There are so many young guys at GaG who have voiced this issue of the "friendzone". Some of you have talked about being nice guys and getting passed over. Others have talked about themselves not having confidence, being ugly, having low self-esteem, and not having any luck with women.
Well, I would have thought there was a "Take" that would have explained all of this to you by now. But I guess not. So let me give you a list of pointers.
1. If you want to find better luck in love or better luck with meeting women stop listening to women.
Women know just as little about what makes them attracted to a man as men know about what makes them attracted to a woman. They can't help you. They can't guide you. They can only give you the same line about wanting a nice guy, a guy who respects them, etc., etc., while you sit and watch them be attracted to men who are neither nice nor respectful.
2. Your low self-esteem, low self-confidence, low opinion of yourself is not sexy.
It is not even remotely attractive. It does not make women want you or like you. It might make them feel sorry for you. But most women are not about to have a romantic relationship with a guy they feel sorry for. I know this is an easy trap to fall into when you are a man. You look into the mirror and you just want to hate that face staring back at you. I know. I have been there! But those feelings will have you wandering through your life alone. You will end up being cut off from everyone.
3. The friendzone. If a woman puts you in the friendzone, you can't blame her for staying in the friendzone. Get out!
If you are pursuing a woman and she rejects you but offers friendship. Just be her friend with no more expectations of romance. Or tell her you wanted something more and leave. In other words. . .be a man! Tell her what you want, be open and honest, then deal with the consequences. If she pretends to be vague or feigns ignorance, just assume that is NO. Move on!
4. The most important thing. Women like men who attract other women! I would have thought this was common knowledge by now.
So since that is true. Don't just approach your "crush" and hopes she likes you. Always date a few women. If you are young, I would suggest dating many. None of this has to be serious. You don't even have to be attracted to them. Go to the movies with them, go bowling, skating, to the zoo, park, play sports, go to the bar, have a group of women you can go out with. And always focus on having fun, laugh, smile, flirt. . .all the while, keeping your crush in the loop. Even if it does not work, more than likely you will eventually meet someone where the feelings are mutual. But you will find it easier to ask your crush out on a date and you will find she will be more open to your advances.
5. Stop pretending that women are not shallow.
They are just as shallow as you are. You are sexually attracted to women. Don't pretend women are not sexually attracted to men or have very shallow standards when it comes to evaluating men. Stop putting them on a pedestal with regards to behavior. They are only human, albeit very beautiful humans. Sure, you can meet that one in a million woman who is simply not going to fall for the hype. Who is looking for a man with beautiful soul, sharp intellect, etc. But how many of you have met her?
6. Dress nicely, groom and develop yourself.
Develop your interests. You could learn to speak a different language. Travel, if you can to different parts of your country or internationally if you get the chance. If you have an interest such as physics, wine tasting, card tricks, anything. . .develop it as much as you can. You always want to present a 3-D image of yourself. You want to be seen as diverse, worldly, and knowledgeable. If you don't have money to buy nice clothes, make sure you are always clean and present a well kept image. You can't go around looking like you don't care about how you look. Because you will project an aura that you simply do not care about yourself.
7. Understand that this is your responsibility and you can accomplish this goal. But you can blame no one for being alone.
Robert Hoge was born with severe birth defects and lost both of his legs. His wife is absolutely stunning. They have a child together. So if he can do it so can you! We are men. It is our responsibility to approach women. We have to take the risks. So we have to develop a strategy that kind of protects us from becoming depressed, frustrated, etc. after being turned down. This world is not kind to us. But it doesn't owe us anything either. So accept this responsibility. Stop whining about it. Just do what we do. Devise a plan and execute it.
8. And it would help to be attracted to women who are good people.
Face it. Some of you guys get all caught up in the attractiveness thing and you project good behaviors and traits onto some very bad people. If you can at least find a way to be attracted to women who are nice, kind, and good-hearted, that will be at least half the battle. It is much easier to get a nice person to notice you, than a woman who is just a horrible, horrible, horrible human being.
9. Finally, if you get good at the game, don't become a jerk.
Remember what your goal is. You want to find someone you can love and who will love you. We all want to love someone who has good character, etc. But we are human beings, we project those characteristics onto people we find attractive. Honor your claim. If you are a man of good character, then be that. Just in addition, adopt behaviors that will lead you to love. This isn't being anymore deceptive than a peacock displaying its feathers. You have to learn which behaviors and traits will attract the women you wish to date.
Most Helpful Opinions
I am going to agree with a lot of this. I'll let you know where I disagree.
1. Listen to GOOD, SMART, HAPPY women and men, don't listen to the dirtbags. If you become a true friend to women, we will tell you a lot about what make us tick, but also realize, we can only speak in generalities, we will also each be different.
2. True, hard truth, but true. It's hard to get yourself out of the dumps when you don't have companionship in your life but you have to do it any way.
3. There is no friend zone really. You approached a woman with a certain intent in mind, but she isn't interested, but she's nice enough to consider you a good person in her life. So there you are. You have a new friend. Treat her like one. Don't bend over backward for her, but fuck-it, if you want to go dancing and she wants to go dancing and you would take a date but you don't have a date, take a female friend, and just dance and have a good time. Better a friend than nothing. We make good friends. And we can help you meet other women.
4. Yep. Men who have good social skills that are charming to men, women and children, will just find it easier to meet people, have companionship, and get along in life wherever they go. Simple really. Good guys who are really good do win. It just takes work to be good.
5./6. We are shallow and we're not shallow. Some of us have certain very shallow feelings, but we do tend to be a lot more forgiving about things you are body conscious about if you are forgiving of us. If you're going to turn down a 9, you're going to get turned down for being a 7. Good hygiene, good grooming, keeping your wardrobe clean, neat, ironed and in good repair will help you no matter what your budget is. Nose hear, ear hair, unkempt facial and head hair, dandruff, bad breath, dirty butt, dirty body, sweaty crotch, dirty, rough hands and b/o are big turn-offs to getting to know you and getting intimate with you. You don't have to be metrosexual. Just be not-gross. Women feel all different ways about body hair, you'll probably find one who likes yours just fine.
7./8./9. Yep, yep, yep.
Plus sexism, being too forward, not being able to make a polite greeting or introduction, trying to touch or stand to close or dance without asking are bad form. If we're at work, or you're at work, no dating or flirting between us. It's jutst not professional.
Meet us through school, clubs, hobbies, church, meetup-groups, dating apps.
1. I just don't see many women giving men good info. Because they simply don't know.
3. We simply disagree here. Men will stick in your friendzone hoping, waiting. I don't if it matters, you acknowledging that space. But one thing is for certain, men are going to use the friendzone on other women to get better at the dating game. That's what I recommend basically.
As for your last comment, I just think you can really only acknowledge what works for you. Because for as long as men and women work together at offices, in the military, etc., etc. there will be romances, pregnancies, marriages.
I would never approach women at work. But women have approached me.
1. Except I think I said some useful things, as a woman, to understand us more. men AND women, smart ones, decent ones, have great ideas. We just have to stop listening to chucklefuck ideas.
2. Well, if the "friendzone" is real, it's a place you put youself. Because being friends with a woman is not a bad alternative to fucking her if she is a good person who can enrich you as a friend. Seeing no reason to be friends with women except to get in their pants is what creates any friendzone that exists.
I had an office romance once. It only didn't endbadly because we very quickly stopped working for the same compny and some of the fallout happened when it could no longer damage my reputation, but it damaged his, and he never forgave himself really for being tempted by me.
I know people will find romance at work and I say "you'll meet someone else if you're patient and you don't have to risk an office romance" you say "well, maybe sometimes it works out ok", and we're probably both right.
And then another time I was working this weird job and one guy who used to work for another company but get assigned to my same crews a lot was into my "ghetto booty" as he called it and I didn't mind the flirting at all because I'm a big brash redhead and I don't get hurt easily by a man saying a naughty thing to me. So it was no problem except he tried to get me to make-out or hug or fondle when we were busy trying to get our shitty work done. And it didn't even really bug me but the other people on the crew saw it, and they were pissed at him and me because we had tons of work to get done at a fast pace and there was no time to mess around. I wasn't encouraging it, or discouraging it, and I was saying I'm flattered by we have work to do, but I still got shit for what he was doing, for the audacity of having a big butt and being at this shit job in the middle of the night breaking my neck for shit pay. SO?
And yeah, maybe things have swung so far that maybe women are going to have to do the approaching and asking now, and feel what it is to experience that, and make the same mistakes men do, and learn the hard lessons. I'm ok with that. I relish it in fact.
1. Maybe you have. I am just speaking from my experience. And I am speaking about the men whom I have counseled on relationships. Maybe you are the one in million Ms. Cake. That's a good thing.
2. The friendzone thing works both ways. Even I have friendzoned women. That's one of the points of the "Take".
Well, there are only a couple of times when I felt disgusted. One time. .. this was back when I was married. I was coming off assignment at Xerox and I came back to the office to de-brief. Well, the administrator was a little "White" women who was nice looking. But I guess she thought she was hot stuff. Well, I am standing next to her, she is sitting. I am giving her my report and explaining the context of the assignment and she is typing out everything.
For the entire time she spoke directly to my crotch. Occasionally, she would look up at me.
I never felt more disgusted in my life. Finished the briefing quickly went home and from then on, I stayed away from her.
No, lol. Women won't tell men anything. Women lie. It's what they do. Especially about sex. Everything spoken about sex or relationships by women is a lie to deceive men to grant women more power. They are very selfish. There is no alliance between men and women. The closest women can muster is psychologically, emotionally, and financially abusive parasitism. They don't want to be a friend of man... they want to suck his blood.
Please respond with lies.
Thank you 😁
@HereComesDrTran111 this guy gets it. Thats usually all i look to do. I friendzone tge shit out of guys for pizza rolls in the middle of the night and no expectations hahahaha
@HereComesDrTran111 They don't lie. They simply have the same issues men have. It is hard for them to evaluate themselves externally. They don't have that perspective. The same thing goes for me. Women can't get info on how to attract a man from a man.
They have to talk to other women who have had the experience they lack.