Why Male Self-Esteem in Formative Years is Important to Fixing Inequality Issues

Throughout a lot of discussions on gender recently I have heard a lot of generalizations about men and women and supposedly where gender inequalities stem from. "Men want to chase many girls, men have to get used to rejection, men use power to attract women, men aren't faithful, this is all biologically engrained, etc."

I have always been a person that is very interested in having a close relationship with a girl and have a huge respect for love and think that the best way to have a relationship . I check women out but I never feel the desire to touch them randomly or be gross. The thing that men are "supposed" to want, and the thing that men are "supposed to do" isn't what I've ever really wanted. Not only that, but it isn't something that I'm suppressing, these kinds of things genuinely never crossed my mind. This confused me. I know I'm a straight male, so why does my attitude towards women not match the attitude of so many other men in this society?

Why Male Self-Esteem in Formative Years is Important to Fixing Inequality Issues

On the other side I noticed what women are disliking. Too many men want them and give them compliments, so they have to suppress parts of themselves to keep men from being overbearing. Men think they need to be powerful to attract women, and its keeping women from gaining the power they deserve, and they think its ridiculous. Its what they've experienced their whole lives ever since puberty started.

Thats when it occurred to me: My puberty experience was a girls puberty experience, not a boys.

Let me back up here. No, I didn't grow breasts, get wider hips, and the whole 9 yards-- exactly the opposite in fact. I was a swimmer, and a pretty decent one coming from where I grew up. Puberty started pretty early on for me, and because I was doing such intense exercise, my physical attributes grew considerably faster than my other male classmates. My genes supplied me with a significant amount of testosterone, and therefore I shot out of nowhere when it came to my athletic achievements.

Why Male Self-Esteem in Formative Years is Important to Fixing Inequality Issues

I received a lot of female attention quickly. I went from a skinny, nerdy nothing to a muscular, hairy athlete in a short period of time. Girls on my team would have ab contests between me and other guys on the team where they'd line us up and choose. One girl that I was friends with even bought me a tight t-shirt because she thought I should have something to show my abs off right through my shirt. I got to hang out with older guys all of a sudden which increased my "social rank". It was great for me, and anyone in a similar situation to me, but I obviously didn't think of the psychological and societal impacts at play.

This was at the same time that the majority of other people were learning what their changing bodies meant as well. Guys don't usually develop as fast as girls and therefore girls are taught that their physical attributes are ones that guys will pine after, and guys are taught that the physical come second to being successful, having money, and a masculine personality (something I believe should come second for both men and women), and that the physical might not come for many years or ever at all.

This was not the same experience I had. When I was surrounded by the more attractive girls, I quickly learned that a good number of them aren't very fun to be around. I didn't have to chase attractive girl after attractive girl to discover that most people in general kind of suck. When I discovered that with the decent level of attractiveness I had, all you really need to do to get a girl is not be an asshole, I made choices based on personality over physical attributes (mind you this was all subconscious at the time).

I started dating a girl that I liked and we quickly fell in love. It was amazing, and life felt like it couldn't get better. She was the first person I had sex with and it came with a deep emotional connection because we both cared about it at more than a superficial level. This is something that not many people gain an understanding for at the young age I did.

Why Male Self-Esteem in Formative Years is Important to Fixing Inequality Issues

We eventually grew apart, got older, went to different colleges, etc, but the respect I had for love never went away. I was still able to get girls, but it somehow didn't feel worth it unless there was something more meaningful underlying. I would hook up with a girl but usually not take it all the way to sex because I could already tell that it wouldn't be the same as it was before. I would still go out with girls but I never learned that girls are always going to need to be chased, and that your best weapon for getting girls is over-masculinity and accumulation of resources over time. I learned more like a girl did: the other sex will chase you for your body anyway so you have to weed out the weirdos. The only difference is that I didn't have to feel gross about it because women don't actively chase guys the same way that men chase girls. What happened to me was cool; the same situation for a girl is normal.

This is why most men, who grew up being rejected by girls and being told over and over that one day they'll have the power, and money, and resources to attract women, are the biggest perpetrators of things like gender inequality and sexual misconduct. As young kids they always lost when it came to girls, and now that they may have had one or two wins, they feel like they finally got somewhere that they deserve to win all of the time.

Therefore, ONE of the ways to help fix a lot of these problems are going to come from making boys feel like they deserve to be viewed sexually from a younger age than they currently are, and for things that don't involve the accumulation of resources.

I know that everyone wouldn't get what I got out of this same experience, but now that I'm a little older it has had a humbling effect on me, which is why I feel like I can talk about it without too much cockiness (I'm sure plenty of people reading this are assuming I'm incredibly cocky haha). The truth is that I'm not that kid that gets put on a pedestal anymore. Now all I am is a guy with a humble disposition and a body more decent than your average man. I recently had to break up with another long-term girlfriend that I still love, but I don't feel the need to go out and flirt with a ton of people to make myself feel better. Other guys with big macho personalities tell me that I'm never going to find another girl because my humble disposition turns girls off, but I'm not worried, because now I know that when the right person comes along again, I'll be able to turn it on and do what I need to do to win her affection. And if I chose right, then it won't be difficult at all.

Why Male Self-Esteem in Formative Years is Important to Fixing Inequality Issues

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I mean, most men in general aren’t emotionally healthy. I thought you would address that in some way. Do you honestly believe that gender inequality only has to do with dating?

    Another thing: your swimming coach let you keep your body hair? Sounds fake.

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    • What do you mean by "arent emotionally healthy"?

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    • Women aren't attracted to the weak emotions of a man we gotta be confident and strong for y'all :)

    • @TheUglyMan maybe in your grandma's day or the deep south where you're going after the strongest brother to hope that the incest doesn't kill your offspring. Women don't find abusive and/or emotionally unavailable men attractive. The emotionless lump that you seem to think is attractive is a huge turn-off.

      You bore me.

Most Helpful Guy

  • MGTOW is the way to go forward in this society now.

    If you want sex, go and fuck a prostitute. (Safe sex, you don't want any diseases)

    Or I would say go celibate.

    There is no point in marrying a woman who rode the cock carousel and then she acts all virgin when she meets you.

    However, if you find a good nice woman with least amount of sexual partners (preferrably virgin) , if she has a good attitude, she loves her family, has a high self esteem, she is a giver , she ain't a manipulator or deceiver and she's loyal
    (Virgins and less past sexual partners usually are more loyal)

    then marry her right away.
    However, don't be the chump to buy the cow who was milked for free by the entire town before you.

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What Girls Said 5

  • Very interesting idea.. but.. umm.. who should be the ones to teach the boys to "feel like they deserve to be viewed sexually from a younger age"? I mean.. people could end up in jail for it lol

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    • Yeah, that's a pretty damned squicky statement. Anyway, boys ARE viewed sexually from a remarkably young age. Having three teenage daughters informed me of that--talk about TMI beyond TMI!

    • I'm not sure how it should be done. But I do think there is a hesitation to do so that shouldn't necessarily be there. People are afraid that it would make boys worse and I just wanted to share an experience to show that it doesn't have to have negative consequences. Yes they are viewed sexually from a young age but girls are supposed to keep it a secret

    • @HereIbe Teenage daughters? They must be late bloomers lol ;)

  • Nice take :)

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  • Very true 👍🏻

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  • Interesting

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  • Interesting

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What Guys Said 28

  • You are happy that you had this experience but for the majority of boys it won't happen this way. And nobody can help them. You can't force 11 or 13 year old girls that they have to like or search 12-14 year old boys they dislike (though it is unfair that the dislike them though they are great boys). Puberting girls are so arrogant and believing that they are superior to boys of the same age. If any only the parents can teach girls (from 6-10) not to look down on the other sex.

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  • agree for the most part but the thing about money/power not necessarily about being attractive growing up.
    Men HAVE to have it no matter what if they want to stand ANY chance of keeping a long term relationship.
    Seriously, in the long-term, how many women here would date a jobless good-looking guy or someone who barely earns enough to feed himself.
    How many men would do the opposite in dating a jobless girl?
    That said, some men would want revenge for being passed over in their younger years. Also TODAY, in a time when the same nerdy culture DUE TO WHICH MEN WERE PASSED OVER and the same things those men TOOK REFUGE IN is somehow "cool" women want to take over everything about it. Its like Anne Frank took refuge in writing but somehow it got popular and the Nazis kept forcing her to make themselves look good in it and then insisted their writing is the only one that can be published.
    We took refuge from our loneliness in computers, in sci-fi, heist movies, ghostbusters etc and all are being taken away.

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  • girls: I like to chase girls. but give up sex easy ok girls make that nigga work his ass for it. if you want long term.

    boys :You eat good, look good,"feel" good. get off your comp and go outside. Make decent money, learn to socialise, thats it golden score 99% chicks in any western country.

    If you're somewhere else. nigga bitches ain't shit right? fucking pump that money out of control until bitches come to you. OK no need social kill. just pump it up.

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  • I think the self esteem could and should be derived from a lot of different things, not necessarily sexual attention from women. I, for example, had plenty of attention from women, but my "friends," family, teachers, and classmates made sure to beat the dignity and self esteem out of me, to the point that I didn't think I deserved any female attention or even happiness.

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  • Gender inequality is just another excuse. Successful people find a way to overcome obstacles.

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  • I can understand your point of view. But I have never gone about it like that. I find for me is to approach girls from their stand point. Try to be one of the girls. The physical side of romance has never been my aim it's to have a good friend. Looking at it this way has made me very happy !!!

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  • A lot of people seem to write the words "Interesting Take" or similar, just to get the 7 points.

    But this was really was different and... interesting!

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  • It is a great take. But I don't know how many here can actually appreciate what you are talking about.

    Where we diverge is the issue of accumulation of resources. I think some men use that as a way to get women. In truth, men who are good at getting women and dating are seldom rich. They may have gone through a similar childhood where they could not get female attention. They craved it, then found a strategy that worked. From that point on they became jerks and mistreated women as a way of getting back at them.

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    • I disagree with that anology. A man of great wealth for the most part have 0 strategies finding a woman to be with , let alone mistreat them because of insecurities or revenge. Or have mal-craving desires to be jerks around them. Would you conclude that possibly you might acquire the same appathy towards women if you became wealthy. ?

    • And I didn't down vote you do the...

  • I'm not sure that it's even possible to do what you suggest we should do. You can't change the things that women find attractive - and women are attracted to signs of power - physical strength, confidence, intelligence, wealth. They're biologically wired to seek the best mate to produce the strongest offspring. The reason you had an easy time yourself is that you had a genetic advantage, something that the majority of guys won't have. You can't teach women to view those other guys as being just as attractive as yourself because attraction isn't a choice. You'll never change the way women react to guys in general.

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  • Because the MGTOW and red pill movement was started by a bunch of dorks with self esteem issues.

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  • I have never been friend zoned in my life by a female

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  • " This is why most men, who grew up being rejected by girls and being told over and over that one day they'll have the power, and money, and resources to attract women, are the biggest perpetrators of things like gender inequality and sexual misconduct."
    - wiw.
    That is so wrong. I was like that, but have never done any sort of sexual misconduct, and i dont perpetrate gender inequality.

    " As young kids they always lost when it came to girls, and now that they may have had one or two wins, they feel like they finally got somewhere that they deserve to win all of the time."
    No, i and most regular guys i know dont feel that way.
    In fact , from anecdotal evidence, i would say the guys who always and persistently won are the ones who think they deserve to win all the time.
    But i could be wrong.
    I guess it depends on the person and their personality.

    But that whole paragraph is so off..

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  • I suppose. Puberty didn't do jack for me except make me taller and generally look more my age as I got older. Now, people still think I'm in my 20's so thank genetics for that, at least, because my face and midsection are not ones that will be winning any awards any time soon. I had no energy for physical activity outside of PE, so I got fat. Last I checked, fat hasn't been in since it meant you had food and could provide it for your family. I don't blame women, though, or society. I'm the one who couldn't be bothered to exercise, thus it's my fault I'm not physically attractive. Not winning anybody over with my personality, either.

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  • Interesting perspective.

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  • intersting take

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  • I dont want equality.

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  • Great take

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  • Impressive m take

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  • Interesting.

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  • Good one but...

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