"Victim Blaming" Why Do Some People Have This Blame The Victim Mindset?

Brainsbeforebeauty
Victim Blaming Why Do Some People Have This Blame The Victim Mindset?

Ok this mytake is a result of my recent question:

Do You Think People Who've Suffered Abuse Have More Trust Issues Than Those Who Haven't?

And a few replies on this post where it seems like blame was being put on the victim. Do people not see though that when you put blame on the victim you are victimizing them again.

Victim Blaming Why Do Some People Have This Blame The Victim Mindset?

What is victim Blaming?

Victim Blaming Why Do Some People Have This Blame The Victim Mindset?

Some responses that disturbed me were "if they chose to stay they're at fault" .... To which I responded "Say that to a small child being abused by their parent". Why, why do people try to blame anyone young or old, for the horrible actions of someone else?

Here's an insert of one answer and why you should not blame or shame victims:

Dont be responsible for making someone suffer more for something not their fault
Don't be responsible for making someone suffer more for something not their fault

And even if the victim was an adult at the time of abuse is still no reason to blame them. This 'victims choose to be victimized, they seek out abusers" is not always true. There is red flags sometimes, but not ALWAYS. Abuse doesn't always happen from day one, sometimes it can be months or even years before the abuse starts. And abuse is never just physical or sexual, it's also always emotional. The abuser gets into their victims head to where they believe it's their fault or they deserve it. And if people, society treats victims the same, well that makes it even easier for abusers to convince their victims.

Victim Blaming Why Do Some People Have This Blame The Victim Mindset?

Instead of judging, shaming, blaming victims maybe try treating them with empathy and respect and caring that they didn't receive from their abusers.

Victim Blaming Why Do Some People Have This Blame The Victim Mindset?

But it's not just abuse where you see this mindset. How many times when someone gets cheated on, do people try to put the blame on the person being cheated on..... When the blame should be on the cheater alone....

Victim Blaming Why Do Some People Have This Blame The Victim Mindset?

I'm a big believer of it takes two. Two to make or break a relationship. So it can easily be the fault of both why a relationship is having issues. Lack of communication being a big reason. But there is ever only one and one person only to blame for the act of cheating.

*****THE CHEATER*****

So to those who've been cheated on, always remember:

Victim Blaming Why Do Some People Have This Blame The Victim Mindset?

And for those who are so quick to blame the cheated on partner and make excuses for the cheater, just remember you could easily find yourself being that partner that was cheated on, because:

Victim Blaming Why Do Some People Have This Blame The Victim Mindset?

Unfortunately, we seem to have become a society that can only have empathy or understanding if they've personally gone through it. You may not ever personally know exactly how someone feels unless you've been in their shoes, but at least try to be more understanding and respectful to people that have been victims. Do not be guilty of victimizing people more.

Thank you for reading 💜💜

"Brainsbeforebeauty"😘

"Victim Blaming" Why Do Some People Have This Blame The Victim Mindset?
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Samoht_Sirrom1
    Before anyone starts trying to contradict or argue any of this, please realize I was sexually assaulted as a child and this I feel my view point is legitimate.

    Also If you have been through anything like this apologize if it brings back any flashbacks, I'm only putting it here in order to give an accurate insight into how/why this continues to happen.

    Okay first I think societies biggest mistake (in this subject) is the terms used.


    Victim a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action.


    Survivor a person who survives, especially a person remaining alive after an event in which others have died.

    As you can see a victim indicates harmed while a survivor is someone who got through it.

    As long as people believe they are harmed, damaged or broken they have NOT reached the point of being a survivor.

    It is Wrong to tell a victim it is their fault for whatever happened. It is Wrong to say "Well if you had just..." Or " Why didn't you... ", however I also understand the other side "If I were in that situation I would have done this". Point of fact some of the biggest victim blamers are in fact the victim themself "Why didn't I just call..." Or " Whe didn't I just tell when... Asked me if everything was okay" maybe "Why didn't I let the cops know when my family sent them for a welfare check?" "I must be dirty, that's why this keeps happening to me"

    simple answer to most of these is a feeling of powerlessness "If you tell anyone I'll torture you, kill you, kill your family" "I know where you live, I know where your family lives" and of course "If I go to jail my friends won't be happy and they'll hunt you down and kill you in the slowest most painful way possible"
    Is this still revelant?
    • Thank you so much for your answer!!! I agree with EVERYTHING in this reply! And agree with the survivor 💯 one thing I was remiss in adding.. But can't update our edit mytakes... But this here, explained what I'm trying to get people to understand! Again, THANK YOU! 💜🙂👍

    • And also sorry for what you went through as a child... But you're a survivor!

    • I moved on long ago decided that it didn't define me and only wish that the other person gets help (they ended up raping a girl 2 years after me and went to jail for that, though they got off clean with my case)

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Vmm90
    Absolutely great MyTake.

    It isn't only others who may do victim blaming, victims often blame themselves too.

    I have been emotionally abused twice and sexually assaulted once.

    It is a hard thing to open up about as there is a fear that someone will say it's my fault etc.

    I actually had a conversation with someone about abuse at work today. Around how it is still misunderstood. I find one big issue around emotional abuse is, it takes a long time to get over because you essentially have to retrain your brain and how it thinks.

    After being exposed to it for so long, you end up gaslighting yourself, even after the abuser is gone. You still maintain thinking the way they made you feel as well as what they said. It takes work to heal and get to the other side.

    Sadly enough I have had someone tell me I deserved it, mainly because they were not getting their way. I am now confident in knowing I didn't deserve it, I know I am a good person who was kind and caring. I have also been told I am cocky as well because of this.

    Anyone who has been through assault or abuse is a survivor. It's never as simple as one may think it is and it is not the survivors fault.
    Is this still revelant?
    • So so true... And you called the one thing I in hindsight meant to add. That not just victims but survivors, but can't edit or update mytakes 🙁 but that you know you're a survivor, that's great! That people suffer abuse, and not just by the original abuser, but by others or by society, doesn't show a weak person, shows REAL STRENGTH 💜💜💜🤗

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Sometimes, the idea of fault gets mangled when we are dealing with emotionally-laden topics. I think that is the case with "victim blaming."

    If I am the victim of someone coming into my house and stealing my possessions, the perpetrator is a criminal, they beat full responsibility for their actions, they should be prosecuted and convicted, and I hope they send a few years in prison for the crime.

    But. . . what if I live in a high crime area, I am aware of that, and I carelessly leave my house unlocked and the blinds open so that it is obvious I am not at home. I have been careless and have made it easier for the criminal to perpetrated their crime. Pointing out my carelessness as a contribution factor does not relieved the perpetrator of criminal responsibility but it is a way to encourage me to be more careful with my behavior.

    If we lived in an ideal world, crime wouldn't happen and I could house unlocked without any concern about break-ins and theft. But we both know that this world is far from ideal, precautions are necessary, and when people fail to take reasonable precautions, that fact should not be ignored.
    • When that's the case. But that's not always the case. And it's not just blaming, it can be shaming. There was a question on here"Would you have sex with someone that was sexually molested?" Why wouldn't someone? Like what now, that person is just damaged goods or less than? Especially if that happened at childhood. Children should never be blamed or grow up to be shamed for someone abusing them...

    • Yes, that is a horrible response to the example you cited.

    • Read the mho answer, he explained it so well cuz so many guys answering about women raped, but this take wasn't bout just that, all abuse suffered and boys/men can get molested or abused as well

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  • SnowyOwl
    Offensors are often narcissists. Narcissits are manipulators. Manipulators get a ahead and succeed by being decitful and selfish. So we have a lot of successful powerful people who lead our societies, but they are actually narcissits. How do victims fight against such powerful people, when the system itself defends them? it is made of them! Of course there's a ton of victim blaming, and defending criminals when our legal structure and even law enforcement has been influenced by narcissits for centuries.

    Well, for anyone who's been a victim or still is, im gonna tell you that you have a very hard and important mission: speak for yourself, tell your story. The more of us telling our story will help those "neutral" individuals in society realize just how much harm as been done, and if they have any empathy at all they WILL choose to stand by the victims.

    Because nothing is more powerful than truth.
    A courageous victim is a predator's worst nighmare, rightfully.
    We need to change the current collective mindset. Everyone deserves to have the choice of living a peaceful life.
    • Awesome awesome answer... 💯 So true.. This here woulda been mho but still mho in my book 💛💜💛

    • SnowyOwl

      still I feel honoured (: its my pleasure to share 💜✌️✨

  • Shezadi
    Victim blaming and shaming is more prevalent in Asian countries. And it's so ingrained. I say this as an Asian. I have seen victim blaming and shaming in all cases be it honour killings, domestic abuse, forced marriages, acid attacks, rapes and harassment.

    The most honour killing in Pakistan was Qandeel Baloch, who was killed by her brother for making provocative videos on social media. And even today, millions of Pakistani men and women justify her honour killing by judging her character.

    In Pakistan, father can legally forgive his son if he murders his sister in the name of honour. And if the girl was an orphan then a brother can legally forgive his brother for killing his sister in the name of honour. And the mother and sister's opinion is not even asked. This loophole has been made on purpose by the lawmakers to allow men to get away with honour killings.

    As a result, one fifth of world's honour killings are recorded in Pakistan. At least, 1000 honour killings are reported in Pakistan. Honour killings happen on a daily basis.

    It even happened in my mom's village. And you won't believe my own aunties justified the honour killing despite being women. They were blaming and shaming a dead victim by judging her character and said she deserved it just because she tried running away with a guy. Her brother dragged her home, slaughtered her with a knife and shot her in the head. And the father forgave his son because he thinks his son saved his honour.

    And they went to the police station to get the girl's innocent boyfriend jailed just for trying to run away with his girlfriend which is technically not even illegal. And guess what the police jailed him just for trying to run away with his girlfriend but didn't jail the brother because the police also supports honour killings and the father forgave his son legally.

    tAnd even though, the father refused to forgive his son and his son confessed murder on camera laughing.

    Still, the case went on for three years because even the male judge supported honour killings.
    • Omg that is so horrible. Yeah I know someone who used to watch videos of stuff like that like it was cool or funny. But I wonder/wondered would he have thought so if it was one of his sisters?

    • Shezadi

      That's a good question. And Qandeel Baloch was one of the top ten most googled people in Pakistan, which means Pakistani men secretly enjoyed watching her but at the same time wanted her to be killed to "save" their culture and Islam. That's the hypocrisy. Muslim men secretly lust women but on the outside shame them for not even modest enough. But if they are angels and saints, then why did they enjoy watching her videos. According to the Quran, men are also supposed to lower their gaze. Modesty is also about your gaze and tongue. Looking at women, abusing them, backbiting is also haram. The Islamic scholar called Mufti Qavi first preached modesty to her on national television and when the camera turned off, he invited her home to sleep with her. And she exposed him by making his video.

    • Yeah hypocrisy is everywhere...

  • btbc92
    Great myTake and well done! I always say there are plenty of victims but not every one is equal. You have responsible victims and irresponsible ones. The responsible victims have always done things responsibly and still sadly become the victim of life's circumstances. The irresponsible ones tend to never really care about the responsibility, then only wants to claim victim after they choose to do wrong. I have seen many that deliberately chose to put themselves In Harm's Way just so they can seek attention. You don't even have to seek attention and you get the wrong ones anyway.

    People blame when they can't handle the responsibility of their own bias choices. This world needs to change big time. I have seen responsible rape victims get shamed just for being a victim every though thyme were dressed covered. I have seen many who knew the dangers of attracting the wrong people. Few learned others did not. We have too many mixed messages and lack of awareness going on. We don't just need more empathy, we need more courage to speak out against the discrimination of victims. And the predujice of it. And teach victims how to be more safer in a world that's getting even more unsafe. Those who are willing to learn may end up preserving their life and others. Those who don't are taking chances with fate. What makes it worse is that they have programs, books, advice columns, Etc and the law that tells you what you should and shouldn't do, and people would rather forgo knowledge for ignorance.
    • btbc92

      And I'm not talking about children who don't know better. I'm talkin about grown adults who do know better and thinks because they're an adult they don't have to listen.

    • Great great answer 💜💜💜

  • Tiffany_Taylor_Made
    Some people refuse to take responsibility for their own actions. As a result, they are likely to shift the blame to other people, especially the person that was victimized. If the victim blamer was the perpetrator, he would be likely to blame the victim for his or her own victimization to take the pressure off himself. For example, a guy that pulls off a drive-by shooting and shoots an innocent person would likely say, "Well, he shouldn't have been out there at that time" to take the pressure off himself. Because of this, he wouldn't feel as guilty and he could possibly hope to convince others that he was not entirely at fault no matter how irrational his defense might sound.

    If the victim blamer wasn't the perpetrator, victim blaming could be a result of defending a belief or whatever group he is a part of. For example, if the victim blamer is a man with a negative opinion on women, let's say a MGTOW MRA supporter, and a woman claims that she was raped, he would attempt to blame the woman for her own rape, such as by saying she was probably dressed provocatively. In his mind, he likely views her accusation as an attack on men and blames the woman for her own rape in an attempt to defend men and/or his belief system that forms his negative views.

    In some cases, the victim could be reasonably blamed. While a person is not fully responsible for being a victim because the perpetrators shouldn't have victimized him or her in the first place, a person's own foolish actions could still increase his or her chances of becoming a victim. For example, a young woman that forms relationships with known violent criminals or abusers are likely to become victims of violent crimes and/or abuse themselves. If she does become a victim, she could be blamed for that due to knowing about that person's character and not making better choices. You can make similar arguments with police encounters. For instance, if a person attempts to take a cop's gun or points a gun at a cop, if he becomes the victim of a police shooting, his own actions are to blame.
    • I love your answer. You hit the nail on the head here... And gave a good example of how you could put yourself at risk for abuse. Instead of the of a women walks down the street provacitively dressed crap some guys were saying on here. Cuz most abuse is by People known to the victim. And sometimes it's innocent children at the hands of their parent or another family member. And I agree with the last part 💯 sad that these days there's more support for those victims then victims of abuse. Thanks for your great reply 💜MHO was already selected early so people talking stupid could read the abuse both a male and female user suffered as children and the threats, and mind control perpetrators can have on their victims, especially children. But mho answer in my book 💜🙂

  • meetkitty123
    When I was small I often heard my mom & aunts speak of a man (never named but I knew it was a relative) who would be sexually inappropriate with them as kids.
    One time I butted in & asked who. I was told I did not need to know I need to just love my family members all the same.
    When I became a teen I had a female cousin who shared with me the family secret. I found it hard to believe so I asked the adults. I was told you know she is mentally unwell. She makes these things up. I wasn't convince because she was my closest cousin & best friend too. To drive the point in my aunts said "hasn't she just come out of the mental hospital?" Her word can't be trusted.
    They were rather convincing. If my cousin spoke anymore about the subject Id listen politely but never let it sink in as I believed my aunts when they said she was not well.
    One day a male family member who I adored & trusted came over asking for my mom. I let him in. He attempted to assault me. I got away & told before anything too bad happened. I had some bruises though.
    My aunt's & mom gathered while the men of the family went after my attacker. What I discovered was he knew where my mom was & he knew I was home alone. In my opinion he planned it.
    mean while my aunt's who I expected to be compassionate turned on me. I was accused of initiating the attack. I was mocked saying I'm too friendly or I was dumb to answer the door ("trusted" family member remember) Or I should have handled myself better (didn't I get away?). I should be ashamed of myself for getting my neighbors involved & trying to convince them to call the police. This was a family matter not a public matter. What would people say about our family? Our familys name is well known and respected. If we are shamed it's your fault. (We have some people in small local politics & some involved in the church we weren't famous 🙄) They continud this wouldn't have happened if you weren't outspoken too forward, too affectionate & the way you Dress. The list kept going.
    I remember wondering if I wasn't believed why was the family men chasing the man down. If I was lying why would he have ran home & packed? Then it dawned on me. They do believe me. They know I am telling the truth. They want to silence me. (Light bulb) As they did my cousin who they kept hospitalizing. OMG my cousin wasn't lying the grown ups were.
    I got mad jumped up & snapped if I'm a whore for trusting him you're all 10xs the whore because you allowed him to do it to you & now you are allowing him to go after your kids. instead of warning us against him you raised us to trust & love him. My cousin isn't crazy you all are. if she is crazy it because you guys driven her to insanity. You should all be ashamed. We are innocent but you all are dirty sick old whores.
    I shocked them into silence & walked out.
    Nothing was done to the man. My mom invited him over 3 weeks later. I threatened to stab him if she let him in. Soon my family was dragging me to a psychiatrist. Finally I had enough. I called my father living in the USA. I told him if he didn't bring me to the states he would never hear from me again. I'd either die at my own hands or murdered because I'm planning to run away. I don't know how true this was part of me feels it was a bluff but I am so glad I never had to find out. My father took me back with him. he was convinced by my family that I was a delinquent on drugs and prostituting. It was difficult. I had to prove myself to him. When he took me to get on the pill I dragged him in and had the doc tell him what she knew from my exam. I was a virgin. Eventually he saw through my families lies. He & I are now closer than ever. There's still a strain towards my mom's family.
    • I'm so sorry for what you went through. I wish would of replied sooner. This would of been an mho answer. Do meant men have replied to this still blaming women for rape. But this mytake was about ALL abuse not just adult women. And men, and boys suffer abuse as well. Yet no mention of that either. Most of the replies are just about women either being raped or playing the rape card. Again that's not what this take was about. It was about any person being shamed or blamed like what you went through at the hands of what was supposed to be family, supposed to protect you. And sadly that happens in more households than people realize. I'm so glad your dad came and got you and kept you safe 💜💜💜🤗🤗

    • He my rock. I forgave him for not believing me. after all I was the kid and grown ups aren't supposed to lie. His handling of me was borderline abusive he was so strict I lived in lockdown with a strict shore policy he was an Authoritarian parent any form of opinion was considered talking back but I understand that he was simply trying to straighten me out because he was lied to & he thought I needed to be disciplined. he wanted me to succeed clearly if any child is misbehaving on drugs or into sexual activities a parent would be concerned. I realized quickly that there was just no way to get him to believe me by words so I had to show him I behaved I got good grades and the moment I was able to go to that doctor's office (apparently someone recommended I'd be put on the pill especially if I was acting promiscuous) I begged her to check for proof of virginity I even requested that he stand behind a screen in the same room so he could hear their conversation I was just desperate to prove my innocence in all aspects I guess some things were awkward but I do not regret that doctor's visit that was when he finally started to look at me differently he was shocked that was the first evidence I had that my mom lied to him after a year-and-a-half teachers begin to tell him that I did not belong in delinquent classes first of all I was too well-behaved and second I was too smart for that type of class
      To this day he says I was his most easy-going child.
      And he regrets that year-and-a-half of being harsh on me. By 12th grade I had no friends because I was never allowed to leave the house or do normal teen stuff when he loosen the reins I really didn't care to go anywhere I was used to being a homebody and I was socially awkward and I thought I had nothing in common with the other kids had grown too much too fast
      But I still can't blame him at least he was trying to protect me unlike my mom

    • I saw the post way earlier but it triggered me so I shied away from it for days all of a sudden today I started to write about it and I realized I was writing it in the wrong post It had nothing to do with what I was supposed to be writing and that's when I realized okay I'm ready to talk about it my mind is clearly writing it out so I finished writing it on that other person's post highlighted and cut then I left an opinion correctly on that person's post & I went in search for yours it was a challenge to find it again I did a lot of digging found it I clicked the box hit paste and sent the story in

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  • ObscuredBeyond
    Muddying the issue:

    1. Sometimes the victim is not an entirely innocent party.
    2. Oftentimes, the perp is someone popular. Or, those defending him have something at stake themselves, and feel a need to defend out of self-preservation.

    The second one is especially the case in politics.

    So Trump's a philanderer who trusts Bill Gates too much? So what!? His faith in Betsy DeVos is going to weaponize homeschooling, and undermine the core principle of it - letting parents have a say? Big deal!

    There are over a thousand individuals running for president; but most Americans refuse to believe they can "back a winner," unless they support one of only two options that media outlets spoon feed to them - even if they're both horrible. (It's called controlled opposition. Hitler used it too!)

    And the "only" alternative is Biden, who's an international criminal and pedo with a plantation owner mindset.

    You're literally trying to decide which man makes you want to vomit the least. Trump is set up to be targeted by this machine run by bullies, so his base will support him no matter what. And to appease Dems, media outlets refuse to cover Joe's various gaffes. Because defeating Orange Man is "virtuous" - even if it betrays principles of the republic!

    The end result is that we have a puppet for Xi - the new Mao - in one party, and an admitted admirer of Mussolini in the other. Mussolini and Mao running against each other for US president; and one of them is likely going to win. Lawlessness run amok, in the era where we wanted to Drain the Swamp! Made worse by Sandra Bullock pretty much admitting to Ellen DeGeneres that Big Adrenochome is real, in spite Wired trying to dismiss the idea.

    Bring the lube, because you know where you're gonna get it either way! And if you complain, someone out there had some "virtuous" reason to defend your aggressor! Bank on it!

    Then again, if you don't back a third party to send a message, then those defenders of abuse at the top will say that you deserved what you got. And they won't be entirely wrong.
    • Girther10

      That’s quite a statement. You have a unique way with words. A little rough in some places, but overall a better than average narrative. Finally, someone out there is paying attention.

    • This isn't a political post this was about children, teens, adults getting sexually or physically abused or people cheating on their spouse. Not about the upcoming election!!!

    • @Brainsbeforebeauty: It's applicable across the board. Look at all the celebrities that have gotten away with sexually abusing others for DECADES, and are JUST NOW catching heat for it! And look how most of them vote too. Birds of a predatory feather. And CYA is a big deal now.

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  • I couldn't agree more when it comes to victim blaming.

    Many abusers are narcissists. People should look up narcissistic personality disorder and see how narcissists manipulate people into being in love/dependent on them before gradually becoming more and more controlling and abusive.

    Some abusers are just sadistic. Think of someone who would abuse a child.

    In some cases, it takes two to tango, as you said. In those cases, it might be a matter of poor communication skills on the part of both parties or they could both be abusers.

    When it comes to cheaters, many are simply self-involved and selfish. They only think of their own appetites. Some might be sociopaths who are incapable of empathizing with others. Some might simply be immature like spoiled children.

    The abusers, not their victims, are to blame. That being said, many abusers, especially sociopaths and narcissists actually see themselves as the victims. "I beat that guy and stole his watch because... he was rich and could afford it, or he was a shit head, or he didn't deserve to be so successful, or..." They always have an excuse. Their victim taunted them or didn't treat them right.

    So people should take care when automatically assuming that someone claiming to be a victim actually IS a victim. You need all the facts.

    I've had friends tell me how badly their ex partner had treated them. I empathized and thought their ex was an ass hole. But then I got their exes side of the story, I had to rethink my initial conclusion.

    I had one relationship in my early 30s in which a girl I had known in junior high and high school called me up out of the blue. She was a couple years younger than me and I didn't go to school with her. She had been the neighbor of one of my best friends. We all used to swim in my friend's pool. Back then, I loved the girl's hair color and skin tone and thought she had the cutest ass in the world.

    So when she called, I invited her over. We wound up dating. She told me how abusive her husband was and said she was near the end of divorce proceedings. I believed what she said about her husband. But as time passed, I started learning more about her. Come to find out, her husband was a stand up guy and she was actually nuttier than a fruitcake. Not a narcissist or scheming sociopath, but clinically nuts. She started accusing ME of being a monster. I was really, really glad to be rid of her.

    So it goes to show that you can't always believe the person who claims to be the victim. Again, you need the facts. But I still agree with EVERYTHING you said in your take.
    • Great answer 💜 broken record again lol you gonna owe me a new needle soon lol
      And agree, some do lie... But not every one, and those that do should be criminally charged, because of the affect they have in those they are falsely accusing, which is slander, but the affect it has on real victims. Real victims should not have to suffer being disbelieved because of someone else's lies

    • Lliam

      Yup. Slander should be punished. So should physical abuse. But most forms of abuse don't fall into that category.
      As you said, real victims shouldn't be shamed or blamed for having been abused. Unfortunately, I think it's women who are most often blamed for having been abused. Shit like "She asked for it" pisses me off.

    • Right! Noone child or adult, man or women deserves to be abused physically, sexually, or emotionally by someone... Knew you'd get that! Thank you for being you 💜🙂🤗

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  • Nalix
    So the key question is why. Someone says they are the victim of a crime. There are two possibilities: They are telling the truth, or they are not. There are grey areas, such as most domestic abuse cases where the violence is mutual. It all comes back to how sympathetic you are to the person claiming to be a victim. Maybe you find their story convincing. Maybe you don't like them for some reason. Most sane people will admit they don't know... because they don't know.

    When most people hear one of these stories, the vast majority have no idea what really happened. They will believe what they are told. Most people believe when someone says something happened to them... and do and say nothing.

    Others will have the opposite reaction. Maybe they distrust the source of the information. Maybe they know similar cases where the victim wasn't a victim, but was lying. Most people who disbelieve people claiming to be victims is that they have experience with people lying in exact that way.

    Others may disbelieve because of other prejudices that they have. No matter who the victim is, they will appear unsympathetic to someone, so there will always be at least some people who's initial reaction is to not believe them. Insisting that people never lie about being victims will only make many of these people more inclined to disbelieve them. You can't gain everyone's sympathy, but you can recognize that their pain doesn't invalidate yours.
    • It's never about gaining sympathy. Respect or understanding. People who suffer real abuse and survive... That makes them Survivors. And it's not just adults that get blamed or unbelieved or shamed. Sometimes it's grown ups who admit to having been abused as a child and treated differently because of it. The pain I feel it's for victims too afraid to come forward or press charges against their attackers for fear of not being believed or put on trial themselves by society. Which means more abusers/criminals on the streets and in society to victimize others

  • Miristheiss
    I do not know what you are talking about.
    I rarely see anyone blaming the victim.
    At most I see people not 100% absolving some for every decision they made.
    They expect that the moment an assault takes place people must instantly absolve them of everything they did up to that point.

    I've read some blogs/message board advice stories recently where things like this are sort of in play.

    Both involve women cheating or getting assaulted and the fallout falls into various camps. Several are throwing around the "you're blaming the victim" in both cases.

    One was a woman in a relationship, she was out of town or the boyfriend was out of town and she went out clubbing, was drinking flirting with the guy, dancing, hanging with him, took a cab with them... etc. It basically ends up with her having sex with him or getting raped.

    The boyfriend is done with her... and many are expecting that because she was assaulted... apparently because she drank a lot and her memory of it all isn't even too clear... because of that fact they expect him to take her back with open arms and become 100% sympathetic and be there in total support of her as a victim and that victimhood should absolve all that happened before that. Many would consider their mate out clubbing and drinking and flirting with another man as cheating and that in and of itself is enough to end it with her... regardless of what happened later.

    Another was a wife traveling for work, in Vegas, elected to stay 2 additional days after the conference ended to hang out with her work friends... she drank, danced with men, got wild, all of them ended up back in one of their hotel rooms, he was drunk so a single male offered to walk her back to room, he wanted to use the bathroom at her room, he needed a bit to sit and let his head clear from drinking before he left. They wake up in bed naked. Everyone claims since she had no memory, he had to have raped her. Husband left for 6 months, they still do not know if they will stay married.

    Many claim that because she says she has no memory of having sex, that he must have taken advantage of an unconscious woman. They expect the husband to instantly ignore that his wife is partying and drinking in Vegas with other men, dancing with men and hanging out with men in hotel rooms. The moment they think it turns to an assault he should forget her shady behavior and take her back with open arms.

    That isn't blaming the victim. If a taken lady is out partying up with other men... not her boyfriend or husband there can be relationship consequences and just because an assault ended up happening doesn't mean everything shady they did to possibly cheat before gets swept under the rug.
    • Tell that to an abused child! And I've personally seen and heard also from users on here who were victims as children but tested different or shamed for that abuse. People need to quit this it's the victim's fault, or their choices. Again tell that to a child abused by a parent, or a teenager or an elderly person that's abused...

    • *treated

  • jshm2
    The reason people continue to think the earth is flat, that vaccines cause autism and Trump has done a "good job",

    The word you're looking for is "subjectivity".

    Some people just want to take only what facts and figures appeal to them, and their biases. They concentrate only on that bias to make their flawed decision. There is just no helping some people.
  • Flower7
    I agree that victim blaming isn't a good thing to do. I've seen this happen many times with people who have been cheated on.

    Such as when my ex cheated on me and his mother found out what he did. Her reaction was to tell me that I should use that experience to learn how to become "more of a woman".

    She didn't seem to think that what he did was wrong. She felt like I had caused the problem.
    • Yeah, but would she say the same if SHE was the one getting cheated on 🤔🙄 bet that's a hell no. ... Sometimes if people can't get what it's like, they should just 🤐STFU... sorry that happened to you, but that's on him, not you!! 💜🙂

    • Flower7

      Thanks for understanding!

      And as far as her getting cheated on, she actually regularly cheats on her men. So that's a big part of where my ex learned his behavior from.

    • Ahh now I see... And exactly why she'd justify it... Good some people just make me sick these days. I'm so glad he's your ex. Sounds like he isn't the only toxic person you dealt with in that relationship, but his mom as well. Who needs that...

  • ImSparkly
    As a rape-survior, I went through this. She wanted it, it was her fault, she made bad choices. Which later became, why is she doing this to these boys, why is she ruining their lives, etc. Later it further devolved into boys will be boys and the like.

    It was dehumanizing. So F'em all.
    • That is their failing and not yours... I'm very sorry you went through that! NOONE should ever have to go through that! The one thing I wish I'd of added... You're not just a victim, you're A SURVIVOR! And you're so right...'F" anyone that can't see that makes you STRONGER not WEAKER to have suffered and survived that 💜💜🤗

    • ImSparkly

      Daisy Coleman, the subject of a Netflix documentary, committed suicide this past weekend after dealing with a lot more $#! t than ANYONE EVER should have to contend with. May her burdens be lighter now at rest. www.usatoday.com/.../

    • 😭 thank you for sharing that maybe more people will get the problem in victim shaming and blaming, but sadly I doubt it. People these days can't care unless it happens to them apparently

  • snowboarder720
    It’s a shitty way for douchebags to put the blame on others to excuse their own behavior. Whenever someone victim blames I think they are trying to defend the real criminal.
    Don’t fall for it when someone victim blames you. It just means they are trying to excuse themselves as criminals.
  • Victims should never be blamed. Let's address the elephant I've made for myself. Gaining confidence to start going out there to choose new people again. Is not all to blame and her or him. They have been wronged... They need to heal. The right people should reach out to them... To help them through this process. Victims should be treated gently and sensitively to help them best recover what was taken from them and what was lost
  • humanearth
    I just saw a old 20/20 news story from the 80s or 90s.

    They were interviewing rape victims and rapists. And whats shitty is that some of victims believe that it was their fault and every rapists said they had it coming and was asking for it. They said because of the clothes they wore or they were to pretty to be left alone.

    Not one of them took the blame
    • Yeah that's some bullshit... And sadly, even worse today...

    • humanearth

      What shocked me more that the some women believed that it was their fault

    • Well what can they think when not only their abuser drills it into them it's their fault, but half of society does as well? Abuse is not just physical and sexual abuse, it's emotional abuse as well, and those are the scars that can be the most damaging but the least visible

  • 007kingifrit
    just because you label someone a victim doesn't mean we agree

    you have almost a religious use of the term victim blaming. they aren't victims just because you say they are

    your entire post shows an extreme lack of ability to take the perspective of others
    • So if a child gets physically or sexually abused are they not victims of child abuse? So when a partner cheats, are they not victims of cheating... I think your whole reply shows either you didn't read the whole post or you're just very ignorant

    • @Brainsbeforebeauty see now the problem you are making is that i spoke generally and you are trying to force a specific example on me

    • No there problem is this post was about All abuse, not just women being raped, it was also bout people who's partner cheated, yet they get blamed... Yet men keep thinking of just women, cuz that's a way to still blame the woman. Makes it difficult to blame the child without looking like a POS. But, funny how some men will blame the Female instead of the criminal. She should of done this, she should of done that. But then can't the same be said to men who say they get fucked over by women and the courts? Shouldn't they have been more safe, took better precautions to not be in those situations?

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  • G3tAClue
    Being the victim is easier than taking responsibility for your own life. I think it’s also a part of human nature that makes us weak as humans. Being a victim, even if you are rightfully a victim (rape, assault, etc), you still give that power to others to treat you badly.
    • Not true.. tell a child that...

    • G3tAClue

      This is directed towards adults, dear.

    • No it wasn't not all of it... It was any victim that gets shamed or blamed.. How you telling me if I wrote it... And the insert of the female user talked about her abuse as a child and being blamed for it... But adults shouldn't be blamed or shamed any more than children.

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  • scorpy04
    The Victim is frequently blamed because people don't want someone they know fits into that category The sad thing is there at a minority that have been proved to be lying which makes it even more painful for the real abused Who needs comfort protection and help to rebuild their confidence to kick start their life again
    • So true and well said... So agree why do quick to justify disbelieving the majority who are telling the truth but bringing up the minority who aren't. Cuz in the end, who really suffers? The real victims... Thank you for getting that!! Wish more people would!

    • scorpy04

      Your welcome Is that why you stay single

    • No not at all... My husband died almost 7 years ago and just don't think want to be in a relationship with the way people view/treat relationships these days... The texting verses real communication... The social media they people use way too much half using to flirt if not cheat with other people. The quick to bail on their partner or cheat when things get rocky instead of trying to fix whatever issues may arise in the relationship... Could go on, but it might become too long lol

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  • Celtero
    Evil people will always exist and we have to be vigilant and protect ourselves from them. Looking at how we could've avoided becoming victims is how we avoid becoming victims again. If people don't want to be introspective in that regard then they'll get little sympathy from me.
    • Tell that to an infant that gets shaken, or a little girl that gets molested by a family member, or a woman who gets attacked walking to her car. Your attitude is part of the problem. So if someone breaks into your home while you're at work, is it your fault? Abuse is a crime, blame the criminal not the victims!

    • Celtero

      That's the thing, you need to ask the question "is there anything I could've done differently?" Did I leave my doors unlocked? Did I leave valuables in plain sight? Maybe I should've chosen a better neighborhood to live in? The person who asks these things is less likely to get robbed a second time.

      Children aren't really in control of their own fate the same way adults are. Adults almost always have the option to leave certain people or places if they endanger them.

    • No that's not always true but okay. .
      But maybe society needs to do more about people committing crimes then blaming the victims... And crime don't just happen in bad neighborhoods... Do people should just pick up and move any time there's a crime... Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds? So when stores get robbed, banks get robbed, it's their fault too. Damn, share some of what you must be smoking 🤣🤣

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  • LuvMeSomeBoys
    It’s far easier to fix blame for most than it is to accept responsibility, even if it means blaming the victim. Victim blaming happens a lot these days, and sometimes rightly so, when a criminal ends up getting shot.
    • So care more about criminals who chose to be criminals than victims who didn't? Yeah okay that's all kinds of messed up and exactly the problem...

    • I’m just the messenger, and I did not say anything about caring more about criminals who choose to be criminals than victims who didn’t. I agree it’s messed up, so are a lot of things. Way too many criminals are being painted as victims rather than the criminals they are.

    • Well with that I agree 💯

  • apollo3000
    Most abusers find a way to get out of jail for free first - and that is guilt shifting.
    It is of epidemic proportions, both in the workplace and in personal matters. The bullies are in charge and everywhere, the remaining (decent) folk suffer day in day out (and are even expected to apologise for it - you know, not being 'man enough' - or 'asking for it')
  • Jakeofalltrades93
    I wonder if some of it is because people have a "that could never happen to me" mentality. so that when they hear that someone became the victim they assume it must because of some fault of their own
  • worldscolide
    i think they blame the victim because hindsight is 2020.. Say i was hypothetically robbed.. Im the victim.. But in that situation my mind goes to all of the things i could have done differently and all of the things i will do differently to prevent it in the future.. People suck..
    • The problem i have with people who cry victim blaming.. is If someone simply offers a bit of advice on how to better protect ones self, its automatically seen as victim blaming..

      Take this as a for instance.. Rapists rape. There is literally nothing we can do to stop it.. No amount of education will irradiate mentally damaged horrible people that want to take from others.. So a rape victim might want to take a self defense class, carry a weapon.. But merely suggesting that someone learn to defend ones self is seen as victim blaming. which it is not. Everyone should know how to protect them selves, man or woman..

    • fml.. Eradicate not irradiate auto correct you SUCK

    • That's true and would not be seen as victim Blaming. But if a woman gets raped and someone says "What were you wearing" now see that's different...

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  • Hell NO , but in reality we do. The most obvious victim blaming our society have is ofcause the Heightist who blame mainly men for NOT being tall. The horrible fact 85 % of all men hwo aren't what society call tall , in my aerea north Europe a man over 186 cm or even better much taller. Now most women ow would gladly trow the typical well-known phrase in the head of all men who are not the desirable 186 cm tall or preferably much taller " Sorry you are far too short" while we will look at the guy as he were
    a disgusting insight, not to mention that the vast majority of us women, will laugh and make fun of men who are not born to be fighters, and last but not least, most of us women would dream of dating a male under 185-190 cm tall. However, the same women will probably do well if he is rich and famous, but it will be to make a living from his money, and the day the short man has no money, the vast majority of us women will leave him.
    So victim blaming even as horrible it is, most vomen blame men for NOT BEEING TALL... ENOUGH. And further we also blame him for our own insecurity, if we are tall, or thick etc. Again the victim , the NOT TALL GUY pay the ultimatly price for something he can't controle, vere very sad and a thing we women should have to do much better at it's very embarrassing to witness, and those of us who are not so disgusting, but we all expect to be HEIGHTIST too.
  • jgokgotit
    There are times when the victim could have done something better. It is not victim blaming to point that out. Let's use rape as an example. There is absolutely no excuse for a man to force himself on a woman (or vice versa). However, there are measures women can take to avoid being put in that situation in the first place. If they do not take those measures, it does not make the rape their fault, but it does mean they did not protect themselves properly. For example, if a woman walks down a dark alley alone, she increases her risk of something happening. That does not make the rape her fault, but she should have used common sense. Nobody besides yourself is responsible for your own safety. That's the same as putting your routing and account number on the internet for all to see then being surprised when your account gets wiped cleaned. While crimes are never the fault of the victim, in most cases there was something the victim could have done beforehand to mitigate the chance of becoming a victim.
    • I love how everyone just goes to a women being raped. But what about the children abused as children and then tested different because of it? Shamed... What about the abused spouse that did try to get away or couldn't? What about the partner that gets cheated on, yet gets blamed for why their partner cheated? That was all in this mytake, yet noone but people who've suffered such has mentioned that. Nother reason maybe people should stop victim Blaming/shaming unless you been in their shoes.

    • *treated not tested

    • mindNsoul

      @jgokgotit As a generic advice sure I agree with you. However, when talking to the victim him/ herself that advice does more harm than good. if someone made the wrong choice or trusted the wrong person blaming them won't change what already happened.

      As for the future.. trust me they are already screwed for life in most cases. Depression, paranoid, addiction, self harm, PTSD, and some eventually suicide. Please they're not happy it happened to them so show support and kindness. If you can't then don't contribute to their distruction.

      All I'm saying is just have some compassion to those who are less fortunate.

  • TonyV
    It's not the victims fault interlly but sometimes they did something that kind of made them the target, is this right? No in a perfect world you could do whatever you want and not be targeted for it but our world ain't perfect so unfortunately from time to time we have to put our wants aside and do what we know will make us not the target.

    Also far to many people fake being a victim to get attention or even to maliciously ruin someone elses life. Liars make it harder to believe real victims, which is unfortunate. Frankly when I hear abuse or rape allegations I have no idea what to do, I'm sure most people have the decency to not lie about something so serious, but some piece of shit human garbage people will, so I can't just blindly except any allegation i hear anymore, but I dont want to ask questions cause that would be offal to ask a real victim so I have no idea what to do if I hear it. I will not just believe a liar and I dont want to question a real victim.

    I think there need to be real consequences for false accusations, like equal jail time to the predators or abusers.
    • How though can you say a child who's been abused by their parent put themselves in that situation? You can't! NO CHILD deserves to be abused, and then too scarred to seek help for fear of not being believed...

    • TonyV

      Yeah I'd believe any child that says they are abused, they're still young and innocent and seems very unlikely they would lie. It just seemed like it was for any and every type of act that involves a victim, and I can't believe every victim any more. Too many have been proven false or latter admitted they lied cause they were upset. I wish we lived in an honest enough world to believe every victim but we dont, some people will lie about anything and its disgusting.

      I would always take a child serious tho.

    • Sadly that is true... Liars don't just make it harder to believe real victims, it can cripple real victims from getting that courage to leave or to press charges against their abuser if they're going to be the ones put on trial

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  • Gedaria
    I can see what you mean. But there is a factor of putting your self in danger.
    Like a young girl walking home at night down footpaths through woods. We know you should be able to do this but a world like we live in is a very dangerous pastime...
    • But there is also young children who get abused. Elderly people that get abused. Men as well both old and young

    • Gedaria

      True.

  • G5TWA1
    I think that happens when the person doing the victim blaming relates more with the perpetrator than with the victim and sometimes it's understandable, for exemple if someone really close to you were accused of rape it would be understandable if you took the side of the accused
  • Girther10
    You should use the democrat party for more research. They love victimhood, it’s like their new religion, just ask one... >>
    • What the hell does the democratic party have to do with people being abused... Especially children or young adults... Take your political agenda to a post meant for that... THANKS 🙂

    • Girther10

      Clearly you aren’t aware of the ongoing abuse being inflicted on those who , this very minute, are unemployed due to no fault of their own, and we’re just denied the relief the need, by the democrat leadership in Congress. The democrat party has everything to do with abusing people, especially children and young adults.
      Sorry if I hit a nerve, but you asked a legitimate question, and I offered a legitimate answer. Like it or not, politics has infected every topic these days.
      I have no political agenda, and your rejection of my reply smacks of censorship. This place s an opinion site, remember that, and treat it as such. My reply was not out of line. Your rejection of it is.

    • Girther10

      Oh yeah, and THANKS! 😆

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  • COMMODOREII
    Especially if they were manipulated by the abuser. Often times you are lured into the relationship thinking everything will be fine but over time it gets bad and by that time you are not sure if it is them or you.
  • Not_Average
    We live in a society in which people will play victim towards anything and everything. Naturally- the victim loses credibility through time.
    • Some people are not playing victim. Say that to a child molested by a family member. Or a person beaten to death...
      Your attitude is exactly why I did this take... Not every one is playing or enjoys being a victim... Pray it never happens to you or yours and that if it does people don't treat them with that same mindset

    • Not everyone is playing victim, and that’s true. Having said that, the victim loses more and more credibility the more and more people exaggerate. I think it’s the natural order of things. I think the solution is stop using nasty labels when it’s deemed out of context.

      For example, rape isn’t the same as regret. When we start saturating drunken college women who make poor sexual decisions under the same umbrella of rape- well that’s really terrible for the real rape victim.

    • I will agree with that... But you still cannot blame real rape victims for the actions of others... And what does that have to do with Blaming real victims tho? If sexual our physical abuse... Or people cheated on... This is not a take about fake allegations, but REAL ABUSE... so real abused people should get shamed or blamed because of drunk college students... And not so if those drink college students were/are falls allegations... Some really were drugged or passed out when raped

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  • Blaming the victim is something stupid, weak willed people do when succumbing too the heard mentality of a flawed or corrupt agenda, theology, social convention, or political parties in an attempt too shift responsibility and accountability away from whatever evil purpose or person they are affiliated with. My solution? Call them on their stupidity and dishonesty, acknowledging them as the knuckle heads they are in order too bate those individuals dumb enough too try putting me in my place so I don't feel bad rearranging their dental work. A victim can sometimes be guilty of letting themselves be a victim too a specific kind of abuse or assault, but can never be at fault for forcing someone too victimize them.
    • Very well said here!!!🙂💛

    • Thanks

    • 👍 welcome 🙂

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  • weasley8
    I’m not entirely sure, but my guess would be that deep down the know that at one point they participated in victimizing someone, and they don’t want to admit it. They want to blame the person that they hurt, and to do that they need to also blame everyone who went through something similar.


    Either that or it’s the same reason that people get so offended by the word privilege. They need to feel like they never had any advantages, and that they got where they are now entirely on their own and that everyone who isn’t in their position of authority or stability or whatever had to must not be trying hard enough. They need to feel better than everyone else, so they raise themselves higher by putting others down, in this case by blaming them for things that happened when they had no control.
    • You could be right there!!! Good answer 💜💜

    • weasley8

      Thanks! I actually thought about this one. :)

    • Well, you have a good brain, great insight. Now can you teach that to some of the idiots that are twice your age but don't apparently have the thinking skills you do?🙄🤣🤣

  • Vonnieboo01
    People love blaming the victim so they can justify the evil doers of the world. Even so they can partake in the evil doing of the world themselves. I hate that people always blame the victim.
    • Thank you! So do I... The more victims who don't come forward, the more abusers/criminals out there that don't get charged for their crimes and are free to do it again to others

  • Kurαȷ
    For the same reason people do everything else, ego.

    People blame the victims to maintain a sense of personal agency.
    Because "they" would be in control if they found themselves in that situation, it's easier to convince yourself of that than it is to accept the fact that everyone is in a constant risk of finding themselves in dangerous situations that will be entirely outside of their control.

    Victims do the same themselves, they self-blame and even blame other victims.
    Precisely to maintain that sense of control that they have been deprived of through abuse.
    • Great answer here 💜 very profound and astute answer... And so right on the mark 👍👍

  • Anpu23
    I have an issue with this dialogue, and that's the other half of the equation: "there's nothing you could have done" which is the default response if your not "victim blaming" how disempowering is that? Victims of crime naturally think "what could I have done differently," "how can I avoid this in the future" and "what actions should I have taken?" This is a natural and necessary response to being victimized it's a tool we use to regain our sense of empowerment. To dismiss or demean this thought process is to tell the victim that they're absolutely helpless in ANY situation. This leads to phobia, avoidance, detachment and can have very long lasting psychological damage.
    Let's look at two situations a person has a horrible experience in one the response is to cower in fear forever afraid of your own shadow.
    The other leads to self defence classes, maybe some time on a gun range, better situational awareness, etc. Of the two which, honestly, do you feel leads to a better emotional state? Which should we encourage?
    • This was about shaming as well. So how does it help to treat a victim of sexual abuse as a child as a piria as an adult? Or like damaged goods? People are only focusing on adults that get abused, but what about the countless children that get abused?

    • Anpu23

      Agreed. I am just cautioning against going too far the other direction. Too many people are quick to try and "help" while unintentionally doing harm.

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  • FatherJack
    " Why Do Some People Have This Blame The Victim Mindset? " ... in some cases , to deflect their own guilt / wrongdoing.
    • Well said and so true. Until it happens to one of their loved ones or themselves. Unfortunately these days it's more the norm to spread hate then kindness. Hope you and yours are doing well and the pills helped with your daughter's cramps 🙂

    • FatherJack

      Thank you , they have not yet fully taken effect yet , as you will likely know yourself , that may take time. She turned 14 on Tuesday.

    • FatherJack

      " Unfortunately these days it's more the norm to spread hate then kindness. " ... Yes very true , and mainly because the vast majority let 3 rd parties , such as the BS controlled " media " think for them , all part of it's owners plans !!

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  • VanillaSalt
    Blame the victim? We all are to blame for our choices... if you play the tease and get raped welll... You teased and paid with your experience and the rapists go to jail.


    I posted my opinion and imma be downvoted and some woman out there gonna talk shit...


    Fair? Don’t matter. The fact is women acting in such large numbers as sluts makes men used to such things. Then they act with the wrong head and ops you done fucked up.


    This happens. take steps to avoid, find a good man that will protect you and your good.


    I’m bothered by women screaming feminism but then can’t beat the he’ll out of a rapists. Can’t walk dark alleys. Require men to change because they don’t like something...


    Also a bullet is the answer for rape and molesters. Carry ladies.
    • WilliamY

      Men don’t feel ‘used to such things’ because of how women act. Raping someone is a violent act, no one in their right mind would do that no matter how many sluts they’ve seen.

    • You misunderstood. Men get used to seeing women as sex objects by being around it and seeing women act as such all the time. From there they devalue/dehumanize them and it makes it easier to commit horrible acts as their no longer seen as human or they see it as they wanted it.

    • WilliamY

      No I got your point. That may cause bad behavior from men such as aggression and they may even hit someone.

      But my point is a rapist isn’t a normal person, they abuse violently and you can’t blame their reasons on women.

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  • 93_n_on
    Extremely relatable... And great lengths to legitimize and justify and even paint me as a liar and to say I'm the one engaging in things.
  • Kaazsz
    Those people are lucky to have never become a victim.


    In real life though, people try to learn lessons from eachother. For example, women don’t go around at night time by themselves in strange alleyways. You know not to do this, everyone knows not to do this. Every woman anyways. Me personally I go where the fuck I want I’m a large man lol.


    So in a sense, pointing out the factors which lead to becoming a victim can help other people to avoid doing those things. Unfortunately, that may make the victim feel bad about themselves because they didn’t know to take said precautions. Or maybe they just believed nothing bad would ever happen to them.


    Many times you become a victim and there is nothing you can do about it.


    At the end of the day you can’t blame a person for being abused or attacked or whatever. But people can learn a lesson from the situation. Don’t blame the victim, but spread awareness instead.
    • Well said and agree on taking precautions. Or warning people.. But if a person gets raped and people ask "What were you wearing"that's just blanking or shaming at that point. I personally don't wear revealing clothes, but not out of fear of getting raped, but personal preference. But those that do, that doesn't mean they're asking to be raped. So yes advice to protect ones self, I agree. Shaming or Blaming is different..

    • Kaazsz

      It’s silly to blame someone for the way they dress. First of all most rapes are done by a family member or close acquaintance.

      But we live in a free country where you are allowed to dress as you please. If someone wants to rape, that’s on them. Women should be able to flaunt their beauty without being raped. That’s good for me cuz I like to look at beautiful women. So let’s not force them to cover up because some sick fucks want to rape women. They are sick fucks. You can’t blame a woman for doing what society expects of her. For making herself look good for her future husband.

      This is a situation where people are just grasping for straws. For some strange reason they want to take away blame from the perpetrator. I don’t get that shit.

    • Me neither... Also sickens me that people have more sympathy/ concern for criminals and living conditions of prisons then victims of crime and abuse victims.. Like WTF what kind of world are we living in

  • 19magic
    I know what you mean I have people who've told me that what I experienced in my first 7 years shouldn't effect me now when I'm 23. But it honestly still does once I spend six months - 12 months or so getting to know someone, I full heartedly trust them and I did that recently and boom I'm still recovering from their toxic friendship 2 years later and only recently have I come out of their traps. For 9 months I felt like shit from them and some of the things I did, ended up taking some hard drugs a few times that I'm a little ashamed of just because I wanted to fit in and be their kind of friend.

    But yeah you can't trust everybody I know that now, but to say never believe a victim is bloody ridiculous. If they are lying after a couple of weeks, if not sooner you'll se their true colours no doubt about it.
    • Thank you for sharing... I know it can be hard anyway, but especially with this blame the victim shit that is so prevalent today! Just know you're not just a victim, you're a SURVIVOR!! And anyone that don't see, admire that, isn't worthy of you or your time 💜💜🤗

    • 19magic

      Thanks, I just reread all of that and there's so many spelling mistakes so I'm glad you got the gist of it lol

    • Oh I'm there queen of typos, auto fill fail, so no worries 👍🤣

  • foundersfamily
    I think even if it is the victims fault or not, we should become a better person for them because they are hurting. You may never know that little act of kindness means the world to them.
    • Very true, and well said... Thank you! Someone that gets that whether it could of or could not if been avoided, that's not the best thing to say to someone cuz that could make them feel worse. a lot self blame anyways, other people don't need to!! Again, great answer 💜🙂

  • MelanaG
    People blame the victim to feel better about themselves
    so that they believe it can’t happrn to them
  • TCredo
    Powerfully written Toots - well done - and well said throughout. I think it is a sign of weakness when someone points the finger at the victim - especially if the person pointing the finger is the one guilty of doing the misdeed and creating the victim. To me it's a telltale sign the person is guilty as sin.

    Most definitely true in your cheated on example - it's always the fault of the person doing the cheating... but sadly victim blaming shows itself in rape cases - I don't care if a woman chose to walk down the street naked and was drunk etc... rape is rape and it's a crime.

    I do think people need to understand the difference between true victim blaming (like you described - where there is an actual victim or victims from a single or multiple acts against them) vs. oversensitive reactions that flare up in political or societal discussions - and "discussions" is a liberal use of the word as they are often just people yelling at each other lol...
    • Another great answer here 💜💜 and thank you... Failed to say that people shouldn't just see victims as victims or weak, when they are also survivors and strong... For you need real strength to survive anyways, but especially in a society that too easily blames the victim! Thank you for reading... Maybe it'll give you more alone time with Albot (wink wink) lmao 🤣🤣

    • TCredo

      Great add-on points... survivors are strong. Speaking of surviving... a sex marathon night with AI Bot has reset the bar for WOW! lol :)

    • 🤣🤣 guess you got enough iron supplement then 🤣🤣

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  • DeltaCharlieEcho
    A vast majority of "victims" are far from free of any blame. Obviously children of abuse are exempt from this rule, but everyone else can make themselves less of victims or targets. I'm a victim of cheating and assault from partners but I could do a better job of selecting the women I date, but I don't. [Unpopular opinion incoming] Women that get sexually assaulted while wearing clothes that are designed to be sexually appealing to men made the choice to tease men at a deeply instinctual level and they are to blame for the attention they receive. Would I ever get aggressive with a chick over this? No, but is it so cut and dry that women aren't to blame when they intentionally do shit to antagonize fights and or get the attention of men sexually and get the responses that men are programmed to respond with. Nobody is 100% a victim, everybody could have done something differently if only that means being more aware of their surroundings.
    There's a difference between being a victim and being a passive aggressor, and I find that most people are passively aggressive resulting in becoming the victim.
  • Liam_Hayden
    I think almost everyone partially blames victims when the victim is careless. If I got mugged while walking down Skid Row with a wad of cash in my hand and a Rolex on my wrist, the thieves would still be wrong but the cops would lecture me on being careless. Same with people who leave their doors unlocked.

    In regards to cheating: if your S. O. has cheated on you before and you let him/her back, then yes, you are probably partially to blame if/when you get cheated on by that person again because you are foolish for trusting the person. That does not excuse the behavior of the cheater, but lectures you on making an avoidable error.
    • Firstly, why do people forget that a lot of victims of abuse are "Defenseless children".. and the second, as for the cheating, the first time I'd only the cheater's fault, agree anything else is the fault of someone that stays with someone that way. It is possible to gone men and women that don't...20 years me and my hubby stayed faithful to each other, even the year before he died where he was too sick for sex. Because unlike men who think they the only ones who get needs, urges so does this woman... But I loved my husband enough to just go without than to cheat. But people are too selfish these days to get that it's not always about just you if you in a relationship

    • Save the children! Lmao

      Bad shit happens move on and live... or don’t... only two choices you got.

  • ohshee
    If the victim is smart and knows the truth the truth always wins in time and we all know it's that time that we have to deal with buckshot until the truth comes out. The one who has issues is the abuser since he lies and does what he or she does and he or she knows they are a liver then they think everyone is a lier,,, I also think people who blame other people for anything when knot knowing all 100% truth are fools anyway they like becoming part of the problem in stead of the truthall of the truth not just part of it
  • captain_voidwalker
    It's not victim blaming, its pointing out that YOU are RESPONSIBLE for YOUR own CHOICES!

    If you make a bad coice lrarn from it. Stop wallowing in self pity
    • So you say that to an infant burned by their parent? Or shaken? Or the molested boy or girl? Or the teenagers that get raped by adults? Yeah okay buddy, sure

    • Fair enough actually childrwn can be victims. But adults have few instances where they can be

    • But that's not always true either. Do if someone hiding in the bushes, and jumps out and attacks someone? Who's to blame? But why even try to blame instead of try to do more to stop abusers and criminals?

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  • BlueEyedBirdWatcher
    I have some counter points to your post.
    One as people have mentioned, responsibility is different to guilt. If a woman walks home in revealing clothing drunk by herself, she knows rapists exist and she knows the danger she is putting herself in. One party is guilty but both are responsible. And that can be said in two ways, one is to hide the problem that women are raped, the second is to try and remind women no matter how unfair it is, they have to be aware of their safety.

    In terms of abuse, I think when there is an abusive relationship between adults, it is hard to tell who is the abuser, and in some cases it is both of them.

    My personal belief is everyone should take responsibility for everything. If I see a domestic dispute I should do something, if I let someone down I should think about why that happened and what to do. And I try to push that view because I think it is the best way to live.
    • But how does that apply to a child being abused? And no mention of when a partner cheats, yet so many excuse the cheater, when there's NO excuse

    • It doesn't apply to children, I specifically said adults, even though someone under 18 could be abusive, but I don't want that conversation right now.
      I didn't mention cheating either, but if we are talking about it, that could also be a reaction to abuse, I am avoiding that question too.
      Any thoughts on what I did write about? 😉

    • Girther10

      @BlueEyedBirdWatcher- yes, everything you said is just good common sense. There’s nothing in your reply that’s outside the normal , in. My opinion.

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