Is My Girl Cheating On Me?

[Anonymous]

I felt it best to put this in myTake form instead of question because the story has details that folks need to know in order to understand what may be going on. So buckle up.

This Sunday we were spending a late Valentine's together because I had to work on Valentine, but it really ended up being a short visit. She was texting one of her guy friends for pretty much most of the time, I kept peeking at her phone over her shoulder. She said little to me. She also had a necklace in her car that I asked where she got it from and she sheepishly said she "didn't know."

Later on at the mall she wanted a watch and offered to pay half for it if I put in half. I asked her where she got money from because she'd been struggling to pay bills that week and I'd been helping her out with my own money. She wouldn't tell me. She claims I and another guy friend of hers are the only men who ever help her out but I wondered where this new money came from.

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Then later we were driving on the freeway and she was reading another guy's message and the look on her face seemed different. I saw she was going back to my area and I asked where she was going and she said "Taking you home." She claimed she was tired. I told her I'd call her when she got home and she said "Yeah okay." Gave her half an hour to get home and I called but she didn't answer. I called her again a little bit later and she still didn't answer.

Then I texted her saying I wanted to hear her voice cuz we hadn't said much when we were out, and that I didn't mean to make her angry asking about the necklace and the money. She read my text but still said nothing. Then I asked her if she liked the big bouquet of flowers I got her and she still said nothing. I've left her alone since, figured maybe I should give her some space.

But it's something about her face and wanting to cut our day short and take me home that gave me a terribly frightening wonder that maybe it was because this guy said something that made her want to go see him, and it kills me to think she would be sleeping with someone other than me.

So the next day at work - we knew we were both working that day - we saw each other. She made it a point to walk near my area to see me even though she was working on the other end of the building that day. Then later she brought something right over to my area and we looked at each other but said nothing. Moments later we even walked right past each other and I said nothing and neither did she, even though the look on her face was like she felt awkward. A few hours later I look on Facebook and see that she blocked me after she saw a post I put up that morning about a strong man getting the best. But oddly she didn't block me on WhatsApp and I've been silent on there, only checking in to see when she's online or put up any new statuses.

But what does everyone think? Am I being cheated on? I know she keeps in touch with guys on our job and even other men she knows elsewhere. She gets mad when I ask about them and adamantly claims to me that she isn't seeing any other guys, that she just talks to them as friends, but I don't know what to think. It hurts me that she wasn't paying much attention to me the day we were out and that she didn't say anything about the flowers.

I think ultimately it's killing her that she's acted badly and hates that I won't say anything to her, but she doesn't want to speak either because she's too proud. Or if she really is cheating it could be killing her that she knows I know it and she can't face me.

We're both working tomorrow and I don't know what to expect or what to do. Should I give in and speak to her? Or keep letting the situation bother her until she decides to speaks? What could be going on? It has bothered me so much that I've hardly eaten in the last few days and sleep poorly as well.

[Hariss]

You are surely being cheated, a simple and clean love life never had such kind of drama happening everyday, this is the harsh reality of so called "I need some space thing" I never believed in that because if you need personal space with your most personal ones then there is something cooking inside there, all those notions are made by the people who often cheat frequently, she seems selfish to me, you don't need to prove yourself way too much. and I strictly advice you not to fall in a trap of compulsion and make it hard to move out, let her realize your importance and regret her decision if she ever truly loved you she will ultimately come back to you, and if she has already decided to move and shifted interest then she would never come back no matter whatever you do for her, someone that really belongs to you will comeback to you ultimately and if she never comes that means she was never yours. Good luck.

[myTake Owner]

Thanks man. I thought about sending her this letter:

"I had something special for you but not sure if you would accept it. I wanted to know if you liked the flowers, but you never said anything about them. I didn't stop talking to you because I was angry or ignoring you, I did it because you never answered my message last Sunday, so I thought I should give you some space.

I don't know if you like me anymore or have chosen someone else, but I still care about you. A bad moment or a few days of silence doesn't change that for me. I know you blocked me on Facebook and WhatsApp and hope you will change your mind. I hope you're doing alright."

Is it a bad idea?

[pleasestopthis]

Please don't send her that letter! She doesn't deserve it. Just force her to tell you she's over to get some closure and that's about it. Otherwise just remove her from your life.

[Hariss]

Thanks MHO!! I am glad that you have found it useful, and regarding your letter, I would want to say that, you can obviously write a letter about your feelings and to make her realize that it was not you, but chances are none that she is going to realize or learn anything from that, because from my experience she will only take this as an ego issue, so if you want to covery your feelings last time and want to vent out yourself, don't write such a submissive letter just a little bit more plain and mix of everything, but I strictly warn you do not expect anything in return and don't go hopeful very much about, just give the letter and move out, if anything will be there then she will bother to chase you back, but if she is making no effort, then nothing is going to work and help you, it is just that she don't deserve you and you have to move out, you don't have to feel bad about something which was never yours and something that could harm you someday, because from her reaction it is quite clear that with such behavior of her you can't take this very far, sooner or later it will happen someday anyways, so don't get too attached and don't expect anything, other person don't have the capability to hurt you, unless you develop expectations with a wrong person. good luck to you.

[myTake Owner]

Hey everybody thanks for all your words and advice. I gave her the letter and she and I are talking again. I misunderstood things on my part, and that was what upset her.

[smg99]

I’d say just give her some room , the more you pry the more she retreats away. Don’t defend yourself against her let her think about everything and you.

It’s the same for guys , the more chasing the more they run. It’s like that but if they don’t show their efforts I think you can invest less in her going ahead.

[myTake Owner]

Great answer!

[smg99]

You’re most welcome I’m in this crush dilemma not even a relationship. It is much the same.

Some are lazy others need you to validate like rocket fuel is going out of supply.

Drains the giver after all we are with expectations too.

[pervertedjester]

Signs your girl is being unfaithful ↗

[shimmeryns]

She is cheating on you for sure.. All the red flags are there. Sorry.

[btbc92]

You have a very unhealthy relationship here. The question is not whether or not your being cheated on. The question is are you two compatible at ALL? My guess its not. Here are all of the problem areas at. This is how I know both of you don't love each other nor respect each other.:

"She was texting one of her guy friends for pretty much most of the time, I kept peeking at her phone over her shoulder." STOP. This is just a no-no. Your problem is your insecure and controlling. If you have to peak into her business. You got trust issues. She is not your wife. She has every right to text whoever she pleases. It's up to her to decide how much she cares about this relationship enough to keep you and respect your insecurities.

How to fix:

You: Mind your own business. Respect her privacy.
Her: RESPECT your insecurities about her texting other guys in her life.

"She said little to me. She also had a necklace in her car that I asked where she got it from and she sheepishly said she "didn't know." This sounds like she is more and likely emotionally invested outside of your relationship. She is annoyed with you and knows your insecure. She said all of that because she is more and likely cheating on you. Whether its physical or not is debatable.

How to fix:

You: Stop assuming and cut contact with her.
Her: Figure out what she wants. Either try to keep this relationship or break up with you.

"Later on at the mall she wanted a watch and offered to pay half for it if I put in half. I asked her where she got money from because she'd been struggling to pay bills that week and I'd been helping her out with my own money. She wouldn't tell me. She claims I and another guy friend of hers are the only men who ever help her out but I wondered where this new money came from." Unless you plan on marrying this girl. Her finances are none of your business. Its very possible you and this other person is giving her money. But at the same time. She is so focused on materialistic things that she is showing that is undependable and unreliable.

How to fix:

You: Stop worrying about her finances and keep it to yourself about these red flags.
Her: Get her financial priorities in order

"Then later we were driving on the freeway and she was reading another guy's message and the look on her face seemed different." Sounds like to me, again, she is preoccupied with this person or multiple people. And seems like she just wants to avoid you altogether.

My overall take is this: She is not physically cheating. But she FEELS like it. She hates being with you because you have a lot of personal issues and you're projecting on her:

1. You're too nosy.
2. Too insecure
3. Very distrusting
4. Have a lot of hangups and baggage
5. A bit too needy
6. Is a worry-wart
7. Is constantly needing validation
8. No healthy boundaries
9. Your either emotionally weak or your a doormat

Her only GUILT in this situation: She is no longer emotionally invested in this relationship. She is done. She may care about you emotionally wise. But she can't stand to be around you anymore. She wants her freedom while dating you, and she feels stifled. Her mind flaws are that she is selfish, lack respect for the relationship and you, no boundaries herself, materialistic, unpractical.

You two are not compatible and both are you are immature and needs growth. At this point, why bother speaking when you speaking is going from one ear and other the next ear for her? She doesn't CARE nor RESPECT what you have to say. You need to just END IT. You are at the point of not eating or SLEEPING? Dude, let her GO! You're killing yourself over a GIRL! This is why I always say: NO man/woman is worth you going to jail, hurt, dying, going crazy or going to hell FOR. NO ONE! Get out of your pity-party and tell her GOODBYE. She is not worth your life or your heart, and go seek professional counseling. Do not date until you are HEALED from this relationship fully and completely and you develop healthy

[btbc92]

mindset and boundaries. Take time to develop YOU. You can't cultivate healthy relationships when your unhealthy and keep attracting unhealthy people.

[myTake Owner]

But how do you explain her trying to come near me the next day more than once as if she wanted to speak to me but wanted to see if I would first? I think you're overlooking that.

Believe me, I know I'm not perfect and I've acknowledged to her before that I shouldn't worry so much about who she talks to but there are things going on here that make it all so confusing.

[btbc92]

She doesn't know what she WANTS to do. The problems stem from both of you and not just her ALONE. And that is what you have to understand. You cannot concern yourself over what she does. She is an adult, she has to handle her affairs as one just like you have to handle your affairs as a man. She's wishy-washy.

[btbc92]

No. I am not overlooking anything. I know because that is who she is as a person. No matter what she appears to want. She is only a reflection of what you choose to do. Especially when you're sexually active with each other. She became you and you became her. The truth is, you both hate this about yourselves and each other. Your each other's enemies and you both need to either stop it or end it. It's not worth the confusion and it's not worth your health.

[winterfox10]

@btbc92 I get the point that you are making, that she has her own life, and that he shouldn't be in a relationship with someone who he doesn't trust to live her own life; but I think there's a difference between prying, and simply observing an inconsistency in something about your romantic partner and wanting to know more. I felt that because he had been giving her money; him asking where she got money to help treat herself to a watch was reasonable. She asked him for money, because she needed it, but now she's buying something that she doesn't need.

[BluesheepOwl]

To me it sounds like she lost interest. She could be cheating but I think she may either be on the edge of cheating or she passed the line a little bit but not full blown where she's sleeping with another man. That's what I think. I got the impression that she's definitely emotionally cheating on you. Because she's texting this guy all the time, she's consoling in him. And maybe he's stirring up trouble by making her feel like she should be angry or telling her she deserves better. You know putting his comments somewhere where it doesn't belong and making it worse. Outside comments can ruin a relationship if the person is easily bothered by them. I think the way she came to your side of the building and walking passed you without saying anything is her way of trying to get you to say something. She wants you to chase after her and to apologize to her. And she's not doing anything because of her pride. She doesn't realize it but she's creating all this drama, yet she wants you to apologize when it's her... She sounds like she doesn't know what she wants. I think she definitely feels guilty but she has too much of a pride to be the bigger person.

[myTake Owner]

Also a great answer.

[luvstoned4him]

even if she isn't cheating, she may be losing interest.

that spells bad for any relationship

I had a guy friend whose girlfriend blocked him on everything. she wasn't cheating but she wanted to find an easy way to end things with him. No one blocks their boyfriend, girlfriend or even someone they love ever or by accident for any amount of time. thats suspicious. I feel it for you and I feel it more because this always happens to truly good people. Why can't the good ones catch a break? Im too terrified to enter new relationships. Tired of the lies and cheating. God, I am so tired.

[luvstoned4him]

@Asker from my Brother's perspective, cause I told him about your situation. He said to go about it like it doesn't hurt you and show no emotions. Try to to enjoy yourself and make your life look Big. Its like reverse psychology. she would wonder why its not getting to you.

[myTake Owner]

Everything you said is everything I've been thinking too. Thank you.

[Finchie40]

Yup she is cheating , talking to other. guys while you are on a date with her is a huge Red flag , even if she wasn't cheating , she doesn't respect you cuz if she respected you she wouldn't even be chatting with those guys while she is with u , so kick her to the curb and find someone that respects you , Never be someones convienence always be a priority like you make. them to be , if they can't do that for you then move on life is too short to settle for someone that doesn't make you a priority

[Ellie-V]

You should let her know you believe she is cheating on you. Although i doubt she is. She’s definitely lost some interest in you though.

I think you should break up with her. Whether she is cheating or not, because this communication issue doesn’t look like it’s going to get fixed.

[myTake Owner]

Why do you doubt she's cheating?

[Ellie-V]

Because a lot of times these “cheating signals” are just the person not paying attention to you. She can be ignoring you and accepting attention from other people but that doesn’t mean she’s slept with anyone or got physical.

Of course I could be wrong. But people who react the way you do (not eating, analyzing her every action) tend to overdramatize negative thoughts and actions.

[myTake Owner]

@Ellie-V She's blocked me now on both Facebook and WhatsApp, and it seems like she's doing it because it kills her that I haven't spoken to her. If she really really wanted it to be over she could've blocked me on both Sunday evening, but instead she just does it one day at a time.

If she really is innocent, do you think it's too late to try to work it out? I'll see her today at work and I wanna ask her again if she liked the flowers but I'm scared she won't say anything.

[Ellie-V]

Maybe not too late, but it’s getting close. Follow your instincts bro.

[myTake Owner]

She called out today because of the snow. I have no way of reaching her until tomorrow😞

[Ellie-V]

It’ll be fine. Either you’re going to break up or stay together. I won’t be the end of the world, so just chill honey.

[myTake Owner]

But it hurts so much to let it end. I sincerely like her. I'm off tomorrow but she'll be working. I thought about showing up just to have a few words with her but I'm scared if it looks stalkerish. Then I thought about just leaving a short letter in her locker. What do you think? Is that a bad idea?

[Ellie-V]

Yes. Do not not do that

[myTake Owner]

Why?

[Ellie-V]

Because it looks like you’re desperate. Desperation isn’t cute. But you know what? I am not her. I am not you. I do not know anything about y’alls relationship or how you choose to operate. Follow your instincts.

[myTake Owner]

I wasn't trying to be an ass I was just asking.

[Ellie-V]

I didn’t take it as you being an ass

[Pinky_what_why]

Sorry to say but in my opinion she is cheating on you and tbh you seem caring loving respectful and honest and if she gonna treat u like that you should leave her because she does not deserve you and that is also not right what she is doing. If you don't wanna break up with her until you know what's up just go to her and ask her why she is acting like that and tell her you want the truth

[Hariss]

I tried to did that on past and either ways I ended up being a faulty whether I stay silent, or I ask questions or just ask nothing, I was made to believe that all was my fault and she confused me to the hell, I wanted to say many things to vent myself but I couldn't because I didn't wanted her to say that so you are like this in reality which I am not, but i had enough of her and I was full, she was too suspicious and wanted me to give space and never wanted to talk and give answer to anything, and me even being silent and watching her do everything, each and every fault was mine, and it was really hard to blame anything to her because she would create drama and reject my words like nothing, in the end I realized that she is a girl many guys chase a girl and it is not hard for them to find another guy because everyone competes to look more caring and noble person to attract her, I always failed to understand we guys had to survive in anything which are offered to us and it is all about a girl always, no matter what we face we always need to prove us for the girls and somehow girls have monopoly over the relationships, they can just come and go whatever they feel, but for a guy like me, having a girl is like a lifetime chance which we put everything on stake to keep it, it is really hard to find a girl and then convince her, there are many filters and criteria which a girl puts on guys to pass that first and for us everything is just fine if we get opportunity to date someone, seems like our feelings doesn't matter and we are not cared. it really breaks my heart, I am very decent and caring type of person, but when a girl try to become a stranger like that all of a sudden it is something I can't handle it breaks me really hard and I never want to date again in my life.

[IndiannaJonnes]

My personal opinion is you should break up with her as soon as possible. She is not only cheating you she is treating you like her slave. She thinks she can be with any men and you can't say anything because she believes you are nothing without her. Show her your importance. Make her regret. It's hard time for you to move away to next women. You should make her jealous by being with the next woman infront of her.
Celebrate your life with a Good Women and not with a fake bitch

[MaverickAngel]

I honestly dint know if she's cheating (assuming accepting gifts from other men dont count as cheating)... but she does sound like she's conflicted and blocking you is a mind fudge.. But. Begore doing anything dramatic why not talk it though - perhaps she was upset that she didn't get a more dramatic valentines day or something and this was her immature way of letting you know. I do know.. she sounds like she might be hard work in a relationship- indirect and playing mind games so maybe decide if talking it through is worth the "prize"

[curiousscorpio89]

I think you probably have known the answer to this all along. You knew that day. You just didn't trust your gut. Trust your gut man. Women who are happy and being faithful don't act like this. Now the important isn't what's happened to this point. It's how you handle things moving forward. Keep your dignity, and send her packing man. She betrayed you, that trust is gone. Don't act crazy and beg her to stay or blow her phone up or try and make her hurt cuz she hurt you. Just gather yourself and move forward.

[angelin]

There’s no proof she’s cheating reading through what you have written. What is does look like to me that you two are not in a relationship or you both are casually dating. Possibly she’s also loosing interest which has nothing to do with you and all to do with her and something else giving and getting more of her attention

[capncool]

She might or might not be, no way to tell unless she comes clean or gets caught. Regardless if she is or not she's giving some strong signs that she's going through the motions of checking out of the relationship. The only way to know what's going on is to ask her. Don't accuse her of cheating because she might not be, but do acknowledge that you noticed she was acting a bit off and ask her what's wrong. Be ready for the relationship to end.

[fashionguy17]

Looking at your interaction with her, she doesn't respect you, and you are looking weak by constantly contacting her and making all the effort when she ain't doing jack shit for you.

You need to dump the bitch, bro. You can either dump her quietly (just stop talking to her) or you can get even by showing yourself on social media with a bunch of different women (if you like revenge).

She was never your girl... and you are making yourself look like a simp by staying with her. Don't put her on a pedestal. You have better options out there.

[Melshmallow046]

It seems likely that she's cheating on you, but even if she isn't, it sounds like the relationship is ending.

[myTake Owner]

It's so hard to tell. She's blocked me now on both Facebook and WhatsApp, and it seems like she's doing it because it kills her that I haven't spoken to her. If she really really wanted it to be over she could've blocked me on both Sunday evening, but instead she just does it one day at a time.

[Melshmallow046]

The fact that she blocked you at all is a really bad sign, it doesn't matter if she waited to do it. This isn't the situation you described, but as an example, I had a creepy guy ask me out who wouldn't take know for an answer. I blocked him on Facebook (where he normally talked to me) but only unfollowed him on Instagram. A month later, he tried messaging me on Instagram, so I blocked him there too. I didn't wait to block him on a second platform because I wanted him to message me.

[myTake Owner]

Yeah I guess that's true. I'm gonna try saying something to her at work tomorrow and see what she does.

[Melshmallow046]

Good luck, I hope it goes well.

[myTake Owner]

@Melshmallow046 Hopefully. It's all so confusing. It's like I'm torn. Part of me believes she's cheating and the other part believes she's calling herself punishing me for me not speaking to her. I don't know how I'm gonna sleep tonight.

[Anonymous]

She's definitely cheating.

Let me give you an idea of what a woman does when she's with another guy and isn't cheating.

I went out for drinks the other day with a female co-worker. We went to a bar/restaurant but only got drinks. While we were there her boyfriend texted her and she texted back telling him where she was and who she was with (he didn't even ask her, she just volunteered that information) The entire time her and I were out drinking if her boyfriend sent her a text she was replying back pretty much immediately. He wasn't sending text instantaneously but when he did text she took the time to reply back. Had she been out with me inappropriately she wouldn't have given him the time of day.

[chrisbigman]

She didn't know where she got a necklace? Yeah, dude - this wench is cheating on you. If not physically, she's cheating on you emotionally/mentally. Also, she's texting and driving? If she's not answering your calls after you got home, then that should be a HUGE clue. She's a bitch, and you should've dumped her right after you got out of the car. Don't worry about hurting her feelings. She's already been cheating on you. She already doesn't care about YOUR feelings. And women wonder why they can't find a good man...

[Nimsay]

I must say, only you know better about her nature. It depends on since how long you know each other. And i've seen a case where a girl gets involved with another guy and has a crush on him. BUT she knows that she is ultimately going back to his boyfriend or real lover because the new guy he's interested in is not worth it. I would say just wait for a little while and be patient. She hasn't blocked you from Whatsapp still. But, this is a sue thing that she IS hiding something from you.

[Xoxoroxy]

Sorry you've had to go through all that. Honestly, a relationship should not have to be this difficult. You should not be finding out little things like extra money, jewelery,. ... it just makes everything so suspicious. And the fact that she was so cold to you. Makes me feel like she's losing interest in you because she's interested in someone else right now. Listen to your gut. And don't dismiss what it's tellling you. Most likely, your probably right on the whole cheating speculation.

[SarahVanRensburg]

It sounds weird. Go with your gut instinct because 99% of the time it's right. Speak to her and tell her you think she's cheating.