Everything is Wrong Behind the Philosophy of ''Playing Hard to Get''

[HAlover]

1. If this happens because you want the man to show more efforts to reach you, it is nonsense because simply no man will ever make efforts for a girl who don't care about him and act like she barely notices him.

2. A lot of men believe the fact that (a girl who isn't showing interest = future painful rejection) so with other simple words: the man will only fight and try harder for something that is only possible to happen in the future because no one will ever want to involve in a lost battle ... I am leaving

3. If you think that this makes you cuter or more interesting I mean like a challenge for him and you are the princess, that is simply not reality because if reaching your heart was hard then staying in your heart is harder and no man with a brain will take that risk except the boys who see you as exactly like what you wanted ... a challenge they have to win not anything else then don't cry and come saying that you were just a game for him, you wanted that and you both were playing

4. Behind all these walls you are building, a lot of men thinks that there is a frightened little girl hiding behind it, a girl full of doubts and insecurities and the worse part of that is that I don't know anything about that girl so I don't have a chance to understand you or telling you what you truly are for me

5. If you think that making him struggle more will make him appreciate you more and value you that is wrong because a true man respect principles, feelings and needs, not a bunch of girls` non-sense judges of him or herself so a true man who loves you will give you all the time you need to love and understand him but only if you already give him that chance

6. You are losing a lot of chances with nice and serious guys who actually see you much more than a game they have to go through, by placing barriers in front of one man can mean that you blocking the way for maybe be what is better for you.

7. Everyone has flaws and mistakes but love makes you see your girl as the perfect creature but by acting that way you blind him from seeing you like what you truly are which is the perfection for him and the worse thing that by such action you forcing him to be more than what he is, imagining that this is the only way to make you notice him but actually neither of you knows what the other truly is so simply you are getting in relationship as two completely different persons and let me tell you something ... it will never work that way.

8. Always remember that man will only make you '' the princess '' if you make him '' the prince '' not by controlling him and make him running behind you like a dog (respect is more important than love).

9. Life is short and painful enough for everyone so please stop building walls in front of people who are just trying to love you ... it is completely illogical and a waste of time.

10. Whatever you think you have beauty, fortune, six pack ...etc someday you will lose it all or it won't matter to you any longer and in the other hand whatever you think that your partner will give or do for you someday he/she will stop that or maybe they won't have the ability to do it anymore so simply one day you will only have each other ( and that time it should be more than enough )

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Note: I was talking to girls in this article but I am truly aware that this an act of both guys and girls but we are here just because it is the majority of cases and I believe it is more common between girls comparing to us.

This is my first myTake ever I hope you like it and forgive me if there are any mistakes because I am not a native speaker and maybe you could rate my English too.

Feel free to share your thoughts with me in the comments.

God bless you all

[GoldenBubbleGum]

Interesting take. Me personally, I don't really play hard to get, I just am by default. I'm really picky and I'm honestly fine by myself. I'm never looking for a man. That doesn't mean I don't mind having one sometimes. I have one now. However, he didn't get me without some amount of effort. We were friends first and he took the time out to try and pursue me despite me saying I didn't want a relationship.

I wanted to focus on my life. But he kept trying and eventually I warmed up and started putting effort into him as well to see if I wanted to go the next step. And we did. I think it's okay to be picky with the people you bring in your life and the people you spend time with.

No, I don't expect men nor want them to chase after me. But showing some effort and determination is nice. So far, I plan to marry this man because he is my dream come true. I show him that every day.

[HAlover]

thank you
I totally agree with you and I think that any man will make an effort to win his girl's heart, it is a human nature to seek for acceptance but receiving that acceptance from the only one who you wish to be accepted by is what makes you more than human, and yes everyone should be careful entering people into his/her life but you must allow them in the end unless you are just playing with their feelings that what I was trying to say

I believe that no one is a dream for another because dreams are not always true but you are, so you are not his dream coming true, you are his best reality he will ever have... I am sure of that

God bless you both with happiness
I wish all the best for you

[Anonymous]

I recently did a social experiment on this.

I behaved dismissively towards a guy, ignoring texts , and when I did respond I took 1.5 weeks+.
He had a girlfriend, yet became obsessive - ie double texting, became desperate (bunny boiler). I did the same to another guy, to test out for good measure.
He was a model. Same outcome (turned him into a bunny boiler).
So I approached a hot guy to test a different approach.
And guess what, I got ghosted! - and he was generally semi/ disinterested throughout.

I believe men like “the chase”, and being aloof makes girls seem mysterious.
It makes them wonder if you are aloof as you have so many options, and therefore you are a trophy/catch.
I met some other guy after, ignored him... he chased aggressively.

Tbh, I think playing hard to get is a winner.

You always leave the situation with dignity 💪

[HAlover]

yeah I know it can work sometimes for some girls and I already mentioned that there are men who like to take the challenge ( or chase you from your perspective ) but I want to ask you something is there any of those who got into your '' experiment '' you actually imagine as a true man or good husband? I think not, and if I can ask them the same about you what do you think you mean to them? try to find an answer and see if you truly left with dignity

and in the other hand when you get into a relationship you are not caring just about '' your dignity '' it must be '' our dignity '' which proves that you are really playing... '' experiment '' hah

sorry if I was harsh but I know that such actions did hurt a lot of good guys/girls and put them in hell of confusion they don't deserve

thank you for sharing your thought with me and sorry again

[Snakeyes7]

This is what confuses many men these days. Say a man have come in contact with a girl that they are attracted to and she does not answer back in 12+ hours, maybe days or more. He is stuck with the very difficult decision each with the possibility of it ruining the future relationship. He could either double text, which as a result makes him seem desperate, or they could leave her alone, which may end up never hearing from her again in the confusion that he isn't interested. Based on your inquiry of "I think playing hard to get is the winner" while this has almost never worked for me in my part.

[HAlover]

@Snakeyes7
totally agree with you

[Opinion Owner]

I'm not sure I understand the question, or your point...

The model wanted me to be his wife. We dated for a year. I dumped him. The most recent double text desperado guy was not suitable (I wasn't physically attracted to him + he was just a bit deluded - . e. thought he had a lot to offer, but was kind of slightly below mediocre in my opinion. Sorry to be harsh).

I have no idea what these men thought of me, but the mediocre guy did say he "couldn't work me out" a few times.
I was semi playing hard to get, but also saw him as a take or it leave it type option. He was underhandedly misogynistic in my opinion (to all women). i. e was in an open relationship, seemed emotionally repressed + just generally wasn't the kind of person i would consider dating (i. e letting him court me... i'm not refering to sex).

Tbh, I'm happily single. So kind of don't care what men past and present think. If you google the book ' the rules' , it explains the rationale behind females behaving dismissively. I agree w/ it.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm not shallow, but tbh I've found that the 9 or 10 looking guys love the chase. Probably as they aren't used to being pseudo rejected.

[Anonymous]

I agree. I would take it a step further and say not only is playing hard to get ineffective and dumb, but actually dangerous for females as a whole.

The entire metoo movement is the result of a society of men who are taught that "no" just means try harder. Playing hard to get only confirms that theory. It gets super hard to distinguish between "no, try harder, i'm not easy" and "no, you're creeping me out" when the initial signals are exactly the same. So guys push it too far and then realize in horror that they've become one of the monsters that have been exposed recently.

So girls, no one expects you to be easy, but there has to be a happy medium so us guys stop making these mistakes.

[HAlover]

totally agree it seems that such action can let out the worse in both sides
thank you

[EpicDweeb]

There was a single phrase in this myTake that stood out to me and that everyone who reads this should take to heart. When it comes to guys... respect is more important than love.

Loving your man means respecting him. That is the best way you can ever demonstrate that you love him. There are very few men in this world capable of loving a woman who does not respect him. If you are craving love in your relationship... be willing to show respect FIRST and he will love you for it.

[HAlover]

thank you

[Logorithim]

Excellent Take. It's generally senseless to Play "hard to get", and Pretty much every time I saw a Girl try it, she also did it poorly and drove the guy away.

[HAlover]

thank you

[PinkMichae]

You make a good point. I've always been a woman that couldn't play hard to get. It feels unnatural to me to not Express how I feel. I'll admit tho I got that book the rules and read it hoping it could help me stop being so easy for guys. Because being my easy self and not playing hard to get led to them not wanting a relationship with me. But still after reading the book it just seemed like i would be fake. And i realized if i have to play hard to get and be fake for a guy to fall for me then he wasn't the right guy. So I'm happy i continued to be me and not join the game.

[HAlover]

thank you
one of the worst things related to this action is that actually neither of them know the other which is against everything logic in a relationship and seeking acceptance and love for your true self, this action always lead you to represent another person which will always be fake
'' be fake for a guy to fall for me then he wasn't the right guy '' this is very true, well said

admire and express your feelings should never be a bad thing it is a blessing for both you and people you love, God bless you

[Jupitermoonsquest]

Haha about that book, I also have read it , I totally agree it is as fake it can get. Also this book "why Men love bitches"

[rjroy3]

Recently heard a guy describe to me the principle of playing "hard to get" right. And it's just expressing it sort of like a job interview, in the context of dating. There's a job opening that is currently open and you are being considered for the position. That's it.

So the entire dating process is about you being evaluated for the position. You're not necessarily sold on them. You like them for XYZ reasons, but you may not necessarily be ready to give them the job. I felt that was a nice analogy for it to some extent. It's not that you're playing hard to get per se. You're just not sold on them entirely, while still continuing to pursue the opportunity.

[AuroraRoseat]

I agree. It's like high school nonsense. I never really understood it. But it's due to some of these reasons that men continue to pursue a woman who has adamantly stated that she has no interest.

If a wo/man says no, take that as their final answer and move on.

Great take.

[HAlover]

thank you

[AuroraRoseat]

You're welcome!

[Anonymous]

playing hard to get is you know what you are doing and you assess if he/she is right for you. most level headed human beings can do that in 1 - 4 dates.
other than that, he/she is wasting your time.

those who knew they are not interested and says lets be friends knowing the other perosn has interest is selfsih those you stay far far away...

if you started dating you will know how sincere that perosn is within 3-6 months, thats how you continue to fall in love for the next yr. then you plan to be together.

[HAlover]

thank you

[Jupitermoonsquest]

Haha most level head you say? How come 1-4 dates these days leads to hook up culture being more prevalent?

[Anonymous]

There is a difference between "playing" and being hard to get.

When you play, you fail because you are not being true to yourself.

Whereas, when you are a woman with multiple achievements, morals, hobbies and goals- you are hard to get, but remain true to yourself as you are not playing any games or trying to hurt feelings.
(Just to clarify)

[Aynsof]

Hmmmm one might argue that is a distinction without any real meaning...

[Opinion Owner]

@Aynsof

I'd say that a person who is hard to get, can't be looking for a partner as they do not have the time.
Whereas, a person playing hard to get has nothing but time and isn't doing it for the right reasons.

[HAlover]

I understand what you mean

but no matter what multiple achievements, morals, hobbies and goals you have done as a person this does not matter in a relationship because this will never make you a better person or lover to the partner you finally reach the point where it is just you and he as a man should love you just for that, not for any other reason despite that your success and efforts in life is defiantly most to e taken in consideration and have full respect and in the end this such things will always be plus point for you but it is not what you are

and in case you talk about the time and effort needed to reach the woman is harder than normal then this also should be respected but if you never gave me that time or you didn't accept any of my effort for you, that is the '' playing '' I was talking about

like your comment and I hope I made it clear
God bless you

[Opinion Owner]

hahaha I didn't mean to make it sound like it is better to be a hard to get woman, I'm just saying that there is a difference. That was all. Not all women are trying to be bitches about being busy.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

Same difference, really.
"remaining true to yourself" doesn't change much. It's effectively the same outcome.

[Opinion Owner]

@AllThatSweetJazz I see a difference because one is intentionally being complicated and not fully honest.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

What does that have to do with it though? It doesn't change the outcome if you're still acting the same.

[Opinion Owner]

@AllThatSweetJazz Well I like credit where credit is due, that is all. If you do not find a point in it, I cannot change your mind, but I will also not change my mind. lol no biggy

[AllThatSweetJazz]

The problem with playing hard to get was not the sincerity of the action. You doing the same things sincerely that people don't like doesn't make them more effective as a dating strategy.

[Opinion Owner]

@AllThatSweetJazz I wasn't trying to say that all. I was just stating that there is a difference and that those people are to not be mistaken. That was all.

[Benedek38]

"Whereas, when you are a woman with multiple achievements, morals, hobbies and goals- you are hard to get, but remain true to yourself as you are not playing any games or trying to hurt feelings."
No, you aren't hard to get, you just have high expectations.
YOU decide how hard you are to get - therefore you PLAY HARD TO GET!

Imagine if I said this:
"I am an educated, attractive, muscular, funny, well off and social guy, so the least that I expect from a woman is to have C cups, a great ass, be financially independant, have a car, have her own house or flat (no daddy's girls please), be funny, likes to party, is loyal, is shorter than me, shares some hobbies with me..."
etc.
You'd say "enjoy being single!" right?
Well, guess what, princess - just because you worked your ass off, and achieved something, you don't DESERVE anyone, and unless you expect the Prince to find you anytime soon, you are better off lowering your expectations.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n450GmN2Yfk

[HAlover]

@Benedek38
hey bro good thinking, but you have to calm down a little I truly believe that every person should be proud of what has he/she done... but maybe what is wrong about that type of thinking that it actually blind you from knowing your true value, like sometimes it feels that people are hiding behind their certifications, rewards and achievements... etc thinking that they are becoming more of a thing by that but if all that was between a person and her/him self then how hard that is to actually understand people you love, so it is nonsense to commit such an action that why I believe it is wrong and in the end everyone is unique to the point that there is no true match for him/her that completely suit her/him as no one is perfect to match the perfection

I liked the video very much by the way
God bless you

[Benedek38]

"you have to calm down a little"
I am calm, I just like using caps for emphasys. If I could use bold fonts, I would.
"I truly believe that every person should be proud of what has he/she done"
Me too. But guess what has been told me for the last few years? Guess what the narrative is? 'Just because you are nice, and good looking, and funny, and intelligent, and a good person - doesn't mean anyone owes you sexual affection'
So yeah. You can have expectations, and time will tell if those pay off or not. You can be proud of your achievements. But don't expect people to value you for your achievements, and don't get hung up on your own awesomeness.
Example: I am talking to a synchronized skater girl on Tinder right now. She has won a junior world cup. Great achievement. It does nothing for me. I don't see her as something I am not worthy of, because skating doesn't rank high among my values.
If you build your high expectations on achievements, you can easily find yourself faceplanting.

[Benedek38]

So in a way, not having a large ego based on her own achievements is in her own favour - modesty can get you a long way.

"sometimes it feels that people are hiding behind their certifications, rewards and achievements"
Truth. Well said.

[HAlover]

@Benedek38
yeah man totally agree with u
thanks

[Opinion Owner]

@Benedek38 I just meant that she is actually busy and just isn't prioritizing relationship goals. Not being a dishonest person that's playing games. Literally, that is all. I swear.

[Anonymous]

A bunch of us have our own varying degrees of reasoning and past's mild/ extreme experiences. Take extreme precautions, coz not everyone wants someone for the longest term, if they want to play the field after meeting me, then they are not made for me. Being solo with walls up keeps my heart safe.

[Opinion Owner]

It's not a game, I'm like the penguin 😋

[Opinion Owner]

God bless you too. I hope you will recongize and truly acknowledge, appreciate her presence, see beyond her flaws or insecurities and be honest with her about yourself and to yourself about your own fault or flaws of your own as well. Total honesty is the best way to build a solid foundation.

[HAlover]

thank you
I totally agree with you

[D_Bone_Steak]

Ladies... look in the mirror. What kind of man would chase you as if you're it in this world and what kind of man would pass all that drama up for something more suitable?

Enjoy your desperate and sexually starved men if you don't get the point.

[HAlover]

thank you

[Dargil]

Don't need to read your proof. You are right.
I had one do this with me and I told her that life was too short for that game. I kept chatting with her and she thought I was hooked. Then, by pure coincidence, I showed up at a party with the one who did not play me. I warned her the player was there. The player made an absolute fool of herself. Karma's a bitch.

[Lynzerilee]

I agree and always thought this was nonsense. Same goes for the common belief that if you ignore a girl/treat her like shit she'll be head over heels for you SMH.

[HAlover]

thank you, I totally agree with you, for example, I heard someone once saying '' hot girls are like a piece paper when you spit over her, and she will stick to you '' which I find really disgusting and I am sure that there are some girls who think or act that way to

it is really a sick concept and I believe that no one doing this kind of actions has any respect for the girl/guy who is trying to reach her/him

[Lynzerilee]

Exactly. Yet we still find some guys who claim that they like the chase, so we girls are too often afraid of being deemed as desperate/too easy for the guy.

[Dchrls78104]

Playing hard to get = flirting, sending mixed signals, pretending to be coy.
Hard to get = women who have good morals, no tattoos or piercings, and no kids or exes.

The second has value for me; the first doesn't.

[HAlover]

agree

[BoraNicol]

Very interesting MyTake. Did you experienced that or have you written from someone else's point of view?

[BoraNicol]

There are two types of girls:traditional:you will run a lot after her and the modern one, who will make the steps first. There are man too who are hard to get. It depends of personality

[HAlover]

thank you
I think both actually I had one experience of that and I saw a lot of people suffered or suffering because of that and totally agree with you in the point of personality

[COCOCHANEL]

i've done a lot of dating with literally hundreds of guys (here in japan) and in my experience they like the chase and become distant if they sense the girl likes them more than they like her even if it isn't spoken and it's common knowledge here that men actually mention when giving dating advice to women

[TomasLyy]

Well it was obvious that you were not a native speaker. Good mytake i thought you were just one of those guys that whine and antagonize women because they got hurt, but you showed more depth to this

[HAlover]

thank you
and if you don't mind tell me why you saw it obvious that I am not a native speaker?

[TomasLyy]

every once in a while you're missing an article or a preposition or a determiner (a)

[HAlover]

I will try my best to avoid that in the future
thank very much

[TomasLyy]

haha i didn't do anything, I know English is one of the toughest to learn if you're not a native speaker

[douride2]

Any person who plays hard to get isn't worth the effort. That is only my opinion though.

[HAlover]

true, thank you

[lifelearner011]

I don't believe in this "philosophy". Its draining and confusing, I'm a believer of being authentic & respectful, treating that person you're interested in as you would to a human being you like as a person.

[Anonymous]

Agree with every single word.
I hang out with such girls who "got me" through games only for sex and fun. I remember perfectly that they've been disrespecting me before and do not consider them as wife material.

[HAlover]

thank you, I am sorry for you
I know how hard that could be and I hope you find the right person soon

[Gedaria]

Love is a game one of the men chase the girls. Sadly some girls don't want to be court. The game is great if both sides knows the rules !!!

[HAlover]

okay, what is the love game and what are the rules?
and how you make sure that the other side knows it?

[Gedaria]

Men do the chasing the women want to be court. It depends on how determined the man and how easy the woman wants to be court. That's where courting comes from...

[Aynsof]

Playing hard to get is infantile game playing and it lessens us all like so many others of these dating games do

[HAlover]

agree

[DinaM]

If I say I'm not interested, it's because I'm not interested. Playing hard to get just goes so totally contrary to what I think is common sense.

[Armourdillo]

at what height do write men off?

[DinaM]

@Armourdillo Height? What are you talking about?