Depression, Anxiety and Relationships

[Anonymous]

This is all my personal expirence. This is mostly me venting because I don't really have anyone to vent to. Noone who understands where I am coming from.

But I've noticed that relationships when one of the partners have anxiety or depression never work out. I am self & socially diagnosed with depression/anixiety (people around me tell me and i tell myself but never medically told). I've been in two relationships. My first one were we both sick. We both hated ourselves and we couldnt make each other happy. That lasted a year.

My second relationship it was only me (I think). When I told that boyfriend about my depression I basically got told off. He said that he doesn't need to hear my problems because he has his own. I stood with him for almost for years, partly because I didn't think I deserved better. He was basically a living impression of my own brain. Of whatever I was telling myself. It felt comfortable. It felt save. I deserved it. I stood with him even after I found out that he was cheating with me online for more than half of our relationship.

Now with my current boyfriend I have more good days than bad. He's amazing. Respects and understands my depressive moments. Helps with my anxiety. The only issue is I feel as if I don't deserve him. I don't deserve to be treated so well. And I know this will ruin me. It will ruin us. Hell get fed up with my over affection, my paranoia, my anxiety. Soon he'll realize that I am a burden to him, something he can't take care of anymore. Nobody wants to be a babysitter to their significant other. Noone wants to constantly reassure.

I am doomed to a life time alone because I can't control my mind and thoughts. I can't control my own self esteem. My greatest fear of dying alone will eventually be a reality. Depression and Anxiety does not only affect the person its controled but those around them.

Thanks for my listening to my rant.

[Tanuron]

As someone who have suffered from both depression and anxiety too I can get what you mean, but more so too with my current girlfirend who also struggle with the same. I always have to reassure her in many ways, she get easily very jealous. But still, while it can take a toll, I do understand. All her ex's and such cheated on her and her faith in humanity cause of her awful life has been around zero. But I never considered her a burden though. Regardless of her worries, thoughts etc. She always blame herself so much and feel like she sabotages the relationship with her insecurities sort of, which is also understandable. Regardless again, we been together for 2 years now and it does get better. She grown to trust me more than anyone and gradually have lost more and more of her worries in a sence, or at least have an easier time to just believe me. People can grow together. So I dont think you are doomed, just need someone who understand. Cause someone who understand couldnt judge you for feeling the way you do. But its important naturally that you yourself are willing to progress and work on yourself, kinda goes for any human being really. Otherwise you will grow apart in time. Communication has always been the key really, something that can take a bit practice as well.

Either way again, I dont think you will always be alone. While I certainly am familiar with the thought and the feeling I know in the end despite my own flaws I can at least love very deeply, as long as that kind of love exisst in you. You can live as an example, teach others if must be. Cause I think that sometimes is sort of the key too, teach others how to love. They will pick it up in time, the more they are around you, the more they might learn. Which is again another important factor with the willing to learn bit. Both for yourself and for your partner. I know everything may seem so hopeless sometimes, very much know too, but ther is still hope, you just gotta live to see tomorow.

[Monsters]

I was sexually abused by a woman. It made me very confused because I never thought a woman was capable of sexual abuse. I was confused about my emotions. And all of a sudden I was sitting across from a stupid dr! Aargh they treated the depression not the trauma. Because there was that shame. Oh the shame. Did it make me gay. For sure noone would believe me and oh yes it was such a lonely battle. A scary one. A journey down a dark path without even a flashlight. Nights were scary. Scents made me sweat. Oh and certian sounds faces they all made me freeze.
I felt dirty and guilty for not leaving. Dirty because as my body was changing I was living in a strange world invaded by a creatures hand that put me out of touch with myself.
Than when I tried to tell I was shoved up against the wall once again. It hurts you know. A strange hand roaming inside your shirt. Touching carressing hurting violating. Oh and when she spit in my face when she was done oh man did I feel like trash. It was a dark secret. I was the child of the devil so I deserves it I guess.
Sometime my moods changed. I would not go shopping because bathrooms were and sometimes still are scary as hell. You know i was always afraid of corners of halls. The halls of that school haunted by my dead childhood walking around cut down to young.
People were silent. And still to this day I FIND that silence to in a way hurt more
because how were People silent when a 12 year old kid who by the way her mom just had cancer dad almost died too. dad was unemployed and came to school frozen because even in the midwest for 4 years there was no heat?
Yet the reason i say all this is because you see the trauma should be treated not just the symptoms now that the source and root cause has been treated I am no longer on mess and i excersise for my anti depressant. And relationship wise as long as someone is responsible I would not reject them

[RJGraveyTrain]

I was diagnosed with GA disorder, OCD, and depression by doctors and psychiatrists. You can learn to cope with it and it doesn't doom you, that is an awful way to look at it. It has affected me with debilitating panic attacks, it took away valuable years of my life and stopped me from having completely fulfilling relationships. But you know what? I don't quit. If you surrender you give up the luxury of complaining, so you can't let something like this dictate your future. You have to learn how to fight. I suggest getting professional help as well as doing your own personal research and learn how to cope. I did, and many others have. You just can't surrender.

[myTake Owner]

im trying not to. when i wrote this it was a bad day.
but he's such an amazing guy i honestly dont feel worthy of him sometimes

[RJGraveyTrain]

If you weren't worthy he wouldn't be with you. Besides, no human has monetary value: you are simply a good person or a bad person. It's going to be a long road ahead but if you truly care about this guy you have to learn to take care of yourself first. I know it's hard and depression will make it seem like it's impossible, it isn't. You just need to find outlets; there's a lot of free support groups, online and real life, there's therapists, self help books, forums - begin working on it before it gets too far.

[noneoftheabove]

well i think the first thing you need to do is try and focus on getting better. i dont believe you will stay in the same place you're in right now. you have to continue to get people around you who support you, make you feel good about yourself, people who help build your self esteem.

in my honest opinion you are not doomed, you are only doomed if you continue to let what affects you consume your life and relationships. you have the power to conquer your insecurities. no one can do it for you but that doesn't mean people can't help you get to that place. its all in you, you have to search within you and ask questions of yourself. you can defeat the place you're in but youve gotta fight it

[myTake Owner]

Thanks

[MusicMayhem]

Your negative thoughts about yourself regarding ur boyfriend not wanting you-thats just your depression talking to you, taking over your feelings. Try to ignore those thoughts. Obviously he likes you and thinks you are worthy of him otherwise he would have left. Just continue to do nice things for him every now and then and his appreciation for you will clear your negative thoughts on the matter. I know how badly depression can suck life out of you, but continue to look at the positives on the flipside of your current thinking and you will no longer doubt your place in your relationship. All the best!

[myTake Owner]

i know. logically i know.
he stood with me when i decided to go to boot camp, stood with me while i was in, and stood with me when i came back home because i got discharged.

but i dont always think logically

[MusicMayhem]

That's ok It makes you human! There's nothing logical about mental health, you just have to do your best to overcome it.

[genuinlysensitive]

Sounds like you should seek help., therapy and or medication. They helped me with my anxiety amd panic attacks. Just be careful not to stay on the meds too long, or it will be hard comong off them. It sounds like your boyfriend really loves you and will support you in this. Amd in tje long term it will help your depression. You will still get sad, but the feelings you describe of self hate will lessen or go away.

Just be sure to remember how your and stuck by you all this time. My ex was bi polar, and after she started treatment, she cheated on me dumped me, and stole several hundred dollars from me. Those years I helped her and suffered with her meant nothing to the btich slut.

[Anonymous]

I think the key in a situation you're in is to really try to spoil him and make him happy on your good days.

People who are kind and giving and in love are willing to be a babysitter to their significant other. A lot of guys are willing to constantly reassure.

What's crushing is if your'e very rarely or never getting back some of the things you need to feel loved and desired.

I've dated girls who were borderline depressed, and I could handle the insecurity and anxiety. Occasionally frustrating, but i cared about them. The hard part is if they reached long, long stretches where they were never making me feel desired and wanted, and never seemed happy to please me. Need that sometimes.

[myTake Owner]

i do spoil him as much as i can but even then i feel as if my over affection is annoying

[FakeName123]

Life is hard, people have problems, shit happens.

Wallowing in self-pity of "I will never improve" is definitely not the way to a better life though. You want a better life then you have to work for it. Depression and Anxiety aren't things you are born with and unchangable, but mindsets you can work on.

[Anonymous]

Self love is what makes a relationship good. How can you love someone when you don't even love yourself? I'm noy saying you don't love yourself but you put yourself down and no one can make you happy but you. You are responsible for your own happiness

[OrdinaryGentleman]

I think you need to be medically diagnosed, people will make it up in their heads that something is wrong with them when really nothing is... then say you have it.

[ShepherdOfFire99]

Okay, ugh, no. There is so much wrong with this it physically hurts.

[Justnotthatin2u]

Hey, I'm here to listen if ya wanna talk sometime. I think we all need that ♥️

[The_Empty]

As someone with depression and possible BPD (I'm emotionally unstable), my issues have made me isolated and alone, and, the longer I'm like that, the worse my mental state becomes

[Monsters]

Did you know bipolar can mimic ptsd?

[The_Empty]

@Monsters Borderline Personality Disorder, not Bipolar, I at least know I'm definitely not bipolar

[HighlanderTheOne]

What kind of fucked up world is this where you have to pay to stay sane?

[Marstalk]

Get a professional diagnosis. They can help you get started on some help to manage this.

[godownliketreysn]

ok just live life stop worrying about shit so easy you sound like a crazy person

[Anonymous]

Work on yourself and go to a doctor for a professional diagnosis.