Everybody needs to just drop this shit. You can be friends with the opposite sex. You can be collegues with them, you can be around girls you find attractive and speak to them. It's more difficult if you like them, and impossible if it really hurts that you don't get them.
Most girls aren't going to date a guy they dont know. Or consider him long term.
The answers to this make me chuckle. They all need to ask themselves "If i asked my friend to have sex would they say yes? If the answer is yes, then its not platonic. If i were to look at all my female friends i've had since high school i would have slept with about 75% of them. That doesn't mean I had feelings for most of them just that if the opportunity had arisen I wouldn't have said no.
I know one thing. A friend is supposed to put you before themselves and never betray you no matter what. Tbh I've never met a woman who was selfless. I don't think it exists. If you done a crime with a woman and she looked to be getting caught she'd break down in tears and swear on a stack of bibles it was all your fault. Women are selfish and opportunistic. They just don't get the bro code like no grassing, stand your ground in a fight, no talk about feelings, no casting up embarrassing situations, share everything. If I've got 10 cans of lager my mate gets 5. Women can't comprehend these things so I don't think I'll ever be pals with a woman. Just don't trust them not to stab me in the back if the opportunity came up. Theyre well known for back stabbing
BS that applies to some guys, and some guy-girl friendships. Other guys and girls can be friends without hidden desires for sex. The fact that you don't know this speaks to your own inexperience and shallowness.
They mostly do. I think a lot of you girls buy into it, but i dont think i have even met one single guy, who was 100% convinced in himself that he was really just "friends" with a girl. 99% of the guys wanna do the girl, and a similar amount of guys actually have a full blown crush. Just recently my roomie was having a drink with a guy who had been in a platonic relationship with a girl for quite some time.. We expected him to be the exeption, but it turned out he had wanted her since he was a teen.
Now i may just be saying that out of my own life experiences, but i can tell when a guy likes a girl, and even when i can't, to my knowledge, it always turned out in a friendship the guy was into the woman
@lord_chilled What about guys who are friends with girls they find unattractive? You are saying that no guys are friends with girls they don't find attractive. Don't you understand how weird that would be? I personally know a few guys who are friends with girls they would never date, because they aren't attracted to them physically.
Yeah that can happen sometimes. But in that case, the girls also has to not find him physically attractive in the first place, else its not a friendship again. and that happens only very rarely
It's very simple really. Let's say you had two friends, one is male and the other a female. Chances are, you would be able to WANT to think about having sex with the female but not the male friend. It's embedded in your genetics.
I always wanted to have a guy friend. Usually guys rejected my friendship they want either to be a boyfriend or I am not worth it. It sad way of thinking as being in the friend zone isn't something that should be viewed as offending. Its very dignifying thing for someone to want be your friends. I have no issues with a guy friend guys seems to have problem with it though
I think it's absurd when someone says men and women can't be friends. Me personally, ill be friends with anyone. I find some of my female friends more fun and less boring then some of my fellow male friends. Now i can understand if your coming out a relationship and try to do friends, that may not workout. But friends from the get go, no problem. However, a lot of girls I know have dropped me as a friend as soon as they get a boyfriend probably due to the fact the other guy might think she's dating me too. So you got those problems. But yeah I've had female friends. I wish the friendships lasted but they either tend to not take me seriously over time or that happens and some end up liking me more than friends but I only see them as a friend so that ends that.
@asdaven yes true you mentioned an important point. They fear if they are seen with you, others will assume they are dating you therefore they will be accused of cheating. Or not being single. I guess the same thing happened to me.
I wish someone taught me this when I was teenager. I had no older siblings and my friends were just as clueless as I was. It wasn't until my mid 20s when I started to say FUCK YOU to the friendzone. I started catching on to how women exploit that and I would just get lost.
I had one long time galpal that I was never initially attracted to. But when I last saw her she looked much better (lost a ton of weight) and she was divorced. We got drunk and I made some moves and she called me out on it. She was right too, I apologized but since then we are no longer friends. It's sad, but I do miss her as a friend. But ever since she got divorced she's turned into a different person.
Other than that I encourage other young men to look for "friend zone" signs. Women are taught at a very young age to avoid scumbags/fuck boys (they still fall for them anyway) but NOBODY is teaching young men on how to avoid the friend zone. Most of us "nice guys" have to find out the hard way.
Of COURSE I'm making generalizations. Do I need to interview 7 billion people before I write an article? This isn't a scientific journal, it's an opinion website.
But there are plenty of links and examples, so it's not like mine is a lone voice in the wilderness...
but yea it doesn't take rocket science to figure out that when a chick tells you "lets just be friends" it automatically means that she wants nothing with you. since they are well aware that both men and women can't be friends they figure that is the only way they can officially end the relationship with that man without hurting him and his ego.
Most of your friends you meet through work/school/family/other friends... like you don't go out into the street and say "hey let's be friends".
Guys in relationships can have female friends, but then what happens if they become single? Does all friendship go out of the window and you want to bone them all?
1. Those are more acquaintances than friends. Guys want to bang their attractive acquaintances too, but you generally aren't close enough "friends" for it to matter much.
2. It can, and sometimes does - but you might be one of those guys who can truly control yourself, or you might just not be single for long enough that it doesn't matter.
Maybe it's just the company you keep/meet that makes you come to such a conclusion. From my personal experience, most of the guys I know are people like me, perfectly capable of being just friends with women because the women in question happen to be good company, while only a small minority of the guys act like the men you describe. I mean I suppose they could simply be deceiving me, but then again so could the guys you "vouch" for be deceiving you. Suppose we'll never know.
And another cold truth is , this take doesn't express confidence or ambition. It doesn't allow emotional decisions to aquire for another person. there's an abcense of kindness towards others. As men and women are born to accomadate one another , friendships of all kind still envelope between the two. It caters to one type of man and woman , hardly all of us as a whole. This is a biography of one's self perception.
Asker , you remember me from yesterday !! I was the (only) one to disagree with all those other men and women who followed you , blindly i would say. Now do you see whst im saying sbout your perceptuon of women as a whole.
absoloutely not true i have female friends but none of it has anything to do with attraction were just friends because of the personalities nothing more i dont view them in any other way they dont view me in any other way we just became friends by talking
I've been told that men only want sex from women and if a man is friends with a woman or girl and doesn't want sex or has more interest than just sex than that means he's gay and loves sex with men. Since woman are told that they're sole purpose in life is to be sex slaves to men and be their house maid...
There's some truth in your first sentence, but it's not completely the truth.
Men DO fall in love - genuine love. But - just as it is with women - it's pretty rare.
The difference - which women struggle so hard to understand and accept - is that, unlike women, men do NOT limit their SEXUAL interests to their ROMANTIC interests.
Women mostly only want sex from a guy she already has an emotional connection with - which limits her sexual interest to a very small pool of men at any one time. Men have no such limits - rather, men want SEX (and ONLY sex) from EVERY WOMAN HE FINDS ATTRACTIVE. Again, this doesn't mean he can't fall in love - but when he's "in between" loves, his sex drive isn't in any way diminished, and he doesn't limit his potential sex partners to women he could potentially fall in love with - his only limit is: "is she attractive?" If the answer is "yes", he wants to bang her. He may not TRY to, but he WANTS to.
Men will entertain the idea and if presented with the opportunity, they would probably act on it all things considered such as current relationship status and religious convictions.
Think to yourself, if I came on to my guy friend, would he be receptive? I am guessing the answer will be yes more times than not, especially if you are both available. Most guys would have no problem escalating to a friends with benefits if his decently attractive platonic woman friend showed the desire for it.
If men were raised in an environment to objectify women and see them as nothing but that, then yes. But vast vast majority of men don't see women as commodities. A lot of this has to do with cultural upbringing and popular culture.
I will tell you that the vast majority of men will not go out of their way to spend a significant time alone with women unless they are interested in some way with them. Romantic or sexual
I agree. I refused to have male friends since I was a teen mostly because I don't have an affinity with them in order to establish a friendship. I also noticed that guys didn't want my friendship even if they pretended otherwise.
Life surprised me when I managed to make two male friends. It's quite the event in my life. These friendships have more boundaries than same-sex friendships but they are genuine and healthy.
In general, I agree. I mean, one of my best friends is a woman but she's a lesbian and I'm married (she and my wife are good friends too). So, I feel like that's an exception.
All of my other female friends have been women I've either had no sexual interest in whatsoever or whom I've eventually hooked up with.
If it was an ordinary girl with and ordinary guy then yeah that would be true but it there was a girl like me who's the same height as most guys and probably about 20 pounds bigger than them. or one who doesn't act a a pretty princess then they will feel like I'm one of them. Although there is some true to your take, many guy that I hardly know that try so hard to make me think I like them. There are different types of guys out there, not all of them look for sex
Very interesting. I agree with most of it. The three categories part is so true for many men. I remember a few close female friends with whom I never wanted a relationship with. But if one of them called one day and said "Hey, I'm horny and everyone is busy. Wanna come over?" - I would go and get some.
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Everybody needs to just drop this shit. You can be friends with the opposite sex. You can be collegues with them, you can be around girls you find attractive and speak to them. It's more difficult if you like them, and impossible if it really hurts that you don't get them.
Most girls aren't going to date a guy they dont know. Or consider him long term.
The answers to this make me chuckle. They all need to ask themselves "If i asked my friend to have sex would they say yes? If the answer is yes, then its not platonic. If i were to look at all my female friends i've had since high school i would have slept with about 75% of them. That doesn't mean I had feelings for most of them just that if the opportunity had arisen I wouldn't have said no.
I know one thing. A friend is supposed to put you before themselves and never betray you no matter what. Tbh I've never met a woman who was selfless. I don't think it exists. If you done a crime with a woman and she looked to be getting caught she'd break down in tears and swear on a stack of bibles it was all your fault. Women are selfish and opportunistic. They just don't get the bro code like no grassing, stand your ground in a fight, no talk about feelings, no casting up embarrassing situations, share everything. If I've got 10 cans of lager my mate gets 5. Women can't comprehend these things so I don't think I'll ever be pals with a woman. Just don't trust them not to stab me in the back if the opportunity came up. Theyre well known for back stabbing
BS that applies to some guys, and some guy-girl friendships. Other guys and girls can be friends without hidden desires for sex. The fact that you don't know this speaks to your own inexperience and shallowness.
Alright. Keep living in your own fantasy
@lord_chilled Maybe you are in the fantasy! The fantasy where all guy-girl friendships work like yours.
They mostly do. I think a lot of you girls buy into it, but i dont think i have even met one single guy, who was 100% convinced in himself that he was really just "friends" with a girl.
99% of the guys wanna do the girl, and a similar amount of guys actually have a full blown crush.
Just recently my roomie was having a drink with a guy who had been in a platonic relationship with a girl for quite some time.. We expected him to be the exeption, but it turned out he had wanted her since he was a teen.
Now i may just be saying that out of my own life experiences, but i can tell when a guy likes a girl, and even when i can't, to my knowledge, it always turned out in a friendship the guy was into the woman
@lord_chilled What about guys who are friends with girls they find unattractive? You are saying that no guys are friends with girls they don't find attractive. Don't you understand how weird that would be? I personally know a few guys who are friends with girls they would never date, because they aren't attracted to them physically.
Yeah that can happen sometimes. But in that case, the girls also has to not find him physically attractive in the first place, else its not a friendship again. and that happens only very rarely
I have several friends who are women. My best friend is a woman, too. I don't know what you're talking about..
It's very simple really. Let's say you had two friends, one is male and the other a female. Chances are, you would be able to WANT to think about having sex with the female but not the male friend. It's embedded in your genetics.
@vyvyn I can also sex with other women and not think about my friends that way. I am utilizing my genetic legacy to its potential, don't worry :)
This is fucking stupid. I'm pretty sure you have at least 1 chick in your life you wouldn't fuck if she was the last chick on earth
I always wanted to have a guy friend. Usually guys rejected my friendship they want either to be a boyfriend or I am not worth it. It sad way of thinking as being in the friend zone isn't something that should be viewed as offending. Its very dignifying thing for someone to want be your friends. I have no issues with a guy friend guys seems to have problem with it though
I think it's absurd when someone says men and women can't be friends. Me personally, ill be friends with anyone. I find some of my female friends more fun and less boring then some of my fellow male friends. Now i can understand if your coming out a relationship and try to do friends, that may not workout. But friends from the get go, no problem. However, a lot of girls I know have dropped me as a friend as soon as they get a boyfriend probably due to the fact the other guy might think she's dating me too. So you got those problems. But yeah I've had female friends. I wish the friendships lasted but they either tend to not take me seriously over time or that happens and some end up liking me more than friends but I only see them as a friend so that ends that.
@asdaven yes true you mentioned an important point. They fear if they are seen with you, others will assume they are dating you therefore they will be accused of cheating. Or not being single. I guess the same thing happened to me.
Why do you seek friend if you have a boyfreind, your actual bestest friend?
thing is its easy for you to be friends but ain't for a guy.
they can be friends. It won't be awkward if neither are attracted to each other. But if one is attracted to the other, then things will get awkward
I wish someone taught me this when I was teenager. I had no older siblings and my friends were just as clueless as I was. It wasn't until my mid 20s when I started to say FUCK YOU to the friendzone. I started catching on to how women exploit that and I would just get lost.
I had one long time galpal that I was never initially attracted to. But when I last saw her she looked much better (lost a ton of weight) and she was divorced. We got drunk and I made some moves and she called me out on it. She was right too, I apologized but since then we are no longer friends. It's sad, but I do miss her as a friend. But ever since she got divorced she's turned into a different person.
Other than that I encourage other young men to look for "friend zone" signs. Women are taught at a very young age to avoid scumbags/fuck boys (they still fall for them anyway) but NOBODY is teaching young men on how to avoid the friend zone. Most of us "nice guys" have to find out the hard way.
I disagree, way too many generalisations and you're speaking on everyone's else's behalf as if it's fact, not opinion.
Of COURSE I'm making generalizations. Do I need to interview 7 billion people before I write an article? This isn't a scientific journal, it's an opinion website.
But there are plenty of links and examples, so it's not like mine is a lone voice in the wilderness...
Still disagree
hey for once you and I are in the same page!
but yea it doesn't take rocket science to figure out that when a chick tells you "lets just be friends" it automatically means that she wants nothing with you. since they are well aware that both men and women can't be friends they figure that is the only way they can officially end the relationship with that man without hurting him and his ego.
Two things though
Most of your friends you meet through work/school/family/other friends... like you don't go out into the street and say "hey let's be friends".
Guys in relationships can have female friends, but then what happens if they become single? Does all friendship go out of the window and you want to bone them all?
1. Those are more acquaintances than friends. Guys want to bang their attractive acquaintances too, but you generally aren't close enough "friends" for it to matter much.
2. It can, and sometimes does - but you might be one of those guys who can truly control yourself, or you might just not be single for long enough that it doesn't matter.
Maybe it's just the company you keep/meet that makes you come to such a conclusion. From my personal experience, most of the guys I know are people like me, perfectly capable of being just friends with women because the women in question happen to be good company, while only a small minority of the guys act like the men you describe. I mean I suppose they could simply be deceiving me, but then again so could the guys you "vouch" for be deceiving you. Suppose we'll never know.
And another cold truth is , this take doesn't express confidence or ambition. It doesn't allow emotional decisions to aquire for another person. there's an abcense of kindness towards others. As men and women are born to accomadate one another , friendships of all kind still envelope between the two. It caters to one type of man and woman , hardly all of us as a whole. This is a biography of one's self perception.
Asker , you remember me from yesterday !! I was the (only) one to disagree with all those other men and women who followed you , blindly i would say. Now do you see whst im saying sbout your perceptuon of women as a whole.
What *
absoloutely not true i have female friends but none of it has anything to do with attraction were just friends because of the personalities nothing more i dont view them in any other way they dont view me in any other way we just became friends by talking
I've been told that men only want sex from women and if a man is friends with a woman or girl and doesn't want sex or has more interest than just sex than that means he's gay and loves sex with men. Since woman are told that they're sole purpose in life is to be sex slaves to men and be their house maid...
There's some truth in your first sentence, but it's not completely the truth.
Men DO fall in love - genuine love. But - just as it is with women - it's pretty rare.
The difference - which women struggle so hard to understand and accept - is that, unlike women, men do NOT limit their SEXUAL interests to their ROMANTIC interests.
Women mostly only want sex from a guy she already has an emotional connection with - which limits her sexual interest to a very small pool of men at any one time. Men have no such limits - rather, men want SEX (and ONLY sex) from EVERY WOMAN HE FINDS ATTRACTIVE. Again, this doesn't mean he can't fall in love - but when he's "in between" loves, his sex drive isn't in any way diminished, and he doesn't limit his potential sex partners to women he could potentially fall in love with - his only limit is: "is she attractive?" If the answer is "yes", he wants to bang her. He may not TRY to, but he WANTS to.
Men will entertain the idea and if presented with the opportunity, they would probably act on it all things considered such as current relationship status and religious convictions.
Think to yourself, if I came on to my guy friend, would he be receptive? I am guessing the answer will be yes more times than not, especially if you are both available. Most guys would have no problem escalating to a friends with benefits if his decently attractive platonic woman friend showed the desire for it.
If men were raised in an environment to objectify women and see them as nothing but that, then yes. But vast vast majority of men don't see women as commodities. A lot of this has to do with cultural upbringing and popular culture.
I will tell you that the vast majority of men will not go out of their way to spend a significant time alone with women unless they are interested in some way with them. Romantic or sexual
I'm happily single and just friends with lots of Women.
I agree. I refused to have male friends since I was a teen mostly because I don't have an affinity with them in order to establish a friendship. I also noticed that guys didn't want my friendship even if they pretended otherwise.
Life surprised me when I managed to make two male friends. It's quite the event in my life. These friendships have more boundaries than same-sex friendships but they are genuine and healthy.
In general, I agree. I mean, one of my best friends is a woman but she's a lesbian and I'm married (she and my wife are good friends too). So, I feel like that's an exception.
All of my other female friends have been women I've either had no sexual interest in whatsoever or whom I've eventually hooked up with.
If it was an ordinary girl with and ordinary guy then yeah that would be true but it there was a girl like me who's the same height as most guys and probably about 20 pounds bigger than them. or one who doesn't act a a pretty princess then they will feel like I'm one of them. Although there is some true to your take, many guy that I hardly know that try so hard to make me think I like them. There are different types of guys out there, not all of them look for sex
Very interesting. I agree with most of it. The three categories part is so true for many men. I remember a few close female friends with whom I never wanted a relationship with. But if one of them called one day and said "Hey, I'm horny and everyone is busy. Wanna come over?" - I would go and get some.