"Victim Blaming" Why Do Some People Have This Blame The Victim Mindset? (Page 2)
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Those people are lucky to have never become a victim.
In real life though, people try to learn lessons from eachother. For example, women don’t go around at night time by themselves in strange alleyways. You know not to do this, everyone knows not to do this. Every woman anyways. Me personally I go where the fuck I want I’m a large man lol.
So in a sense, pointing out the factors which lead to becoming a victim can help other people to avoid doing those things. Unfortunately, that may make the victim feel bad about themselves because they didn’t know to take said precautions. Or maybe they just believed nothing bad would ever happen to them.
Many times you become a victim and there is nothing you can do about it.
At the end of the day you can’t blame a person for being abused or attacked or whatever. But people can learn a lesson from the situation. Don’t blame the victim, but spread awareness instead.
Well said and agree on taking precautions. Or warning people.. But if a person gets raped and people ask "What were you wearing"that's just blanking or shaming at that point. I personally don't wear revealing clothes, but not out of fear of getting raped, but personal preference. But those that do, that doesn't mean they're asking to be raped. So yes advice to protect ones self, I agree. Shaming or Blaming is different..
It’s silly to blame someone for the way they dress. First of all most rapes are done by a family member or close acquaintance.
But we live in a free country where you are allowed to dress as you please. If someone wants to rape, that’s on them. Women should be able to flaunt their beauty without being raped. That’s good for me cuz I like to look at beautiful women. So let’s not force them to cover up because some sick fucks want to rape women. They are sick fucks. You can’t blame a woman for doing what society expects of her. For making herself look good for her future husband.
This is a situation where people are just grasping for straws. For some strange reason they want to take away blame from the perpetrator. I don’t get that shit.
Me neither... Also sickens me that people have more sympathy/ concern for criminals and living conditions of prisons then victims of crime and abuse victims.. Like WTF what kind of world are we living in
I know what you mean I have people who've told me that what I experienced in my first 7 years shouldn't effect me now when I'm 23. But it honestly still does once I spend six months - 12 months or so getting to know someone, I full heartedly trust them and I did that recently and boom I'm still recovering from their toxic friendship 2 years later and only recently have I come out of their traps. For 9 months I felt like shit from them and some of the things I did, ended up taking some hard drugs a few times that I'm a little ashamed of just because I wanted to fit in and be their kind of friend.
But yeah you can't trust everybody I know that now, but to say never believe a victim is bloody ridiculous. If they are lying after a couple of weeks, if not sooner you'll se their true colours no doubt about it.
Thank you for sharing... I know it can be hard anyway, but especially with this blame the victim shit that is so prevalent today! Just know you're not just a victim, you're a SURVIVOR!! And anyone that don't see, admire that, isn't worthy of you or your time 💜💜🤗
Thanks, I just reread all of that and there's so many spelling mistakes so I'm glad you got the gist of it lol
Oh I'm there queen of typos, auto fill fail, so no worries 👍🤣
Powerfully written Toots - well done - and well said throughout. I think it is a sign of weakness when someone points the finger at the victim - especially if the person pointing the finger is the one guilty of doing the misdeed and creating the victim. To me it's a telltale sign the person is guilty as sin.
Most definitely true in your cheated on example - it's always the fault of the person doing the cheating... but sadly victim blaming shows itself in rape cases - I don't care if a woman chose to walk down the street naked and was drunk etc... rape is rape and it's a crime.
I do think people need to understand the difference between true victim blaming (like you described - where there is an actual victim or victims from a single or multiple acts against them) vs. oversensitive reactions that flare up in political or societal discussions - and "discussions" is a liberal use of the word as they are often just people yelling at each other lol...
Another great answer here 💜💜 and thank you... Failed to say that people shouldn't just see victims as victims or weak, when they are also survivors and strong... For you need real strength to survive anyways, but especially in a society that too easily blames the victim! Thank you for reading... Maybe it'll give you more alone time with Albot (wink wink) lmao 🤣🤣
Great add-on points... survivors are strong. Speaking of surviving... a sex marathon night with AI Bot has reset the bar for WOW! lol :)
🤣🤣 guess you got enough iron supplement then 🤣🤣
Oh yeah... I got a year's worth of metals :)
🥇🥈🥉🏅🎖️🏆🏆
I think almost everyone partially blames victims when the victim is careless. If I got mugged while walking down Skid Row with a wad of cash in my hand and a Rolex on my wrist, the thieves would still be wrong but the cops would lecture me on being careless. Same with people who leave their doors unlocked.
In regards to cheating: if your S. O. has cheated on you before and you let him/her back, then yes, you are probably partially to blame if/when you get cheated on by that person again because you are foolish for trusting the person. That does not excuse the behavior of the cheater, but lectures you on making an avoidable error.
Firstly, why do people forget that a lot of victims of abuse are "Defenseless children".. and the second, as for the cheating, the first time I'd only the cheater's fault, agree anything else is the fault of someone that stays with someone that way. It is possible to gone men and women that don't...20 years me and my hubby stayed faithful to each other, even the year before he died where he was too sick for sex. Because unlike men who think they the only ones who get needs, urges so does this woman... But I loved my husband enough to just go without than to cheat. But people are too selfish these days to get that it's not always about just you if you in a relationship
Save the children! Lmao
Bad shit happens move on and live... or don’t... only two choices you got.
Generally criminals or the criminal mind tends to validate their actions by placing the blame on victims, it's probably very old phycology to look at a person's predicament and come to the conclusion that karma plays a roll in everybodies suffering, like what happens to you, you may deserve. Some people may hate the victim, so they get self satisfaction out of their anguish, short answer is that many Humans are just fucking parasites, and the more I associate with them, the more hypocrisy and bad behaviour I hear and see.
Omg right... The more I see how fucked up people this world is becoming the more I don't even wanna be here... I can't wrap my mind around what people think I'd acceptable these days... This protect the criminals blame the victim shit is just one way... The way others think is acceptable to treat/talk to others or what's acceptable behavior is another... Makes me just want to find a deserted island away from everyone and everything
There is a lack thereof personal responsibility, like it's the cops roll to catch bad people, and lawyers are here to prosecute them. Criminals like that we'll defined order, makes it easy for them to get away with what they do. I must say that I felt a great feeling of elation when a member of one of America's biggest mafia families lamented to me, that because of his criminal convictions he could no longer travel to America, he thought he was going to get compassion and empathy from me, well he was wrong, and it's annoying that those fucking turds are everywhere.
Yeah so true
My dad took his anger out on me when my mom went off to spend time with her first cousin once removed, whom she had loved and had an emotional affair. I was like 11 years old at the time and obviously I’m too young to understand the meaning of love and commitment. He spurt out of nowhere “WELL IT isn't MY JOB TO FEED YOU.” and then he said “WELL QUIT BEING AN ASS.” I was just minding my own business sitting on the sofa while he went out into the garage. But now my parents are divorced and then he remarried and turned into a Jesus freak, but fuck you dad you’re always that abusive asshole in my eyes. Why do people take their anger out on me? Well I guess I’ll never know 🖕🏻
Cuz some people are just straight up assholes!
People victim blame people who let down there guard and say should have stood up for themselves ext in some cases yes they could have done better and accepted some responsibility.
But that doesn't excuse the abuser they should always be blammed never the victim.
My father is a schizophrenic and abused my mum and my brothers.
It was awful because everybody accused my mum of breaking a family apart and false accusations and sayings she was brainwashing us.
Manipulation of society people media
is most of the reason.
Sorry for what your mum went through... And thank you for sharing your story. Because it's exactly what I mean. If your mum stays, it's her fault for staying. If she leaves she broke up the family, etc... Either way placing the blame on her, when she was the victim... Which is so fucking wrong to do. Glad your mum got you all out of that situation 🙏 She want just a victim, she's a survivor!!!💜
The problem was he kicked up all out and we left. But my father told everyone beforehand that she was turning us against him which fucked with our heads and I'm starting to notice the physocological and physical in my case. damage in all of us. We still accasionaly get crap from people in our old town who are visiting my city about it.
That's messed up.. Sorry to hear that... People should just quit it period, but especially if they don't know the whole story
This depends on the individual some people can choose to pretend to be the victim. Or they painfully make it clear they didn't try to stop been one. Like imagine someone saying "He told me he was gonna hit me so i went to his so he could hit me" this i would probably go.. well why the hell did you go. Still the one who hit her to blame but it's kinda like better to be hash and knock sense into the person to not go.
Sometimes pointing out someone's really dumb choice hash can make them realize it was really dumb. But your not talking about that, you talking about people who just blame victims for been weak or whatever and yup that's what idiots do.
Victims should never be blamed. Let's address the elephant I've made for myself. Gaining confidence to start going out there to choose new people again. Is not all to blame and her or him. They have been wronged... They need to heal. The right people should reach out to them... To help them through this process. Victims should be treated gently and sensitively to help them best recover what was taken from them and what was lost
Agree
As a rape-survior, I went through this. She wanted it, it was her fault, she made bad choices. Which later became, why is she doing this to these boys, why is she ruining their lives, etc. Later it further devolved into boys will be boys and the like.
It was dehumanizing. So F'em all.
That is their failing and not yours... I'm very sorry you went through that! NOONE should ever have to go through that! The one thing I wish I'd of added... You're not just a victim, you're A SURVIVOR! And you're so right...'F" anyone that can't see that makes you STRONGER not WEAKER to have suffered and survived that 💜💜🤗
Daisy Coleman, the subject of a Netflix documentary, committed suicide this past weekend after dealing with a lot more $#! t than ANYONE EVER should have to contend with. May her burdens be lighter now at rest. www.usatoday.com/.../
😭 thank you for sharing that maybe more people will get the problem in victim shaming and blaming, but sadly I doubt it. People these days can't care unless it happens to them apparently
People can't own up to their shit. The weirdest thing is when the one doing the victim blaming is acting like they are victimized themselves. Like you take time out of your day and bring them to all these nice places and buy them food, and then they say you made them feel cheap, when they themselves use your debit online without telling you. If someone is victim blaming, then the smartest thing to do is to cut them out of your life if you can. That kind of manipulation will waste your time and energy.
I agree that victim blaming isn't a good thing to do. I've seen this happen many times with people who have been cheated on.
Such as when my ex cheated on me and his mother found out what he did. Her reaction was to tell me that I should use that experience to learn how to become "more of a woman".
She didn't seem to think that what he did was wrong. She felt like I had caused the problem.
Yeah, but would she say the same if SHE was the one getting cheated on 🤔🙄 bet that's a hell no. ... Sometimes if people can't get what it's like, they should just 🤐STFU... sorry that happened to you, but that's on him, not you!! 💜🙂
Thanks for understanding!
And as far as her getting cheated on, she actually regularly cheats on her men. So that's a big part of where my ex learned his behavior from.
Ahh now I see... And exactly why she'd justify it... Good some people just make me sick these days. I'm so glad he's your ex. Sounds like he isn't the only toxic person you dealt with in that relationship, but his mom as well. Who needs that...
It’s a shitty way for douchebags to put the blame on others to excuse their own behavior. Whenever someone victim blames I think they are trying to defend the real criminal.
Don’t fall for it when someone victim blames you. It just means they are trying to excuse themselves as criminals.
Exactly well said. Thank you!
The reason people continue to think the earth is flat, that vaccines cause autism and Trump has done a "good job",
The word you're looking for is "subjectivity".
Some people just want to take only what facts and figures appeal to them, and their biases. They concentrate only on that bias to make their flawed decision. There is just no helping some people.
Great answer 💜🙂
I just saw a old 20/20 news story from the 80s or 90s.
They were interviewing rape victims and rapists. And whats shitty is that some of victims believe that it was their fault and every rapists said they had it coming and was asking for it. They said because of the clothes they wore or they were to pretty to be left alone.
Not one of them took the blame
Yeah that's some bullshit... And sadly, even worse today...
What shocked me more that the some women believed that it was their fault
Well what can they think when not only their abuser drills it into them it's their fault, but half of society does as well? Abuse is not just physical and sexual abuse, it's emotional abuse as well, and those are the scars that can be the most damaging but the least visible
The entire "blame the victim" line is a load of crap. Causation and blame are distinct. And frequently the victim's actions or inaction were causal. Practical people care about assigning causality, not blame, which is a judicial concept, not a practical one.
How do little children stop from being victims of parental abuse? There's no actions or inactions that justify a child being abused... Or anyone being abused
You are straw manning the argument. This is not about "justification". Justification is about blame, not causation. You are intentionally misrepresenting the issues because you cannot answer the actual argument. Where children are concerned, there is generally, though not exclusively, a presumption of non-causality, but it is a fallacy to extend this to other cases. To quote William Munny, "Deserves got nothing' to do with it"
Exactly! The only blame for any abuse falls to the abuser no matter how you try to paint it... Pray it's never your child or loved one that gets raped or molested or physically abused. Will you tell them it's their fault?
This. Thanks for having me not type it all out
@answerALLquestions Don't know if you meant me or the opinion owner?🤔
"Blame" is distinct from culpability. I am perfectly willing to assign culpability to people that, by their own poor judgement and actions, end up being victims of a crime.
www.usatoday.com/.../
I have some counter points to your post.
One as people have mentioned, responsibility is different to guilt. If a woman walks home in revealing clothing drunk by herself, she knows rapists exist and she knows the danger she is putting herself in. One party is guilty but both are responsible. And that can be said in two ways, one is to hide the problem that women are raped, the second is to try and remind women no matter how unfair it is, they have to be aware of their safety.
In terms of abuse, I think when there is an abusive relationship between adults, it is hard to tell who is the abuser, and in some cases it is both of them.
My personal belief is everyone should take responsibility for everything. If I see a domestic dispute I should do something, if I let someone down I should think about why that happened and what to do. And I try to push that view because I think it is the best way to live.
But how does that apply to a child being abused? And no mention of when a partner cheats, yet so many excuse the cheater, when there's NO excuse
It doesn't apply to children, I specifically said adults, even though someone under 18 could be abusive, but I don't want that conversation right now.
I didn't mention cheating either, but if we are talking about it, that could also be a reaction to abuse, I am avoiding that question too.
Any thoughts on what I did write about? 😉
@BlueEyedBirdWatcher- yes, everything you said is just good common sense. There’s nothing in your reply that’s outside the normal , in. My opinion.
@BlueEyedBirdWatcher As a generic advice sure I agree with you. As an observer or evaluator of the situation. I'll critically evaluate the situation to learn how I might avoid it happening to me or a loved one. Or if I could of prevented someone getting attacked or something in other cases. Can the situation be tricky to analyze sometimes in relationships? Of course it can and I would reserve my opinion until authority find evidence for example.
However, when talking to the victim him/ herself that advice does more harm than good. if someone made the wrong choice or trusted the wrong person blaming them won't change what already happened.
As for the future.. trust me they are already screwed for life in most cases. Depression, paranoid, addiction, self harm, PTSD, and some eventually suicide. Please they're not happy it happened to them so show support and kindness. If you can't then don't contribute to their distruction.
All I'm saying is just have some compassion to those who are less fortunate.
There is a time and a place for talking about it yes.
I don't mean to say you should talk to them like that instead of with compassion.
You sound like a reasonable decent person and I appreciate that. Have a good day 🌹
It's night here.
But you have a great day too. I will see you around.
Actually, you made me think of something, for me taking responsibility for an abusive relationship was very comforting. It showed me that abuse isn't a risk inherent to company, I actually walked past many red flags, stayed too long and didn't avoid triggering situations.
Knowing that I didn't need to go through that and that I will not go through it again removes fear and gives space to heal.
The Victim is frequently blamed because people don't want someone they know fits into that category The sad thing is there at a minority that have been proved to be lying which makes it even more painful for the real abused Who needs comfort protection and help to rebuild their confidence to kick start their life again
So true and well said... So agree why do quick to justify disbelieving the majority who are telling the truth but bringing up the minority who aren't. Cuz in the end, who really suffers? The real victims... Thank you for getting that!! Wish more people would!
Your welcome Is that why you stay single
No not at all... My husband died almost 7 years ago and just don't think want to be in a relationship with the way people view/treat relationships these days... The texting verses real communication... The social media they people use way too much half using to flirt if not cheat with other people. The quick to bail on their partner or cheat when things get rocky instead of trying to fix whatever issues may arise in the relationship... Could go on, but it might become too long lol
You can always carry on to me I am really listening
Maybe some blame the victim because they hate the victim or they are cruel or sadistic. But I think some criticize the victim because they want to help the situation. They are trying to get the victim to change so that the likelihood of them becoming a victim again gets reduced. They feel like it's easier to change the victim than to change the perpetrator. They see the perpetrator as a sort of a lost cause that almost can't be changed. So they are trying to help the situation by changing the victim. Sometimes it's not appreciated because it's interpreted as hating on the victim, or saying the victim deserved it, or saying the perpetrator is not in the wrong but the victim is in the wrong, etc, etc. Maybe some of them do mean those things. But I think some of them are just trying to help the situation.
Most abusers find a way to get out of jail for free first - and that is guilt shifting.
It is of epidemic proportions, both in the workplace and in personal matters. The bullies are in charge and everywhere, the remaining (decent) folk suffer day in day out (and are even expected to apologise for it - you know, not being 'man enough' - or 'asking for it')
Very true!!