Why I Think Women and Men Can't Be "Just Friends"

[PrincessPie]

This is coming from a girl who has more male than female friends, that really are friends (nothing more to suggest otherwise) BUT I believe there is a fine line between male and female friends which prevents them from being "just friends".

*****Disclaimer

This is from my own personal experience only and I'm NOT saying men and women can't have friendships just that i find there is always a fine line and usually is something more, i know plenty of people will disagree and that is fine and a good thing.

Here are a few things i've found between male and female friendships.

We're wired to be attracted to the opposite sex

This of course ONLY applies to straight people and so does this My Take, but we're biologically attracted to the opposite sex which makes it hard to differentiate the two, and only see the person as a friend.

They flirt with each other.

I've noticed that when i see male and female friends they flirt with each other, sure maybe the flirting is reasonably innocent but do they do this with there same sex friends? nope, if they're just friends i don't see why they would feel the need to do this, flirting is fun but it is crossing a line which is above friendship.

At least one tends to catch feelings.

a lot of the time i hear about people falling for there opposite sex best friend, i'll admit usually its the guy, and i think a lot of guys have feelings for there female best friends beyond friendship, i think its easier for a woman to see there guy friend as just a friend than it is a guy.

They use each other as back ups.

Amount of times i've heard male and female best friends say if we don't end up with anyone then they will be together, why would you go with someone who you only have friendship feelings for? sure its okay to have a joke, but i actually know someone who married there best friend even though before this happened they only had claimed to have been friends.

SOME would/have had sex with each other.

I put some because obviously this is NOT always the case, i have never and would never sleep with my male friends but i know plenty of people who have before and would again, even though they claim to be "just friends" to me if you are attracted to someone to want to have sex with them your feelings are above friendship and not are platonic.

I think that its easier for women to see men as "just friends" this YouTube video kind of states a point that i feel.

My two bestfriends are a girl and a guy, my guy bestfriend has stated to me on a few occasions in a round about way that he has more feelings for me than just friendship this is not to say he is unhappy with friendship as he knows that nothing will ever happen between us but thats not to say he sees me as only "just friends" even though we're only just friends.

When Harry Met Sally, Is a good movie about a male and female friendship which ended in romance.

..Here is a famous scene from the movie.

Do you think that Men are Women, can be only JUST friends, why or why don't you think this?

This My Take is NOT saying they can't be friends, this is saying that there is always a line and something which prevents different gender friends from being ONLY friends.

Thanks for Browsing :)

[Kiki98]

I couldn't agree more, with every male friend i had, they either end up falling for me or i end up falling for them. it's never pretty and feelings always get messed up in the middle of it

[2opaz]

i'm the one who usually catches the feels

s3-ak.buzzfeed.com/.../...-1414773723-7_dblbig.jpg

[PrincessPie]

lol :D

[2opaz]

every time <3

[PrincessPie]

Ah shit got you fucked up, you caught the feels ⚡️😜

[2opaz]

I did 😍

[CallMeDave]

You make a lot of good points about why it's harder for a man and a woman to be "just friends" but harder doesn't mean impossible. I think it also might depend on the definition of "just friends". My definition is no sexual interaction at any level - no kissing, no romantic hugging, no cuddling, etc. I think your definition might be a little different in that you seem to be saying that if anything's different than it would be with a same gender friend then it's not "just friends". I think there are usually, but not always, some differences between same sex friendships and opposite sex friendships, but in my view that doesn't change it from being "just friends" as long as there's no sexual interaction.

I've had several female friends over the years, including some that I was pretty close to, that I considered to be "just friends" but you might not.

There were two I recall that I shared a hobby with. I was married at the time and both of them were too. None of our spouses were interested in the hobby and so I would often spend a weekend day or sometimes an evening with one of those female friends working on that hobby. Sometimes we'd have lunch or dinner together in conjunction with that. I found both physically attractive, but none of our conversations were ever about sex. We talked about our hobby, our jobs, our families, the weather, world events, but not sex. I considered those women "just friends" but maybe you wouldn't because I found them attractive which is an element different than if they were guys.

I had another woman I was very close friends with for a few years. Again we shared a hobby and spent a lot of time doing that together. We'd have dinner together about once a week and would text each other almost every day. That was a closer relationship and in addition to the things I mentioned with the other friends, she and I also discussed our love lives (generally, not details). I was not physically attracted to her but we had a close relationship and were best friends. Many people thought there was a romantic relationship because we were so close but there wasn't. We were almost never in each other's home and never anywhere other than the living room or kitchen. I also considered that a "just friends" relationship. What would you think of that relationship? "Just friends" or something more? Couldn't two women have just as close a relationship and that would be "just friends"?

[OlderAndWiser]

I agree that everything you said applies to many male-female "friendships." If a guy feels a sexual attraction to a girl, there will always something more than just friendship between the two of them. Buy guys are not attracted to every girl.

I have had female friends who I just wanted to pick up and carry off to bed and I have had female friends to whom I felt no attraction at all. If neither feels an attraction to the other, then a true platonic friendship is possible.

[Giacomanzo]

Precisely my point. And attraction takes a lot of forms. I have a female friend who I am very comfortable calling a sister. She is beautiful, smart and very funny, but a completely different person from me. Lots of the things she likes I don't, and has an overall personality that is way too spiritualistic and chaotic for my cold-stone calculating, order-friendly self, which makes me think of her as nothing but a friend.

[JimRSmith]

I think you can, provided that

1) You respect boundaries properly.

2) Ideally you are both in happy relationships with OTHER people.

3) A little geographical distance doesn't hurt.

4) That you conduct the friendship honestly.

[ASEXY]

"They flirt with each other"

I see that happening quite often. Even if it's a joke (or whatever the hell they like to call it), it's still flirting. That has made me feel quite uncomfortable when I used to be friends with girls. This is one of the reasons why I longer want to be friends with women. Today, I'm only acquaintances with them, and they still managed (with little time they have with me) to flirt with me and tease me about being asexual. Friendship? No thanks.

"At least one tends to catch feelings"

I also heard of many people who ended up dating and marrying their 'friends' lol. I usually see women on social media saying that they would like to be 'just friends' with a guy first before being in a relationship with him. Because apparently that's how they want to start having an emotional connection with him before they have feelings for him? Maybe that's what a lot of guys assume when they try to be friends with girls? They probably think that's how they can have a chance.

More points I'd like to add...

1. Straight and bi men hardly ever make friends with girls who they're not initially attracted to.
Most men are not willing to hear women talk about gossip, problems, makeup, etc unless they are attracted to her. Most of them just don't see the point of being friends with a woman who they don't want to sleep with because the average man doesn't have that many qualities/interests in common with the average woman. It usually the metrosexual/feminine ones who become 'just friends' with women. It's because they have some feminine interests/qualities that they'd like to share with women in their friendships.

2. The more masculine a man is, the less likely he is going to want to be 'just friends' with a woman.
This means that the more masculine he is, the less interests/qualities in common with the average woman. This rule tends to apply to men of every sexual orientation. It's not a secret that most straight, masculine guys tend to view women as sexual objects, so they would only be friends with a woman to get in her pants. I'm a masculine guy and I don't make friends with women because they are generally too feminine for me, so I know that it is unlikely that we have anything in common. I'm also aromantic/asexual so I see no point. Another example, I have an acquaintance (through modeling) who is masculine too and he's not attracted to girls either. He's gay but he's nothing like the typical gay guy and he doesn't have any female friends.

[ASEXY]

3. The more attractive you are, the less likely it becomes that the opposite sex wants to be just friends with you. A lot of people have this idea that the friendship will increase their chances and that it will grow into something more 'special.'

A lot of people blur the lines of what is considered platonic, romantic and sexual. People, acquaintances don't count as friends. Anyone who denies what I'm saying is most likely a coward who doesn't want to see the truth. I bet they are the ones who complained about getting 'friendzoned' or doesn't mind taking an advantage of people who are attracted to them.

[The1n0nlyDemonGod]

Girls and Guys can be friends. We do tend to be attracted to the opposite sex but I think it's a natural response to propagation, to continue human life. If evry last human being or any creature for that matter of fact were not attracted to the opposite sex of their race it would mean an end of that species. What is to be understood from this is that, it is natural/ a natural response. {(Many will deny) But putting it bluntly sperms and ovum make babies not ovum n ovum not sperm and sperm.} It is natural.
These attractions that even some men try to avoid during their conv. wid d opp. sex arise bcoz we tend to give the wrong impressions which may lead to complications. The approach taken must be subtle but clear, depeding on what u see ur relationship as in d future. If they leave you that's his/her outlook. But I am talking about the one's who stay.
You can pair up with this friend later on depending on your mutual judgement and consent that it is healthy and that ull are comfortable with each other and will benefit from it. But any relationship is symbiotic, not two sided or one sided meaning both must make equal effort to at least make things work out should you go so far as to agree to be with d other for the remainder of your lives otherwise both or either one of you will not enjoy the time they spent with the other result falling out. whatever friendship ull had MaY go out d windo. But that is another factor.
Getting back to the point of being just friends. M&F can have a healthy friendship if ull mutually agree on it. But these things must be made clear w/ a subtle/straightforward approach depending on how ull click no everybody has ESP so a good convo can be healing to either or both of u. If either leaves, it means ur not gonna continue being friends. Chuck it! If they stay, it means ur a step closer to having a better future wid d other. How you'll go about it is a person to person outlook but if ull can do it together all d more better. True Friendship like True Love is not collusive relationship, it means I'm there for you no matter when where how why etc. if u feel and e not sure, or can't make judgement ask a bff to take a 3rd person view. Girls talk but as guys mostly we don't not deeply anyways, exceptions exist. But another person's view even a faulty one can give u a better grasp of d situation to not trip over. That's how I do things I have good girl friends and we talk about everything even sex. So u c it's possible. BOL😊

[GracefulCharm]

It's possible to stay friends or to become something more. The choice is up to you and your friend. I think the reason we view them as friends as opposed to lovers is because we had our hearts charmed by a ex or crush a long time ago. The love spell they put on us has made us prefer lovers who are like them.

I've noticed that with girls. I always lust after one specific type. I've come to realize it because of my first crush and first girlfriend. Some things can't be forgotten. I know if i see her again. We might go back to where we left off. But I know she moved on when I was locked up and got married. I'm disciplining myself and will keep myself separated from her because I need to accept that we're done. She has kids with this other man. So i don't want to tempt her in any way either. This self discipline is the same as having friends with the opposite gender because we know that if we didn't limit our sexual appetite. It could ruin a good friendship. Sometimes it's better to not give into your own temptations.

[PrincessPie]

What specific type is that?

[Anonymous]

THANK YOU. This is something young men who get un-wittingly friend zoned need to understand.

It really comes down to this. Think of about historical female and male relationships. Women NEEDED men to be protectors and providers for their family. They needed a guy to bring home the food (either killing a deer or earning money doing hard labor) and protect the offspring. They NEEDED his strong male qualities to survive before modern society.

Men, on the other hand, didn't necessarily need women back then. They can survive on their own. But they WANTED women for sexual purposes and for the desire to raise a family and be accepted in society.

Nowadays women don't need men as much as they used to, especially in the western world. Modern society has given them all sorts of opportunities (excessive in some scenarios) were women can make it own their own.

Most women still want companionship and sex from men too, but its really not the same level of want as vice versa. They want relationships out of the NEED of the hormonal desire to have children. But do they really WANT men? To certain extent yes, but still not the same vice versa.

So there comes the good ole friendzone (usually female-initiated). A woman can get her needs; male advice, male support, someone to carry heavy things, fix cars, houses, etc.). But they don't need sex but only want it from a select minority of guys who push their buttons.

I only have one gal pal and it's been that way for 12 years. I never felt attracted to her and we met on mutual business grounds. She is definitely no "best friend" but she has been a long time friend. She doesn't NEED me or WANT me. She just respects me and vice versa. She isn't looking for handouts or someone to mooch off of. She knows I'm a nice guy, but I have strong boundaries. She has no power over my emotions because I'm not physically attracted to her.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Yup...9 times out of ten all I see is a guy with the hopes of getting some trying very indirectly for whatever reason, and a female that enjoys the attention she's getting out of the deal. Once the flirting starts it just opportunity and you can see what the "friendship" was all about.

What irritates me the most about this is when she's in a relationship and she's allowing this hang around simply for the attention. It's not fair to the bf/hubby that knows exactly what's going on and the retort of "he's just a friend/nice guy" is nothing more than an excuse.

[somewheresomeway]

I was that completely that "guy" a few years ago.

[honesty321]

Friendship is impossible. Man know their female friends are jealous with other females. So friendship is not possible if there is no sexuality involved and just be nice and friendly to each other. It is also very dangerous because those female friends of those male friends are jealous and want to kill you or liquidated. No it is impossible. As a woman to be accepted among mand you have to flirt with them and sit on their lap and being shameless and brag about everything about yourself , to make man feel proud being near you to brag among other man. Man are showoffs.

[jennifer_bloom]

I don't agree with you. I've had male friends that I loved very dearly when I felt no interest or attraction to them whatsoever. I think men and woman can be very good friends if the person has something you deem unacceptable in a romantic partner but will tolerate in a friend. I used to know a guy with an incredible personality but he had a lot of wrinkles on his face that made him look like he was 16 years older than me. I loved his personality! but didn't like him at all even though everybody thought I did. There was another friend I had who also had an amazing personality but he looked extremely ugly bare chested when he went swimming - loved him very much - but could never see him as anything other than a friend. I had another friend who was very honest and loyal but he was short and ugly - I liked him as a friend but would never date him.

[somewheresomeway]

Did you ever tell any of these guys you weren't interested?

[jennifer_bloom]

@somewheresomeway I didn't need to. They weren't interested in me either since I was a lot older than them.

[somewheresomeway]

Well I know women usually have a lot stronger intuition then men and are RARELY caught off guard if they discover a guy likes them or not.

What pisses me off is how some girls will act all dumb and surprised when the guy who they are friendzoning shows overt interest. It's their shitty way of avoiding confrontation and absolving any guilt for leading the guy on, although they knew damn well what the guy wanted all along. Just don't be that girl.

[Red-Blaze]

Il have what she is having, Priceless

Any way about the subject
I think its possible, i do think i have some friends, and we can be just friends (And not talking about the gay once.. to be honest i don't think i even know any gay... at least none that i know of...)
I also think the video of the guy asking around like soooo many of them is fake to show one side as if that is how it is, as can be seen a few times like when they cut to the guy that says "I guess what i am saying is..." that means there was something before that we did not see
Also the one that leaves giggling and he takes it as approval my guess is he keep asking it till she left or till she world have said that his right

I think its possible yes

[JadziaNerys]

I think people don't genuinely try to be friends. I've noticed this is a bigger problem for straight people. Since gender isn't a big deal to me and not having friends isn't an option, I either found a way to get over it or it never was an issue. I think this comes down to how society has trained us to view male and female friendships, or friendships with any gender you are attracted to. Everyone gets horny, this is true. But you have the ability to not view someone in a sexual manner. I play D&D with a bunch of guys and we all manage being just friends. I've known a couple of these guys for more than 10 years, and never had these issues. I've been friends with exes and it was fine. Its all about thought and how you view things.

[CubsterShura]

True! Tbh I never really thought of male friendship and female friendship as exactly the same. I have a guy best friend, and sometimes I do send him my ugly face pics or me in a facial mask, but I'll never send him an pic of me in tight clothes which I do to other girls. I know I have to maintain more decency with boys than with girls. Isn't it commonsense?

Same with flirting. Actually, hold on. There are certain friends that I don't mind flirting with but with others I will really mind it. I never use the 'he's like my brother' shit because he is not my brother no matter what.

Many great relationships start off as friendships. You don't become a couple from the first day, do you? No! You become friends, get closer and when things are mutual you become a couple which is not a bad thing at all.

I feel like people who overthink about it and make such things too complex, are the people who cannot remain friends with the opposite gender.

[i_am_shyvana]

I agree with most of the points you've made, however I still think that men and women can be just friends. This also comes from someone who has more male friends than female friends. I do playfully touch my male friends (that sounded much more creepy than I intended). However, they are not my backup husband or boyfriend (and that is not just because i am not looking for a relationship). But I will not progress with them at all except for just friends, but I'm guessing that was not your point. But I feel that even though I haven't experienced it, men and women can still just be friends. For example, what if they are both asexual? Or one is gay and the other is lesbian? Or they are demisexual? Or one is straight and the other is lesbian or gay? The list goes on and on.

[Onlythisone]

I don't necessarily think "they would hook up if they could" removes the possibility for friendship.

You just have to establish boundaries and remove the option first. I work and went to school with all men and at some point they tend to let me know... "By the way you know if you ever wanted to hookup I'd make it the best 30seconds of your life"

One bounces between calling me his mom or sister so when he would ask me a sexual question I say "don't talk to your mother like that" he says "sorry mommy" and drops it. Another has told me he loves me and meant it in a purely platonic sense.

Now that doesn't mean they all don't talk about how they would find me a husband... But it's never them they are considering. They are fighting over who gets to be the godparents of my theoretical child lol

[Pink1996]

Yeah I agree with you, I don't think its possible for men and women to be close friends.

Maybe a light friendship is possible? thats what i have. I've got 2 gay male friends and 2 straight male friends and i'm not close with the straight ones. We hardly ever talk online and when we hang out its always in a big group of other friends mixed with guys and girls. They've both flirted with me before and i know they would be down to date or have sex with me but i do not ever want to do those things with them.

Girls, think about your guy "friends", would they date you or have sex with you if they could? Or would you date them if you could? If you answered yes or if your male friend answers yes then its obvious they see you more than friends, perhaps as a potential significant other.

[Fatboy98]

To men, woman are like gold to them. Very rare and hard to find. It goes the same way with friendship and relationship with people. You can find a good friend, boyfriend, or girlfriend without knowing what you're looking in that person. Some people can be friends with girls or boys, but choose not too unless something in their past life causing he or she to not be in a love relationship. Also, friendship is extremely hard to make without knowing he or she personality traits in the process. Especially those who doesn't want to open up and talk to people, just stay in the dark.

[Cosytoasty]

I think it can happen. When you're not attracted to each other or you come together through work/common cause.

Now actually going up to someone of the opposite you have zero (literally) attraction to, just to get to know them in a platonic capacity... i don't think that happens. Every single female friend who i've not known through work/school is because i wanted to bone them first (no matter how fleeting that was).

[PrincessPie]

Lol, "i wanted to bone them first" always can expect a honest answer from you :D

[Prof_Don]

I have female friends that my other friends have considered attractive.

I remember in the days of the college dorms, there were rumors about me being gay because I had "attractive" female friends and got along with girls well, but (to their knowledge) wasn't getting laid. :-P

----

Having a gal be physically and sexually attractive to me, isn't enough for me to date her or even sleep with her. I know I catch feelings during sex so I know for sure that the gal I fuck has to be relationship material to me.

There are WAY more compatibility points for a relationship, than just attraction!

That being said, every female friend I have, even if I find her attractive and sexy... has some incompatibility miscue between us that prevents me from pursuing her.

I can't be the ONLY guy that feels this way about his female friends.

[Anonymous]

Here's why I disagree.

I am bi-sexual, so potentially every person I meet could be attractive to me.

But some simply aren't attractive to me in a "let's date" kind of way. There are people I meet who I simply want to be friends with. I am sure other people can do the same.

I know that there is this general idea that men cannot relate to women in a non-sexual way. I think that is true for some men. But not all men were raised that way, or feel that way.

My best friend since 1989 has been a man.