Why I Think Women and Men Can't Be "Just Friends"

This is coming from a girl who has more male than female friends, that really are friends (nothing more to suggest otherwise) BUT I believe there is a fine line between male and female friends which prevents them from being "just friends".

*****Disclaimer

This is from my own personal experience only and I'm NOT saying men and women can't have friendships just that i find there is always a fine line and usually is something more, i know plenty of people will disagree and that is fine and a good thing.

Why I Think Women and Men Can't Be "Just Friends"

Here are a few things i've found between male and female friendships.

Why I Think Women and Men Can't Be "Just Friends"

We're wired to be attracted to the opposite sex

Why I Think Women and Men Can't Be "Just Friends"

This of course ONLY applies to straight people and so does this My Take, but we're biologically attracted to the opposite sex which makes it hard to differentiate the two, and only see the person as a friend.

They flirt with each other.

Why I Think Women and Men Can't Be "Just Friends"

I've noticed that when i see male and female friends they flirt with each other, sure maybe the flirting is reasonably innocent but do they do this with there same sex friends? nope, if they're just friends i don't see why they would feel the need to do this, flirting is fun but it is crossing a line which is above friendship.

At least one tends to catch feelings.

Why I Think Women and Men Can't Be "Just Friends"

a lot of the time i hear about people falling for there opposite sex best friend, i'll admit usually its the guy, and i think a lot of guys have feelings for there female best friends beyond friendship, i think its easier for a woman to see there guy friend as just a friend than it is a guy.

They use each other as back ups.

Why I Think Women and Men Can't Be "Just Friends"
Amount of times i've heard male and female best friends say if we don't end up with anyone then they will be together, why would you go with someone who you only have friendship feelings for? sure its okay to have a joke, but i actually know someone who married there best friend even though before this happened they only had claimed to have been friends.

SOME would/have had sex with each other.

Why I Think Women and Men Can't Be "Just Friends"

I put some because obviously this is NOT always the case, i have never and would never sleep with my male friends but i know plenty of people who have before and would again, even though they claim to be "just friends" to me if you are attracted to someone to want to have sex with them your feelings are above friendship and not are platonic.

I think that its easier for women to see men as "just friends" this YouTube video kind of states a point that i feel.


My two bestfriends are a girl and a guy, my guy bestfriend has stated to me on a few occasions in a round about way that he has more feelings for me than just friendship this is not to say he is unhappy with friendship as he knows that nothing will ever happen between us but thats not to say he sees me as only "just friends" even though we're only just friends.

Why I Think Women and Men Can't Be "Just Friends"

When Harry Met Sally, Is a good movie about a male and female friendship which ended in romance.

..Here is a famous scene from the movie.

Do you think that Men are Women, can be only JUST friends, why or why don't you think this?

This My Take is NOT saying they can't be friends, this is saying that there is always a line and something which prevents different gender friends from being ONLY friends.

Thanks for Browsing :)

Why I Think Women and Men Can't Be "Just Friends"

Why I Think Women and Men Can't Be "Just Friends"
68
44
Add Opinion

Most Helpful Girl

  • Kiki98
    I couldn't agree more, with every male friend i had, they either end up falling for me or i end up falling for them. it's never pretty and feelings always get messed up in the middle of it
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Guy

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

4367
  • CallMeDave
    You make a lot of good points about why it's harder for a man and a woman to be "just friends" but harder doesn't mean impossible. I think it also might depend on the definition of "just friends". My definition is no sexual interaction at any level - no kissing, no romantic hugging, no cuddling, etc. I think your definition might be a little different in that you seem to be saying that if anything's different than it would be with a same gender friend then it's not "just friends". I think there are usually, but not always, some differences between same sex friendships and opposite sex friendships, but in my view that doesn't change it from being "just friends" as long as there's no sexual interaction.

    I've had several female friends over the years, including some that I was pretty close to, that I considered to be "just friends" but you might not.

    There were two I recall that I shared a hobby with. I was married at the time and both of them were too. None of our spouses were interested in the hobby and so I would often spend a weekend day or sometimes an evening with one of those female friends working on that hobby. Sometimes we'd have lunch or dinner together in conjunction with that. I found both physically attractive, but none of our conversations were ever about sex. We talked about our hobby, our jobs, our families, the weather, world events, but not sex. I considered those women "just friends" but maybe you wouldn't because I found them attractive which is an element different than if they were guys.

    I had another woman I was very close friends with for a few years. Again we shared a hobby and spent a lot of time doing that together. We'd have dinner together about once a week and would text each other almost every day. That was a closer relationship and in addition to the things I mentioned with the other friends, she and I also discussed our love lives (generally, not details). I was not physically attracted to her but we had a close relationship and were best friends. Many people thought there was a romantic relationship because we were so close but there wasn't. We were almost never in each other's home and never anywhere other than the living room or kitchen. I also considered that a "just friends" relationship. What would you think of that relationship? "Just friends" or something more? Couldn't two women have just as close a relationship and that would be "just friends"?
  • OlderAndWiser
    I agree that everything you said applies to many male-female "friendships." If a guy feels a sexual attraction to a girl, there will always something more than just friendship between the two of them. Buy guys are not attracted to every girl.

    I have had female friends who I just wanted to pick up and carry off to bed and I have had female friends to whom I felt no attraction at all. If neither feels an attraction to the other, then a true platonic friendship is possible.
    • Precisely my point. And attraction takes a lot of forms. I have a female friend who I am very comfortable calling a sister. She is beautiful, smart and very funny, but a completely different person from me. Lots of the things she likes I don't, and has an overall personality that is way too spiritualistic and chaotic for my cold-stone calculating, order-friendly self, which makes me think of her as nothing but a friend.

  • JimRSmith
    I think you can, provided that

    1) You respect boundaries properly.

    2) Ideally you are both in happy relationships with OTHER people.

    3) A little geographical distance doesn't hurt.

    4) That you conduct the friendship honestly.
  • lumos
    My experience is entirely different.
  • COCOCHANEL
    i think many are like this
  • GracefulCharm
    It's possible to stay friends or to become something more. The choice is up to you and your friend. I think the reason we view them as friends as opposed to lovers is because we had our hearts charmed by a ex or crush a long time ago. The love spell they put on us has made us prefer lovers who are like them.

    I've noticed that with girls. I always lust after one specific type. I've come to realize it because of my first crush and first girlfriend. Some things can't be forgotten. I know if i see her again. We might go back to where we left off. But I know she moved on when I was locked up and got married. I'm disciplining myself and will keep myself separated from her because I need to accept that we're done. She has kids with this other man. So i don't want to tempt her in any way either. This self discipline is the same as having friends with the opposite gender because we know that if we didn't limit our sexual appetite. It could ruin a good friendship. Sometimes it's better to not give into your own temptations.
  • Cosytoasty
    I think it can happen. When you're not attracted to each other or you come together through work/common cause.

    Now actually going up to someone of the opposite you have zero (literally) attraction to, just to get to know them in a platonic capacity... i don't think that happens. Every single female friend who i've not known through work/school is because i wanted to bone them first (no matter how fleeting that was).
    • Lol, "i wanted to bone them first" always can expect a honest answer from you :D

  • ScarletAngelic
    I disagree. It's really nice to have lots of friends of both gender. One of the perks of being a lesbian. I can easily be friends with both girls and guys. I just have to tell the guys I'm lesbian and 'hopefully' they'll just accept it and not try anything, as for the girls, I may fall for a few of them, but if they're straight, I won't try anything stupid and just stay their friends.
    • Homosexuals are the exception I guess, that you forgot to mention XD

    • I did write that lol, in first bit ;)
      that it only applies to straight people otherwise you're correct lol as it doesn't make a difference.

    • Well you did mention but it's easier for us to have friends of both sexes.

  • ASEXY
    "They flirt with each other"

    I see that happening quite often. Even if it's a joke (or whatever the hell they like to call it), it's still flirting. That has made me feel quite uncomfortable when I used to be friends with girls. This is one of the reasons why I longer want to be friends with women. Today, I'm only acquaintances with them, and they still managed (with little time they have with me) to flirt with me and tease me about being asexual. Friendship? No thanks.

    "At least one tends to catch feelings"

    I also heard of many people who ended up dating and marrying their 'friends' lol. I usually see women on social media saying that they would like to be 'just friends' with a guy first before being in a relationship with him. Because apparently that's how they want to start having an emotional connection with him before they have feelings for him? Maybe that's what a lot of guys assume when they try to be friends with girls? They probably think that's how they can have a chance.

    More points I'd like to add...

    1. Straight and bi men hardly ever make friends with girls who they're not initially attracted to.
    Most men are not willing to hear women talk about gossip, problems, makeup, etc unless they are attracted to her. Most of them just don't see the point of being friends with a woman who they don't want to sleep with because the average man doesn't have that many qualities/interests in common with the average woman. It usually the metrosexual/feminine ones who become 'just friends' with women. It's because they have some feminine interests/qualities that they'd like to share with women in their friendships.

    2. The more masculine a man is, the less likely he is going to want to be 'just friends' with a woman.
    This means that the more masculine he is, the less interests/qualities in common with the average woman. This rule tends to apply to men of every sexual orientation. It's not a secret that most straight, masculine guys tend to view women as sexual objects, so they would only be friends with a woman to get in her pants. I'm a masculine guy and I don't make friends with women because they are generally too feminine for me, so I know that it is unlikely that we have anything in common. I'm also aromantic/asexual so I see no point. Another example, I have an acquaintance (through modeling) who is masculine too and he's not attracted to girls either. He's gay but he's nothing like the typical gay guy and he doesn't have any female friends.
    • ASEXY

      3. The more attractive you are, the less likely it becomes that the opposite sex wants to be just friends with you. A lot of people have this idea that the friendship will increase their chances and that it will grow into something more 'special.'

      A lot of people blur the lines of what is considered platonic, romantic and sexual. People, acquaintances don't count as friends. Anyone who denies what I'm saying is most likely a coward who doesn't want to see the truth. I bet they are the ones who complained about getting 'friendzoned' or doesn't mind taking an advantage of people who are attracted to them.

  • Hal2002
    Men and women can be just platonic friends, I have a few female friends that we are just friends and talk about anything.

    When a woman leave to bathroom door cracked so she can talk to you while she does her business, your are friends and there is no chance of there every being anything sexual between you.
  • Makaha
    I'd like to dispel the notion that guys and girls can't be just friends. I have a lot of genuine friends. I hang out with a lot of women too. Most of them are close to me and we've been friends for many years. A few of them have been in bed with me. There were periods when we've lusted for each other. We were friends first before we "truly tasted each other" and are back to being just friends again. Other male and female friends in our circle have similar stories to tell. So what's the big deal?
  • Beautybynature
    Every guy hat has tried to befriend me.. has tried to sleep with me!
    No.
    And let's say you're an attractive woman, that is a definite no.
    Men and women can't be friends!! anyone who says they can is delusional and ESPECIALLY if they are a man saying it!! lies
    If it has a penis, it's probably shifty in some fashion so no.
    • JDavid25

      But you ain't been around every guy though.. I'm sure there are guys who ain't attracted to you.. LOL.. & Who like a certain type of woman, or has a wife/girlfriend they absolutely love, and adore..

  • TwinCKI
    Yeah, it is kind of hard just to stay friends with a girl. It is very easy to develop feelings for someone you spend a decent amount of time with plus the fact that most of your encounters with them will most likely be pleasant. Its kind of like a recipe for disaster but sometimes opposite sexes can be best friends and there is nothing wrong about that.
    • I had to start telling guys I wasn't interested in the opposite gender right away, because so many times, when I start trying to become friends with a guy and forget to mention I'm not interested, I end up having to break his heart,. (I really hate having to do that it makes me feel bad)

  • TheDevilInside
    look, even if you wanna fuck your friend, doesn't mean you can't be only friends with that person. It's all in your head. It all depends on how good you are at compartmentalizing and understanding your own mind. Also, how mature you are and whether or not you know what you want and don't want.
  • heyyyyy123
    I actually agree with you completely on this one, but I will come out and say that I think if all of these are untrue except that one person will probably always catch feelings. It is possible that the other person can grow to accept the fact that they are just friends and see it as a sister or brother relationship and the feelings fade. I've had a guy best friend where this very much happened. But in the end, it depends on the people and how strong their hormones work against them haha.
  • Uhhjsshshdh
    Let's say a guy and a girl are best friends, and the guy has a crush on her but she turns him down. According to what you're saying if the guy waits long enough, the girl will change her mind?

    Asking for a friend.
    • noo she probably won't change her mind lol, let your friend know im sorry.

  • spiderweirdo
    The sad thing is... i love male friendships. But its awkward when he starts flirting out of the blue, and I'm like 😶
    • Same here, what do you think, do you think men and women can ever JUST be friends from both sides?

    • Rarely they can. Unfortunately one usually develops feelings

    • @spiderweirdo why can't both just develop feelings. Nature fucking sucks ;-;

  • Jmcmanning
    Most of my friends are males and they are simply that - just friends. Never dated, never had a desire to date, don't flirt but we are close friends and give each other advice. It is possible being just friends with the opposite sex and nothing else.
  • r4ngeF
    Absolutely true.
    Its about time people see the truth...
    There are so many concealed interests/intentions in every kind of relationship that is "platonic".
    Ofc there are maybe once in a 100 years a couple that both the male and female are asexual, but thats very rare..

    Great Take.
  • TomatoBoy
    You are pretty on point. I think all relationships change and develop

    My closest friend Samantha, we initially dated, realized we weren't compatible but ended up being really close. We are friends now.

    Or a co worker of mine, we started off as coworkers, became friends, hooked up, began dating each other, broke up, and a year later reconnected and became really great friends

    I dont recall every being completely platonic from beginning to end however
  • MrMAC777
    This is a good myTake, it's a fact in most cases. Because if the girl said she was interested in a relationship or even just up for a screw, the guy would be all over it. That only applies if they are in the same "league" though. If one person is way less attractive, I think there is a mutual understanding of where everything stands.
  • The1n0nlyDemonGod
    Girls and Guys can be friends. We do tend to be attracted to the opposite sex but I think it's a natural response to propagation, to continue human life. If evry last human being or any creature for that matter of fact were not attracted to the opposite sex of their race it would mean an end of that species. What is to be understood from this is that, it is natural/ a natural response. {(Many will deny) But putting it bluntly sperms and ovum make babies not ovum n ovum not sperm and sperm.} It is natural.
    These attractions that even some men try to avoid during their conv. wid d opp. sex arise bcoz we tend to give the wrong impressions which may lead to complications. The approach taken must be subtle but clear, depeding on what u see ur relationship as in d future. If they leave you that's his/her outlook. But I am talking about the one's who stay.
    You can pair up with this friend later on depending on your mutual judgement and consent that it is healthy and that ull are comfortable with each other and will benefit from it. But any relationship is symbiotic, not two sided or one sided meaning both must make equal effort to at least make things work out should you go so far as to agree to be with d other for the remainder of your lives otherwise both or either one of you will not enjoy the time they spent with the other result falling out. whatever friendship ull had MaY go out d windo. But that is another factor.
    Getting back to the point of being just friends. M&F can have a healthy friendship if ull mutually agree on it. But these things must be made clear w/ a subtle/straightforward approach depending on how ull click no everybody has ESP so a good convo can be healing to either or both of u. If either leaves, it means ur not gonna continue being friends. Chuck it! If they stay, it means ur a step closer to having a better future wid d other. How you'll go about it is a person to person outlook but if ull can do it together all d more better. True Friendship like True Love is not collusive relationship, it means I'm there for you no matter when where how why etc. if u feel and e not sure, or can't make judgement ask a bff to take a 3rd person view. Girls talk but as guys mostly we don't not deeply anyways, exceptions exist. But another person's view even a faulty one can give u a better grasp of d situation to not trip over. That's how I do things I have good girl friends and we talk about everything even sex. So u c it's possible. BOL😊
  • l33tboot3r
    Yes, it's possible, however, if there's chemistry in the mix either from the girl or guy, then it's not possible. Once someone catches feels the relationship changes. I have first-hand experience with this as I was the one who caught feels. However, I got rejected and we're friends, but not that close as we used to be in a sense. But my argument is if there's no chemistry then it's possible.
  • acooke-13
    You do make some really good points! Although I have more male than female friends, I've experienced one catch feelings for me, that's it (that I know of) But I do believe that males and females can just be friends
  • bubble_tea
    I think it's possible to be just friends when you grew up together as kids. It only get's tricky after your sexual awakening. In that case, it's apparently only possible if the woman is really unattractive.
  • LegateLanius
    At least in my case, my female friends and I were never that close to have feelings for one another. We would hang out and such but never alone and not at each other's homes. I fell for only one female friend and that was in middle school. She moved so i never actually had the chance to do anything.
  • Fauzillic_Bolt
    That's not true. My best friend is female and I go to the candy store with her a lot and we don't even think of dating.
  • JDavid25
    I think they can be cause of a couple of factors like "racial preferences", "type".. I could just be friends with girls I have absolutely no attraction too.. & She has absolutely no attraction to me.. It's possible..
    • nope, u say that right now.. but..

    • JDavid25

      @Beautybynature I say that cause it's been tested.. LMAO.. You speakin as a decent lookin woman.. But, there's woman besides the one who are decent lookin.. There's women with great personalities out there who I wouldn't dream of touchin in that way..

    • Decent? I dunno if tats suppossed to be shade but I will just assume its not. Anywho, this isn't my photo. And I dunno why you would include me in this conversation as if I am trying to be your friend. If this is a genreal convo than why am I in the mix?
      And women and men cna never be "just friends", any guy who says yes.. is a liar. and the devil is a lie if you sit up here and claim that u dont mind ur wife having 100 guy friends!!! boy bye!
      large gender differences in how men and women experience opposite-sex friendships. Men were much more attracted to their female friends than vice versa. Men were also more likely than women to think that their opposite-sex friends were attracted to them—a clearly misguided belief. In fact, men’s estimates of how attractive they were to their female friends had virtually nothing to do with how these women actually felt, and almost everything to do with how the men themselves felt—basically, males assumed that any romantic attraction they experi

    • Show All
  • linds34
    This is true a lot of the time. One person is "just friends" but the other one is secretly in love with them. I think you can be casual friends though.
  • hasrett
    I do agree somewhat, if you're not close friends it can work.
    • I think if you aren't close it makes it easier i agree.

  • Jesminakter
    i have male friends, it is not that complicated at all.
  • I agree. They can be "just friends" if the guy is gay or maybe if the woman is unattractive.
  • bbbbrown1
    Very true, even if you are just friends at first it almost always turns into something, we are wired to be with the opposite sex and just being friends is hard to bare. Its possible but most likely over time they will start to develop feelings.
  • Susan17
    So me and my best friend read an article by buzzfeed like this months ago, we both joked about it and we said “well if that’s true, let’s Be then exception then, because this is the way we work and this way no one will get hurt”, it’s hard for me to say... we’ve been dating almost for a month now. It’s pretty unlikely for guys and girls to be ‘just friends’ because you spend so much time together and by nature we are attracted by the opposite gender, so soon or later feelings start to appear.
  • gentleguy9
    I completely agree with this. Intellectually I believe it's possible, but practically it just doesn't work.
  • Hispanic-Cool-Guy
    Agree with you. If the woman is cute they just can't be "frinfds" unless the guy is gay and has no desire for woman, otherwise you can get your life a guy will want more at some point in the friendship.
  • Nice222
    I have plenty of female friends but one thing I find is that guy/girl friendships are usually never as open as guy/guy or girl/girl friendships. In a girl/guy friendship there are always thing that are not talked about, or considered too personal. With my guy friends like everything is talked about and nothing sacred.
  • pervertedjester
    I've got about 4 female friends I can talk to about pretty much anything. 1 is hinting at something more and the others have evolved after "hook ups." So I'd agree even though I don't want to. (I like to hope it's not completely true.)
  • monetsgal
    Most of my friends are guys and I've only ever caught feelings for one of them but I started developing them before we started to be in the same friendship group. I dont know, I might be into them in future I just feel like they are friends and nothing else.
  • D_Bone_Steak
    Yup...9 times out of ten all I see is a guy with the hopes of getting some trying very indirectly for whatever reason, and a female that enjoys the attention she's getting out of the deal. Once the flirting starts it just opportunity and you can see what the "friendship" was all about.

    What irritates me the most about this is when she's in a relationship and she's allowing this hang around simply for the attention. It's not fair to the bf/hubby that knows exactly what's going on and the retort of "he's just a friend/nice guy" is nothing more than an excuse.
  • arifkhan125
    yes, they can't be just friend but also boyfriend and girlfriend.
  • txdiie_
    i have a few guy friend that i haven't seen as nothing but friends. But i did catch feels for one of my best friends... so I don't know
  • PetrovaFire92
    I I'm not sure I had guy friends you later had crushes on me.. but I never felt like same.. cause I fall for a certain type of guy..
  • Phoenix98
    You make many valid points however I do have several female friends and never had those issues.
  • pooper89
    Yeah I finally stopped attempting to have guy friends in college.
  • GoodGuyBreakingBad
    Very great MyTake of yours and i agree one can just be friends
    with their Female and Male friendship. Very well written thanks
    for sharing with us.
  • honesty321
    Friendship is impossible. Man know their female friends are jealous with other females. So friendship is not possible if there is no sexuality involved and just be nice and friendly to each other. It is also very dangerous because those female friends of those male friends are jealous and want to kill you or liquidated. No it is impossible. As a woman to be accepted among mand you have to flirt with them and sit on their lap and being shameless and brag about everything about yourself , to make man feel proud being near you to brag among other man. Man are showoffs.
  • I don't agree with you. I've had male friends that I loved very dearly when I felt no interest or attraction to them whatsoever. I think men and woman can be very good friends if the person has something you deem unacceptable in a romantic partner but will tolerate in a friend. I used to know a guy with an incredible personality but he had a lot of wrinkles on his face that made him look like he was 16 years older than me. I loved his personality! but didn't like him at all even though everybody thought I did. There was another friend I had who also had an amazing personality but he looked extremely ugly bare chested when he went swimming - loved him very much - but could never see him as anything other than a friend. I had another friend who was very honest and loyal but he was short and ugly - I liked him as a friend but would never date him.
    • Did you ever tell any of these guys you weren't interested?

    • @somewheresomeway I didn't need to. They weren't interested in me either since I was a lot older than them.

    • Well I know women usually have a lot stronger intuition then men and are RARELY caught off guard if they discover a guy likes them or not.

      What pisses me off is how some girls will act all dumb and surprised when the guy who they are friendzoning shows overt interest. It's their shitty way of avoiding confrontation and absolving any guilt for leading the guy on, although they knew damn well what the guy wanted all along. Just don't be that girl.

  • DinaM
    Let me just say that my experiences don't match yours at ALL.
  • Leo3572
    The best friend of my grandpa is a women. For about 20 years now. There is nothing you can say to change that fact. So it is definitly possible for men and women to be "just friends".
Loading...
Loading...