Another journal entry, wanting to discuss.
All I can think about is how I'm going to handle it when we end. I wish that wasn't the only thought on my mind but it is. When it's over or he leaves, I'll need to get on meds I won't be able to handle it, I can barely handle myself now, but right now I don't want to be on mind altering medication as there's lots of side effects and it ruins relationships. But without him, the sadness would ruin my mind and soul. Will he ever end it with me? I don't know. And I know I won't because I just want to be with him no matter what. I don't want to talk to him about how I feel. I just know that I'll barely survive it if we do even go our separate ways.
I'll love him forever. He's my one love no matter what, no matter how much it seems like I don't care. There is just too much wrong with me and honestly I don't know if I can fix myself. But right now honestly all I can see for myself is darkness, I can't find the light.
I want to be together more but that scares me too because if we become closer will it push us apart? It always seems good when you're only brushing the surface so will everything corrupt if we go any deeper.