Often times, we'll hear a story about a controlling boyfriend or ex.
He doesn't like when I go out and wants to keep me home. He's so controlling!
My ex was crazy and controlling, so I broke up with him.
Most times, the word controlling is used to describe a person who is very focused on achieving a certain goal by by force or coercion, often in a domineering or overbearing manner.
Of course, this doesn't just have to apply to men, but to women as well, family members, friends, supervisors, anyone, etc. However, women in relationships have a bad habit of accepting bad behavior and chalking it up to the guy being controlling.
I've been guilty of thinking of certain people as controlling as well. The problem is, when we start to think of someone as "controlling," we don't always immediately realize how much that impacts our own way of thinking about them, ourselves, and our relationship with that person.
There's a major part of reality that we are missing when we are calling someone controlling, and that is the fact that no one can control you.
You are the only one in control over your own life, no one else. Not your boyfriend, girlfriend, boss, friend, whoever. You are a grown ass adult and you can do what you want. Saying that someone is controlling is actually giving them too much credit. It would be more accurate to say they are TRYING to control you, but they can't succeed unless you ALLOW them to.
The thinking that someone has control over you is forfeiting your own power that you are innately born with.
No one has any power over you unless you voluntarily give it to them.
This is a mindset shift and it has helped me tremendously in many different areas in life, both personally and professionally. It's a mentality that is essential if you don't want to be taken advantage of.
And ladies, men are just people like you. They aren't your boss or authority figure so why let them try to behave as if they are?
One you internalize this, it will be easier to put your foot down and draw boundaries for those who are trying to control or manipulate you. If you are met with resistance, there's always the consequence of leaving the person or situation.
Your time is too precious to waste it combating those who are driven by hate, jealousy, or envy.
Be careful about this though. Keep in mind that you can't control them either. You can only control your response to them.
Your time is also too valuable to waste it trying to change the behavior of those who don't deserve to be a part of your life anyway.