To All the Men Who Think They Have Been Friendzoned, Passed Over, etc. Here is a Little Advice...

RolandCuthbert

There are so many young guys at GaG who have voiced this issue of the "friendzone". Some of you have talked about being nice guys and getting passed over. Others have talked about themselves not having confidence, being ugly, having low self-esteem, and not having any luck with women.

Well, I would have thought there was a "Take" that would have explained all of this to you by now. But I guess not. So let me give you a list of pointers.

1. If you want to find better luck in love or better luck with meeting women stop listening to women.

To All the Men Who Think They Have Been Friendzoned, Passed Over, etc. Here is a Little Advice...

Women know just as little about what makes them attracted to a man as men know about what makes them attracted to a woman. They can't help you. They can't guide you. They can only give you the same line about wanting a nice guy, a guy who respects them, etc., etc., while you sit and watch them be attracted to men who are neither nice nor respectful.

2. Your low self-esteem, low self-confidence, low opinion of yourself is not sexy.

To All the Men Who Think They Have Been Friendzoned, Passed Over, etc. Here is a Little Advice...

It is not even remotely attractive. It does not make women want you or like you. It might make them feel sorry for you. But most women are not about to have a romantic relationship with a guy they feel sorry for. I know this is an easy trap to fall into when you are a man. You look into the mirror and you just want to hate that face staring back at you. I know. I have been there! But those feelings will have you wandering through your life alone. You will end up being cut off from everyone.

3. The friendzone. If a woman puts you in the friendzone, you can't blame her for staying in the friendzone. Get out!

To All the Men Who Think They Have Been Friendzoned, Passed Over, etc. Here is a Little Advice...

If you are pursuing a woman and she rejects you but offers friendship. Just be her friend with no more expectations of romance. Or tell her you wanted something more and leave. In other words. . .be a man! Tell her what you want, be open and honest, then deal with the consequences. If she pretends to be vague or feigns ignorance, just assume that is NO. Move on!

4. The most important thing. Women like men who attract other women! I would have thought this was common knowledge by now.

To All the Men Who Think They Have Been Friendzoned, Passed Over, etc. Here is a Little Advice...

So since that is true. Don't just approach your "crush" and hopes she likes you. Always date a few women. If you are young, I would suggest dating many. None of this has to be serious. You don't even have to be attracted to them. Go to the movies with them, go bowling, skating, to the zoo, park, play sports, go to the bar, have a group of women you can go out with. And always focus on having fun, laugh, smile, flirt. . .all the while, keeping your crush in the loop. Even if it does not work, more than likely you will eventually meet someone where the feelings are mutual. But you will find it easier to ask your crush out on a date and you will find she will be more open to your advances.

5. Stop pretending that women are not shallow.

To All the Men Who Think They Have Been Friendzoned, Passed Over, etc. Here is a Little Advice...

They are just as shallow as you are. You are sexually attracted to women. Don't pretend women are not sexually attracted to men or have very shallow standards when it comes to evaluating men. Stop putting them on a pedestal with regards to behavior. They are only human, albeit very beautiful humans. Sure, you can meet that one in a million woman who is simply not going to fall for the hype. Who is looking for a man with beautiful soul, sharp intellect, etc. But how many of you have met her?

6. Dress nicely, groom and develop yourself.

To All the Men Who Think They Have Been Friendzoned, Passed Over, etc. Here is a Little Advice...

Develop your interests. You could learn to speak a different language. Travel, if you can to different parts of your country or internationally if you get the chance. If you have an interest such as physics, wine tasting, card tricks, anything. . .develop it as much as you can. You always want to present a 3-D image of yourself. You want to be seen as diverse, worldly, and knowledgeable. If you don't have money to buy nice clothes, make sure you are always clean and present a well kept image. You can't go around looking like you don't care about how you look. Because you will project an aura that you simply do not care about yourself.

7. Understand that this is your responsibility and you can accomplish this goal. But you can blame no one for being alone.

To All the Men Who Think They Have Been Friendzoned, Passed Over, etc. Here is a Little Advice...

Robert Hoge was born with severe birth defects and lost both of his legs. His wife is absolutely stunning. They have a child together. So if he can do it so can you! We are men. It is our responsibility to approach women. We have to take the risks. So we have to develop a strategy that kind of protects us from becoming depressed, frustrated, etc. after being turned down. This world is not kind to us. But it doesn't owe us anything either. So accept this responsibility. Stop whining about it. Just do what we do. Devise a plan and execute it.

8. And it would help to be attracted to women who are good people.

To All the Men Who Think They Have Been Friendzoned, Passed Over, etc. Here is a Little Advice...

Face it. Some of you guys get all caught up in the attractiveness thing and you project good behaviors and traits onto some very bad people. If you can at least find a way to be attracted to women who are nice, kind, and good-hearted, that will be at least half the battle. It is much easier to get a nice person to notice you, than a woman who is just a horrible, horrible, horrible human being.

9. Finally, if you get good at the game, don't become a jerk.

To All the Men Who Think They Have Been Friendzoned, Passed Over, etc. Here is a Little Advice...

Remember what your goal is. You want to find someone you can love and who will love you. We all want to love someone who has good character, etc. But we are human beings, we project those characteristics onto people we find attractive. Honor your claim. If you are a man of good character, then be that. Just in addition, adopt behaviors that will lead you to love. This isn't being anymore deceptive than a peacock displaying its feathers. You have to learn which behaviors and traits will attract the women you wish to date.

To All the Men Who Think They Have Been Friendzoned, Passed Over, etc. Here is a Little Advice...
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Most Helpful Girl

  • MlleCake
    I am going to agree with a lot of this. I'll let you know where I disagree.
    1. Listen to GOOD, SMART, HAPPY women and men, don't listen to the dirtbags. If you become a true friend to women, we will tell you a lot about what make us tick, but also realize, we can only speak in generalities, we will also each be different.

    2. True, hard truth, but true. It's hard to get yourself out of the dumps when you don't have companionship in your life but you have to do it any way.

    3. There is no friend zone really. You approached a woman with a certain intent in mind, but she isn't interested, but she's nice enough to consider you a good person in her life. So there you are. You have a new friend. Treat her like one. Don't bend over backward for her, but fuck-it, if you want to go dancing and she wants to go dancing and you would take a date but you don't have a date, take a female friend, and just dance and have a good time. Better a friend than nothing. We make good friends. And we can help you meet other women.

    4. Yep. Men who have good social skills that are charming to men, women and children, will just find it easier to meet people, have companionship, and get along in life wherever they go. Simple really. Good guys who are really good do win. It just takes work to be good.

    5./6. We are shallow and we're not shallow. Some of us have certain very shallow feelings, but we do tend to be a lot more forgiving about things you are body conscious about if you are forgiving of us. If you're going to turn down a 9, you're going to get turned down for being a 7. Good hygiene, good grooming, keeping your wardrobe clean, neat, ironed and in good repair will help you no matter what your budget is. Nose hear, ear hair, unkempt facial and head hair, dandruff, bad breath, dirty butt, dirty body, sweaty crotch, dirty, rough hands and b/o are big turn-offs to getting to know you and getting intimate with you. You don't have to be metrosexual. Just be not-gross. Women feel all different ways about body hair, you'll probably find one who likes yours just fine.

    7./8./9. Yep, yep, yep.

    Plus sexism, being too forward, not being able to make a polite greeting or introduction, trying to touch or stand to close or dance without asking are bad form. If we're at work, or you're at work, no dating or flirting between us. It's jutst not professional.

    Meet us through school, clubs, hobbies, church, meetup-groups, dating apps.
    LikeDisagree 7 People
    Is this still revelant?
    • 1. I just don't see many women giving men good info. Because they simply don't know.

      3. We simply disagree here. Men will stick in your friendzone hoping, waiting. I don't if it matters, you acknowledging that space. But one thing is for certain, men are going to use the friendzone on other women to get better at the dating game. That's what I recommend basically.

      As for your last comment, I just think you can really only acknowledge what works for you. Because for as long as men and women work together at offices, in the military, etc., etc. there will be romances, pregnancies, marriages.

      I would never approach women at work. But women have approached me.

    • MlleCake

      1. Except I think I said some useful things, as a woman, to understand us more. men AND women, smart ones, decent ones, have great ideas. We just have to stop listening to chucklefuck ideas.

      2. Well, if the "friendzone" is real, it's a place you put youself. Because being friends with a woman is not a bad alternative to fucking her if she is a good person who can enrich you as a friend. Seeing no reason to be friends with women except to get in their pants is what creates any friendzone that exists.

      I had an office romance once. It only didn't endbadly because we very quickly stopped working for the same compny and some of the fallout happened when it could no longer damage my reputation, but it damaged his, and he never forgave himself really for being tempted by me.

      I know people will find romance at work and I say "you'll meet someone else if you're patient and you don't have to risk an office romance" you say "well, maybe sometimes it works out ok", and we're probably both right.

    • MlleCake

      And then another time I was working this weird job and one guy who used to work for another company but get assigned to my same crews a lot was into my "ghetto booty" as he called it and I didn't mind the flirting at all because I'm a big brash redhead and I don't get hurt easily by a man saying a naughty thing to me. So it was no problem except he tried to get me to make-out or hug or fondle when we were busy trying to get our shitty work done. And it didn't even really bug me but the other people on the crew saw it, and they were pissed at him and me because we had tons of work to get done at a fast pace and there was no time to mess around. I wasn't encouraging it, or discouraging it, and I was saying I'm flattered by we have work to do, but I still got shit for what he was doing, for the audacity of having a big butt and being at this shit job in the middle of the night breaking my neck for shit pay. SO?

    • Show All

Most Helpful Guy

  • Shadow44
    I like your take. All guys should focus on improving themselves and do things that make achieving their goals better.

    I'm also going to add that if you decide to be friend with a girl who rejects you treat her as such. Treat her like you would all your other friends and no special treatments. Also if it's one sided or she's not doing for you the things she's expecting from you then she's not your friends and is using you.

    As for number 4 I think it has more to do with the way men act when attracting other women vs how they act when they aren't attracting any. Like the confidence factor is higher. I find I attract more women when in a relationship even if the women I'm attracting don't know I have a girlfriend and she isn't around. Same goes for when single but I have other women interested. Figuring how in a lot of cases it's impossible for them to know I figured it just dependson how I look that reflects that I'm getting attraction.

    I also agree with focussing on dressing you best, trying to look your best, and focussing on hygiene. Women do it too and that's par tof how they attract men.

    Overall though I think men should put so much pressure on themselves to find a girl and just go out and live life. If they're enjoying life, focussing on their goals and not caring whether or not they have someone they'll meet a nice woman they click with. Being in a relationship is great don't get me from but it has it's pros and cons just like being single does. Focus on the pros and not the cons and you'll be happier for it and it'll help increase your self esteem and help to get rid of whatever insecurities you may be hiding.
    Like 1 Person
    Is this still revelant?
    • Your last paragraph is awesome. Because that's the ticket. If you are just out and enjoying life, good things like love, luck, nice people will come your way.

      But there is an issue with men or maybe it is just men in the West. Some of us are addicted to feeling sorry for ourselves. It almost romantic in a way. To constantly talk about ourselves in negative terms, to talk about being left out or left behind. These guys tell us constantly about how horrible they are, how awkward they are, etc. And they actually expect that this will attract the things they want out of life.

      It is just infuriating to hear over and over again.

    • Shadow44

      I think this comes from high school and the amount of positive vs negative feedback they got as akid growing up. If all they get is society telling them that they need to get a girl to be worth something then it sucks when they can't. Even more so if they put having a girlfriend high up on their values list or put their self worth in having one. In high school these things are extremely shallow, I'd say more so than afterwards. Also people in high school are immature and judgy.

      Though the thing is out of high school nobody really cares if you're single. Also a new girl you're dating doesn't have to know you've been single for the past 6+ years or so just enjoy your time with her sort of thing.

      Also not giving crap what others think will attract like minds. Yeah sometimes we don't fit in, nobody fits in everywhere. We have to focus on where we do fit in, by doing what we enjoy and have a passion for.

      In other words I completely agree with you.

    • Shadow44

      Thank you for the mho

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What Girls & Guys Said

1546
  • Logorithim
    Very good Take. I do have to disagree, however, with #1. I have found women, especially friends, to be invaluable sources of information about how to attract women and be successful in a relationship.
    • Then you are one of two men in my life who have made such a claim. Both are in this thread.

  • HereComesDrTran111
    So much wasted text, bro. Let's keep it simple clear cut for all the men out there.

    -----
    If you want women, be a scumbag. Just an awful wretch of a human being.
    -----

    You don't want to believe me? Ok, for the next month in public, observe the kind of trash that always has a beautiful woman on his arm. You know, the neck tattoo, always unemployed, slob guy who mooches off everyone including his girlfriend. Keep records. Hard to deny the evidence.

    And some hope for the future:. Sexbots. With sexbots you can be a good man AND have a sexual relationship AT THE SAME TIME!! And no lying, cheating, STDs, false rape accusations, I could go on! It really is incredible.

    Meanwhile, the oh-so-precious women will be busy destroying themselves and the kids they pump out with the criminals and lowlifes they've always wanted anyway.

    So everyone is happy in the end:

    Men can have pleasing, healthy sexual relationships we've always desired.

    Women can have the violence, conflict and abuse they crave from scumbag men who don't care about them at all.
    LikeDisagree 2 People
    • Nah, I didn't waste any "text" dude. If you want sexbots. Good luck. That isn't my cup of tea.

  • cherryphi82
    Great take. Not sure on #4... Maybe I'm just oblivious to when a guy attracts other women. My SO was considered quite geeky and nerdy and not a ladies' man at all when I met him. I mean, he has to be able to handle women well, but attract... I don't know I feel like that might be too strong of a word.
    Like 3 People
    • Haha! Cherry, you are one of the most unique women I have ever met online. I don't think you are the type that falls for hype. You fall for completely different reasons. If a man isn't 3 dimensional, bringing a full-court press, I doubt he would even get you to acknowledge his existence.

      So I would simply exempt you from the kind of women this "take" talks about.

      :D

    • Oh Roland, you are too kind! :)

  • lilaqua
    this is probably quite good advice except possibly number 4. I understand the logic and yes we like men that are attractive to other women, mostly for social reasons, we want our girlfriends to approve, but you can overdo it to the point someone you like might just see you as a massive slut.
    Like 1 Person
    • That is just not my experience. Haha! In fact, my experience is just the opposite. Besides, no one is advising men to get intimate with a lot of girls. Especially the men this "take" is targeted at. These men are the ones who claim they can't find women. The truth is they are responsible for the image they project.

      And no matter what anyone claims on this board, most women are simply not attracted to men who don't do well socializing with women.

      These guys have to work on projecting that aura.

  • AD240pCharlie
    Men mistake being confident with being an asshole. Women mistake being an asshole for being confident.
    No woman wants to be in a relationship with an asshole, but you don't have to be a servant with no self-esteem in order to not be an asshole. Make sure you have other traits to offer than just being "nice". Confidence, sense of humor, independence, intelligence, whatever you might have. No one, no matter if they're a man or a woman, can be "desirable" without working for it.
    Like 1 Person
    • Exactly. Nothing is promised to us. These guys have to work on themselves, their personality, and devise a strategy so they can find happiness. No one can do this for them.

    • Exactly!
      And also, being too available has been proven to be a turn-off as it's often seen as a sign of desperation.

  • Onlythisone
    Very true for the most part. Glad a guy finally said it. I'm a bitch when I tell people if they stopped whining they wouldn't be in the friend zone 😂
    LikeDisagree 3 People
  • Margillard
    Just make lots of money and watch how fast the "Friendzone" melts faster than global warming.
    Like 2 People
  • 10dsw
    Very very nice. I REALLY hope guys actually pick up on this advice.
    LikeDisagree 2 People
  • SarahsSummer
    I mostly agree with your bullet points here except for numbers 1 and 5. Those I fully 100% disagree.
    LikeDisagree 5 People
    • Of course you would disagree.

      :D

      Women are not as shallow as men? You females possess some additional depth of character that men do not?

      memegenerator.net/.../yeah-sure-you-do.jpg

    • Considering the fact that men are much more visually stimulated than women, and to be shallow is to see only the outermost surface, I’d say our attraction to men goes much deeper than that of men. ie, less shallow.

    • Hey, I get it, you think that you have some superior behaviors or something. It is something that has been drilled into everyone in Western cultures for centuries.

      And guys who want luck in love, have to understand that women simply do not possess these superior behaviors. It is only an illusion. Women are as shallow, lack as much depth, etc. as their male counterparts.

      cdn.webfail.com/upl/img/8195c07fd5e/post2.jpg

    • Show All
  • JimRSmith
    All good advice, and a lot of this is frequently overlooked, especially #8.

    This would make a lot of difference to some of the guys on here if they would but listen, and apply it.
    Like 1 Person
  • Marinepilot
    I only got friend zoned once. It only lasted a month. I got
    tired of being used as an emotional tampon. I told her one fine day, "Kathy, I liked you as way more than a friend. I'm not going to let you use me by talking about other guys you want. Either we date or I'm gone. Forever". She was crushed that I had the nerve to do this. Back in the late 60's this just wasn't done. Funny thing happened, she got interested and dated, We went off to college at different schools and drifted apart. I believe that if I hadn't given her the date me or else ultimatum, then she would have continued this charade. When she came back I told her friendship was off the table. It was a normal dating, sexual relationship. She agreed. I should have done that from day one. I know things now about relationships I wish that I knew back then.
    Like 3 People
    • I appreciate your story. But again, you can't blame women, if you stay in the friendzone. It is like a boxing match. Either stay away from her or get all the way in. If you stay in that "zone", you will get hammered.

      The thing that bothers me about friendzone guys is that they are highly illogical. And logic is supposed to be a man's strength.

      themindlessphilosopher.files.wordpress.com/.../spock.jpg

    • RolandCuthbert-I never have a problem walking away. Once I adopted an abundance
      mentality. Any woman can be replaced. I should have known this in my teens. It
      would have prevented a lot of frustration. So I ALWAYS walk away. I really don't
      care if I ever see the woman again or not.

    • Well, do you. I am just saying to all the guys who keep going from friendzone to friendzond. The problem isn't the women.

      But I am glad you found answers for yourself. I am just posting because of the countless thread the guys at GaG start. Many just don't seem to know, they can choose to be happy.

  • Krumpir
    I think you need to treat her with respect and disrespect at the same time? But ehat do I know. I am here for xper
    Like 1 Person
  • Highlander01
    "Women know just as little about what makes them attracted to a man as men know about what makes them attracted to a woman. They can't help you. They can't guide you. They can only give you the same line about wanting a nice guy, a guy who respects them, etc., etc., while you sit and watch them be attracted to men who are neither nice nor respectful."

    I think that's a bit too generalising. While several women really cannot express their views and standards about the men they are looking for well, several of them not only can, but they are often the best source of information and help for men at this field.

    Otherwise, good work. Hoge's story is very inspiring indeed.
    Like 1 Person
    • Well, I can't recall a single woman who ever told men the biggest secret to dating.

      Which is to have plenty of women in your life already. Women like men who attract women.

    • Well, I did meet a woman who was like that. Admittedly, she is an aspiring psychologist friend of mine who I asked to help me with my relationship issues. Still, I feel that she helped me a lot.

      I agree that not all women are like that, but I don't think they are a very small minority.

    • in my experience, they are a small minority. And my feeling is that men in the friendzone, need to stop pretending that these women are common place.

      Women, when it comes to dating, relationships, etc. are no better than men.

  • Wwwyzzerdd
    All of this can be countered with the same argument women use in this case: She doesn't love me for who I am so she isn't the one.

    Why is he expected to act and hide his emotions, to fake it until you make it, that doesn't seem like an authentic way to approach ones own desires. I agree sulking isn't attractive but frustration is a normal response...

    So why are men AGAIN expected to move on and suppress their emotions just to suit trashy women who disregard him at his lowest point? If she wants to talk all this shit about "a woman lifts her man up" or "behind every successful man lies a woman" then why the fuck do they disregard men with potential for fucking rejects? Answer: people that friendzone are stupid short sighted individuals that make shitty friends.
    Like 2 People
    • Oh, but it is authentic. If these men are truly shiftless, lazy, depressed, negative people. . then I guess you are right.

      But the vast majority of these men would not make that claim would they? So I advise them to become the interesting, intelligent, positive people they claim they are or better yet. . . WOULD BE, if they had that special woman in their lives?

      Do you understand me yet? If you claim that you are ugly, unattractive and pitiful, then it is awful silly to get mad at women or the world, if they simply agree with you.

      We are not women, we don't have the luxury of having low self-esteem.

    • Wwwyzzerdd

      He is, she just doesn't care to see it.

    • Wwwyzzerdd

      I understand you, I don't agree with your reasoning.

    • Show All
  • N23SA
    Even if a guy gets friendzoned the best next thing to do would be to move on. Good take
    Like 5 People
  • Hungry_Shark
    Friend zone is just another term for putting guys in the backup position.

    Friend zone = can you please put your life on hold, while I search for the great love of my life. However, if I don't find anyone
    better than I can always have you chump.
    (And most guys go along with this shit and then guys complain why their woman don't respect them)

    Women are most manipulative and cunning creatures on earth.
    They will eat you and destroy you if you don't know their games.
    • Well, how gullible and naive does that make men? We are the idiots who sit in the friendzone holding her coat while she goes dancing.

      But what's worse, is we whine about it when she takes the guy home and boinks him.

      What did you expect?

  • StickStickity13
    You're spot on, too many men feel sorry for themselves and do nothing to change their situation. I think most men have been in a similar situation where they're frustrated with women. Most successful men aren't successful on accident.
    Like 1 Person
  • CubsterShura
    The thing that I find most bothersome about these guys is that they even LET this entire shit even bother them in the first place. Who gives a fuck? Seriously just be you and enjoy your own life like a boss. Even if you are not looking for a date you should still always be the best version of yourself anyway. Be at your best form cause it gives you the confidence that, you have nothing to do with women who still don't value you anyway.

    My uncle is short and unattractive. A tall and literal model-like woman herself proposed to him and converted her religion for him despite knowing that he already has another wife, and she still wanted him and asked him what's wrong with them getting married if polygamy is legal?

    My uncle's secret? He is intelligent. Disciplined. Hard-working. And believe me when I say, he is doing quite well with two wives. Because he is never biased. Treats them both well.
    Disagree 1 Person
    • Yeah, these are life lessons we all should learn. If you feel left out, nothing can stop you from developing yourself. You can travel the world, you can learn to speak a different language. You can take up music lessons and learn to play the guitar. You can become a dancer. . . the world is a huge, gigantic, wonderful place that you can do all the exploring and learning you wish to. And if you find a way to move yourself to a better place, you will have better experiences. Among those experiences will be relationships with the opposite sex.

      These guys just have to understand, it isn't the world. It is how they were trained to look at the world that is the problem.

    • Lol yeah. And then somehow WE are supposed to feel guilty about being turned off by their attitude. Ugh. They all have low confidence and high arrogance.

      Did you read my take on physical attractiveness? Right at the end of the myTake I uploaded the picture... Of an Instagram post. That post really struck me so I had to mention it there.

  • dolemite68
    This take is great man.
    #1 is sooooo true, women have no idea what the hell theyre talking about when they give advice about other women cuz they themself have no idea what they want. Every girls life is a movie starring them, directed by them, edited by them so how can they really give advice about another girls movie.
    4 is true no matter how many girls say they don’t want a player. Would u trust the food in a restaurant that was always packed or empty all the time?
    • That's the thing that is amazing. When I found this out, it was so simple, I could not understand why I did not think of it before. Men and women are totally different here. A man would not want a woman who is dating a lot of other men. Maybe we might want a woman who is desired by other men, but not actively dating. Women want men who actually courting other women. And when he chooses them, then they feel so special that he choose them out of a sea of eligible women.

      Women want the guy that other women want. Well, at least initially. After you get to know each other, then she can start to appreciate your special uniqueness.

      Then of course, the one in a million girl, doesn't need this whole ritual. She can see right through to the type of man she wants.

  • DonCachondo
    If women are only attracted to men who attract lots of women, what incentive does a man like that have to pass up all but one of his opportunities? He could do threesomes and shit lol. If a woman's #1 priority is a longterm partner, they're digging their own graves by letting other women choose their men for them.
    • Women are women dude. No one claims they are logical. If they were, we wouldn't need to create forums dedicated to figuring out how to date. It would simply be a logical calculus to get one to like you.

      If it helps, I don't get it either. I just know what works.

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