Victimhood Mentality Will Ruin Your Life. How To Escape Victimhood Mentality!

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Introduction:

Placing blame started in the Garden of Eden, Eve was deceived into disobedience towards God by the Devil using a serpent, in turn Adam blamed God for giving him a woman to be with, and Eve blamed the serpent.

Nevertheless, God held both accountable and punish them both and kicked them out of the Garden of Eden.

Point is you are responsible for the actions you take in your life, placing blame isn't going to cut it long term in your favor.

In this Mytake, I hope to share the destructional mindset of being and feeling like a victim and how to escape such destructive mindset.

You Are 100% Responsible.

I'm sure all of us can fill a sheet a paper with complaints of the all bad and unfair things that has happened to us wheather by our parents, boyfriend, girlfriend, friends, school teachers, boss at work, doctors or common strangers etc.

You're not special, we all have go through bad stuff in life but if we are 100% honest with ourselves, nearly of all our pain and problems are self created, we created our mess either by sheer ignorance or plain stupidity and bad judgment on our part.

That man or woman you decided to date or marry which turned out they were bad, unless someone forced you to be with them it's your 100% your fault, since you willingly choose such person to be with.

You just can't go around and blame feminism, divorce laws, your mommy, daddy and society.

Life simply just don't work like that. You have to own 100% responsibility for your choices.

It's not traffic fault that you are always late to work, it's not Burger King's fault you are 50lbs overweight, it's not the teachers fault your grades suck and you couldn't graduate school, it's not feminism fault you can't get sex, a date, girlfriend or your marriage fell apart.

Moreover, I know and understand it feels good to the ego and see yourself as a poor victim as it abslove you of personal responsibility and doesn't make you feel like a failure but having such approach to life will always make you feel helpless and weak destroying your self esteem and confidence.

We can't control or have very little control of most things in life but the things we can 100% control i.e. who we date or marry, diet, personal fitness, your own thoughts, your individual attitude, self belief, personal effort you should take 100% responsibility and take control; having such approach will built your self confidence strong, help you mature and succeed in what you desire as time goes on because whining and moaning and pointing fingers won't do a damn thing for you but make you bitter and feel like a complete failure.

Breaking Free From Victimhood.

When I was younger I felt entitled to place blame on my parents, grandma and whoever I can think of because of my circumstances I was in that I didn't like.

Moreover, I realized feeling sorry for myself wasn't going to help me long term.

I became honest with myself and acknowledged that somethings in my life was unfair, out of my control and not my fault but came to understand the harsh and ugly reality of the matter was 95% of the mess I was in was my own doing by my own asinine decision making because I was a idiot.

My mom and grandma who I know deeply love and care for me are only humans and us humans make mistakes especially out of ignorance.

I developed a forgiven attitude towards others and especially towards myself to move forward in victory, instead of becoming a whiny little loser in life with a victim mentality.

*Keys I have adopted that have help me.

• Forgive others. Forgiving others relieves out negative energy and bad thoughts.
• Forgive yourself. Understand you are only human, it's OK if you screwed up. We all screw up.
• Focus all your energy on being positive, on your goals, dreams etc.
• Take 100% responsibility for the things that you can 100% control.
• Don't blame others. It just puts you in a helpless and weak position.
• Take on the challenge. Every unfavorable circumstance, see it as a mountain that is there made to be climbed and conquered. Conquer it.

Conclusion:

Be patient. Big change doesn't happen overnight. Stay consistent and in due time, I 100% guarantee you will see positive results.

Proverbs 19:3

The foolishness of a man twists his way, And his heart frets against the LORD.

[TheoPfeifle]

I understand this, completely, being a PTSD survivor. Other people caused trauma in me... But it is my responsibility to learn how to deal with it. It's a little bit different, though, in that it was no action of my own that harmed me... I actually AM a victim... But my response to it is my responsibility. The question to ask yourself in a situation where you actually are a victim is this... Am I going to let this victimize and cripple me, or am I going to take it as a lesson I didn't necessarily earn but may have needed to change a previous mindset that I had? Maybe God intended for me to endure that hardship, not as a consequence of action, but because he knew I would need the understanding of what it's like to be a victim, to help guide others to healing. You see... I'm a firm believer that we are supposed to use those negative experiences to empathize with others who are in the same trap... I'm a firm believer that when you get out of a trap like that, God will place people in your life who are in the situation you know how to get out of, because you are supposed to use your experience to light their way. Too many people have the mindset that "I did it alone, and turned out okay... So can you." No... If you think a person should suffer the same way you had to, because you "turned out okay"... You, in fact, did not turn out ok.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Well said.

[exitseven]

I never thought of myself as a victim I sometimes acknowledge that maybe I didn't get the breaks that others did, I did the best with what I had and things probably turned out better than what I expected

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO😎

[Haha456]

I have a very nice lady at my job who constantly plays victim that she is being bullied by her coworkers and bosses. She's miserable and she says its been having for 17 years. I asked her "why haven't you tried looking for something else?". She said she couldn't get anything better. She was one of the best workers there and nobody stays at the job for more than a few years. So I didn't believe in her excuses and quite honestly I didn't feel bad for her constant pity partying.

Those who play victim tend to stay in misery and they will play victim forever. Cowards who would rather settle in life than to own up to the fact they made a mistake.

[Screenwriter]

OK... you're a little wobbly on saying things are 100% in your control... There are few things that are.. but most aren't.

You might marry someone who is great when you start after living together for 2 years! Then marriage and something changes and it's a downward spiral. Is this 100 percent within your control?

I don't support whining and victimhood, but unless it's about putting food in your mouth, clothes on your back, fitness, or keeping your house and car in good upkeep, there are few things you're in control of.

Doesn't mean you're a victim because you can't control everything. It's just the way life is!

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

They married that person, they had 100% control over such matters.

People just ignore the warning signs.

[242plusInfinity]

You have control over yourself. That is what he is saying.

[Screenwriter]

Suppose there were no warning signs... That's what I'm talking about. Have heard this many times.

[242plusInfinity]

I think you misread his text, "Take 100% responsibility for the things that you can 100% control."
He did not say you have 100% control. He said take ownership over the things you can control. Which is your mindset and your actions. Aka don't let the outside world control you.

Look what he is really teaching is straight out the Bible. He left gold in that MyTake but he left out even more gold. That's the part you're looking for even though you are unaware you are looking for it.

Are you an author?

[Screenwriter]

@242plusInfinity A bit of one. poet mostly.

[Haha456]

@Screenwriter

firstly 2 years is way too short before marrying someone. Most people wait at least 4 or 5 years before marriage. Waiting longer also gives time to build a decent ground foundation for a solid relationship. Love takes years to build. Its not something that happens within a year or two.

Secondly, you need to understand what marriage entails. In every other part of the world, marriage is a forever commitment. Only in the US, marriages are a temporary optional commitment. if you always want divorce as a highly prioritized available option. Then do not get married. There is no point of getting married if you are gonna divorce on the slightest whim.

It is true that you will never 100% truly know someone until after marriage. But when you take an oath to be with each other forever, you must be serious about it. Americans refuse to work on their problems , and refuse to tolerate each other's flaws, see marriage as a joy ride rather than a union where two people take care of each other forever.

If I marry someone, I know I will try to compromise or tolerate their flaws rather than divorce them upon the slightest whim. If there are things about my spouse that annoys me, what makes you think there aren't flaws about your that annoys him?

Marriage is not a joy ride. If you think marriage should always be exciting, intense, passionate, flawless. or if you are gonna divorce upon the first sight of misery, then you should not get married.
take a look at your country's divorce rates: 50% of your marriages end in divorce.

[Screenwriter]

@Haha456 Statistics show most people marry between 1-5 years. If someone doesn't show their true colors and let their hair down in that period of time, in most cases you've seen everything about that person you could see. So marrying someone after two years is not unreasonable.

What the stats DO show, is that LIVING TOGETHER IS NOT PRACTICE FOR MARRIAGE.

WHAT? you ask... People have different expectations from "living together" than they do for marriage usually according to the marriages they lived through: their parents'. If they never saw married parents or knew other positively married couples, then they have NO examples. So, it might be a tossup.

Also, people often expect marriage to be the end of the road. They have to do nothing from that day forward except pay the bills and clean the house. Marriage is an ongoing,, longterm commitment that has to be maintained and worked on just like a car has to be. If maintenance is lacking, the vehicle dies a slow, sad death.

Gotta keep remaking it and refreshening it. Call the detailer, get out the extractor vac and deep clean it!

[Haha456]

@Screenwriter

In fact, on average, researchers found that couples who cohabited before marriage had a 33 percent higher chance of divorcing than couples who moved in together after the wedding ceremony.

sites.utexas.edu/.../

They find that living together before marriage is associated with lower odds of divorce in the first year of marriage, but increases the odds of divorce in all other years tested, and this finding holds across decades of data. Oct 17, 2018

ifstudies.org/.../premarital-cohabitation-is-still-associated-with-greater-odds-of-divorce

[Haha456]

@Screenwriter

The reason why people who live together prior to marriage tend to have higher divorce rates or worse marriage outcomes is because these people know they aren't sure if they are gonna be willing to commit to someone that isn't 100% what they are looking for. It has to do with their personal views of marriage. Some people see it a union where two people serve each other forever, including dealing with each other's flaws and BS. While others see it as a joy ride where they want a hassle free way to leave once they find a few problems with the relationship or marriage.

Of course those who aren't sure if they want to commit to a flawed partner are more likely to divorce over a marriage term.

[Haha456]

@Screenwriter

[Statistics show most people marry between 1-5 years. If someone doesn't show their true colors and let their hair down in that period of time, in most cases you've seen everything about that person you could see. So marrying someone after two years is not unreasonable.]

there is a lot of wrong in marrying within 2 years. how well do you know someone just after 2 years?

[242plusInfinity]

Are either one of you married? Just wondering.

[Haha456]

@242plusInfinity

I'm looking for a husband right now and I can say that I would never marry an American man. The problem with americans is that they lack family values, don't know how to stay in a marriage, and have a very fucked up view of what marriage entails. This is why your half of US marriages fail.

Your marriage will never work if your needs matters more than your spouses' needs.
Your marriage will never work if you're the type of person that is constantly on the lookout for someone better, more exciting, smarter, younger and sexier.

And both these things sums up the American attitude towards relationship and marriage.

[242plusInfinity]

@Haha456 I agree with that last comment. It is very true, however, not all states are the same as New York. That describes New York perfectly. People can choose to be unique individuals and so I disagree with the idea of shutting your mind completely to Americans cause that is generalizing and you could miss the perfect guy built for you because of that idea or way of thinking.

I do agree with all your points though. I literally built a whole philosophy on marriage (as I personally define it) and how to begin it and maintain it because it was crazy to me that people just follow these old traditions but mean none of it. Most people wing relationships and don't even know they are winging it. It made sense to me to create my on idea of marriage.

They say "I do" but don't really understand what that means. They end it after saying "until death do us part". People don't work as a team either. They divide and destroy their own relationship because they never become the people they need to in order to maintain the marriage. A selfish person is not right for marriage. A person who lacks courtesy is not right for it. A person who lacks loyalty. etc

If a person has no well defined philosophy, in which they're applying with their partner, on marriage then they are pretty much governed by the stats of their culture because they will be doing all the things that their environment has conditioned them to do. They will end up with similar results or chances.

[242plusInfinity]

@haha456 I also agree with @Screenwriter about the renewing concept. That is basically the cornerstone of my philosophy. Life has to be lead by a vision. In marriage a joint vision. The basic law of life is this: You are either creating or disintegrating. That is why I believe the vetting (well before marriage) process is so important. I believe one has to choose someone that is at least willing to continuously change or become the person that they need to be in order to have the things that it is they want. If one wants marriage then one must learn habitually how to be a team player and handle all situations as a team player. No point in wanting marriage if I refuse to pay the price for a successful one. Everything has a price and marriage like everything requires us to be the people that would rightly have a successful marriage (whatever a successful marriage is to our unique vision). And that's me speaking in general terms. Every couple will have a different joint vision (not all couples want the same thing) and so the people they must become to realize and maintain such vision will be different for every couple.

If someone is in continuous heart-love with the idea of being in love and in marriage... Whatever definition of marriage they go by then they will have all the power needed to continuously realize and maintain a healthy, loving marriage. But such power needs a channel built on definite principles in order to avoid the need of luck or chance. And my philosophy is fun. I don't see it as work. But it requires discipline like all things.

[Haha456]

@242plusInfinity

I think you're missing my point. Having a successful marriage is more about the willingness to commit even when times are hard in marriage rather than vetting for the "perfect one". Reality is, there is no such thing as the "perfect one". It really boils down to your willingness to make things work with a flawed partner.

do you know arranged marriages have a 4% divorce rate while the romance marriages in the US have a whopping 50% divorce rate?

People in arranged marriages have a different philosophy / approach to marriage. Marriage is a union where two individuals have a DUTY to serve each other till death. It is not a joy ride and they do not expect it to be a joy ride. In the US, marriage is not about the duty to serve each other till death do us part. In the US, marriage is seen simply as a joy ride. Once the joy ride goes in the wrong direction, couples want to divorce. A marriage won't last if people just see purely as a joy ride.

why do you think couples who live with each other prior to marriage tend to have worse marriage outcomes?

its because people who live together prior to marriage are unsure if they want to commit unless they have found the perfect person. People who are reluctant to commit or who will only commit under certain conditions, tend to have higher expectations of marriage and lower tolerance for their partner's flaws. This is why these folks divorce more.

[Haha456]

@242plusInfinity

The reason why I won't marry an American man is because American men don't have the family values I am looking for. Many of them are looking for "the perfect person " and the "perfect marriage". Otehrwise, they would have no interset in marrying. When they do find seemingly the right person, they get married, then a few years later they discover their partner's flaws then want to divorce immediatley.

Its the high expectations and lack of family values that is the turn off.

I have seen a few cases of American husbands with 3 kids and a housewife who all rely on him for food, suddenly pursuing another woman at work because he never knew that he would find another woman that he loved more than his own wife. He called his own wife plain " vanilla" while this new woman was amazing "rocky road" ice cream.

He divorces his wife. His wife is struggling to get employed. After 10 years of being a stay home mom, her past skills are rendered useless and outdated after so many years. The kids are forced to pick to between living with mom or dad. They can't have both.

Divorce is not looked down upon in the US. People break up families with no remorse in this country.

[Haha456]

@242plusInfinity

By no means am I saying that spending time to vet for a decent life partner is a bad thing. It is important. But americans also have to understand that everyone comes with flaws. If your partner is flawed, what makes you think that you're not also flawed?

Americans are deeply afraid of commitment because they have this idea of a certain expectation of marriage as "the ultimate romantic experience". They are afraid of committing to someone who won't help them reach their ridiculous expectation. Americans always think that their next relationships will always be better than the last. If your first wife didn't hit the spot, your next girlfriend would be better.

Americans are even avoiding marriage because they are now acknowledging that marriage simply does not last in their own culture. Avoiding marriage is not the solution. The solution should be to address their cultural expectations / perspectives of marriage. Its not marriage can't ever work (it clearly works in other cultures), maybe it is your own perspective that is the problem

[Snsl153]

Exactly. Of course, stating all of these self-evident truths on (for example) 'Twitter' would probably get you banned, because very few people are either capable of, or willing to, confront themselves and ask the simple question, "To what extent was I responsible for the current mess I'm in?" Everything is always someone else's fault, and the one with all the answers is always Big Brother government.

[Milonaa]

I think it is worse than that : they get aroused by the feeling of power. They use shame, guilt and their false sense of moral superiority to act trashy toward the "oppressors".

[Snsl153]

@Milonaa Yes, that too.

[letuswaltzforthedead]

Definitely true, a victim mentality isn't going to do anything for you except make things worse. Might as well take the responsibility and start working towards being better. Great Mytake.

[USLegionary]

I agree. You aren't a product of a racist system, no your a criminal that's why you got arrested

[Light909090]

Everybody already knows that dude it’s called manipulation we sure as hell don’t want to be punished for our actions so we lie

[Guy13]

Wow... right on time. Really well put together.

[shark58]

Thank you! This can help many people...

[Vanidal]

Love it!

[242plusInfinity]

Great post.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to blm

[EnglishEuropean]

Wise words.