Yes Gentlemen, you CAN apologize to women and still look masculine

[Apope16]

Gentlemen, you have heard it before. When you fuck up and hurt a girl (Lover, Fuck Buddy, Friend) should you apologize? Or even when you feel you did nothing wrong yet she is angry, should you apologize?

Most men beat their harry chest and say, "A man should never EVER apologize!"

But if you want to resolve conflict with an alpha male presence...here is how you do it.

First, give her space. No matter how intense or small the argument is...maintain your masculine core. DO NOT CHASE! Do not blow up her phone while she "hates" you. It makes you look like a weak and needy man who is such a loser that he has no other female options in his life. Let her clear her head. Give her space for close to 1 week. Give her time to MISS YOU and REGRET how things ended.

Second, give a genuine apology. No rehashing the past. Just simply tell her that you feel really bad and that you care for her. Here is an example of what you can send via text or say on the phone:

"I don't expect forgiveness. I understand if you hate me. I just want to say that I am sorry about hurting you. I really do care about you. I wish you the best."

Notice how you expressed yourself and showed how you had learned your lesson as a man and were moving on? You are communicating to a woman that you are not going to blow up her phone. That you have peace within yourself and learned from the past. You aren't going to stalk her like a needy man. She now feels comfortable to reply.

When she responds she will usually start by accepting the apologize or saying "that's okay" or "I am not mad". Then she will tell you why she was upset.

Very important! When she explains why she got upset. Dont start a fight. Show you are LISTENING and CARE by saying, "Tell me more about how it made you feel."

Lastly, maintain your masculine core by telling a joke. Asking her out on a date. Or wishing her a good day without asking for any forgiveness. End on good terms!

[Mystic_Nova]

Apologizing isn't emasculating or unfeminine. Its mature and humble. When you are at fault, you own it. You work on ways to fox anything that may have occured.

But, it's just as important to not hold them prisoner when they admit their mistakes. True, somethings, you just cross the line. But you make the choice of either breaking it off, or working on ways to better what happened. You dont keep them around, just to hold them hostage and unable to move forward.

[shashwat11]

Exactly, a masculine man or a feminine woman always know when to apologise and are completely comfortable accepting they were wrong.
These kinda posts give a bad rep to masculinity. I mean why did the author assume it's apologizing to someone you care about is not masculine?

[Mystic_Nova]

thanks for the MHO!

[yrdady]

I hear ya. Sometimes it's not clear if/when you're at fault, though she's angry or triggered about something. Hell, sometimes you don't even know what you did. What then? You want to win through reconnection and passion but it's a confusing process and you don't even know what you did.

[hi_it_is_me123]

Great Take and i also think it is sad how many guys in the opinion section are pissed at the take. I dont know what is wrong with it. If you are an adult, you should apologize for hurting someone or if you do something wrong. Is it so difficult to do that? In my experiences I was always the one who apologized more than my ex for nothing and he still was rude to me and in the end i let him taste his own medicine.

[Apope16]

Yep. See? I hope women can see now that its hard to be a man and be vulnerable in society. We are told not to cry, not to apologize. Basically have zero emotions.

[Djaay]

What's wrong with this take is this ; it suggest that men are oppressors and should feel inferior to the female for her quest stands above his regardless. And he can pretend to be masculine by initialize his obideince regardless of who initialized the quarrel.
Civil courtesy and being a gentalman is a great thing to be , although being a good woman is also a great thing also. But today women have lost they're kindness towards men except still want men to abide with theyres.

[MzAsh]

Great advice! This is the behavior of a good man who deserves a good relationship with a woman. Well done.

[Djaay]

And how's that so true...

[MzAsh]

@Djaay A good man knows when to admit he's wrong. Fundamentally, as I can see from the other comments in this thread, this seems to be an issue with many men in here.

[Djaay]

True , I agree. . Although when today do any women express kindness towards men?

[Stellargasm]

It doesn’t have anything to do with being a woman, some guys are just arrogant and think it lowers them to ever apologize for anything and there’s something really wrong with them.

I became friends with this guy through a mutual friend and he always gives people horrible unsolicited advice when he’s drunk because he thinks he’s some great leader of men. One night when he was blackout drunk I shot down whatever dumb idea he had, probably for a business that he never thought through. He flipped the fuck out and screamed at me and called me stupid for not ever listening to him. I just left and went home and didn’t talk to him for a few days, when I finally did talk to him sober he had no recollection of any of it. When I told him everything he said instead of just saying I’m sorry I had too much to drink he just laughed and said yea that sounds like something I’d say. That was about the end of our being friends, I haven’t talked to him in 6 months now and he still can’t figure out why according to our mutual friend. Also has no clue why he’s still single, has no friends other than our mutual friend, and never gets his 1 year work contracts renewed after the year is up.

There’s probably women out there like this too but it’s definitely a predominately male thing.

[The_Other]

Can women also be held to the same standard or is it just men? Because that's just weak and extremely onesided.

I remembered having to apologise to this woman for being myself every single time she started a fight out of nowhere, i'm an introvert, always keeping things to myself and not feeling like talking all the time, I made this very clear right from the start, she said she was ok with it, but then as time passed she started trying to change me, random fights out of the blue and she's crying and emotional and stuff because she was equating me being an introvert and being mostly quiet with me leaving her... somehow... I had to apologise to her for me being myself just to make it stop all the time... at some point I drew the line and decided I was done apologising, she either accepts me as I am or bye bye, she spent weeks threatening to leave me for some other guys because I wasn't giving her what she wanted and I wasn't apologising for it, but I simply wasn't having any of that anymore and basically stood my ground, turns out they were just empty threats, because... she simply didn't leave in the end.

Men have to realise that sometimes, it's all just an act so that they can get their way.

Of course not every woman is like this.
But I'll probably argue that *most* are from my experience.

There's nothing "alpha" about apologising for something you didn't do just because someone got all emotional.
If you did do something wrong, it's just common decency to apologise.
However, don't apologise because you were asked to or expected to, or had to even when you're wrong, you should apologise because you wanted to and you mean it... otherwise its pointless, forced and and what ever lead to that will most likely repeat itself.

[HungLikeAHorsefly]

Not ever apologizing isn't an "alpha male" thing. It's a weak male thing. Apologizing for the right things at the right times is difficult and it takes courage. A refusal to ever apologize is cowardly.

The trick is to do it on your own terms. Don't apologize for things that upset other people - apologize for things you do and say that violate your own internal sense of what's right and what's wrong. If I did or said something that I know is wrong (because it goes against my personal morality), then I'm going to come clean about it. But I'm not going to apologize simply because somebody else is mad.

[meesegoMoo]

"courage"? Maturity. That's the word. Even cowards can grow up. They'll still be cowards, but they can apologize just as well.

[FýrdracaDócincel]

Okay.. but what about if the genuine apologies would be so rare that it would be socially unacceptable to do as you describe?

[meesegoMoo]

@FýrdracaDócincel Barking up the wrong tree friend. No coons for ta feed ya.

I don't care about social norms too much. I think part of being masculine is being able to make your decisions even against social norms, making the decision at all is for adults in general. Most people say they'd do things even when scorned for it, but I feel I can be fine saying it as I already have made those decisions.

[HungLikeAHorsefly]

@meesegoMoo I really think it does have something to do with courage. Taking responsibility for your own words & actions can be a _really_ scary thing to do. But maybe you're right - maturity might be a better overall way to describe it. Maybe being able to be introspective comes with a certain level of emotional development...

[FýrdracaDócincel]

@meesegoMoo
Admirable.. but a good way to end up in jail because someone didn't like you and knew what strings to pull.

[arabgoddess]

I just had a narcissist apologize to me.. I think I'm the only person he has ever apologised to in his life! I didn't even have to demand it.. Just told him that I was hurt by him.. But boy I have so much respect for him as he didn't let his pride stop him from saying it

[Beth12345]

Lol the narcissist didn't mean it. My grandfather also "apologized" to my aunt for beating her all her childhood. He felt her infertile with all the beatings. His apology was, "I'm sorry IF I ever hurt you". That's what happens when someone is forced to apologize.

[arabgoddess]

Good point!

[pinkcactus484]

I'm not too comfortable with the idea of getting a woman to miss you. It kind-of sounds like a guy's version of playing hard-to-get.

But I agree that it's not unmasculine to apologise. To me, a guy standing up for the right things (whether it's for something big like racial or gender or trans equality/rights or just something small like apologising) is a masculine act. It might not seem traditionally masculine, but trust me that it is. A lot of guys that I know are masculine and do the right thing.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

I think the problem is that some men make a false conflation between apology as a capitulation, and apology as a recognition of wrongdoing. If a man apologises just because he thinks that will please the woman, then it's nothing but capitulation and submission. He might as well put his balls in her purse. But if he recognises he did something wrong-- falling short of his own ethical or behavioural standards-- then apologising is the mature thing to do. That said, he shouldn't apologise over and over again. One sincere apology is all that's needed, anything more can start to veer into capitulation territory.

[Anonymous]

Apologizing for me was easy, for me the hard part was actually to apologize less, and not apologize for things that weren't really my fault, more just a misunderstanding. The problem was I found if I apologized, it's like she recorded it in her head as 'my fault'. I had to actually wait out her anger for her to accept it was her fault. This is annoying as hell because most of the time I don't even care about the issue, but it's like I have to have the fight and win because she cares … and is wrong.

[Walrus_au]

Look, the TL:DR is quite simple, when you do something wrong or hurt someone, just be a decent human being and freaking apologise. It has nothing to do with 'masculinity'. Of course some might point out that being too scared to apologise is not very masculine...

[_inkRat]

@Apope16 NO! Its called being human and admitting your mistakes. There is no need to try and put gender in that mix. People hurt people, we all make mistakes, why do you feel need to put gender in the mix? Apologizing doesn't mean your week, nor does it makes you in any way more vulnerable. Its just that admitting mistake and saying your sorry for it.
Why you try to push some fucked adgenda on man that they somehow are not able to admit there mistakes? Most man think "A man should never EVER apologize!"? Thats plain wrong, most man do apologize, its a part of being adult. In fact thought "A man should never EVER apologize!" probably comes from idea that man should live in way, that he should not ever do things for what he should apologize later on. But some narrow minded individuals twist it to suit there needs.

[Anonymous]

If you did something wrong, then by all means apologize. But if you don't think you did anything wrong, you absolutely should NOT apologize. That cheapens all apologies by compromising your integrity. Explain why you think you didn't do anything wrong, listen to why she thinks you did and try to work out between the two of you what the truth is, but you have to make up your own mind that you have something to apologize for before you should go around apologizing.

Also, (and this isn't really related to your question, but it's relevant in the social media era of calling everyone out for everything), only apologize to individuals--NEVER apologize to a tweet mob.

[Sensmind]

Great advice - Yes give them space to tell you what is wrong, a lot of the time it is something else that sparked them - When the volcano is erupting, never put your hand in to see what temperature is, let it burn itself out - If it is meant to be, she will come looking for you and you seem cool and understanding for waiting (basically because you haven't a clue what is going on )

[Kurαȷ]

I will apologize for breaking a cup, or for spilling a glass of wine, but if someone feels offended about any of my actions, they can go jump off a cliff, for all I care.

I've deemed my actions just and if someone chooses to take offense about them, that's their personal issue that has nothing to do with me, and I will gladly cut their worthless ass out of my life if they disagree with that.

[cyclopspanda]

Same goes for women. Y'all know the majority of the time women cause an issue and then make the guy apologize and in that situation the moment he apologizes his balls are in her purse she looses all respect for him.

[coffeewithcream]

Some dude is lecturing men on how to apologize to women, based on his assumption men don't, and if they don't, it's due to some odd fear of not looking "masculine."
That's just fucking strange.
Most people treat people as people. Do that and you'll be fine.

[Anonymous]

Translation - cave to her emotional outbursts, even if you did nothing wrong. By submitting to emotional gaslighting, you learn your place at the feet of women.

Look, if I messed up, I'll apologize. But you're never gonna get me to apologize when I haven't done anything wrong, no matter what emotional ploy you use.

[AzeeshaAjju]

It doesn't matter what's the gender is... One who made a mistake shoul apologize... Whether it's male or female...

[KrakenAttackin]

I totally agree. A man can and should apologize when he is legitimately wrong. However; apologizing to a woman for her hormonal craziness is not OK and leads to men seeming weak. Apologize when you are wrong, not when she picks a fight to dump her stress.

[SlightlyEccentric]

I'll apologize if I know I'm wrong. If I know I'm right, I'm holding my ground.

[Thatsamazing]

"Most men beat their harry chest and say, 'A man should never EVER apologize!'" uhh... "most?" Facts not submitted into evidence there, man. No, "most" of us don't do that. Sorry.