Why dating or having a relationship when you have severe anxiety and depression sucks?

[crying4help]

I've been in 2 dates no boyfriend yet! That's it... two different guys who didn't understand my feelings. Daydreaming of a lover by your side. I met both online and met in person. I was awkward on those dates and these guys only made me feel worse saying to chill and the only thing I should worry about is when I live on my own. I guess no man wants to deal with a sufferer and they only look for that freaky girl on tinder. Maybe these guys didn't understand my situation or honestly I was a huge turn off. I still remember me swiping left to right on tinder or on other dating apps and when I chatted and we got to know each other then I would mention what i deal with everyday and they lost interest. So you tell me is dating apps a great way to find love if you deal with mental illness or is better to just wait for that day that you bump to your future lover in the school hallway?

[yasii]

1. Two dates is basically nothing. You'll probably have to date a lot before met “the one“
2. Tinder is mostly for hookups. there are other dating apps that focus more on actually finding a partner. Try another app
3. You should probably sort out you're situation before you think about dating. You can't really expect a stranger to honestly care about your mental problems. And I know it seems harsh but in my opinion it's selfish to expect others to deal with your mental problems if you can't really deal with them yourself. I don't really know how serious they are, but I know how exausting it can be to deal with people who have some sort of mental illness.

[TheOnlyJonesy36]

I really feel for what you are going through. I myself dated a girl for a year or so who had anxiety/depression. It was difficult at the start but once the original ice had been broken it worked out fine. It was a good relationship and honestly she improved in her mental state. It just took some work from both of us.

[btbc92]

Because you're not healthy. Period. Your suffering and toxic energy will drain the life and possible harm the lives of others. When I am around somebody like that, all of a sudden I feel their pain and everything. And one time somebody almost made me throw up because their energy was very toxic. This is why you do not get into a relationship. Nobody can help you but God and yourself. You need to put yourself together FIRST. They don't owe you anything. You owe it to yourself to find out WHY you are suffering the way you do. What is the cause of your anxiety? Were you raped, abused, used, bullied, suffered severe trauma, somebody died in front of you, killed in an accident, etc? No matter WHAT happened in your life to scar you so badly YOU are responsible for YOU today. And they can't. Stop dating. GO SEEK COUNSELING. A man cannot save you or be your counselor. He is there to be your equal. And if you cannot find yourself to be emotionally capable and healthy enough to handle a relationship, then you need to stay out of it. Not dating is not the end of the world. That person would not be my lover without me knowing what I am dealing with first. Even I struggle with anxiety because of my past and I have never dated also because of those reasons. Nobody is responsible to take care of me. Period. Some can handle it, others cannot. So its best to befriend somebody first before even thinking about dating them. Think about THEIR needs before your own. A relationship is about the other person, not you alone. It becomes selfish to expect that from others. Especially when its possible you have nothing to really offer in a relationship that other girls can't already do and provide more. So, think about your wellness right now.

[RSong]

Maybe give the girl a break? Not all depression and anxiety are the result of an incapability to deal with reality. Sometimes depression is just a chemical imbalance in the brain, which medication can only help to regulate. There isn't a cure outright and remission doesn't always happen. Sometimes you have to plan for life as if it won't get better.

[btbc92]

@RSong And you do understand that not everybody has to tolerate and deal with a person that has depression? No, depression can be cured if people get to the root and actually go to God for help. Medication will not help do something that should be dealt with. And also see if one have parasites. After removing a good amount of them I was able to do with that. It has nothing to do with dealing with reality. But the fact somebody is living with depression. It is not a chemical imbalance. But something going on mentally and psychologically.

[btbc92]

Depression doesn't just happen. After speaking to multiple people, often times there is a problem with a person's health, environment and parental background besides social skills.

[RSong]

@btbc92
Personally, my depression started from nights of sleepless and malnutirition. My body, chemically speaking, began to break down and eat itself. Neuropath ways were damaged, which resulted in a neuro-chemical imbalance.
I know that people have to 'deal' with me and that it is hard to do so. I do what I can with therapy, prayers, exercising and medication. I think your condmenation of metnal illness is appalling and that you should educate yourself beyond what you have heard from others.
Here is a link to get you started
www.health.harvard.edu/.../what-causes-depression

[btbc92]

@RSong It's not condemnation. Its speaking truth. I am very much educated about mental illness enough for people to say I should be a counselor. The sad reality is you still do not know exactly what is at the cause of your depression and sleepless night and malnutrition. I know ALL about that as I went through it myself. Sounds like worms and you need a good cleanout and change your diet. Stop with the junk food. This is less to do with a chemical imbalance, and more to do with external factors and something taking away your nutrition which again, sounds like parasites. Now if you don't want to hear that, then that is on you. I condemn the demonic spirits you accept. And as long as you accept depression, the worse it gets. The more I rebuke them the less I deal with such spirits.

[btbc92]

Again, check to see if you're dealing with parasites. Because everything you're telling me I been through. Either way. You're in charge of your health and your mindset have to be there as if you were normal. Because others will take advantage of your problems and make it out like your crazy. You cannot expect everybody to want to deal with that or can handle it. Long term it can drain them and make them want to run if there is no sign of improvement.

[RSong]

@btbc92
I'm sorry you have parasites, but that doesn't mean other people have parasites. I think you're projecting* a bit here.
As for what you have heard regarding mental illness and what others have said about your expertise, I could give a care. Perhaps encourage people's positive attributes instead of telling people that they're sick and that they drain people. No matter how true that maybe, it doesn't help the situation. It's called positive reinforcement and is helpful.
Here's a link for your benefit:
www.verywellmind.com/what-is-positive-reinforcement-2795412
* www.everydayhealth.com/.../

[btbc92]

The CDC is very clear that is estimated over 1 million people in the US alone is infected with parasites. Nobody is projecting. He told me a lot of things about your health that I can pinpoint exactly where it's coming from. That's why a lot of people say I can be a doctor. First of all, positive reinforcement needs to come from the parents who are responsible for the children oh, and those that the patients are underneath. Dumping your problems on another healthy human being is not love it's selfishness. Because it does drink people. And I'm one of those highly sensitive people that can actually sense and know when I'm being drained by a person that has this problem. Maybe you're not sensitive enough to actually sense the negative energy of others. But there are plenty of us that do. And dating is not an appropriate way to actually handle such problems because you're turning it into a sexual relationship. Dating was a sense of just friendship and just going out together without any type of physical intimate contact that is sexual, that is a different story. But that is not what people do today. For those reasons as why you stay out of dating until you are in a healthy position and you work on getting yourself where you are cured of such things. Depression can be cured. Because the more you're saying it can't the more you're making a statement, the more you making a statement, the more you already sealed your fate. And when people think like you that's where I leave you alone so that you can figure out your own life. And it's not my job to help pick you up out of it if you don't want to do it for yourself. Because I've been depressed before and I know the source of my depression. I pray to God he gives me the solution I do what I got to do, and I move on with life. I don't dump my problems on other people and I do not expect them to deal with those problems that are mine.

[btbc92]

Because sadly a lot of you seek attention in the wrong light. You need the attention you need, you get that from your family. You try to phone family within a good support system of friends who are going to make sure that you stick to what you got to do. But when it comes down to a terms of a lover that is far too much. You got to learn to grow within your own self. And a lot of other person to grow within themselves. Relationships are not about you. It's about the other person and it's about their needs. And if their needs are not being met, how in the world can you expect them to give you your own needs? Relationships should not be with a person has to walk on eggshells all the time. Seeking understanding is one thing. But seeking a mate because you're depressing alone is another and it's wrong. That comes from people who can't be responsible, and learn to be accountable on their own two feet.

[btbc92]

Because if you got to be in counseling and therapy for so many years and there is no progress and healing and change. That means something is terribly wrong. And either you're with the wrong person to get you the healing you need, or you're stopping yourself from getting healing. And this is coming from somebody who suffered from constant depression because of my home life and how I grew up at home. So again, you decide whether or not you want the healing. Because it just sounds like to me no offense that you really don't. Because now you got attention-seeking Behavior and victim mentality. And that becomes manipulative. You can't give up you got to fight for your healing. Because if you don't fight you just going to stay stuck.

[RSong]

@btbc92
The CDC does not recognize parasites aas a cause of depression.
www.cdc.gov/.../depression-anxiety.html
If you want to learn more about parasites, here is a link from the CDC to give you a jumping off point:
https://www.cdc.gov/parasites/about.html
The CDC recognizes that the treatments for depression, but list no cure. www.cdc.gov/.../treatments.htm
While focusing on well-being and being hopeful or optimistic can be helpful for those with depression, it is still only a treatment or life style change, but not a cure.
https://www.cdc.gov/hrqol/wellbeing.htm

[btbc92]

Of course they don't recognize parasite as a root cause of depression because they're not going to tell you if it means them getting money for you being sick or dead? I had stated that the CDC make clear that is estimated over 1 million people are infected with parasites. Well I told you is that parasites or a root cause of depression. And yes there is a cure for depression an that is changing your mindset and stop focusing on negativity and again, changing your diet. Junk food has been linked to stress and depression.

[RSong]

To simplify:
-depression is different for each individual
-encourage those with depression to pursue proper treatment, however that looks for them
-educate yourself and site your credible sources
-know that word of mouth, like blog posts, are not always reliable sources of information

I have attached a link to help you in your research:
https://uknowit.uwgb.edu/page.php?id=30276

[btbc92]

I'm telling you from personal experience with then and the experiences of others. Your not eating healthy and your environment is not good for you psychologically. You have t9 deal with depression on the first on set of symptoms. Not years later where it rearranged your neural systems way of creating dopamine. Your dopamine levels are not regulated.

[btbc92]

You don't have to keep sending me link and research about something I personally know about. The key and the point of the matter is simply this. Is getting yourself together and knowing the root cause of your depression so that you can seek healing. You should start showing Progressive change oh, and making concrete steps so that you will not have to continue to keep going to a person for psychological changes. Dating and sexually Intimate Relationships is going to distract you from doing what you got to do for yourself. And that is what I am telling you and what I tell other people. To have friends is one thing. But to be sexually intimate with another and they are not your spouse is another issue. Did because depression is shown differently in other people. That does not mean it cannot be cured. They tell you that because again that's how they're able to make money off of you. Having healthy motivations, a good support system, and a change in lifestyle can help lead you into the road of recovery. Depression is mostly dealt with spiritually than it is physically. Because depression is not physical. It's spiritual that manifests in the physical. It is still personal choice to get yourself in a healthier psychological mindset.

[RSong]

@btbc92
As for your claim that the CDC is withholding information to collect money or bodies, perhaps give this a read.
https://www.cdc.gov/about/business/cdcfoun.htm

[btbc92]

@RSong I don't have to make claims. You figure it out when you are sick and you can't or don't get better. Many things I had illnesses of, I got better in comparison listening to doctors who just give me drugs and no solution.

[RSong]

I agree that you shouldn't rely on a dating relationship to cure you or fix you - I agree -

My 'beef' here with you is that treatment for depression is different for every person.

Factors like a good home enviroment, weather, diet and exercise, medication, and religious practices can be helpful or harmful.
I would urge you to look into correlation versus causation, as I think you do not understand the difference between the two.

Drugs alone are seldom the answer, and on that we agree.

[btbc92]

@RSong I understand the difference quite well, that is why I say what I say. Again, I could have been a psychologist because I know. If you don't fix the causation, then you will continue to have a growing problem. That is why mental illness amongst my generation, yours and younger is very high. Because nobody INVESTS anymore in people.

[RSong]

@btbc92
What is the difference between causation and correlation?

[btbc92]

@RSong Causation is the direct correlation that leads to the problem in the first place.
Correlation is the variables that can or cannot be direct factors.

It's not about theories. It's about again, getting to the root of the problem and plucking out the root. NOT by the stem. That's why when you get weeds in the garden they always tell you what? REMOVE them from the root. Or else it will regrow back.

[Egoless_M0rtal]

If it makes you feel any better or less alone. My anxiety holds me back from a lot especially romantic relationships and as youve mentioned people dont really seem to understand or maybe they dont care to? The depression i can't relate to so much but any guy who loses interest because of some mental illness is clearly not a guy id suggest any of my lady friends to date. And to answer your question about dating apps. I avoid them all together. Instead i look for singles events in my area. The only drawback to that is because i have anxiety sometimes it take a bit of extra energy to get myself out the door. But i find they are a bit nicer to go to and they are much more laid back. Its usually some big group event that everyone just mingles and talks. No pressure to impress or come off as some super confident person. You just get to be yourself and relax and try to have a good time.

[Larajeanfake]

I usually don't tell them unless I feel really close or I feel that I can trust them with that information about me. But I try to hold up on my own so I'm not a burden to them. I don't mention my depressive feelings to a boyfriend or on a date or anything. I might tell them my past and what I've been through though. For me using dating apps don't work, I've met a lot of guys in person though and it's much better to me. Whether one is better than the other due to your state though, I say neither. Really, it takes a long time to learn to cope with it and I still struggle with it. I don't want to depend on a person to "cure" my depression. Even though I suffer with similar thoughts as yours sometimes.

[RSong]

I have depression and I'm trying to date. I feel like I know where you're coming from. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't understand the great emotional burden we operate or try and function at is frustrating. It created a lot of stress on my past relationships.
It takes a special person to be in a relationship with someone with mental illness and not many young men are up to the task.

[BrittBratt2416]

I have major anxiety and I have a boyfriend/fiancee, if they can't understand your issue with anxiety/depression then those guys aren't for you. I have flat out said to dates cause of my anxiety and shyness so don't feel bad. But I would encourage trying to get your anxiety and depression under control before trying to date, being mentally and emotionally well is way more important at this point than dating.

[Dsg1193]

You can use dating apps but I’d be weary. A lot of the men are freaky and only want sex. But, maybe try a different app? Anyway, as a person with anxiety, I’d be careful with who you speak to about this information. Since it’s so soon, don’t put out the baggage until there is a comfort level.

[Riggers]

Judging by your past posts and your username, the issue here is not your anxiety or depression, the issue is you constantly feeling the need to Bring up your anxiety and depression to the point where others just think “ugh...”

[StellarDrift]

Not sure if you're dealing with your "mental illness" (I hate calling it that), but totally focus on dealing with that first. And if you think you're good for having a relationship without wanting to force it, be hesitant about it, and just being happy and do it... then go for it. And honestly, I'd say going out is better. Helps your confidencr, and people see you, and you see people. Online is just a hit or miss.

[sean1234]

Most guys these days are spoiled. Men are supposed to act like men and comfort their depressed mentally unstable woman.

[Liam_Hayden]

You just need to find a patient and compassionate guy. Might be difficult in our age group.

Just for reference, I have been on several hundred dates and have had only a few girlfriends. None has been "The One" yet. That is sometimes the way it is.

[smg99]

Make it happen accidentally and yes don’t tell them everything. Graded trust and disclosure.

[RalphMcDonald40]

You should wait, there is definitely someone for you.

[up_64]

You shouldn't be on tinder in that state. It's just gonna make it worse.

[sidvt]

That means u just didn't meet ur right guy yet thtsy don't worry u will find him soon 😀

[Anonymous]

Heey, same here, I also have some issues similar to yours that make dating difficult, so I can totally relate. ..

[5yrup]

fuck off

[sean1234]

Whats wrong love?

[CrimsonProse]

Why do you feel the need to make someone who is depressed more so? Having some self-loathing issues and looking to drag others down to make yourself feel better?

[sean1234]

@CrimsonProse who are you talking to again?

[Secretgardenblood]

Good take.