Why dating or having a relationship when you have severe anxiety and depression sucks?

Why dating or having a relationship when you have severe anxiety and depression sucks?

I've been in 2 dates no boyfriend yet! That's it... two different guys who didn't understand my feelings. Daydreaming of a lover by your side. I met both online and met in person. I was awkward on those dates and these guys only made me feel worse saying to chill and the only thing I should worry about is when I live on my own. I guess no man wants to deal with a sufferer and they only look for that freaky girl on tinder. Maybe these guys didn't understand my situation or honestly I was a huge turn off. I still remember me swiping left to right on tinder or on other dating apps and when I chatted and we got to know each other then I would mention what i deal with everyday and they lost interest. So you tell me is dating apps a great way to find love if you deal with mental illness or is better to just wait for that day that you bump to your future lover in the school hallway?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • 15 d ago

    1. Two dates is basically nothing. You'll probably have to date a lot before met “the one“
    2. Tinder is mostly for hookups. there are other dating apps that focus more on actually finding a partner. Try another app
    3. You should probably sort out you're situation before you think about dating. You can't really expect a stranger to honestly care about your mental problems. And I know it seems harsh but in my opinion it's selfish to expect others to deal with your mental problems if you can't really deal with them yourself. I don't really know how serious they are, but I know how exausting it can be to deal with people who have some sort of mental illness.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • 13 d ago

    I really feel for what you are going through. I myself dated a girl for a year or so who had anxiety/depression. It was difficult at the start but once the original ice had been broken it worked out fine. It was a good relationship and honestly she improved in her mental state. It just took some work from both of us.

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What Girls & Guys Said

88
  • 12 d ago

    Because you're not healthy. Period. Your suffering and toxic energy will drain the life and possible harm the lives of others. When I am around somebody like that, all of a sudden I feel their pain and everything. And one time somebody almost made me throw up because their energy was very toxic. This is why you do not get into a relationship. Nobody can help you but God and yourself. You need to put yourself together FIRST. They don't owe you anything. You owe it to yourself to find out WHY you are suffering the way you do. What is the cause of your anxiety? Were you raped, abused, used, bullied, suffered severe trauma, somebody died in front of you, killed in an accident, etc? No matter WHAT happened in your life to scar you so badly YOU are responsible for YOU today. And they can't. Stop dating. GO SEEK COUNSELING. A man cannot save you or be your counselor. He is there to be your equal. And if you cannot find yourself to be emotionally capable and healthy enough to handle a relationship, then you need to stay out of it. Not dating is not the end of the world. That person would not be my lover without me knowing what I am dealing with first. Even I struggle with anxiety because of my past and I have never dated also because of those reasons. Nobody is responsible to take care of me. Period. Some can handle it, others cannot. So its best to befriend somebody first before even thinking about dating them. Think about THEIR needs before your own. A relationship is about the other person, not you alone. It becomes selfish to expect that from others. Especially when its possible you have nothing to really offer in a relationship that other girls can't already do and provide more. So, think about your wellness right now.

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    • 1 d ago

      Maybe give the girl a break? Not all depression and anxiety are the result of an incapability to deal with reality. Sometimes depression is just a chemical imbalance in the brain, which medication can only help to regulate. There isn't a cure outright and remission doesn't always happen. Sometimes you have to plan for life as if it won't get better.

    • Show All
    • 1 d ago

      @btbc92
      What is the difference between causation and correlation?

    • 1 d ago

      @RSong Causation is the direct correlation that leads to the problem in the first place.
      Correlation is the variables that can or cannot be direct factors.

      It's not about theories. It's about again, getting to the root of the problem and plucking out the root. NOT by the stem. That's why when you get weeds in the garden they always tell you what? REMOVE them from the root. Or else it will regrow back.

  • 1 d ago

    I have depression and I'm trying to date. I feel like I know where you're coming from. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't understand the great emotional burden we operate or try and function at is frustrating. It created a lot of stress on my past relationships.
    It takes a special person to be in a relationship with someone with mental illness and not many young men are up to the task.

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  • 8 d ago

    I have major anxiety and I have a boyfriend/fiancee, if they can't understand your issue with anxiety/depression then those guys aren't for you. I have flat out said to dates cause of my anxiety and shyness so don't feel bad. But I would encourage trying to get your anxiety and depression under control before trying to date, being mentally and emotionally well is way more important at this point than dating.

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  • 14 d ago

    Judging by your past posts and your username, the issue here is not your anxiety or depression, the issue is you constantly feeling the need to Bring up your anxiety and depression to the point where others just think “ugh...”

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  • 10 d ago

    You can use dating apps but I’d be weary. A lot of the men are freaky and only want sex. But, maybe try a different app? Anyway, as a person with anxiety, I’d be careful with who you speak to about this information. Since it’s so soon, don’t put out the baggage until there is a comfort level.

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  • 13 d ago

    Not sure if you're dealing with your "mental illness" (I hate calling it that), but totally focus on dealing with that first. And if you think you're good for having a relationship without wanting to force it, be hesitant about it, and just being happy and do it... then go for it. And honestly, I'd say going out is better. Helps your confidencr, and people see you, and you see people. Online is just a hit or miss.

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  • 9 d ago

    You just need to find a patient and compassionate guy. Might be difficult in our age group.

    Just for reference, I have been on several hundred dates and have had only a few girlfriends. None has been "The One" yet. That is sometimes the way it is.

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  • 11 d ago

    Most guys these days are spoiled. Men are supposed to act like men and comfort their depressed mentally unstable woman.

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  • 14 d ago

    Make it happen accidentally and yes don’t tell them everything. Graded trust and disclosure.

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  • 9 d ago

    I usually don't tell them unless I feel really close or I feel that I can trust them with that information about me. But I try to hold up on my own so I'm not a burden to them. I don't mention my depressive feelings to a boyfriend or on a date or anything. I might tell them my past and what I've been through though. For me using dating apps don't work, I've met a lot of guys in person though and it's much better to me. Whether one is better than the other due to your state though, I say neither. Really, it takes a long time to learn to cope with it and I still struggle with it. I don't want to depend on a person to "cure" my depression. Even though I suffer with similar thoughts as yours sometimes.

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  • 14 d ago

    You should wait, there is definitely someone for you.

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  • 15 d ago

    You shouldn't be on tinder in that state. It's just gonna make it worse.

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  • 15 d ago

    That means u just didn't meet ur right guy yet thtsy don't worry u will find him soon 😀

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  • 16 d ago

    fuck off

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  • 14 d ago

    Good take.

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  • 9 d ago

    Heey, same here, I also have some issues similar to yours that make dating difficult, so I can totally relate. ..

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