Playing VS Being Hard-To-Get

Men hate it when women play hard-to-get...but they also dislike women with standards, who are picky, or simply don't like them. Playing any sort of game is childish, immature, and likely to end in drama and hurt feelings on both sides. Women have many options of flirting or showing interest in a man even if they are unsure or shy, so resorting to manipulation and mind games should be avoided and not intentional. Men should avoid women who play games but put the effort in when it comes to women who are honest with their intentions, because those women will put more effort into a fulfilling relationship in the long run. Men who put no effort into courting should be avoided because they will put no further effort into a relationship, so women should not feel bad or humiliated by men for being hard-to-get

Is she interested?
Is she interested?

Playing hard-to-get

Some women really do play hard-to-get. These women are often insecure, have poor self-esteem, and poorly manage relationships they enter into, so these women should be avoided. If you are a man interested in a woman who is playing manipulative mind games with you, then beware of impending doom within your future relationship if you wish to woo her. Otherwise it may be helpful to spot these early signs of manipulation and nip her ego in the bud by moving on. Calling a girl on playing hard-to-get will probably cause her to lose interest in you and move onto another willing victim

Signs to watch for

* Mixed signals - A girl who engages you heatedly, but then ignores you for a week is probably playing games. Once you venture into flirting, a girl shouldn't backtrack on her intentions. A girl who flirts or teases with you and then acts like just friends is unsure of what she wants or trying to use you. Girls who play often initiate a lot of physical contact early on, but draw back once they hook you. If she sends you hot and cold signals, she is either not that interested in you or is interested in someone else and keeping her options open

Playing VS Being Hard-To-Get

* Humiliation - A girl who intentionally demeans, humiliates, or otherwise puts down a guy she is interested in is immature and not ready for a relationship. She is interested in you because you stroke her fragile ego and make her feel better about yourself

* Shallowness and vanity - Girls who play hard-to-get are usually quite shallow and focus heavily on vanity. Heavy makeup and designer clothes hint towards her vanity, but the most obvious red flag is excessive Facebook and Instagram pictures. A shallow girl will flirt with you about your looks or bank account and not seem that interested in your personality

Playing VS Being Hard-To-Get

* Social media use - You can tell a lot by looking at someone's Facebook page. If a girl shares a lot of pictures online of her with other guys and you're not one of them, then she's probably playing with you. If a guy or girl you're interested in or dating pays a significant amount of attention to the opposite sex online, then they're more likely to cheat on you

* Friends and family - Someone who is playing you may act more interested in you one-on-one but cut you down or ignore you in front of their friends. Women have a more complex social hierarchy than men when it comes to approval of significant others; a girl who fears her friends or family may not approve of you dating her may act differently towards you in front of her friends or in public. While this situation is confusing and you could potentially win over her friends and family, you should not date someone who feels embarrassed to bring you around her friends or date you in the first place. This will become apparent if her family or friends treat you poorly or laugh about you behind your back

* Communication - If a girl gives you her number, she is interested in you either as a friend or boyfriend, so flirt with her to see what her intentions are. If she flirts with you or gets physical, then she is interested. A woman who is interested in you should give you a clear message and intention, so if she is wishy-washy, inconsistent, or cancels plans on short notice, she is not interested in a serious relationship. A girl who only messages you once-in-a-while to flit is probably playing you

Playing VS Being Hard-To-Get

* Uncertainty - Key phrases such as "I don't know what I want from this," "I'm not sure about you," and "This isn't a good time for me to be in a relationship" usually mean "I think I can do better than you" or "I'm emotionally not ready for a relationship," or "I'm not over my ex." If a girl flirts with you and seems interested, but pushes back on a relationship, she is only playing that she's interested

* Promiscuity - If a girl mentions how many ex boyfriends she's had or her friends comment about things with her old boyfriends she hasn't done with you, then she is probably only using you for attention. Some girls like to think they're not that easy, but they are. When a girl acts like she hasn't slept around a lot or had a lot of boyfriends, but you find out she has been lying, that is a sign of a girl who is playing mind games to get you to like her

Being hard-to-get

Most women have certain standards and desire certain traits in a man--this is a good thing because they are thinking about long-term potential. Some women have more standards than others, are pickier, or find it harder to connect to men--these women are looking for someone specific and want to make sure you match what they desire in a man and for a relationship before getting in too deep. A woman who knows what she wants and isn't sure if you are compatible is not playing--she is cautious and genuinely hard-to-get. Whether a man chooses to pursue a woman who demands effort in pursuing her is his own choice, but no woman should settle for less than what she needs for a fulfilling relationship. A woman who is genuinely hard-to-get will open up to you over time, but build a stronger connection when you she does

Playing VS Being Hard-To-Get

Signs to watch for

* Subtle flirting - A woman who flirts with you subtly or only when you initiate may be shy or slow to start relationships. She may flirt childishly rather than with sexual overtones. When you make a sexual joke, she will giggle and blush. The more you get to know each other, the more mature her flirting will become

* Physical contact - Women who are harder to get are often uncomfortable with physical contact from strangers. If a girl lets you hug her around the shoulders, but moves your hand away when you grab her butt, that does not mean she is uninterested in your advances. When a girl who you're interested in slows down your physical advances, but maintains a small level of contact such as hugs or a kiss on the cheek, she wants to be able to trust you before you go any further

This is a friendly hug, but she may have feelings for him too
This is a friendly hug, but she may have feelings for him too

* Shyness - Shy girls seem to send mixed signals because they are terrified of rejection. The hallmark of a shy girl is watching you from a distance...often. Shy girl behavior is similar to stalking except they would be too scared of you catching them if they actually stalked you. Shy girls seem like they play hard-to-get because they shut down, run off, or diminish their feelings for you when you confront them. Despite her distant behavior, she will still want to be in your presence, watch you, or ask your friends about you

* Uncertainty - The difference between playing and being hard-to-get is apparent in the uncertainty. A girl who is genuine will be uncertain about you, or specifically, trusting you. Upon first meeting you, she is unsure about your compatibility, so she needs time to communicate with and trust you before making her decision. When a girl is uncertain about you, it is best to be consistent, clear, and honest

* Minimal experience - Women who are genuinely hard-to-get will have had less experience with less partners. A woman who is under 30 and dated less than 5 guys is hard-to-get because not that many guys have "gotten" her. So if a girl you're interested in mentions she only dated a few guys or experienced a bad relationship with one she thought she loved, then she is holding out for someone she truly connects with and will treat her right. She will most likely be nervous the first couple times you interact

She likes him but is nervous
She likes him but is nervous

* Personality - Probably the highest indicator of telling whether a girl is playing hard-to-get or really is lies in her personality. If a girl exhibits a great personality, treats other people right, has a decent sense of humor, takes care of herself, and looks attractive, chances are she knows her worth. But a woman who is worth it will be humble, and her personality will show it. An attractive girl will not flaunt it; a nice girl will not try to convince others she is kind; if she is independent, she will prove it; she will talk about her goals rather than her successes. A girl who is genuinely hard-to-get will have a lot going for her

* Friends and family - A girl who is slow to relationships will probably tell all her friends about you and what degree of feelings she has for you. In this case her friends will probably encourage you to get together, hint that she likes you, or mention that you two have a lot in common. When a girl who rarely meets a guys she is interested in finds a guy she is interested in, her friends may be overly supportive of you two getting together. Her friends may also ask a lot about you to figure out for themselves what she sees in you that makes you so interesting to her. On the contrary, her few close friends may also be overprotective of her and not want you to hurt her, especially if she has been hurt in the past

Playing VS Being Hard-To-Get

* Business - Some women cancel plans or seem wishy-washy because they are busy. In this case, it is best to understand why she is busy or decide if she is blowing you off. If she works too many hours for you to handle or spends too much time taking care of others, then that is your choice whether her time is too hard to get or not

Not interested

Sometimes when guys think a girl is playing hard-to-get, she is really just nice and trying to let him down easy because she has no interest in him whatsoever. She may think her actions come across clearly, but unfortunately most people suck at reading body language with women edging men out slightly. Men experience much difficulty with this one when they think a woman is being especially nice to him, but she is just nice like that to everyone. Confusion arises when the woman smiles and talks sweetly while rejecting the man. Probably the worst ones are women who want to be friends with a man, but not date him, and these women need to be clear about their intentions. Many men assume women are playing hard-to-get when there is no real romantic interest involved and men are reading too far into things

Playing VS Being Hard-To-Get

Signs to watch for

* Fear - A girl who is scared of you may make eye contact...in fear...like a dear in the headlights...watching you because she feels threatened. Whether you feel that you look intimidating or not, a woman may be scared of you. Generally this becomes more of a problem with complete strangers on public transportation or at night or in sketchy areas, but a girl who catches your eye everyday in class may be sketched out by you always staring at her in class. In this situation, she will make an active effort to avoid you, so try not to confuse her with the shy girl. She may also smile a forced, unnatural smile in nervousness

This woman is uncomfortable, not attracted to you
This woman is uncomfortable, not attracted to you

* Communication - A woman who is not interested in you will not initiate conversation. At first she may attempt to squash attempts at conversation. She may give you her number or "friend" you on Facebook, but she will drop conversations at awkward intervals and rarely or never initiate it. Avoiding flirtatious comments is common if she is not interested in you even if she maintains a friendly relationship. She may agree to hang out with you or grab drinks, but the "date" will seem more casual and friendly than romantic. If a girl is only interested in being friends, she will most likely say so

* Mixed signal - Sometimes women feel an obligation to be nice to men; sometimes treat everyone nicely, are working, feel badly about rejecting people, or want to avoid looking bad by straight rejection. One of the biggest scenarios where mixed signals appear is between co-worker or classmates because nice women often try to appease others in order to prevent confrontation or difficulty running about their daily business. In order to tell what kind of mixed signals a girl is sending, look at the situation to see why she may be sending you mixed signals

She is nice because she wants your tips
She is nice because she wants your tips

* Serial flirters - Some women (like men) are serial flirters. These people confuse many people and they need to elaborate upon their intentions to avoid sending mixed or hot and cold signals. Spending any amount of time with a serial flirter tends to expose their ways, so it should be obvious her laugh and hand on your shoulder is not different than her laugh and hand on the shoulder of another guy/girl who iterates a funny joke. Often it can be difficult to tell if serial flirters are interested in you, so it is better to assume they are not unless they explicitly bring it up

Conclusion

Some women like to play games for attention, some want to hookup for one night, and others want a serious relationship, but want a little bit of proof of compatibility before agreeing to date or go out with men. If you are unsure about a woman's intentions, then ask for clarity, and ask yourself if you want to continue pursuing her from there. If she makes you feel negative, then she is probably playing with you; if you make her uncertain, then a little effort may go a long way. Trust is the biggest factor here, so being dependable and trustworthy will expose the truth sooner or later. A girl who is playing will continue to play even after you prove that you're dependable and trustworthy, but a girl who is genuinely hard-to-get will slowly open up

Playing VS Being Hard-To-Get

The first time you meet a girl, you will not be able to tell her intentions, so give it time


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Idonthaveausername is a GirlsAskGuys Influencer
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Very interesting. I think a large problem nowadays is that people will reject the opportunity of a long term relationship with someone who is genuinely hard to get because there are so many people who are easy to get.

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    • I get where you're coming from. People get used to expediency from clicking a button that they're not used to putting effort into anything anymore. People wonder how I spend so much time and effort on a single piece of artwork and I wonder what they're not doing with theirs

Most Helpful Girl

  • A Hard to get is a woman that requires anybody to upgrade or cement his/her personal values and to be self aware of his/her actions. Those are hard to get because, they dont need you especially to pull off with sh*t she doesn't value. they need the right ones.

    The players are nothing but time wasters and you fall for them only when you dont know your worth.

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    • People doesn't really get this, and that it's two way that it goes both ways, not only what the female needs and wants like it most of the times get painted as.

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What Guys Said 38

  • Yeah, these games are really not necessary and can lead to lots of misunderstandings.

    Good Take.

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  • Being "hard to get" is a turn-off, I just think you're stuck up, or a waste of time. I usually plant it how it is, and first sign of rejection is ok. We can still be friends, but some people think its too weird, that just means they like the attention.

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    • You're entitled to think girls are stuck-up for not being into you, but you may end up with a lower-caliber woman in the end if you're looking for an easy girl. You reap the seeds you sow. Everyone has a preference

    • @idonthaveausername playing hard to get is selfish lol. It's basically saying "if this relationship is gonna work, yours gonna have to put in more effort than I will".

    • @MarkTheory

      Not necessarily. Playing is childish, but a woman who genuinely is hard-to-get will put in more effort to the relationship than you once she's realized that you're what she needs. And if you want to date someone, you should be giving her the majority of your attention

      It seems like you've had negative interactions with selfish girls. If you want to find a woman who isn't selfish, then you'll need to put more effort in

  • Well I think that you are using the term play in E Berne sense. (Psychological game). And not in the term of flirting.
    Most common when you are out is that the girl play with you while flirting and the most common answer after the first date is a maybe, furthermore by my experience its unavoidable.
    Of near 40 women dated last year almost all wanted to flirt first and you needed to play flirting if you wanted to keep them motivated.
    So if you dont play is like saying "waiting for Godot".

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    • Yes I'm referring more to women playing psychological games. Every woman flirts differently and you can't decide exactly what she means. I like to "challenge" flirt where I give a guy a chance to come up with a whitty remark because I like intelligent and a good sense of humor. I'm fairly sarcastic in general, so I like to be sarcastic with flirting. But when I'm actually interested in a guy, I get really nervous and anything could happen lol

      I get the maybe thing. Most women don't know for sure if they want to date you after the first date, but I don't think that uncertainty has anything to do with playing or being hard-to-get. I think that's pretty standard across the board

      Flirting is necessary to breed romantic attraction. Once you start flirting, you should keep flirting until you know where it's going

  • I like it, you're doing a great job here separating what is hard-to-get and that which only appears so.

    For the most part though, I think that reserved women are mostly overlooked, but I don't think the onus is on the guys to learn being ultra perceptive. A lot of pretty decent guys may engage her, but decide to move on as they don't get any clear signals they're actually welcome.
    It's true, if they do, they could find this girl and date her, but the risk is always there that they get it wrong and trample all over her comfort zone.
    So I think it's usually better that she instead learns to become a bit more daring, a bit more direct.

    I mean, otherwise she'll just be sitting there waiting for the super empath type of guy who totally picks up on all her subtle hints. Sure, that's a fantastic guy, but they're few and chances are that she'll never meet him so...

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    • Thank you

      Yes I totally agree women should be more direct and clear about their intentions. The biggest problem men have with relating to women is women aren't clear about intentions and men suck at reading subtle hints and body language. There is room to improve on both sides, but I wrote this mainly to help men understand women's action a little bit

    • That's absolutely fair and more men would do well to learn.

      The reason I think it's still a bit more on the women in this regard is because being a passive party in dating is just a worse position overall. You have no choice in dates except the ones who come after you, making your options very narrow. So that's more my reason rather than it would make things easier on the men.

      Men might not often be hard-to-get in the ways you described here, but there's certainly a lot of very passive men.
      We don't say that it's on women to understand these men better and chase them, nor should we.

      I guess I think this is more of a 60/40 in terms of responsibility, rather than a 50/50 :)

    • I get where you're going with that. I think that's why women dress so provocatively and wear so much makeup (partially based on experiencing seeing friends act a certain way). Women feel like dressing or acting in a way to attract men is an active way of engaging them. Men probably view that as passive, but the intention is there. If a woman were passively trying to attract a man by looking good, she would use her own standards of what she felt made her look good, not try to compete with other women's standards. Despite what men may think and what a lot of girls claim, women do try to impress and look good for men

  • my strategy right now is to invest interest in masses aka get to the point in a short period and if she doesn't want to move on.

    I hope that brings me somewhere someday because even if it seems efficient I feel like it's not working out for me.

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    • There are many ways to get to the point in a short point of time, but most of them tend to come off as pushy. There's nothing wrong with wanting a clear idea of what's happening, but maybe allotting a little more patience will help you. Focus on building a relationship before expecting one to formulate

  • Within limit is okay, man also like a little challenge, to easy will end up loose interest fast a little challenge will lasted longer. This is just my own personal opinion. If there. O more challenge man get bored, spice it with a little challenge (remember within limit and not to much) man will love make him feel more curious, more fun.

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  • I was expecting this to help, but the girl I'm into is so ambiguous that even after reading this I still wonder which of the three it is.

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    • Well you're a teenager, so you really can't tell. Hormones make teens think weird things and do even weirder. You should probably just ask her how she feels about you. Try to get closer to her, see if she'll let you hold her hand or kiss her

    • Yeah, thought that too and that's likely why. She doesn't let me do any of that, she basically acts cold toward me but then follows me and acts interested and submissive when I act cold back; if I had to guess, I'd say she doesn't know how she feels about me herself. I'm gonna add this to favorites anyway, might help me later on.

  • The master is the girl. So playing a little bit is nice. A little bit hard-to-get could be nice too but not too much.

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  • Very good advice and lots of food for thought - I have no set of rules just try and rely on instinct

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    • You should always rely on your instincts above everything else. But sometimes your gut won't give you a straight answer lol

  • Do you think guys play hard to get too? Many probably do. I can tell you one thing about myself, I probably am really hard to get. It's not because I want a girl to run after me like crazy (as if that's even possible 😂), problem is, I have 0 experience in being asked out. And I'm nearly below average in looks, so I'm kind of convinced that no girl in her right mind would want to ask me out. Even if someone does flirt with me, there's a 99% chance that I probably wouldn't even know that the person is interested in me and I'll mess up everything being that oblivious. 😆

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    • Some guys do play hard-to-get, but it's not nearly as common as the opposite because most guys are willing to date most girls who show interest in them. Most guys are willing to hook up with girls who only want sex, but the whole hard-to-get thing is to not be used for sex, so that's why you hear more guys complaining about it. Basically the guys who complain about women either only want sex, have been manipulated by women who play, or are not patient enough for someone who is shy or has trust issues

  • I never put up with that shit.

    Whenever I thought a chick was playing games, I just looked her right in the eyes and told her

    Look, I like you. If you like me then, let's just cut the shit and get to know each other and see what we can build.

    If the games continued, I embarrassed the girl. Publicly.

    And then, I moved the fuck on.

    Nobody likes a tease
    Said everybody ever

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  • Playing hard to get is like teasing a dog with a snack. You show him the snack to get his attention then take it away. I just think it's childish and mind games and not worth the effort if you don't get nothing in return or if the relationship goes nowhere.

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  • Women expect the world at their feet. Why should a guy prove his worth to her when she doesn't have to bother proving her worth to him? You are right, women have many options, but I guarantee you within the next couple of years or so, her options will be eliminated drastically to nearly non existent by MGTOW. Women are about to learn appreciation for men the hard way and MGTOW is about to give them that lesson. A women playing the game of hard to get to a man is is playing easy to forget from his prospective.

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    • I'm glad that certain guys are choosing MGTOW because that saves us women from entering unfulfilling relationships with men who refuse to put the effort in

    • Certain guys? You'll be surprised at how many guys are going to go MGTOW within the coming next 2 years. And that's where they'll stay until the system isn't rigged anymore in women's favor.

    • Even better. I am not looking to date "many guys," especially not the ones who want to label themselves with some silly internet slang term. I will wait until I meet the perfect man for me who wants to treat me and provide for me properly. I know he is out there, so I don't care about anybody else

  • I've always stuck by my usual statement when someone asks me for love advice.

    "Never ask for love advice."

    I don't believe in it, and I usually ask advice on things when I want to change.

    Most people who ask this advice don't want to have to change, they want strategies to make people think they care about them without jeopardizing their masculinity, they want advice that give you strategies to make people think you're into them.

    Love is not a table top game. Treating romance like a bluffing game usually means you just need to experience more genuine affection, or experience heart break and reflect on it like an adult.

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    • It sounds like you have things figured out for the most part. I've read some of your other comments on this site and tend to agree with you on a lot things

      People are naturally resistant to change especially when they feel forced. Someone who wants to change already knows something is wrong

  • OH, you paint things so black and white, Its a game that both join in playing, I think this is the fun part. It depends on how much you see her.
    Like I use to use the same bus to this company I was doing some work for it lasted just short of 6 months.
    I first met her waiting at the bus stop coming home , it was just a smile at first but over a couple of weeks it grew into waiting for each other so we could sit together. I wasn't wanting any thing more than someone to chat to, nothing serious. But when you see that glint in their eyes I was hooked. I know it sounds daft but I got so much of a kick from her sitting next to me and seeing and chatting it was more than I ever imagined.

    To this day I don't know who was flirting. or playing , but the interaction was there , we kissed and held hands it just lovely like that...

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    • You got me! Yes I am an incredibly decisive person and I often paint things in black and white because there's nothing definitive in the gray area

      That's a cute story. Sometimes you know it can't lead to anything more than playing

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    • Well here is a smile from me :) I generally smile at strangers if they're pleasant. I find it eases awkward tensions

    • Pity more people don't do it xx

  • 😂😂😂😂
    Women are hard everywhere.
    Nice one though.
    Hope you dont play hard to get at times!

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    • Lol yeah. If relationships were easy, sites like this wouldn't exist

      I only play when I casually flirt, but I don't lead guys on once I know I'm not interested

  • Some girls are mean to the guys they like, I feel like they scare to show their feelings. I will get them either way 😈

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  • Meh women that play hard to get make me laugh. NO woman is worth playing these childish games for.

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  • I want my woman to have standards. Meeting them would make me feel special. It’s a good thing to have some, and not the same as picky.

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  • I don't like either. Just be straightforward. Why waste time?

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  • Really liked this take, one of the more informative ones I've read.

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  • 3d

    I just want a girl who is not that childish. Hard to get is a big turn off for me

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  • I'd be lucky to get a date let alone give it time to find her intentions 😂😂

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  • 4d

    this article is too long. The long and short of it is that sex = hard to get. no se = playing

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  • So I'm in the friendzone🙃 Nice Take.

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    • Thank you

      As far as the friendzone is concerned, women may create it, but men put themselves there. If you aren't comfortable expressing your feelings, then come to terms with only being friends. If you can't handle being "just friends," then you owe it to yourself to move on and find someone else

    • I honestly don't know where I'm at with this specific person in mind. She's a different species or something and I don't understand her yet.

    • Lol I highly doubt she is a different species. If you go at it like that, you will never understand her. Let her tell you about herself and let her give you information about what she wants you to understand about her

  • Good take

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  • Good take.

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  • Lol this is funny and fun to read

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  • Interesting

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  • Great take! :D

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What Girls Said 14

  • in my head, even if I'm dying to get on my knees and hug his big strong thigh and beg him to fuck me till neither of us can walk --I can't even move a finger let alone utter a word about it. cause I'm so shy and pathetic :( so I pretend that I don't care he exists

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    • Aaw. Well you can always talk to them without flirting. That way you'll get a feel of whether he's friendly or not and he'll notice you more

  • I liked that take, now we need someone yo do one about guys for us girls.

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    • Like if a guy is a player and going to cheat on you? I ould probably write a decent Take on that considering my ex tried that

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    • Yeah that sounds good, thanks!

    • Is he serious about you? ↗

      Hopefully this helps. I went for a very broad Take since every guy and relationship is different. These are more questions to ask yourself if you're ok with

  • I am that shy girl. I don't play hard to get. I liked this one young man and practically threw myself at him. No, I really did throw myself at him. I was rejected. I can't do that anymore. I'm in need of a caring gentleman who doesn't play mind games.

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  • Nice take

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  • Fantastic my take.

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  • Nice take

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  • Interesting.

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  • Good take
    ...

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  • Guess I'm hard to get because I'm shy

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  • Also most times I'm not playing hard to get , I'm just not interested at alllll.

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  • Paying too much attention about what you think guys like or not isn't a good idea tbh. Guys say soooo many things... The truth is my ex boyfriend said I was the most unattainable woman ever (we were dating though). Now there's also this guy who keeps saying how I'm too complicated but has been hitt

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  • Some girls like to tease guys

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  • I think it will always happen--insecurity is reason.

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  • Interesting Take

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