You basically want your cake and eat it too. You want someone to hold on to while you explore greener pastures. Part of this is understandable, as we are all compatible with multiple people. But what if the third person wants a relationship? In order for this to work you'd have to have someone willing to accept that you're in a relationship that you are not ever getting out of for them. I think with all this talk of communication, you're still being dishonest with yourself. If you want something new or hoe around, which is what it looks like you're doing, you should break up and start this all differently. Nobody wants to be the fifth wheel
Very interesting read, thanks. I'm quite sure that a lot of the people who judge these types of relationships, are in unfullfilled or toxic relationships themselves, while yours sounds quite healthy and mature with that level of communication.
As others have asked you already - how would either of you feel about the other one catching feelings for someone else?
We are prepared to catch feelings for others. The point where it would become an issue would be if one of us started to actually love another person. That's where we hope that our communication will benefit us. We inform each other of our emotions towards our dates. So if I was starting to fall for another women, I'd tell my girlfriend about it and we'd decide where to go from there. It could be that I'd stop seeing her or I might continue dating her, but with the knowledge that my girlfriend still gets priority. I can't really claim to have the solution because until a problem like this actually comes up, the truth is that I have no idea how well we'll handle it.
Yeah that's something my girlfriend and I would discuss and decide how best to handle. I don't think that's a problem that is limited to this sort of dynamic though. People in monogamous relationships fall in love with other people all the time. Unfortunately, that's just part of life.
Yes of course, but the major difference is that you two are actively putting yourselves in situations, repeatedly, were you meet new people you get intimnate with - so the chances are much higher. But don't get me wrong, zero judging here, just genuine curiousity. I have my own experiences with this, actually.
I respect the aspect of polyamory. Its at least far better than the traditional polygamy, when man had several partners and women had no choice but sharing a man with other women Unwillingly. But i won't try it, well, i get jealous so easily.
From my admittedly limited experience, open relationships generally mean that the woman wants to get a lot of strange dick and the guy is a cuck who just goes along with it. And he never gets anywhere near the amount of strange sex that his woman is getting.
Why did you think not taking someone seriously and feeling digust for them are meant to be the same thing? I think men who let their women be in the most intimate and private state with other men are the pathetic excuse for men. Men satisfy their biological functions of reproduction and then let her go. Then she gets back to you. How can any SANE PERSON take someone like you seriously?
Ahhh so you're one of THOSE people. Interesting! Well, as I said in the MyTake, your opinion means very little to me. I'm all for having discussions and answering questions but I'm not interested in wasting my time on people such as yourself, who have nothing better to do but spew hate.
Historically speaking, those who claim moral superiority are typically the lowest of the low. So you'll excuse me if your self-proclaimed divinity means very little to me. It's funny that the people who preach morality are usually the ones being cruel and hateful towards others. It speaks volumes, kid!
My girlfriend doesn't spew hate towards people for having different life choices, so as far as I'm concerned, she's already a better human being than you are. Are you religious?
I can't hate people I don't know. I can express my disgust for some human beaviors and acts. That is becaseu of my high mnoral standards. A giurl who has high moral standards can't be inferior to a girl who has very low or non existent morals
Yet you are incapable of explaining why it is immoral. Typical religious zealot! Incapable of thinking for yourself and so you simply regurgitate the words of others. That's why you're incapable of answering such a question! Look through history and you'll find that such behaviour is far more immoral. You're not moral, you'd blinded by a delusion of morality, the same as every other religious zealot who has lived under the same delusions.
I have high mnoral satdnards. Very few people can meet them. There are many sexual behaviors that I find cheap and disgusting. Therefore I feel disgust for anyone who has those behaviors gets my moral disgust.
Yet you still can't explain why it is immoral and therefore your opinion is meaningless! I can explain why everything I view as immoral is immoral. Why is it that religious zealots aren't capable of doing the same?
Morality is not all about not harming others or having empathy. Morality is also about dignity and self respect. Explain to me how you letting your woman be with other men shows your SELF respect. Can you explain that since you claim you're good at explaining?
Sure, but you still have to be able to explain why something is inherently moral or immoral or, in more basic terms, right or wrong. You're adding your own definitions of words into this discussion because you know that you can't actually explain why it is immoral beyond what your religion tells you. Where does it state that morality is connected to self-respect?
Regardless, I actually can explain this very easily and I do look forward to you grasping at straws afterwards. I am fully capable of separating sex from love. Sex is a primal, animalstic behaviour that has no real ties to live beyond what humanity has placed upon it (most through religion). What people call "love" is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. So by separating the two, why would I feel any lack of self-respect. I love my girlfriend and she loves me. We are just open to exploring other relationships as well but ultimately our love for each other trumps all others.
If you believe that we have subjective views on morality then why can't you accepty that I am one of those people who can have her own definition of morality and who can tell what is right what is wrong FOR HER? If you can't understand that letting your woman be sexual with other men is showing your lack of self respect and her lack of self respect then how can I explain to you the immorality of your relationships?
You are stupidsince you couldn't get what I said. Maybve you got it but pretend not top because what I said doesn't fit your narrative. I explained why it's immoral.
Right, I'm stupid because you're incapable of explaining your own points... No you didn't! You said that it shows a lack of self-respect (which you also couldn't explain), you then said that morality is more than just the concept of an action/behaviour being good or bad. So if my actions within this relationship are neither "good" nor "bad" in the sense of "right" or "wrong", then are you saying that literally the only reason that you're calling it immoral is because you view it as being a sign of lack of self-respect? Would you say that not having respect in general is considered immoral?
I said it once and I'll say it again: I can explain very clearly why anything I view as immoral is immoral. You lack that ability which indicates one of two things: 1. You're taking your views on morality from another source e. g. a religious book or religious teachings or perhaps even from your parents. OR 2. You're disgusted by something and so through this disgust you label said action as being immoral, simply because it's not something you want to be involved with. In this case, there is actually no immorality, just an inability to clearly express your own emotions in a healthy and rational manner.
Those are the only two options. The only two! If you can't explain something in simple terms then you don't understand what it is you're trying to explain.
I feel both physcial and moral disgust. Physical disgust becaseupromisucity is unhygienic. Moral disgust because it shows no value over privacy and no sense of dignity.
Now you're just making things up hahaha wow! You may think I'm disgusting, but I find people like you disgusting. You label people immoral and you can't even explain why. Are you really that brainwashed?
Here are the main definitions of morality, tell me if you take issue with these and why: 1. "principles concerning the distinction between right and wrong or good and bad behaviour." 2. "the extent to which an action is right or wrong."
I can understand how some people couldn't do it but I personally don't see what the big deal is. An open realtionship is so much easier than an regular relationship.
Sure, I can't argue with that. However, I trust my partner completely and trust that she would tell me if such a level of emotion was beginning to develop.
We don't want our relationship to end. We love each other and care about each other deeply, but we both just miss certain aspects of being single. We wouldn't want to stop seeing each other and we are still each others priorities. So being single doesn't solve the problem in the slightest.
@Apope16 No it wouldn't. There is a massive difference between a girlfriend and a friend with benefits. If you can't understand that, then that's on you.
That's fine! As I said, I'm not trying to convert anyone and I'm not arguing against monogamy. I'm simply explaining away some of the misconceptions and answering some of the more common questions.
What’s the point of being in a relationship if you’re sleeping with other women? I wouldn’t even call it a relationship that you’re in, more like friends with benefits.
Not really. Friends with benefits don't care for each other in a romantic way, they certainly don't love each other, they don't plan on spending the rest of their lives together, they don't visit each other's families, they don't live together, etc...
Jealousy still exists within this relationship dynamic but we simply talk it out. If the jealousy became too much or started to impact our relationships to one another then we'd take whatever actions we needed to in order to fix it.
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You basically want your cake and eat it too. You want someone to hold on to while you explore greener pastures. Part of this is understandable, as we are all compatible with multiple people. But what if the third person wants a relationship? In order for this to work you'd have to have someone willing to accept that you're in a relationship that you are not ever getting out of for them. I think with all this talk of communication, you're still being dishonest with yourself. If you want something new or hoe around, which is what it looks like you're doing, you should break up and start this all differently. Nobody wants to be the fifth wheel
This was a really interesting read and well written. Thanks for sharing. It seems like you and your girlfriend have a method that works. Good luck!
Thank you!
You’re very welcome.
Very interesting read, thanks. I'm quite sure that a lot of the people who judge these types of relationships, are in unfullfilled or toxic relationships themselves, while yours sounds quite healthy and mature with that level of communication.
As others have asked you already - how would either of you feel about the other one catching feelings for someone else?
We are prepared to catch feelings for others. The point where it would become an issue would be if one of us started to actually love another person.
That's where we hope that our communication will benefit us. We inform each other of our emotions towards our dates. So if I was starting to fall for another women, I'd tell my girlfriend about it and we'd decide where to go from there. It could be that I'd stop seeing her or I might continue dating her, but with the knowledge that my girlfriend still gets priority.
I can't really claim to have the solution because until a problem like this actually comes up, the truth is that I have no idea how well we'll handle it.
Well yeah, I actually meant love.
Yeah that's something my girlfriend and I would discuss and decide how best to handle. I don't think that's a problem that is limited to this sort of dynamic though. People in monogamous relationships fall in love with other people all the time. Unfortunately, that's just part of life.
Yes of course, but the major difference is that you two are actively putting yourselves in situations, repeatedly, were you meet new people you get intimnate with - so the chances are much higher. But don't get me wrong, zero judging here, just genuine curiousity. I have my own experiences with this, actually.
I respect the aspect of polyamory. Its at least far better than the traditional polygamy, when man had several partners and women had no choice but sharing a man with other women Unwillingly.
But i won't try it, well, i get jealous so easily.
From my admittedly limited experience, open relationships generally mean that the woman wants to get a lot of strange dick and the guy is a cuck who just goes along with it. And he never gets anywhere near the amount of strange sex that his woman is getting.
That was my worry when we first started out but actually so far, the opposite has been closer to the truth.
I mean okay if it works for you?
But I still don’t understand how it actually works and personally i would never do it myself.
That's fair!
I can't take people like you seriously. I feel disgust for you. Sorry but I'm being 100% honest.
Not taking me seriously and feeling disgust for me are two very different things. Would you mind explaining why you feel each?
Why did you think not taking someone seriously and feeling digust for them are meant to be the same thing?
I think men who let their women be in the most intimate and private state with other men are the pathetic excuse for men.
Men satisfy their biological functions of reproduction and then let her go. Then she gets back to you.
How can any SANE PERSON take someone like you seriously?
Ahhh so you're one of THOSE people. Interesting! Well, as I said in the MyTake, your opinion means very little to me. I'm all for having discussions and answering questions but I'm not interested in wasting my time on people such as yourself, who have nothing better to do but spew hate.
I know you don't mind getting hatred and disgust from people. I'm sure your whore is like you.
Historically speaking, those who claim moral superiority are typically the lowest of the low. So you'll excuse me if your self-proclaimed divinity means very little to me. It's funny that the people who preach morality are usually the ones being cruel and hateful towards others.
It speaks volumes, kid!
If I were the lowest of the low I'd be like your girlfriend. So please, donm't confuse me with her.
My girlfriend doesn't spew hate towards people for having different life choices, so as far as I'm concerned, she's already a better human being than you are. Are you religious?
I can't hate people I don't know. I can express my disgust for some human beaviors and acts. That is becaseu of my high mnoral standards. A giurl who has high moral standards can't be inferior to a girl who has very low or non existent morals
Yet you are incapable of explaining why it is immoral. Typical religious zealot! Incapable of thinking for yourself and so you simply regurgitate the words of others. That's why you're incapable of answering such a question!
Look through history and you'll find that such behaviour is far more immoral. You're not moral, you'd blinded by a delusion of morality, the same as every other religious zealot who has lived under the same delusions.
I have high mnoral satdnards. Very few people can meet them. There are many sexual behaviors that I find cheap and disgusting. Therefore I feel disgust for anyone who has those behaviors gets my moral disgust.
Yet you still can't explain why it is immoral and therefore your opinion is meaningless! I can explain why everything I view as immoral is immoral. Why is it that religious zealots aren't capable of doing the same?
Morality is not all about not harming others or having empathy. Morality is also about dignity and self respect. Explain to me how you letting your woman be with other men shows your SELF respect. Can you explain that since you claim you're good at explaining?
Sure, but you still have to be able to explain why something is inherently moral or immoral or, in more basic terms, right or wrong. You're adding your own definitions of words into this discussion because you know that you can't actually explain why it is immoral beyond what your religion tells you. Where does it state that morality is connected to self-respect?
Regardless, I actually can explain this very easily and I do look forward to you grasping at straws afterwards. I am fully capable of separating sex from love. Sex is a primal, animalstic behaviour that has no real ties to live beyond what humanity has placed upon it (most through religion). What people call "love" is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed.
So by separating the two, why would I feel any lack of self-respect. I love my girlfriend and she loves me. We are just open to exploring other relationships as well but ultimately our love for each other trumps all others.
If you believe that we have subjective views on morality then why can't you accepty that I am one of those people who can have her own definition of morality and who can tell what is right what is wrong FOR HER?
If you can't understand that letting your woman be sexual with other men is showing your lack of self respect and her lack of self respect then how can I explain to you the immorality of your relationships?
What a stupid argument! Is that you simply admitting that you can't actually argue as to why such actions are immoral?
You are stupidsince you couldn't get what I said. Maybve you got it but pretend not top because what I said doesn't fit your narrative. I explained why it's immoral.
Right, I'm stupid because you're incapable of explaining your own points...
No you didn't! You said that it shows a lack of self-respect (which you also couldn't explain), you then said that morality is more than just the concept of an action/behaviour being good or bad. So if my actions within this relationship are neither "good" nor "bad" in the sense of "right" or "wrong", then are you saying that literally the only reason that you're calling it immoral is because you view it as being a sign of lack of self-respect?
Would you say that not having respect in general is considered immoral?
I said it once and I'll say it again: I can explain very clearly why anything I view as immoral is immoral. You lack that ability which indicates one of two things:
1. You're taking your views on morality from another source e. g. a religious book or religious teachings or perhaps even from your parents.
OR
2. You're disgusted by something and so through this disgust you label said action as being immoral, simply because it's not something you want to be involved with. In this case, there is actually no immorality, just an inability to clearly express your own emotions in a healthy and rational manner.
Those are the only two options. The only two! If you can't explain something in simple terms then you don't understand what it is you're trying to explain.
I feel both physcial and moral disgust. Physical disgust becaseupromisucity is unhygienic. Moral disgust because it shows no value over privacy and no sense of dignity.
Now you're just making things up hahaha wow! You may think I'm disgusting, but I find people like you disgusting. You label people immoral and you can't even explain why. Are you really that brainwashed?
Here are the main definitions of morality, tell me if you take issue with these and why:
1. "principles concerning the distinction between right and wrong or good and bad behaviour."
2. "the extent to which an action is right or wrong."
I can understand how some people couldn't do it but I personally don't see what the big deal is. An open realtionship is so much easier than an regular relationship.
I'm in an open relationship too
Me, anxiety and depression
Would kill any man gettin close to my girl friend 😡
I still don’t understand. I really tried and I read it.
What if one of you catch feelings for someone else and end up liking the other person more?
That happens in monogamous relationships as well, all the time!
Sure it does. But if you’re in a committed relationship where you only want that person then it’s less likely to
Sure, I can't argue with that. However, I trust my partner completely and trust that she would tell me if such a level of emotion was beginning to develop.
Eventually jealousy sets in and somebody gets murdered or pregnant or both.
Good explanation though i don't like such relationships
Well, for me this is much easier to accept than a man who frolics around in another man's hairy poop hole
I don’t know why this made me laugh so much
I'm confused, so if you want to see other people why not just be single? I'm not sure of the point of having a poly relationship
We don't want our relationship to end. We love each other and care about each other deeply, but we both just miss certain aspects of being single. We wouldn't want to stop seeing each other and we are still each others priorities. So being single doesn't solve the problem in the slightest.
Yes it does. If you were just single friends with benefits partners only labels would change.
@Apope16 No it wouldn't. There is a massive difference between a girlfriend and a friend with benefits. If you can't understand that, then that's on you.
Not for me. I’m monogamous and I want a monogamous partner
That's fine! As I said, I'm not trying to convert anyone and I'm not arguing against monogamy. I'm simply explaining away some of the misconceptions and answering some of the more common questions.
I would love to have a 3 some between you and your girlfriend.
I'm straight, but thanks!
I am straight too.. just have an itch to scratch, that's all.
What’s the point of being in a relationship if you’re sleeping with other women? I wouldn’t even call it a relationship that you’re in, more like friends with benefits.
Not really. Friends with benefits don't care for each other in a romantic way, they certainly don't love each other, they don't plan on spending the rest of their lives together, they don't visit each other's families, they don't live together, etc...
I don't judge people's way of romance. As long as their happy with it. I find open relationships really chill.
I don’t understand how you don’t get jealous.
I get jealous when my girl plays with her toys in front of me.
Jealousy still exists within this relationship dynamic but we simply talk it out. If the jealousy became too much or started to impact our relationships to one another then we'd take whatever actions we needed to in order to fix it.