My Poly/Open Relationship!

My Poly/Open Relationship!

So the reason I’m writing this MyTake is simply to share my experience within such a relationship. I’ve been seeing a number of questions on this topic recently and there are a lot of people who hold highly negative opinions yet don’t fully understand what it is they hate. Many opinions supporting such a relationship have received judgement, hate, and disgust. This sort of relationship isn’t for everyone and so if that’s the case for you, that is fine: I’m not arguing against monogamy! In order to hopefully offer some insight, I’ll take you through what led up to this change in my relationship, the rules that we follow, and why it doesn’t reflect negatively upon our relationship (from our perspective).

The Basics

So I’ll start off by explaining the basics. I’m in what I describe as a poly/open relationship. The reason I use these two terms is because we’re somewhere in the middle. We aren’t just in an open relationship because typically this implies casual sex while in a relationship. People in an open relationship can simply have sex with whoever they like, which isn't the case with us. I’m not really in a polyamorous relationship either because we’re not searching for love outside our relationship, which is typically the case with polyamory. My girlfriend and I date outside our relationship and can have sex with people we consider there to be a connection with. So you’re probably saying to yourself “Well clearly your relationship is dysfunctional” or “you must not love your girlfriend, or she must not love you” or perhaps even “the sex must be bad in your current relationship”. None of these would be remotely accurate so allow me to explain why we decided to go from being monogamous to being poly/open.

The Conversation

Not too long ago we were chatting, and we both shared our thoughts on the same subject: we discussed the fact that we love each other but we’re both young and monogamy feels a bit like the end. People date, then enter into a monogamous relationship, then move in together, then get married, have kids, die...Neither of us has really been the relationship type prior to meeting and even when we did meet, it was only supposed to be casual but our connection grew into what it is today. We’ve always shared the view that we don’t want to get married and we don’t want to have children.

However, there’s more love in the world that what we can share between the two of us and since we’re still young, we wondered whether we’re missing out on aspects of life that young people typically enjoy. We talked openly about how we miss the thrill of the chase: that feeling of flirtatious excitement when you have sexual chemistry with a new person. We flirt with one another but we know that sex is on the table so it just isn’t the same.

We knew with 100% certainty that we didn’t want our relationship to end: we love each other, we live together, and the last thing we wanted to do was throw a spanner in the works. So, we decided we would take baby steps into giving a poly/open relationship a trial run.

The Rules

All relationships have rules: some are spoken, some are unspoken. With us taking the step into a poly/open relationship, and with this all being new territory for us, we decided to discuss the overall concept and explore what would or wouldn’t’ be acceptable. We discussed every aspect over a couple of days and in the end we came up with two very simple rules:

1. Communication is essential! Everything will be communicated with one another. If we’re talking to someone on a dating app with whom we feel a connection, we’ll let the other person know. If we’re going on a date, we let the other person know. If we decide to go home with the date, we let the other person know.

However, this level of communication doesn’t just apply to us. We agreed that anyone we’re going on a date with MUST know about our relationship status. So before meeting the person, we have to clarify with them that they are aware that we’re in a poly/open relationship.

2. Don’t bring anyone back to the flat! This rule serves two functions. Firstly, it rules out any uncomfortable meetings or awkward encounters. Secondly, it keeps the flat as ours. Nobody will have sex in our bed but the two of us and so our flat remains like our sacred place.

These rules keep everything above board. However, they also serve a more important function: we decided early on that because this relationship style is new to both of us, that we can pull the plug at any time. If one of us begins to feel uncomfortable then they just have to say and everything stops. It doesn’t matter if we’re on a date or going home with another person, if the plug is pulled, the plug is pulled. Our relationship to each other is paramount and takes priority above all else. So by communicating at every step, we can establish how the other person feels and decide whether to take a step forward or hold our position.

Love and Sex

So there are probably those of you who believe that this relationship type is an indication of an area lacking within a relationship. In reality, it couldn’t be further from the truth. The sex is incredible. There really isn’t any other way to describe it. We are as sexually compatible as any two humans could be with one another, our libidos match perfectly, and there aren’t any sexual areas that one of us wishes to explore that the other doesn’t. Our new relationship style isn’t just about sex. We don’t go out and have sex with strangers or attend mass orgies. This isn’t about fulfilling an unquenched sexual desire, it’s about deeper connections and the thrill of chasing them. So it must be a love thing, right? One or both of us must not love the other. Again, this would be incorrect. We love each other deeply, trust each other, value each other, respect each other, and we want to spend the rest of our lives together.

Ask yourself this: how many relationships last for life? You could look at marriage statistics and you’d find that the divorce rate can be anywhere from 30-50% (1). If you were to look at relationships, you’d find that the percentage is much higher. How many people have just one relationship and stay with that person throughout their entire life? I’d wager it’s less than 5% in the Western world. What about cheating? Cheating is one of the major causes of a relationship failing. Estimates suggest that the rates for admitted infidelity among women is 10-15% while being 20-25% for men, and note that that is just admitted infidelity. I know, I know, you’re going to claim that you would never cheat on a partner. Well, at least 10-25% of you would!

Humans naturally have this flaw whereby we view the grass as being greener on the other side. This happens in many aspects of life, including relationships. “Soulmates” is a concept for children. In reality, we have no idea whether the person we are with is the best match for us. We are nearing a global population of 8 billion people, how many of them do you think you’ll interact with within your life?

The benefits of a poly/open relationship is that I’m already in love and I have great sex, so all pressures that people would usually face when going on a date are removed entirely. If I feel that I have a connection with someone then I’m able to explore it without having to cheat or be shady. Not only that, but I can discuss such feelings openly with my partner without feeling like it will lead to consequences. How many of you would react calmly to a partner saying "I have feelings for someone at work"?

Monogamy

Again, let me just be clear, I am not arguing against monogamy. If this concept seems weird or dysfunctional to you, then don’t do it. I’m not inviting you to try it; I’m simply sharing my experience within it. Live your life the way you like but allow others to do the same! The way my girlfriend and I look at things is like this: you have multiple close family members, but do you love them all equally? I doubt it. However, you do still love them all and you are capable of loving them all. Similarly, do you have multiple friendships? You probably have a best friend though, right? Does that mean that you can only have one friend and no others? Of course not!

Some people will argue that “love” is different. Firstly, love is simply a chemical response that encourages us to breed and care for our young, increasing our likelihood of altruism in extreme circumstances whereby we will sacrifice ourselves for the sake of our offspring. It’s basically a guarantee that your DNA will survive. Secondly, where is it written that we can only feel romantic love or romantic connections for one person and one person only? You might choose to do so but that doesn’t make it a universal law.

Anyway, if you have any questions then feel free to ask them. If you’re going to preach your disgust or contempt towards my relationship then I’d ask that you don’t bother. I want to use this space so people can ask their questions and have civil discourse. I've removed the option to comment anonymously but if you have any questions that you don't want to be viewed publically, you can message me!

1. https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/populationandmigration/populationestimates/bulletins/populationestimatesbymaritalstatusandlivingarrangements/2002to2016

2. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/201010/how-often-do-people-really-cheat-each-other

#BakedHaggis #CammysMyTakes


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What Girls Said 32

  • I mean okay if it works for you?
    But I still don’t understand how it actually works and personally i would never do it myself.

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  • 7d

    If it works for you is fine, and I really appreciate than you and your partner always inform properly other sexual partners before doing anything. I've read comments of people saying that cheating doesn't exist, and therefore they can fuck anyone if they feel like it, which I find wrong as we always should talk and consider the other people feelings before.

    However I must disagree with the idea that you love many people romantically. Romantic love is not just affection. As far as I know we humans are emotionally ready to have one romantic partner but sexually made to search for multiple partners. You can only have a deep connection with one person. The other people you date would be alway in a also important but lower connection similar to your friends, siblings and parents, but they are a friends, siblings and parents you flirt and fuck with. While your partner is your partner.

    The only "problem" that might happen to you is that you find a person you start sharing a deepest connection than with your partner. But in that case I guess your partner would tell you to please stop dating that person, as you two are sexually poly but in the end you want your romantic monogamy to work.

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    • 7d

      This was one of the most intelligent things I've ever read.

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    • 7d

      In the book I mentioned in the first comment before the article comment is where I found that statement that surprised you, not in the article.

      However I don't understand why surprises you, aren't you romantically monogamous? If you are not emotionally/romantically monogamous, why would you let someone the exclusive power to stop you dating other people? You differentiate her, so she must make you feel different, other way there's no reason for her to be a central partner with that power, or is it?

    • 7d

      Sure, I wasn't debating it in terms of my relationship. I'm not in a typical poly relationship and so my partner and I aren't looking for multiple love interests. We explore the idea of having multiple date partners and one central romantic relationship, but there is still an emotional connection between us and our other dates.

      I took issue with your initial comment because while it doesn't apply to me, I've never seen any serious literature that would support a limit on the number of people we can form romantic connections with.

  • 7d

    So you’re probably saying to yourself “Well clearly your relationship is dysfunctional” or “you must not love your girlfriend, or she must not love you” or perhaps even “the sex must be bad in your current relationship”<---Even I know these thoughts would be preposterous! I'm all for OPEN/Poly relationships! <3 add me!

    we discussed the fact that we love each other but we’re both young and monogamy feels a bit like the end. <---AGREED!

    These rules keep everything above board. However, they also serve a more important function: we decided early on that because this relationship style is new to both of us, that we can pull the plug at any time. If one of us begins to feel uncomfortable then they just have to say and everything stops. It doesn’t matter if we’re on a date or going home with another person, if the plug is pulled, the plug is pulled. Our relationship to each other is paramount and takes priority above all else. So by communicating at every step, we can establish how the other person feels and decide whether to take a step forward or hold our position. <--I think your rules are very logical and great!

    The benefits of a poly/open relationship is that I’m already in love and I have great sex, so all pressures that people would usually face when going on a date are removed entirely. If I feel that I have a connection with someone then I’m able to explore it without having to cheat or be shady. Not only that, but I can discuss such feelings openly with my partner without feeling like it will lead to consequences. How many of you would react calmly to a partner saying "I have feelings for someone at work"? <--THIS IS WHY I AM 100% cool with Poly relationships! Cheating is popular and so id divorce! You rock!

    Secondly, where is it written that we can only feel romantic love or romantic connections for one person and one person only? <--Yes, definitely!

    I used to be kinda scared once we made our relationship kinda open/poly. He lets me talk to girls... and I let him too. We connect quite well and I don't think he's going to LEAVE me because it's been going on for almost a year. He would tell me about his dates/hookups and I'd get a little knot in my stomach. Now, it's like... yay... he's not just sitting at home mad that he can't see me, because I'm busy (28 hrs of work x week!) We live in different houses. No one really understands this, but I'm so glad you do!

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    • 7d

      Thanks for the support! There are nearly 50 comments on this MyTake and yours is the 3rd one I've read so I'm happy to see that so far people haven't responded entirely negatively.

    • 7d

      You're welcome!!

  • I just question why even have a relationship with one person when you clearly want others. Why is it different than having a bunch of friends with benefits but clearly having one particular favorite? Why can't it just be called wanting casual sex? By any other name it might be called cheating as most relationships presume exclusivity. And how would this work with marriage as the vows say to forsake all others? So many questions.

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    • 7d

      You can want a relationship with one person but still want to explore connections with others. My girlfriend and I are more than friends with benefits which is why it isn't the same as "having a bunch of friends with benefits but clearly having one particular favorite".
      As I said in the MyTake, this isn't about casual sex and we don't include casual sex in our dynamic. So that's why it can't be called "wanting casual sex".
      As I also said in the MyTake (I feel like maybe you skimmed it or didn't read it at all), we have absolutely no plans to get married or have children.

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    • 7d

      No, that's the opposite of what I'm saying! I said in the MyTake and in my comment to you: it ISN'T about casual sex!

    • 7d

      Girl, reading is fundamental

  • 4d

    This looks like an experiment that will raise bigger issues. Why couldn't you just break up and date other people? After dating other people, surely you both will get the answers you both need without any complicated rules to offend anyone? So that way you both can know if you both are truly meant to return to each other to be together for long term?

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    • 3d

      We don't want to stop seeing each other though. It's not about experimenting, as such, it's just about adapting our current dynamic. Our rules don't offend anyone though. Everyone involved is fully aware of the situation.

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    • 2d

      Polyamory Complex relationship doesn't mean it's better than monogamous relationships so this is why I prefer monogamy. Thanks for understanding. ☺

    • 2d

      The thing is, my relationship isn't technically polyamory. That's why I refer to it as a poly/open relationship. That's also why most of those points don't actually apply to my relationship dynamic at all.
      Anything in life can present problems but if we live in the shadows, scared to take risks because of the potential consequences, then we never live. Sometimes, you have to take a leap of faith and simply hope that things work out. If they don't, at least you tried.
      That's how my partner and I approach this dynamic. We are as prepared as we could possible be for anything going wrong. It's like jumping out of a plane: there is an endless list of things that could go wrong but if you spend the entire journey back to the ground being terrified of whether your chute will open, or if the harness will hold, or if another jumper might hit you, or any number of other real possibilities, then you can't enjoy the experience.
      That's how I view life. You jump out with two parachutes and hope.

  • Very interesting read, thanks. I'm quite sure that a lot of the people who judge these types of relationships, are in unfullfilled or toxic relationships themselves, while yours sounds quite healthy and mature with that level of communication.

    As others have asked you already - how would either of you feel about the other one catching feelings for someone else?

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    • 7d

      We are prepared to catch feelings for others. The point where it would become an issue would be if one of us started to actually love another person.
      That's where we hope that our communication will benefit us. We inform each other of our emotions towards our dates. So if I was starting to fall for another women, I'd tell my girlfriend about it and we'd decide where to go from there. It could be that I'd stop seeing her or I might continue dating her, but with the knowledge that my girlfriend still gets priority.
      I can't really claim to have the solution because until a problem like this actually comes up, the truth is that I have no idea how well we'll handle it.

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    • 7d

      Yeah that's something my girlfriend and I would discuss and decide how best to handle. I don't think that's a problem that is limited to this sort of dynamic though. People in monogamous relationships fall in love with other people all the time. Unfortunately, that's just part of life.

    • 7d

      Yes of course, but the major difference is that you two are actively putting yourselves in situations, repeatedly, were you meet new people you get intimnate with - so the chances are much higher. But don't get me wrong, zero judging here, just genuine curiousity. I have my own experiences with this, actually.

  • I would never be able to be in a open relationship. I don't fully understand how that could work. Because personally for me a relationship is with someone who is your other half someone really special that you can trust. I wouldn't be able to have that with more than one person. Just like I have friends but I have only one best friend.

    But great mytake! And if it's works for you then that's Good!

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    • 7d

      I agree with you, and k certainly don't support or advocate for that type of relationships, but if anything the friend argument can be turned around against you.

      You have a best friend, that main one who means so much to you. But you can't be with rhem all the time, you have more and need more friends. But they can never replace your best friend.

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    • 7d

      I understood your position. And in fact i agree with it. I'm just letting you know that I the future, you might want a response to someone who will (it will happen, trust me) use that argument against you and how tl counter it.

    • 7d

      @SirRexington yeah I get it but I can handle it lol. Thanks tho! And sometimes it's better to agree to disagree.

  • I really like your myTake. It’s a beautiful way to look at a relationship with someone you love while also getting to explore with other people. Just one question (well actually a few), what happens if you meet someone that you feel a deep connection with? Would you keep seeing them? What if that connection turned into love? How would you bring that up to your partner? How long have you been in a poly/open relationship (if I’m not being too nosey). My apologies, I probably sound ignorant but just know that it’s coming from a place of pure curiosity

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    • 7d

      A deep connection wouldn't be a problem, that's actually what we're looking for. However, if that connection turned into love then it could be problematic. My partner and I plan to discuss all changes in emotion. So if one of us felt like we were falling for another person, then we would simply bring it up and discuss it. From there we would decide how to handle the situation. It might be that we stop seeing that person or it could be that we let it continue. I won't know for sure until such a situation arises.
      I've only been in this relationship type for like a month, so it's still pretty fresh.

  • 7d

    An eye opening take. Now I know exactly why I find the idea of open relationships weird. I don't like dating or meeting new people, so continuously dating within a relationship would be a pain in the ass. 😂 And not to mention I'm jealous as all hell. But I still think everyone should have a relationship they feel comfortable and it's none of my business how other people's relationship is.

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  • 7d

    I’d consider it with the right people... I don’t think any one person fills all our needs and the view seems to be If you really care about someone , then you ignore all the other parts of you.

    Definitely would have to be with the right people though.

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    • 7d

      Thank you for taking the time to share... looks like you put serous effort in 😊

  • 1d

    interesting point of view. I'd personally never do it, but good on ya for finding someone that is on the same page. I just hope you two use condoms when you have sex with other people

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  • Some of your reasoning I don’t really agree with but I respect anyone’s decisions to do what they want as long as they’re not hurting anyone ☺️ And I think it requires strong, responsible like-minded people to have a positive functioning poly relationship. So good on you Cammy Cam ☺️💕

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  • 7d

    well, i kinda agree on how we may fall in love with more than one person, i always feel like I have so much love to give away and i appreciate feelings a lot, But my question would be, what if you or your partner started falling in love real deep with the other person? this is again something that we can't control knowing you are free to see and hang out with that person as much as u can, what happens then? and what if the new beloved one is in love in return and would want to take your partner all for him/her? which will again be understandable if strong love have happened.. what do you think?

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    • 7d

      Well that's where we hope that our high levels of communication will come into play. We let each other know how we feel about any of our dates. If, for example, my girlfriend was getting really close to someone else and I started to feel neglected in any way, I would simply let her know, and vice versa. Then we can discuss a solution and go from there.
      This isn't a problem that is unique to poly or open relationship. Within monogamous relationships, people will feel a connection with another person while in a relationship and their attraction to that person can slowly increase until they feel like they love them. It happens all the time.

    • 4d

      yeah, i understand it may happen in normal relationships as well.. and that's why I believe that not all cheatings are really for sexual reasons. But in a monogamous relationship you are kinda much more restricted and limited to your actions especially also from your inside,, which results in a lot of guilt and at times one will choose to really stay away and more often at least not tell the new person they like because they can't hold the hiding and the fear or worry of their partner finding out,, since they are not allowed to be out loud with it, meanwhile, in a more open relationship i can imagine it is easier to happen, or with higher chances,, since you don't really have to fear or worry of being seen with them, and have the freedom to actually go to their place and be around them and have a nice connection with them,.. it makes for a more positive environment even from your inside,, making it a higher risk,, do you get my point?

    • 4d

      You also know that "what's restricted is always more wanted" ,, so it will not be easy to try and grab them back from a nice connection, more seriously, a feeling if it has already happened,, even the slightest,, i am saying that because I kinda feel like you and your girlfriend,, about love and life and experiences,, but that's my mainn concern,, I can't hurt someone,, especially that I know I can grow a good amount of vulnerable sincere feelings and love which may also end up with a big sad scene for all parties.. take care :) and correct me if i am wrong

  • 7d

    Hey if it works for you guys then great. I don't judge, but I got to play devil's advocate here and question it a bit and this is why. One, unless your using protection and not including oral in your other relationships, your opening the door for bringing home diseases to your partner and so is she. So unless you guys ask for std panels from other people or do staright condom vagina to penis relationships.. I have to question how that works? Second, what if pregnancy occurs either way? Hey shit happens when you have sex. So unless your both fixed, I have to wonder what would happen if either of you were to be out in this position and what becomes of your realtionship if it ended up being the result. Third, feelings. Feelings happen. What if you have sex with one person but have a connection? Then you keep going back and all of a sudden, you have fallen for someone else? This can happen as in secret affairs this has been the case let alone an open one? Fourth, what happens when one wants to stop but the other doesn't? You've had a realtionship like this for so long, you would question why one wants to stop. This opens up cheating in the future as it would be the norm and we're creatures of habit?
    Like I said, it's great you guys can be happy with one another and totally understand being young and not commiting especially if marriage and children aren't involved.. but these are questions I would raise in this situation if it were me.

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    • 7d

      I never object to someone playing devil's advocate.
      You are right, there is the risk of STDs but we are aiming to do our best to limit that. That's why we don't include casual sex within our relationship so we're not out having sex with strangers left, right, and centre. Initially we wouldn't include oral in our other relationships and we wouldn't even put sex on the table until we had actually formed some sort of relationship with another person so trust would come into play. Condoms would always be worn though.
      Well my girlfriend is on the pill and we would use condoms all the time so the odds of that are really low. Of course, it can still happen. In such a situation I guess we'd just have to cross that bridge when we got to it.
      Feelings do happen, but that's where the communication comes in. We discuss with each other how we feel about our dates. If the other starts to feel neglected in any way or even too jealous, then they can say.

    • 7d

      Your final point is probably the one that does raise the biggest issues. If we were in this relationship type for a long time and one of us wanted it to end while the other was enjoying it, that would create problems. However, we were heading down a similar path by staying monogamous. So the outcome would have been the same either way. We decided to try this because we figured it's better to give it a shot than not to.

    • 7d

      Awesome answer. Relationships are risky either way. I'm glad you guys discuss them and your aware of the complications. Best of luck to you both.

  • I still don’t understand. I really tried and I read it.
    What if one of you catch feelings for someone else and end up liking the other person more?

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    • 7d

      That happens in monogamous relationships as well, all the time!

    • 7d

      Sure it does. But if you’re in a committed relationship where you only want that person then it’s less likely to

    • 7d

      Sure, I can't argue with that. However, I trust my partner completely and trust that she would tell me if such a level of emotion was beginning to develop.

  • 7d

    This was a really interesting read and well written. Thanks for sharing. It seems like you and your girlfriend have a method that works. Good luck!

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  • 6d

    I really like how you've put your points - clear and simple. I've tried a similar relationship, but didn't use my advantages of it, since I get attached very fast to others and I know that would cause inner conflicts to appear. However when I was in a similar relationship the rule was that sexual connection is okay, but emotional not. There were few more rules as well but they weren't really important.
    I'm happy it's worked out for you. Wish you and your partner all the best :)

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  • I respect the aspect of polyamory. Its at least far better than the traditional polygamy, when man had several partners and women had no choice but sharing a man with other women Unwillingly.
    But i won't try it, well, i get jealous so easily.

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  • 7d

    I can't take people like you seriously. I feel disgust for you. Sorry but I'm being 100% honest.

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    • 7d

      Not taking me seriously and feeling disgust for me are two very different things. Would you mind explaining why you feel each?

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    • 2d

      Now you're just making things up hahaha wow! You may think I'm disgusting, but I find people like you disgusting. You label people immoral and you can't even explain why. Are you really that brainwashed?

    • 2d

      Here are the main definitions of morality, tell me if you take issue with these and why:
      1. "principles concerning the distinction between right and wrong or good and bad behaviour."
      2. "the extent to which an action is right or wrong."

  • 7d

    If this works for you, I am completely fine with that, but I just don't think I could do it. I'll say it once and I'll say it again; there's something really intimate and private about a relationship. There's something special about the fact that you are exclusive to someone else; to know that this isn't just something they have with everyone, just me. And I feel like when you add more than one person into that relationship, it strips away all intimacy and exclusivity. Not trying to shame you or anything, but personally, it's not something I think I could handle.

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    • 7d

      No, not at all. That's a completely fair statement. I don't have a problem with people feeling differently about the idea. As I said, it isn't for everyone.

  • 2d

    I'm confused, so if you want to see other people why not just be single? I'm not sure of the point of having a poly relationship

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    • 2d

      We don't want our relationship to end. We love each other and care about each other deeply, but we both just miss certain aspects of being single. We wouldn't want to stop seeing each other and we are still each others priorities. So being single doesn't solve the problem in the slightest.

  • 7d

    Not for me. I’m monogamous and I want a monogamous partner

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    • 7d

      That's fine! As I said, I'm not trying to convert anyone and I'm not arguing against monogamy. I'm simply explaining away some of the misconceptions and answering some of the more common questions.

  • 7d

    I'm in an open relationship too

    Me, anxiety and depression

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  • Romantic love is different because it’s a lot more intimate I think

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  • 4d

    You basically want your cake and eat it too. You want someone to hold on to while you explore greener pastures. Part of this is understandable, as we are all compatible with multiple people. But what if the third person wants a relationship? In order for this to work you'd have to have someone willing to accept that you're in a relationship that you are not ever getting out of for them. I think with all this talk of communication, you're still being dishonest with yourself. If you want something new or hoe around, which is what it looks like you're doing, you should break up and start this all differently. Nobody wants to be the fifth wheel

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  • I respect this 100%

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    • 3d

      Who ever thumbs down can fuck off because I can respect it without agreeing, im saying I respect his views... people get triggered and thumbs down, XD

  • 7d

    Nice work and glad you have a plan.

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  • 7d

    Great take

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  • Good take

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  • Nice take

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What Guys Said 27

  • 7d

    I only hear these ending in someone else gets the girl. Knocks her up or marries her. I have never heard she stayed with the back up guy.

    I hope it works but I don't see it working out. Every one wants to eventually settle down, well most people and when that happens the guy back home is boring. She has been with him for a while so she chooses the new exciting guy to live with and see where it goes.

    #grassisgreener

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    • 7d

      Well my girlfriend doesn't want marriage or kids so I don't see it ending that way. However, the problems you're presenting is common with monogamy as well. So I don't view it as an issue that is exclusive to this relationship dynamic.

  • 7d

    I vehemently disagree with your definition of love but aside from that, interesting read.

    As much as I had these type of relationships and the praise many are giving them, you actually managed to talk about it without truly feeling like you were writing an opinion piece. And that, earns my utmost respect.

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    • 7d

      Hate, not had. Stupid fucking spell check.

    • 7d

      I completely respect your right to disagree and hate such relationship dynamics. I have to say that I never felt particularly strongly about them in the past. But I do appreciate the positive comment!

  • 7d

    ".. back to the flat..."
    So, you're in Europe? GB? Lot's of weird stuff there. These things never turn out like you think or hope they will. Consider just cutting her loose and get a loyal and respectful woman as a partner, instead of a slut.
    You must like sloppy seconds. OMFG

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    • 7d

      I could pick apart everything you've just said but it doesn't seem worth either of our time!

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    • 3d

      What do some pedophiles have to do with my opinion on you unhealthy relationships? You're very desperate. You don't know how else to defend yourself.

    • 3d

      @meri_manr Defend myself against what? You haven't made a single valid point so far in this entire discussion!
      Besides, I was demonstrating that your source of moral guidance and those you consider to be moral authority aren't exactly known for being in moral positions. You're simply trying to deflect, which is fine seeing as you can't actually build a case for your argument.

  • 7d

    Welp, there goes any positive feelings I had for you.

    You and your girlfriend are just two animals who want to eat your cake and have it too.

    Just goes to show the human priority of rubbing fleshy parts together is stronger than any sort of long term connection or commitment.

    Love is dead, it never existed, there is just sex, and we worship it above all else as the one true God.

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    • 7d

      There is only one true God and his name is Steve, the Almighty Penguin (Fish Be around Him).

      I'm not sure you actually read my MyTake. This dynamic isn't just about sex, which is practically the entire reason I decided to write a MyTake on it.

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    • 2h

      Sooo... you cuck eachother? It's amusing how hard you're trying to sugarcoat it. "Relationship preferences," lol.

    • 1h

      I don't need to sugarcoat anything, brother. It's you that is using words that you clearly don't understand. You can think what you want about me, I'm not trying to change your opinion. I'm just pointing out that you could at least use some accurate terminology.
      I have two questions for you:
      Question 1 - Are you religious?
      Question 2 - Are you homophobic?

  • From my admittedly limited experience, open relationships generally mean that the woman wants to get a lot of strange dick and the guy is a cuck who just goes along with it. And he never gets anywhere near the amount of strange sex that his woman is getting.

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    • 7d

      That was my worry when we first started out but actually so far, the opposite has been closer to the truth.

  • I have been in an "open" relationship and it is fun while it lasts but generally some kind of crap will end up ruining it. In my case, her and I had plenty of fun and I really enjoyed my time with her. However, then one day she gives me an ultimatum and something about it didn't make sense to me. I respectfully declined then heard through the grapevine sometime later, she was sleeping with her roommate's boyfriend. I have never seen or heard of one of these types of relationships working out.

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  • 6d

    What’s the point of being in a relationship if you’re sleeping with other women? I wouldn’t even call it a relationship that you’re in, more like friends with benefits.

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    • 6d

      Not really. Friends with benefits don't care for each other in a romantic way, they certainly don't love each other, they don't plan on spending the rest of their lives together, they don't visit each other's families, they don't live together, etc...

  • 7d

    I guess I always thought 1 and 1 was there as that is the design of man/woman and for the long road to raise children, requires dedication, ideally emotional purity.

    How would you feel if she came back pregnant and wasn't your child? Still in love and excited, and all 3 of you work it out?

    Do you inform others that you are dating that you have a committed girlfriend, you are just looking for a side chick?

    How would you feel if she came home and said, "Bob" I like better (whatever the reason). I'm moving on... It doesn't sound like there is any commitment. With a marriage... there should be, not saying people have that today but was the concept.

    I'm not doubting though there is lots of feel good. It is feeding needs, natural chemical highs. Have security at home, but thrill of endless chase. Makes you feel... hubris? I see it on your side, I don't undersatnd her side. I don't see how jelousy, disrespect or other emotions don't interfere.

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    • 7d

      We have zero plans to raise children. We always use two forms of protection so the odds of her getting pregnant are incredibly low. However, if it did happen, she'd most likely get an abortion as that's what we'd do if she got pregnant from me.
      Yes, I mentioned that in the MyTake. We inform all dates of the status of our relationship and only when they understand that do we actually go on a date with them.
      If she liked someone else more then that isn't any different to what happens within monogamous relationships. Sometimes stuff like that happens, it's life.

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    • 7d

      Nope, we're both from pretty normal backgrounds. Her parents are divorced but that happened when she was 18 and she'd already decided before then that she didn't want children. Both of her parents are lovely. There has never been any mention of abuse and as I've met her entire family, I don't see where it would come from... but obviously you can never know for sure so I can't make the claim that there isn't something, but to the best of my knowledge there isn't.
      My parents are still together and I've lived a pretty average life. My parents and family were all good to me

      Our reasoning for not having kids is based largely on logic rather than emotion. We just have too much we want to do with our lives: too many places we want to visit, too many activities we want to try, etc. Having kids would stop that or at the very least delay it for decades.

    • 7d

      Interesting, thank you for sharing.

  • I can understand how some people couldn't do it but I personally don't see what the big deal is. An open realtionship is so much easier than an regular relationship.

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  • Would kill any man gettin close to my girl friend 😡

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  • Glad to hear it works for you, but it is definitely nothing for me.

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  • Well, for me this is much easier to accept than a man who frolics around in another man's hairy poop hole

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  • 7d

    This feels more like "The Defense for my Poly/Open Relationship"

    you didn't really give us the day-to-day on it. Like, how long were y'all monogamous before? how long have you been open currently?
    Also, I think this is more of an open relationship than a poly one. Isn't poly a defined group of people who are all together in a relationship?

    What have been some fights you and your girlfriend have had over this? How do YOU feel when you're looking forward to seeing her one night but get a text saying she won't be coming home? Who seems to be using this option most frequently? Do y'all subconciously try and match new sexual partners? Are you all worried about STDs and pregnancy?

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    • 7d

      Perhaps. My primary aim was to cover some of the issues/misconceptions that people have thrown my way already on this site. So that was ultimately what led to the content that I covered.
      We've been in a monogamous relationship for nearly 2 years. We've only been open for a month, so it's still pretty fresh. Well I describe it as a poly/open relationship because it's somewhere in the middle. A poly relationship is a relationship that involves multiple love interests and an open relationship is one that involves one main relationship with casual sexual partners. We're in-between both of those and there isn't really a word for it.
      Nope, we have had many conversations and discussions but no fights. We're both pretty evenly matched so far but I've been happier with my dates than she has.
      STDs are a slight concern but we take all the necessary precautions and because we aren't having casual sex, we don't get physical with anyone until we've built a degree of trust and connection with them.

  • 3d

    Eventually jealousy sets in and somebody gets murdered or pregnant or both.

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  • I don't judge people's way of romance. As long as their happy with it. I find open relationships really chill.

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  • Good explanation though i don't like such relationships

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  • 1d

    I would love to have a 3 some between you and your girlfriend.

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  • Great that it works for you and others. I simply couldnt.

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  • 7d

    I don’t understand how you don’t get jealous.

    I get jealous when my girl plays with her toys in front of me.

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    • 7d

      Jealousy still exists within this relationship dynamic but we simply talk it out. If the jealousy became too much or started to impact our relationships to one another then we'd take whatever actions we needed to in order to fix it.

  • 6d

    Regardless of others' opinion which i respect (except for the hostile aggressive posts which reflect the narrow minded respect lacking pple behind them) you guys are doing private things that you enjoy without harming others so thats good enough :) there is no right or wrong in these matters it is relative to the person/couple. personally i think sexuality has a lot of room for adventure and exploration the limit is how further ud allow urself to go and how much is too much. and it doesn't necessarely have to do with loving or respecting ur partner. some couples are perfectly in love but find that adventures like that add spice to their life from time to time.

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    • 6d

      Good answer, thanks for the support! There have certainly been a few incredibly toxic answers but I was also expecting a lot more people to respond in such a way, so I can live with 3 or 4 incredibly negative comments.

  • 7d

    Can't find an open relationship and that is also interested in threesomes

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  • I'm not into open relationships

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  • 7d

    Great take

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  • 8h

    Competent 21st century couple 👏

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  • 7d

    Score one for sex. 👍

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  • 7d

    You are lucky

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  • 6d

    Interesting

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