Seven deal breakers with women!

[Anonymous]

Seven deal breakers with women that ALL MEN (not just MRAs) should look out for from Mr. Paul Elam.

If you don't want to watch the video don't worry. here are the seven deal breakers.

1. She asks you what kind of car you drive.

2. She asks you how much money you make.

3. She asks if you want to have children.

4. She asks what you want in a woman.

5. She spends the better part of your first date telling you what A-holes her exes were.

6. At any time during her first 100 hours of talking she says the words: "I don't need a man."

7. She tells you she is a feminist.

If any of these sound weird to you, watch the video and listen to him explain each one. these are all simple points but do we always pay attention to them?

[sageevalentinee]

You need to be flexible. If you're stuck in such a specific set of rules for yourself you may never find what you want. Love has no rules. I have not watched the video, so excuse me if I have the wrong idea. But I personally believe that you cannot rely 7 deal breakers. You need to assess her overall and see if you like her and her beliefs and attitude, something that is rarely possible from a strict set of guidelines.

I mean, I agree with some of them. A lady should not ask you haw much money you make, that's rather rude. 4,5,6 and 7 are also too straightforward, and if she said those, I would imagine her to rather full of herself. But the question about children, I don't really see an issue with that. As girl who wants a family in the future, it would be pointless for me to be dating someone who hates children. I might try to ask more tactfully to see his opinion that a straightforward question, but I would want to know his opinion on the matter.

But my ultimate opinion is that you cannot rely on rules when dating. As cheesy as it sounds, you must rely on what you feel. My current boyfriend is 21, 4 years older than me. When he first started taking me on dates, I felt discouraged because many of my friends were telling me that he's too old for me, he just want to hookup, he's a player etc. He is a very intense person and I was put off at the start. But he proved to me that everyone else, their opinions and advice is just background noise. What really matters is the two of you.

[myTake Owner]

You're right but these rules are about the first date or first couple of dates. I personally would find it weird if a girl asks me if i want a child after i have seen her for a short period. I won't rely on 1 of these signs but if a girl has 4 or 5 of them then she and i are probably not compatible

[myTake Owner]

Especially the last 2

[sageevalentinee]

Like I said, I find a more tactful way to find out, and probably not on the first date.

[Shamalien]

This is fucking nuts. Asking a potential partner if they wanna have kids is a no brainer. Asking how much money you make, that's also totally fair, and goes hand in hand with the kids thing, although if it's one of the first things she says, red flag, I agree. Asking what kind of car you drive? If it's the first thing she asks, not good, but hell maybe she's a car enthusiast, female gearheads do totally exist

[BrittBratt2416]

1. Okay yeah that is kinda awkward. I personally don't care about cars, i mean as long as it can
get you from point a to b and not falling apart on you then the type is whatever to me. Plus you'll be able to see when he picks you up or whenever. But sometimes it could just be a curious question, I've asked what kinda car people drive simply just to start conversation sometimes.. also i ask to see if it's a good car and one i should invest in.

2. Yeah that is weird. I don't ask anyone how much money they make, I would just ask what kinda of job or profession they are in as a conversation starter.

3. I don't see how this question is a deal breaker and I thinks its kinda silly to see it as one. She's asking cause she wants to know if the person she's currently seeing or on a date with is on the right track with her. She wants to know if you see yourself with a family or not, and if you say no then that's cool. It just lets us know were we both stand and that we aren't on path. So instead wasting more time and energy, we can just shake hands and go our different ways. To many men freak out when women ask them if they want to get married or have kids some days cause a lot of you jump to the conclusion that we want you to pump us with a baby right then and already have us a white house with a white Pickett fence. And it's like no, we just want to know were you stand with us... and if what we want isn't what you want then cool- we can cut it short, stop wasting time and go find people that want the same things we want. If people were a lot more brutally honest when it came to dating, it would save so many of us heartache and the tears.

4. Okay... yeah? What do you want? you should know what you want in a partner before going on dates or perusing someone. If you don't know what you want, then you're just wasting your time and that other person's time. Again another question I think is ridiculous to consider an deal breakers. It's good to know what you want in man or woman, so that way that person will know okay i think i am/they are a good match for me or not. i mean duh...

5. I agree with this, anybody who goes on dates talking about their ex's are clearly not over them and hasn't given themselves time to heal. Avoid people are going on dates after a breaks up or still talking about their ex cause it just means their rebounding and you don't want to get caught up in that shit.
6. That is kinda odd, I wouldn't go on a date if i feel like i don't need you/want you. Very strange thing to say especially during a date.

7. ehhh okay, sure. I guess if a guy told me he was mgtow i would be like "Wtf". I know some guys only think of feminist are those screaming ladies like "big red" (look her up on YouTube if you don't know who I'm talking about) who hate all men but there are ones who aren't like that. Where i live the women aren't doing all that extra stuff you guys see on the news or youtube and still feminist, still have boyfriends, husbands, kids and are wives.

[myTake Owner]

i guess i understand the points you made but about no.4 i should say it's unnecessary to ask your date what kind of woman they're interested in because you have to be yourself and if they liked you it's great but if they did not then you haven't lost anything. asking that question could be a sign of insecurity and wanting to change one's self according to their dates preferences. that would be awful because a person who does that is lying to both their date and themselves

[Anonymous]

I'm a feminist, I also asked my partner his views on some things that are important to me.

I've asked him what he wants in a woman and what kind of future he wished for, if it was attainable, etc.

Heck, I even asked how many kids he'd want, if any, because eventually I'd want one and it would be ridiculous if we broke up due to avoidable reasons like wanting kids or not.

And after dating, money was also a topic of discussion.

And hey, on the first date? Some of my exes are assholes, and his too. We had a great time talking about it, being honest and explaining how it affected our trust, etc.

These aren't red flags unless you make them to be. The video is ridiculous.

Mr. Paul Elam is an old turd 😂😂 because having your own opinions on political cultural and societal agendas and trying to raise awareness about discrimination, sexual abuse and abuse that both women and men face is a red flag according to your mister.

Not every feminist is a feminazi, and not every Feminazi is a feminist.

I'm a huge red flag apparently yet I am in a happy, respectful long lasting relationship, with whom I know what is expected of me and vice versa. We both want children down the line, we know our incomes and we both know our experiences with old partners. And all of that happened well before the "first 100 hours of talking" 😉😉😉

[myTake Owner]

Well if you and your partner established a real connection and then discussed those stuff that's great. There is not a 100 hour rule. I'd rather not have any relationship with feminists because i can't respect them to be honest and i know they always have a chip on their shoulders. I don't want to date a girl who's always looking for things to prove that i'm a chauvinist pig

[Opinion Owner]

That's not what real feminists do and think. Just like not all germans are nazis and not all muslims are terrorists, and not all men are chauvinist pigs! Don't do what you don't like 😊

[Amanda269]

If she is a car nerd, she will surely talk about cars. Like subcompact, mini SUV or roadster. If she is in her 40's and wants to start a family, she will ask about it. I come clean to my guy about my income, because it doesn't matter as long as the common expenses get paid. The rest is personal.

[myTake Owner]

most girls are not car nerds but even if a girl is, it should be the guy who brings up his car in the conversation. the other way would seem weird

[Amanda269]

Agree. It is weird to ask with first talking about your own car and car types/companies. It could go " I love my little car. It is a fiat 500. I had a bigger car before, but it was a hassle to park and it is kinda cute. Have you had a little car?"

[myTake Owner]

yeah i think that's cool

[MajesticTwelve]

Some of these seem valid, some of these are total garbage

1) Yeah, unless it comes up as organic conversation
2) I agree with that.
3) If I ask do you want kids, it's because I do, and if your answer is no, then why are we going to waste each others time? Thats a huge part of life. This is fucking stupid, and seriously makes me doubt this guy.
4) I don't ask, because I am how I am. However, if they ask because they may be super hardcore christian or something, they may be evaluating the match. This is irrelevant at best.
5) Yeah, thats fair.
6) No, no, no. Most women are conditioned to say that, and even if they say it, it doesn't mean it.
7) Yes, that's total valid and you should run.

[holograph]

I don't think #3-4 are likely dealbreakers. Yes they could have specific reasons for asking those questions, and their reasons COULD be a dealbreaker. But I'm not going to say that overall those questions are dealbreakers. They are valid questions to assess compatibility.

Also, to be a little less gender-specific, I think most women would be turned off by men saying these things, too. Any women want to date me? I promise I will ask you how much you make within the first 5 minutes of meeting you. Let me know if I'm doing it right. lol

[11110000bbbb]

3 and 4 are not that bad Being Muslim or Christian.
Normally we do not have sex before marriage and we need some disclosure if they are okay having a certain amount of kids before making anything serious.
Otherwise yea look out for that.
Asking what a guy wants again also gives some disclosure if he want a housewife or he would be okay with both working, things like this all matter in situations where you don't get close before marriage.

[Inneedofusername]

3 should be a totally normal question.
I don't want kids. Not today, not in 5 years, not in 10, years, not in 15+ years, NEVER. And my mind isn't going to change. That's a constant.
Many men want kids in some point of their life. If he is one of them, then involving myself into relationship with him is a waste of time and unnecessary heartbreak from break up.

[myTake Owner]

but you won't ask that on the first date. right? you wait to see if you can have a relationship with the man

[Inneedofusername]

On one of the first few dates, yes. Of course, that probably wouldn't sound like a question "do you want kids" out of nowhere. I would start some conversation that would lead to the topic of kids, and then I would express my hatred towards them and my plans to sterilize myself in the future.
Then the guy's answer to that would probably be if he also doesn't want kids or if he doesn't agree with me. And I would have my answer

[myTake Owner]

i don't think what your saying is bad because Paul Elam's argument was that some women start relationships because they want kids especially older women who don't have much time left. but what you're saying is the opposite of that so...

[Inneedofusername]

Nowadays MUCH more men than women want kids

[juliaanita]

oh yes-far be it for us to have some selfish interest in whom we might date.
After all, you guys are nothing if not completely altruistic and selfless when you are looking for a prospective mate, right?
I could make my own deal breaker list for men, but how boring is that? Im not as banal as you list making guys can be.

[myTake Owner]

Actually this list is designed to benefit men. And it helps men be a little selfish when they want to choose a partner. Who said it's wrong for people to know what they want. Women do it all the time so why is it wrong for men to know what kind of woman is good for them. Beside all that i didn't make this list Paul Elam did

[David_Kek]

I've met Paul Elam in person and worked with him, and he is genuinely one of the stupidest, least self-aware people I've ever met.
Being someone who's been divorced about 5 times and no sense of any responsibility for any of it, he's hardly qualified to give relationship advice.

[myTake Owner]

where have you worked with him?

[David_Kek]

ICMI16

[David_Kek]

and the MRM

[myTake Owner]

maybe the 5 divorces gave him knowledge about women

[David_Kek]

trust me, it didn't

[SkipStop]

Paul Elam is amazing. The Red Pill Documentary is the greatest documentary ever made.
These are good points. I can probably come up with more if I put my mind to it.

[A-man-22]

3 and 4 really aren't bad at all.

5 and 6 are red flags.

[Anonymous]

6 and 7
Must always be checked and are high priority.

[englisc]

Yeah, these are solid deal breakers.

[Billys_Life]

Thank you!

[myTake Owner]

you're welcome

[JubJub_Hi]

I am not interested in Paul 🤣

[myTake Owner]

okay

[Anonymous]

3 and 4 seem pretty innocuous, no?

[myTake Owner]

you don't want a woman whose only reason for dating you is because you can marry her and give her children. and number 4 is bad because the girl is frankly telling you that she wants to pretend to be the kind of girl that you want. god knows what else can she pretend to be

[Opinion Owner]

Asking the question doesn't mean it's the only reason. Just something that she may be interested in.

[lumos]

I agree. What if she doesn't want kids and doesn't want to be with a man who wants them? Or vice versa? It makes sense to ask that question at some point if you're thinking about settling down. Maybe not on a first date, but at some point it's definitely something that should be discussed because it's such a big choice to make. And number 4 really isn't that crazy at all, I personally like hearing about a man's preferences just to see what kind of person he is and what kind of woman he's looking for. If I'm nothing like the type of woman he ends up describing, there's no way in hell I'd ever pretend to be someone else just to please him. If anything I'd just tell him we're probably not a match and leave it at that.

[Opinion Owner]

@lumos Yeah, I agree with that too. The rest are fair as red flags, but 3 and 4 on their own could be pretty legit.