The Cost of Being a 'Very Nice and Smiling' Woman.

[BlueLights]

I am a person who is smiling and helpful. I would give my seat to an older person, jump in to help someone lost, or simply smile at a salesperson when I enter a shop. Of course, sometimes I have a bad day or I am stressed out, so I am grumpy.

I have always been told I am a cheerful person, especially by men. And it seems this draws some of them to me like a magnet, including the wrong guys.

Till lately, I have assumed that it is just fine to be myself, a smiling and open person. I have come to realize that, especially if you are a woman, this can come at a cost. I looked back at my experiences and realized I shouldn't have been that nice in a number of cases:

1. If you are a 'nice woman', some men may try take advantage of you. Recently a talktative asshole I had to deal with in a rental agency wasted my time by showing me wrong houses, unlike anything I described. I was too polite and too patient with him. He kept saying I am a 'nice person', which was not comfortable to me, and I just ignored that. After some time I realized, too late, be was wasting my time on purpose. He probably just wanted my company. I snapped at him and left the rental agency.

Being 'too nice', I now believe, played a major role in my past dating failures. I was too naive to see the real thing, the real intention of a playboy for instance. I would forgive my ex even if he didn't treat me respectfully. Thank God, I learned my lesson after this and I applied it with other guys.

2. Some people you volunteer to help do not deserve this. I came to realize that not every person deserves my seat in the bus or deserves the door to be held. Some people just don't say 'thank you', which is very rude and impolite.

3. Not everyone deserves your smile. Some people at work barely say 'hi' and never smile back. I learned to choose the people I smile at and ignore those who don't.

Has anyone here had any similar experience? Please share!

[Gambit3]

I too was like this only to realise later one needs to be polite and not good* to everyone.
Because at the end of the day , if we stay good to everyone , chances are we would be belittling ourselves and that is WRONG.
Also , this applies to everyone irrespective of their gender 😊👍

[MLGbreezy]

Okay so like you i am a nice person a nice guy im respectful and cheery and I'm always told so sweet. But I've always blammed my niceness for a number of things especially when it came to relationship but i realized that this was my first problem i was shifting blame when really i just needed to smarten up in some areas and my bad experiences helped with that next don't be nice cause you think someone deserves it or because your expecting something in return do it because its who you are and it brings you joy if you let a few assholes make you not be who you are then they have accomplished there goal and next help people not cause its the nice thing to do but because its the right thing to do even if they didn't deserve it you did it cause that's who you are. Of course sometimes bad experiences will happen but that's life. Use those experiences so that next time it won't happen and you can still be you and happy these are all things I've learned being a nice guy. I once liked this girl and i thought she liked me to and she ended up using me in the end and i blamed myself and my niceness but that wasn't why she did what she did and I've learned since then. you can be nice and not taken advantage of i can do it and i know you can too hopefully this helps and good luck😆

[BlueLights]

Thanks. Good luck to you 😊

[Banyan]

I've really been wrestling with concepts like this myself. And my thought is that I need to look at the world in an intelligent, but trusting way. Everyone is innocent until proven guilty. That doesn't have to mean big flashing red light telling you, if it's just obvious, like the rental guy, than get yourself out of there. Otherwise I like to meet the world head on with as much love and good shit that I can. I'd rather give compassion to some people I didn't realise didn't deserve it, than not give it to people who did

[w0rldunder]

Well, I've learned to hide my feelings, both pleasant and unpleasant feelings. But I am helpful nonetheless, therefore people think they can just ask me for help and then throw me away like trash, because I don't show a sign of emotion. The people who I get close with did see my emotions because I opened up to them more, they treated me with respect. To be honest, being cheerful and smiling at everyone isn't a bad thing, it's actually a rare thing nowadays. It's something you should cherish, don't let yourself be turned grumpy, it doesn't matter what others do or think, as long as you feel happy by showing that you are happy

[Octavius]

Being polite shouldn't be contingent on other people being polite back.

When I do something nice for someone I have no confusion in my head I probably won't be rewarded in any fashion for doing something nice for them. The times people do thank me or show appreciation is just a bonus. Doing the right thing itself should be reward enough to actually do it.

But also being nice doesn't mean hiding your opinion. Like the realtor. It isn't impolite to say "Oh these aren't actually the type of houses that I want to see. I can clarify more what I want that way neither of us are having our time wasted." I know he was probably just wanting to be around you and did it deliberately but some people may make mistakes like that by accident and it's not mean to simply clarify your real desires.

[azzntittiz]

Oh my god thank you, I used to be cheerful and smiley too and it's only recently that I looked back on my life and saw that it caused me a lot of grief. My grandfather on my mom's side warned me but I didn't listen. I think it may have been the reasons for sexual assault and stalking I endured. I still have a pleasant face that gets mW in trouble, but when I realize that people step over the line I give them a dead stare and show obvious sign of annoyance.

[BlueLights]

I am sorry those things happened to you... but girl, I bet you're a stronger woman now. 😊

[azzntittiz]

I am but it's turned me bitter, but such is life. It's especially a bad attitude to have in Jamaica since people here are so unpleasant.

[LeoElias]

Sounds hot 😉

[Ecco939]

Thanks for sharing. I would say that as much as you are inviting the bad you are also inviting the good. What matters in this is what you focus on. As a person with perpetual bitch face I can't really say I know how this feels though. I'm frankly afraid that I have run off the good and the bad without even intending to.

[BlueLights]

Thanks for your comment!

[MrOracle]

That's a hard but valuable lesson. You WANT to be nice to everyone (and the world would be a better place if we all could be), but that's just not the world we live in. You should still be nice and you should still smile - but you have to remember that not everyone is going to be nice, and so you have to keep a bit of your guard up until someone has proven themselves to you.

Essentially, you can't be naive and gullible and idealistic about everything.

[TadCurious]

I understand what you're trying to say, but I think it's possible to be a nice person without being a pushover. Being nice and having a smile for people doesn't mean you let people take advantage of you. And you're right, if people are untrustworthy or trying to take advantage of you or abuse your friendliness then they don't deserve your smile. Unless it's a smile that sort of says "Look dude, I'm not going for that," or "Sorry, but I don't want to waste my time here."

[FatherJack]

Women round my way wear stony expressions , if not scowls , a smile from a woman is rare. Also I admit I rarely smile , so would likely not smile back as it's not the authentic me. But I will greet back and will talk , just no smile... I do deliver caustic deadpan wisecracks , however.

[AlexLedZepp]

As long as you are true to yourself it's all good.. IF that's your true colors don't change , you seem like an amazing person to me

[BlueLights]

Thank you☺

[Anonymous]

Sometimes it's hard to say thanks or smile back, for me at least. It's weird and jarring to be on the receiving end. Sometimes the reaction is a deer in headlights thing and after a second of hesitation it's like "well shit do I do it now? Would that be odd?" Then you might have another moment of hesitation if the moment isn't already long gone and it ends up sorta just trying not to draw attention and be any more awkward.

[lifelearner011]

I used to be nice.. Now i'm just civil and put a conscious effort in being kind and compassionate with people, yet putting my health and spirit in the first place.

[SngBirdy]

The positives of sweet and kind women outweigh the negatives.
Guys love you for it, and girls literally get jealous of you

[Leafpool2]

Also weird dudes assume your being nice is actually you hitting on them. Ugh

[zagor]

Wait... so you're saying you didn't want to have sex with me?

[Herculeez]

Yeah, you need a balance. But don't forget to be nice cos it could take you places.

[Danxsarah]

It's the same thing about being a nice guy I literally got called a immature kid today cuz I asked then if I said anything wrong cuz u know I dont want to sounds like a pushy dick bag 😂

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend says I come off too friendly and it makes me seem vulnerable and mani every to people grrr

[dontgofalling]

Just be yourself and not some puppet people want you to be, you're not a statue, and you're not there to make people smile or feel good.
You should act by your true self and what she feels (;

[Guanfei]

Well it's the same for anyone., men or women.
Be nice, someone will take advantage of it.

[SpunkNugget]

So basically you're not actually nice, you're a fake.