Any advice for me? I have absolutely no confidence whatsoever, and I tried every trick in the book people use to build confidence, but nothing helped. And the fact that I never even held hands with any girl in my life makes me hate myself even more
Young one, you have the tools in front of you. You are trying to sprint before crawling. Stop focusing on romance. Focus on fun. The thing you guys keep claiming is that you are not good with women.
We all get that!
But you have friends. So you are good at being friends. So, simply get some friends that are women. Hangout with them as friends. If it takes the pressure off, TELL THEM THAT!
The point is how you are perceived. When you are in public talking, laughing, smiling with women, that projects an image.
Women respond to that image and see you as desirable, because they assume these women are desiring you. I can't tell you how many times I had to explain to women that the women I was with were only friends.
Yep. Have us as friends, because we're people, and knowing us helps you get along with other people, and one of those people might be your person and you will fall in love, mate, make more humans, and please God... or whatever it is you're trying to accomplish in life. Roland is essentially right if he is a bit mercenary in his approach. He's trying to get you laid son, and I'm trying to get you right with the universe, and they may not be the same thing or they might be the same thing. Have fun figuring it out. We ALL have to figure it out or we go crazy and die young.
@MlleCake I am not trying to get him laid. I am trying to get him comfortable with women.
The problem with friendzone guys is they are terrified. They don't know how to get to the romance thing. They think it is all about lines or finding the right words to say.
They don't understand that they simply need to get comfortable being around women in various settings. Practice makes perfect. They have to understand they have to crawl before walking.
If they get out and meet women, they will get better at getting out and meeting women.
And soon, it is something they can do all on their own.
Oh but I have female friends. And Im not nervous around women at all, since in my early 20s I worked as a waiter for some time, so I learned to be comfortable around all kinds of people, from innocent teenagers to murderers and drug dealers. So women do not scare me
But you are not listening. GO OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS!
That is the ticket. Go out with your friends and get more women friends to go out even more with. And I guess maybe this part didn't sink it either. You do not have to be attracted to them. You do not have to be seeking romance with them. I remember a woman getting jealous, because I was going out with a woman who had a severe birth defect on her face. She had no reason to be jealous in the slightest.
That did not stop her however.
So go out and have a lot of fun.
Talk to your crushes, tell the about how you and Jennifer went to see "Annihilation" last weekend and how fun it was.
Are you finally seeing the picture yet?
But don't neglect the other suggestions. Dress well. Develop your interests. And choose to be attracted to good women. Don't project positive behaviors and traits onto horrible people.
1. Of course there are girls who are attracted to you. You simply have never seen them as viable mates. Because you are not physically attracted to them.
2. Who says you have to "date" them for romance? Date them to just go out. Go out as friends. No one says you have to share that fact with your crush. If you have a lot of women in your life, other women will just "assume" you are dating romantically. And make sure that when you do go out, that you look like you are having the greatest fun in your life. Always project that you got other stuff you could be doing with other girls.
3. If you are making the claim that you can't get any date, then go out in a group. There are online groups for going to the movies, bowling, amusement parks, etc.
Oh! On the group thing. Make sure there are plenty of women in the group. You don't know how powerful a magnet it is when you are around women who appear to like you. I have counseled so many guys on dating. I just hope that when you get good at this, you don't turn into Frankenstein.
That's the thing. If you put yourself in situations where you don't have to worry about being romantic, then you will figure out how not to be awkward. I don't know you. But you have to have interests. And if you do have interests, you can find a girls who have the similar interests. It is up to you. Because you are not being asked to be someone other than who you are. Even if your hobby is speaking Klingon, you can find a woman out there who would gladly hangout and speak Klingon with you.
Then that is where you start. They have to have friends. So inquire about them and build a network. And all you want to do is create a social network where you are going out, to movies, to parties, bowling whatever. It is just a mechanism to make you appear social. Then talk to your crush. Always find a way to talk about what you did last night or last weekend. Always mention the names of the girls. And I will bet you any money that sooner than later, she is going to ask about your relationships with different girls.
If she doesn't then you should try a more direct approach and invite her to one of your gatherings. If she declines, then she probably is not attracted to you. In that case, move on.
This has never happened for me. I only try with one or two girls a year because I tell myself I can do it when it comes to them, but it ends the same way.
"Awkward" doesn't have to be that bad. If sensitive situations, misunderstandings, your own clumsiness frightens you too much though, THAT's the actual problem. If one has the skill to look at these situations objectively, a little bit from the outside. you can appreciate the humor in it. It doesn't matter if it was you who caused an awkward moment, it's still pretty funny, so relax and laugh it off!
Some girls love a guy who stutter, gets a red face, or tongue tied from time to time. Just so long as that awkwardness isn't paired with any massive anxiety, insecurity or other complicated bullshit they wouldn't want to become responsible for.
I once fucked up my chances with a great girl because I didn't realise she really liked those things while I was stressing out trying my best to hide them.
You are only lying to yourself young one. The world will not forgive a man who has low self-esteem.
Most women simply don't have that ability. They simply can't care for a guy who feels sorry for himself. They don't have in them.
NO ONE WILL GET ON YOUR SIDE IF YOU ARE NOT!
And I don't know what else to tell you. Man to man. . . speaking in the language of men. . . I can only tell you the hard truth. The world isn't a nice place much of the time. And you have all the tools you need to find love.
But you are going to have drop "the sorry for yourself act". It will never lead you to happiness.
You have read my "take". You know what to do. Throwing yourself at two girls a year is not going to cut it. Stop pretending you can find romance that easy. And focus on having fun!
Go out with a lot of different girls, laugh, do things you enjoy. Do that as often as you can with women from all backgrounds.
Good for you, but make sure not to do it too often or make it too self-deprecating. If people start to seem concerned, you've taken it too far.
A good idea is to mix things up. Sometimes take the joke way, and other times be upfront and sincere about it "I feel a bit anxious right now so that's why I stutter a bit".
It keeps you a bit unpredictable and also shows another side: openness and vulnerability. Women want this, but only in small doses really. It may seem tempting, especially if she invites you to tell more to spill it all "Ever since I was a kid..." but don't. Your chance at dating will likely be shot completely. Then you just tease her gently for making a fuss over you and redirect the topic of conversation into something fun and centered on her instead.
Serious problems you vent and try to solve with your therapist, family, preacher or closests friends (whom you're never going to sleep with anyway), never your prospective dates.
I agree with everything (especially #1) except for #9. Good shit nonetheless 👍
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
To hell with the procreation of the human race, we shall destroy it together for fun and revenge for all those who were castrated in history. we have a new purpose than fight for our countries and get blown to smithereens. All those who agree upvote.
You know that is not the point. And actually most of the suggestions are about trying to pursue interests that help develop yourself as a person. A lot of this stuff you can do just to enrich yourself, just because you want to feel better about you.
Women will be attracted to you simply because of that. My friend, always told me that he doesn't even seek out women. They find him.
There's no need to go to another extreme, that's taking it too far, although I agree if we speak in relative terms. For instance, if a guy is oversensitive, wastes a lot of empathy on "Do I inconvenience/bother/creep her by being more direct" then yeah, adopt a more "jerkish" attitude without actually becoming a jerk.
Be Mr. Benign Swine. :) You may fuck up a little here and there, be lightly insensitive or whatever, but it's never about anything very serious.
Being a jerk becomes natural because sometimes the line between arrogance and confidence blurs. Although the person may not think of himself as a jerk, others will perceive him to be one. Hence, nothing wrong with being a jerk.
The definition varies depending on who you ask, but there will always be someone who thinks you're a jerk.
If you mean antagonistic behavior, persisting when you're not wanted, rude behavior, I agree. Don't be that kind of jerk (though isn't that more = asshole)?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
48Opinion
Dating and being attractive take way too much effort. Burnt out on people and exhausted after work every day, no time for it, either.
Great take, but I think the guys this is targeted at really need to build their confidence first before trying to get women.
Simples...
Well, yeah. . . but I am just letting them know that all the tool they need to be happy, they already have in their arsenals.
images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/.../...SL1500_.jpg
That's good. And I like the picture at the bottom of your reply.
Any advice for me? I have absolutely no confidence whatsoever, and I tried every trick in the book people use to build confidence, but nothing helped. And the fact that I never even held hands with any girl in my life makes me hate myself even more
Young one, you have the tools in front of you. You are trying to sprint before crawling. Stop focusing on romance. Focus on fun. The thing you guys keep claiming is that you are not good with women.
We all get that!
But you have friends. So you are good at being friends. So, simply get some friends that are women. Hangout with them as friends. If it takes the pressure off, TELL THEM THAT!
The point is how you are perceived. When you are in public talking, laughing, smiling with women, that projects an image.
Women respond to that image and see you as desirable, because they assume these women are desiring you. I can't tell you how many times I had to explain to women that the women I was with were only friends.
bignightout.net.nz/.../...olf-greens-challenge.jpg
Yep. Have us as friends, because we're people, and knowing us helps you get along with other people, and one of those people might be your person and you will fall in love, mate, make more humans, and please God... or whatever it is you're trying to accomplish in life. Roland is essentially right if he is a bit mercenary in his approach. He's trying to get you laid son, and I'm trying to get you right with the universe, and they may not be the same thing or they might be the same thing. Have fun figuring it out. We ALL have to figure it out or we go crazy and die young.
@MlleCake I am not trying to get him laid. I am trying to get him comfortable with women.
The problem with friendzone guys is they are terrified. They don't know how to get to the romance thing. They think it is all about lines or finding the right words to say.
They don't understand that they simply need to get comfortable being around women in various settings. Practice makes perfect. They have to understand they have to crawl before walking.
If they get out and meet women, they will get better at getting out and meeting women.
And soon, it is something they can do all on their own.
Oh but I have female friends. And Im not nervous around women at all, since in my early 20s I worked as a waiter for some time, so I learned to be comfortable around all kinds of people, from innocent teenagers to murderers and drug dealers. So women do not scare me
But you are not listening. GO OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS!
That is the ticket. Go out with your friends and get more women friends to go out even more with. And I guess maybe this part didn't sink it either. You do not have to be attracted to them. You do not have to be seeking romance with them. I remember a woman getting jealous, because I was going out with a woman who had a severe birth defect on her face. She had no reason to be jealous in the slightest.
That did not stop her however.
So go out and have a lot of fun.
Talk to your crushes, tell the about how you and Jennifer went to see "Annihilation" last weekend and how fun it was.
Are you finally seeing the picture yet?
But don't neglect the other suggestions. Dress well. Develop your interests. And choose to be attracted to good women. Don't project positive behaviors and traits onto horrible people.
How am I supposed to be good at dating multiple girls if I can barely get one interested in me?
Young one, you are just lying to yourself.
1. Of course there are girls who are attracted to you. You simply have never seen them as viable mates. Because you are not physically attracted to them.
2. Who says you have to "date" them for romance? Date them to just go out. Go out as friends. No one says you have to share that fact with your crush. If you have a lot of women in your life, other women will just "assume" you are dating romantically. And make sure that when you do go out, that you look like you are having the greatest fun in your life. Always project that you got other stuff you could be doing with other girls.
3. If you are making the claim that you can't get any date, then go out in a group. There are online groups for going to the movies, bowling, amusement parks, etc.
You can do this man. It isn't hard.
For guys like me, who are awkward with women, it is.
Oh! On the group thing. Make sure there are plenty of women in the group. You don't know how powerful a magnet it is when you are around women who appear to like you. I have counseled so many guys on dating. I just hope that when you get good at this, you don't turn into Frankenstein.
That's the thing. If you put yourself in situations where you don't have to worry about being romantic, then you will figure out how not to be awkward. I don't know you. But you have to have interests. And if you do have interests, you can find a girls who have the similar interests. It is up to you. Because you are not being asked to be someone other than who you are. Even if your hobby is speaking Klingon, you can find a woman out there who would gladly hangout and speak Klingon with you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=exAB1n8NeBU
I have a few female friends but not a lot.
Then that is where you start. They have to have friends. So inquire about them and build a network. And all you want to do is create a social network where you are going out, to movies, to parties, bowling whatever. It is just a mechanism to make you appear social. Then talk to your crush. Always find a way to talk about what you did last night or last weekend. Always mention the names of the girls. And I will bet you any money that sooner than later, she is going to ask about your relationships with different girls.
If she doesn't then you should try a more direct approach and invite her to one of your gatherings. If she declines, then she probably is not attracted to you. In that case, move on.
This has never happened for me. I only try with one or two girls a year because I tell myself I can do it when it comes to them, but it ends the same way.
"Awkward" doesn't have to be that bad. If sensitive situations, misunderstandings, your own clumsiness frightens you too much though, THAT's the actual problem.
If one has the skill to look at these situations objectively, a little bit from the outside. you can appreciate the humor in it.
It doesn't matter if it was you who caused an awkward moment, it's still pretty funny, so relax and laugh it off!
Some girls love a guy who stutter, gets a red face, or tongue tied from time to time. Just so long as that awkwardness isn't paired with any massive anxiety, insecurity or other complicated bullshit they wouldn't want to become responsible for.
I once fucked up my chances with a great girl because I didn't realise she really liked those things while I was stressing out trying my best to hide them.
You are only lying to yourself young one. The world will not forgive a man who has low self-esteem.
Most women simply don't have that ability. They simply can't care for a guy who feels sorry for himself. They don't have in them.
NO ONE WILL GET ON YOUR SIDE IF YOU ARE NOT!
And I don't know what else to tell you. Man to man. . . speaking in the language of men. . . I can only tell you the hard truth. The world isn't a nice place much of the time. And you have all the tools you need to find love.
But you are going to have drop "the sorry for yourself act". It will never lead you to happiness.
You have read my "take". You know what to do. Throwing yourself at two girls a year is not going to cut it. Stop pretending you can find romance that easy. And focus on having fun!
Go out with a lot of different girls, laugh, do things you enjoy. Do that as often as you can with women from all backgrounds.
Then watch that magic happen.
The choice is yours.
@CharlieUnicorn I often joke about my awkwardness
Good for you, but make sure not to do it too often or make it too self-deprecating.
If people start to seem concerned, you've taken it too far.
A good idea is to mix things up. Sometimes take the joke way, and other times be upfront and sincere about it "I feel a bit anxious right now so that's why I stutter a bit".
It keeps you a bit unpredictable and also shows another side: openness and vulnerability.
Women want this, but only in small doses really. It may seem tempting, especially if she invites you to tell more to spill it all "Ever since I was a kid..." but don't. Your chance at dating will likely be shot completely. Then you just tease her gently for making a fuss over you and redirect the topic of conversation into something fun and centered on her instead.
Serious problems you vent and try to solve with your therapist, family, preacher or closests friends (whom you're never going to sleep with anyway), never your prospective dates.
I agree with everything (especially #1) except for #9. Good shit nonetheless 👍
To hell with the procreation of the human race, we shall destroy it together for fun and revenge for all those who were castrated in history. we have a new purpose than fight for our countries and get blown to smithereens. All those who agree upvote.
I just skimmed through but yeah perfect.
Numbers 3 and 6 are quite important.
Lol great advice for the boys 👍🏻
Of course become a jerk
You know that is not the point. And actually most of the suggestions are about trying to pursue interests that help develop yourself as a person. A lot of this stuff you can do just to enrich yourself, just because you want to feel better about you.
Women will be attracted to you simply because of that. My friend, always told me that he doesn't even seek out women. They find him.
There's no need to go to another extreme, that's taking it too far, although I agree if we speak in relative terms.
For instance, if a guy is oversensitive, wastes a lot of empathy on "Do I inconvenience/bother/creep her by being more direct" then yeah, adopt a more "jerkish" attitude without actually becoming a jerk.
Be Mr. Benign Swine. :)
You may fuck up a little here and there, be lightly insensitive or whatever, but it's never about anything very serious.
@CharlieUnicorn Haha! Taking it too far? You mean developing yourself too much? You mean becoming too intelligent? Dressing too well?
Again none of that is in the realm of being a jerk.
Confidence is not arrogance.
Being a jerk becomes natural because sometimes the line between arrogance and confidence blurs. Although the person may not think of himself as a jerk, others will perceive him to be one. Hence, nothing wrong with being a jerk.
I just think you want to stick with that definition. There are guys who like to pretend they can get women by becoming a jerk.
And to that, I say. . ."good luck".
The definition varies depending on who you ask, but there will always be someone who thinks you're a jerk.
If you mean antagonistic behavior, persisting when you're not wanted, rude behavior, I agree. Don't be that kind of jerk (though isn't that more = asshole)?
I show her how big my junk can get.
Exercise as u want, invest on u.
I'm impressed. You're crazy but not wrong.
Haha good take
Goodtake.
Haven't been able to find anything on Robert Hodge
Well, spell his last name without a "d".
Robert Hoge.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbxinUJcLGg
I bang all my female and male friends once
Interesting
Awesome Take !
Interesting myTake