Take Care: 10 Apologies Guys Will Think But Never Say to Women

[pavlove]

10 Apologies Guys Will Think But Never Say to Women

It occured to me that a lot of the time when you're giving advice to the opposite sex, it's probably a lost cause. When I get asked questions, I think it's often because the girl wants answers. She wants to whether she should be pained or if she's overreacting, yet it's more often the former. So, as a man in touch both with the best a man is capable and something of the worst (well maybe not quite the worst) here are ten apologies that many guys think but never say. Now, many guys don't ever think these and most don't think all of these, but I attempted to get into the head of a young to middle aged and maybe even an old male who's looking back at his regretful mistakes and see how a guy relates to his own propensity for emotional hurt even if they didn't intend to cause it.

"I'm sorry I don't feel the way about you now that you're mine."

"I'm sorry I'd rather be with my friends than you most of the time."

"I'm sorry that I'm only still in this because of the sex."

"I'm sorry that I was so lazy about making you happy while we were dating"

"I'm sorry that I am more protective of my sister than I am of you."

"I'm sorry that I want to be cool more than I want to be yours."

"I'm sorry that I treat you like crap because I'm too cowardly to just break up with you."

"I'm sorry that if my mother saw the way I treat you she'd probably cry and feel she failed."

"I'm sorry that I missed you but I was too proud to fight for you."

"I'm sorry that I don't love you anymore and lost the ability to realize why anyone ever would."

[LittleSally]

That's pretty rough...
These are behaviors that occur when the person doesn't have the guts to say what they really want to say - to make it fairer and easier for everyone involved. Definitely true.
A lot of these I see in dudes who are afraid of being alone.
Nice take.

[pavlove]

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Another clear Drake project title. His best work by far actually.

Yeah these are all true. The ones that apply to me are #8 and #10.

[Azara]

hmm interesting. very real thoughts and feelings. well captured.

I am impressed by the oppression at which your mind can display to the precise letter, thought that i have had, as what another person is thinking inside-- probably almost al at the same time on many occasions.

I dopnt know which comes first. If i have shouty these things about someone else or thought someone else was thinking them--probably the former., bc projection is more common then intuiting another thoughts accurately , or learning by example when it comes to inner thoughts and feelings. We always know ourselves better than we know anyone else. We really only can know ourselves well. Most insight we think we have intro others stems from an ability to be brutally honest with our own psychological experience. Accurate insight requiters it.

In any case chicken or egg, I am able to make these inferences bc these are things human beings feel but dont say, I've thought them as well.

I think You dont say it bc saying it would only be to hurt someone, and what is necessary is action. saying it and doing nothing would just be passive aggressive.

What needs to be done needs to be done, and once you get the courage to do it threw is no reason to insult the person.

Though some people WILL say any of these things bc it makes them feel powerful. but other than borderline sociopaths, and people feeling insecure and belittled under appreciated searching for any grasp at dignity even if artfully contrived-- i think its not terribly common.

You have to move on out of respect and thats how you say it. the not saying it is not is not the problem,. its staying in a situation where you dont want to be for whatever reason people deserve to be with people who want respect them. We know this this is why we dont say it, if we are kind we move on. if we are assholes we stay and be cowards. For example, if your mother would be appalled and you know that,. it means you're appalled. or you know you should be.

I think sometimes when women or men make lists about their 'kind' it gives them a fake sense of security that this behavior belongs to their 'kind' so they will not experience i... .. I would not get comfortable thinking women dont haver these same thoughts. its human. these are all human conflicts noble or ignoble.

People spend a lifetime dealing with how not to be a jerk whilst evolving out of their personal cowardice.

[Azara]

in each instance these are only thoughts we can have bc we know we are not doing the right thing. it has very little to do with apology and everything to do with guilt. guilt can be a catalyst to change it can also be a tool to endure people fee;l bad and in feeling bad they feel as if they 'did something'. also by not speaking we can allow ourselves to continue the situation we know we should end. its self serving and little to do with remorse. apologies often have nothing to do with remorse. they just make us feel powerful. look at how badly i can make someone feel. i feel so bad but not enough to change.

whether it is that you should break up or be more respectful,. its all bad behavior. apology is like trying to humanize it or excuse it in our minds or to someone else. when basically its just shitty cowardly behavior.

calling it an apology glorifies cowardice.

[Azara]

I have always been a firm believer that apology is never as good as real acuity,. and is only ever remotely useful; after real concrete steps have been taken to remedy the situation whatever it may be. otherwise an apology is just self satisfying sanctimonious bs. ESPECIALLY when not uttered ;p

[pavlove]

you should really write more takes!

[Azara]

typo. 'precision. not oppression.

Again, i really thought this was cool. Its like traveling through my mind to someone else back to mine all on intuition or assumption, then seeing it write down from another human being. It is not a happy subject to be sure, but I really appreciated the experience:)

[samhradh_leannan]

This probably depends more on the individual person and/or the specific situation than it does on gender. Most of us have better hindsight than foresight, and it's easy to lose perspective when you're immersed in a situation.

Staying with someone who you don't care about, treating your partner badly, failing to value your partner- those aren't intrinsic to guys as a whole. They are behaviors of immature, cowardly, or selfish people who have not yet figured out how to be a decent, respectful partner. We all make mistakes sometimes, but hopefully we learn from them. That's the most important thing.

[pavlove]

yea no only one person on earth has ever thought any of these thoughts

[pavlove]

makes sense...

[samhradh_leannan]

I absolutely never said that only one person on earth has ever had any of these thoughts. I have no idea how you got that from my response.

[peachblossomluck]

Wow! That just sounds like a guy who was completely ambivalent about being with her! It's baffling that anyone, male or female would put up with that! What about the guy, who, for whatever medical reason can't get it fully up, says he's hard, then disappoints you with a spongy ghost boner?

[pavlove]

"pay for my viagra" lol

[peachblossomluck]

You probably don't need it;)

[peachblossomluck]

If a guy can't get it up, does he think she's not going to notice?

[pavlove]

haha nah i think he thinks she'll notice but i guess he figures what's he got to lose or that maybe it will get better once he at least puts it in even if its not fully hard.

yeah you're right i don't;)

[peachblossomluck]

At 23 you should be a jedi knight with that lol.

[pavlove]

true but also because i'm me it's more like jedi master

[peachblossomluck]

Do the deed you can. Use the force!

[pavlove]

well to be honest more like Sith Lord :P

Jedi's are too gentle and lacking in passion ;)

[peachblossomluck]

Nerdy and flirty;) You can't beat Gag!

[Anonymous]

Then you have the guys who apologize for everything including stuff their family/friends do that they have no control over... Not sure I get that one at all...

[pavlove]

me neither

[Opinion Owner]

Well if I figure it out, I will tell you and vice versa. 😁

[pavlove]

lol sounds good:P

[Darkbrunette96]

This gave me the feels. Wowza, I hope I date someone honest when I start dating. I know someone who is perfect for me but were not dating or friends. We're aqqauintces.

[karahiri]

the quiet things that no one ever knows.

[pavlove]

ahh brand new! i miss that band

[KawaiiPie67]

Why would he be more protective of his sister?

[Crazyced]

Seriously?

[KawaiiPie67]

@Crazyced yes srsly. Why would he?

[pavlove]

his sister he sees as an innocent woman that he would protect at any costs against anyone without thinking

a girlfriend rarely ranks that high... and to us we think well you should be happy we're this way with our sisters you shouldn't trip over the fact that we'd do more for them but it's been an issue that i've had with exes and also been told from females and males comes up... it's sort of a weird one i guess

[KawaiiPie67]

Makes sense I guess. I was just curious. But... U do know that girls usually initiate all the sexual stuff now? I don't know one over 12 that's innocent.

[KawaiiPie67]

And it might be an issue with ur gfs, because they think you're saying sexual stuff is bad, and that's why u want to protect ur sis... so why would u do those same 'bad' things with ur gf?

[KawaiiPie67]

@Crazyced What do U think?

[Crazyced]

I don't thing 'girls initiate most of the sex stuff' no.

But protecting goes beyond sex here. Most relationship fails. So chances are you will be a bad memory to him in a couple of months. She will always be his sister.

[KawaiiPie67]

@Crazyced xD look at the question I asked on my profile. About women initiating divorce. And U believe what U want, but girls are really sexual now. Even if she ends up with a bad boyfriend, it's usually because she went after him and pushed to be with him. Me included.

[Crazyced]

Lol Girls have a very watered down version of 'pushing' comepared to guys. Same for their sexuality, it's still not in the same realm. But that's niether here not there. It only emplifies the protective feelings most guys have towards their sisters.

[KawaiiPie67]

@Crazyced U live in Canada, so things might be different. Here in the USA, girls initiate friends with benefits plenty of times, and sexting and all that.

[KawaiiPie67]

Oh @mytakowner I think most guys who do the apologizing things U mention, do it on purpose. They're usually players who totally intend to cause her to feel bad. They probably look back and laugh.