. It's definitely possible but it takes respect & caring about each other, otherwise, yeah, it'll be impossible.
I have plenty of guys in my life who are just friends and who think of me as a friend. We give each other relationship advice, we talk about life, we look out of each other just like my girl friends and I do. I don't understand why you don't think it's possible.
Want to be shocked? Try this: go up and ask them "how would you feel if I told you I wanted to have sex with you, just once, to see what it was like?"
How many of your "friends" are going to say "look, I get it, but I'm just not attracted to you that way" vs how many will say "Really? When? I'm good to go now..."
You may not think of them in a sexual way, but that doesn't mean they don't think of YOU in a sexual way. They're MEN, and men are DIFFERENT. But find out for yourself: ASK THEM.
unless these guys are gay (which I doubt most of them are) I can tell you right now the thought is floating around their minds. Given your age group these guys are naive. They are keeping you in their "orbit" for possibility...
I say this because I got brutally friend zoned 3 times in my late teen and early 20s. I stuck around thinking they would change their mind (which I now know will never happen).
It's okay to be friends with these guys. They made a decision to keep talking to you. But if any of them started showing signals early and you did your friend zone black magic... realize its torture for them.
@somewheresomeway that's very, very false. I am a very monogamous person, whenever I see that I like a girl (both mentally and physically) but with whom I know it wouldn't work (for different behaviours or point of views or whatever) I'm good with becoming friends with her, because I am a people person in general.
@Giacomanzo That's great - but it just means you are an EXCEPTION to the rule. I said at the beginning that they exist - they're just RARE, and women shouldn't assume the exception; they should assume the rule, and most of the time, they'd be right.
I don't know. Most people I know, both men and women are like me. But I guess that also depends on the fact that we surround ourselves with who's similar to them.
That being said, I think nobody should assume nothing. Nor the "rule", nor the "exception".
What if the girl is ugly?
@GirlThatDraws I also have female friends to whom I'm not physically attract to, of course. But that already implies no sexual intentions toward her.
@GirlThatDraws "What if the girl is ugly?"
Then she probably doesn't have guy friends in the first place. But if she does - maybe because she has an awesome personality or an incredible talent - then she's one of those exceptions.
I don't get it... I guess it's different for guys
"I don't get it... I guess it's different for guys"
Which is THE ENTIRE POINT of this article - it IS different for guys.
I value all my friends and I'm certainly not out to have sex with the female ones. I value the bonds I share with people regardless of gender.
Shit we have to stop being friends :/ you just want to fuck me :/ :/ :/ :/ :/ :/
@lumos lmao well it was fun while it lasted pal. I can't deny my gender unfortunately..
People here don't give a shit about biology. People who are from science background with a bit good logical reasoning ability will clearly find it easier to understand you and agree with you but those who have arts background clearly will not have and idea what's going on in here. They will always live in a state of delusion which they will never able to be aware of.
As far as I am concerned, I find your take very interesting. It helped me have a better picture of the relationships. Very helpful.
I beg to differ.
I had feelings for my friend who is my classmate. She rejected me because she's in a relationship, but we're still friends till today. I'll say we grew closer and still are growing closer, but I don't have any intentions of fucking her. If in the future things happen, then they happen.
So I dismiss your argument because it appears to be largely based on the stereotypical view of men being overshadowed by lust. And even if the stereotype was not present, your argument barely makes complete sense because it appears to be a one-sided view. Perhaps you have not been able to successfully sustain a friendship with your female friends, which is why you have formed such an argument. If that is the case, as it appears to be, you need to change the way you view women.
Notice how he refuses to say anything to you, since you being a man disproves his whole stupid theory.
@Tanisha69 He's trying to get people to buy his idea
"I had feelings for my friend who is my classmate. She rejected me because she's in a relationship, but we're still friends till today. I'll say we grew closer and still are growing closer, but I don't have any intentions of fucking her. If in the future things happen, then they happen."
Are you kidding? You just proved my point: you WANTED to be with her, and to this day, you are STILL willing to be with her! She FriendZoned you, and you seem to be happy to wait there.
You're just as in denial as many of the women here. [rolleyes]
Firstly, I rebut your assumption of me still willing to wait to be with her. Although your point that I wanted to be with her is valid, I am clearly not waiting to be with her. If you had taken the liberty to read my post with greater clarity, I had stated that we are friends and we are getting to know each other better as friends (emphasis added).
Secondly, it is obvious to many that the only party in denial here is the author himself. It would be unwise and unjust to merely assume the fact that all of us who challenge your argument are in denial because clearly, the author himself seems to be pushing for the validity of his argument in desperate measures. As such, it would be wise for the author to get a fresh perspective on the argument he has come up with.
For the reasons given above, I dismiss the author's argument and continue to assert that he should take the liberty to make proper assertions that are of sound mind in the future.
I was quoting YOUR words that you are still open to having sex with her. I didn't write those words, YOU DID. You can't be "just friends" if you are still interested in having sex with her.
Never once in my original post and reply thereafter did I mention specifically that I want to have sex with her. Neither was this mentioned when you quoted me. Your last sentence simply reflects my position regarding your mentality, that you appear to view women whose sole purpose is to satisfy your sexual needs. As mentioned earlier, it would be best for you to reshape your perspectives.
Case is dismissed.
@MrOracle He might also be open to receiving a massage from his friend. Does that mean they're not "just friends"? I mean, sex is really that meaningless to men, right (according to your post)? So why does being open to sex make it any less "just friends" than if he was open to receiving a massage?
Um this post is freaking me out!
My boyfriend is super friendly with a girlstripper from his workwork, he calls her regularly outside work hours, they hang outside of work, she sent text messages I've seen end with xx , he's says she's "hot"!!
When I've expressed im not comfortable with their friendship, he said they are close friends its a brother and sister like friendship. This post has me feeling like its not :-[ likely...
Should read "girl from his work"
The thing is, if that GIRL decides she's not going to sleep with him, then they won't sleep together. And girls "friendzone" guys all the time. But think about it: if every guy didn't want to sleep with her, why would she NEED a friendzone?
I'm not saying he will cheat - guys CAN be attracted to women, and WANT sex with them, but control themselves and not actually DO it. But the honest truth is that the temptation to do it will be strong, and some guys just don't have the will to resist (and some won't even bother to TRY to resist, but those guys are assholes anyway).
Thanks for your reply.
Im completely uncomfortable now, already was but now more.
Sorry about that - but in my opinion it's better to start with the truth, and not be in denial. You can manage your life better overall if your eyes are fully open and you see things how they really are. It may not be how you'd LIKE it to be, but being in denial is almost always worse for you in the long run.
Yeah its time to make some boundaries. You habe the right to tell him to either choose her or you, tbh most girls i know would leave the second he mentioned being friends with a stripper. You got a hell of patience, i guess you really love him..
Thank you so much for your views, even though hard to swallow the cold facts, it has force me to face and deal with what I thought all along but stuffed it away and tried to ignore even when I didn't want to... for his sake, to keep the peace when it not cool.
Well, he may not have had sex with her yet. Its not always very easy. But i guess he still had the intent to do so. I think you should have a talk with him and just be honest with your feelings. And if he starts bullshitting, tell him to cut the crap and be honest. Im sorry this is happening to you. It must feel pretty bad to be fighting over a guy with a stripper
wanting to have as much sex is put into all of us men. But our love is only for the special ones. Maybe he loves you purely but wants to have multiple sex. Figure it out by talking with him.
I agree with you for the most part.. because 90% of the guys I was friends with later confessed they used to have a crush or something... or they still have feelings for me.. BUT girl-guy friendships are not as rare are you think they are.. there can be times when two people are friends but they just don't like each other in sexual way at all..
oh and by the way "Ladies, tell your āguy friendsā that, while you value his friendship, things will NEVER, EVER go further. Essentially, kill all hope of sex or a romantic relationship." I almost always do that.. because I'm not looking for a relationship and I wanna stay single for a while.. but still I get stuck in this shitty situation where I have to lose a friend. I would love to have a gay friend if anyone's available.
Overall It's a well written mytake and I had a great time reading it. :)
I must be a unicorn because I have no interest in any of my female friends. I actually see them as my sisters.
Basically you are saying that a strait guy or a bisexual guy can be friends with a women he does not find attractive. The reason is because if a guy finds a woman attractive then he automatically wants sex with her. A straight woman or a bisexual woman can only be friends with a guy she does not find attractive. She has guys as friends just go attention.
There are guys who see others as nothing other than sexual objects and same goes for woman. There are guys and women who see others for other things besides sex and or just what they can get from then such as concert tickets, free meals etc.
Mostly what I'm saying is that MOST of the time, guys will have a sexual attraction to the women - and OFTEN, they do their best to keep it hidden - but that attraction will nevertheless have a big impact on their "friendship", even if she doesn't realize it.
This also explains the guys who simply aren't interested in friendships, or why guys "fade away" once they figure out that sex is completely off the table.