Everyone wants what they don't have. As soon as folks figured this out, the dating tactic of "playing hard to get" emerged. But while playing hard to get is a tactic to get someone's attention, it is easy to confuse this with someone who is not that interested and essentially wasting your time. Recently I've gone through both sides of the dilemma and sure wish I had some so here are 2 short stories of each:
The Game Player (Playing Hard to Get)
This gal had it bad for me, and to avoid coming off too strong, really leaned hard on the idea that she didn't care much for me at all. Whenever I included her in plans (group or 1 on 1) she ALWAYS was available for me... BUT... somehow ALWAYS had some sort of more important thing she had to do that cut our time short. I ended up having to work hard to win more of her time. Yes... she was scheduling those conflicts on purpose to make her seem less available and it totally worked on me.
How I could have known: She paid way more attention to me and my plans than any of my other friends.
The Dreamweaver (Wasting Your Time)
I had it bad for this gal, and we were really great friends at work. We frequently made plans to do stuff after work, but it had a low degree of follow-through. The straw that broke the camels back: we made plans to go to a festival, she watched a game instead, asked me to go out with her after the game ended, then went radio silence until super late that night. The frustrating part was the time lost getting excited and getting ready to go out, then having the evening just drift away from me. I'll never get that time back. At the end of the day, I don't think it was coming from a place of hate, I think I was always just an afterthought to her.
How I could have known: I was putting a lot more effort than I have to do with other people in confirming the plans and logistics and timing and such.
The Fake Relationship (Playing Hard to Get)
This girl and I both had it bad for each other, but I was in a long term relationship. She eventually started seeing someone just so she'd have a date to prom (yes we are going back that far). My relationship ended and her behavior changed quite a bit. She either didn't mention the guy or kinda teased him when it was just us, and when he was around, she was overtly all over him. Yea, they didn't last and we ended up together.
How I could have known: Okay, this one I sort of did know. But the timing of things didn't seem to add up. Is their relationship hitting a rough patch as soon as you became single or more available? Could be a sign...
The Crossroads (Wasting Your Time)
This one goes to wasting time in a different way. This girl was very upfront and interested and we ended going up on plenty of dates and getting pretty close. The thing, though, is that she was only in town for school and was going to be getting her degree soon. Conversations about what she wanted to do were filled with things but never filled with locations. Turns out she had little intention of staying in the area, and had little intention of taking anyone with her. A fresh start, I can't blame her, but the relationship was essentially dead when it started, but she was the only one who knew that.
How I could have known: I should have been more upfront about my feelings and our future together. But at the same time, that is heavy stuff and I'm not sure I would have wanted to lay it all on the line, even with hindsight.
Anyway, thanks for reading. Who are some people in your life who were clearly playing hard to get? Who were some that were just wasting your time?