"Victim Blaming" Why Do Some People Have This Blame The Victim Mindset? (Page 3)
Click "Show More" for your mentions
Most Helpful Opinion(mho) Rate.
Learn more
Learn more
We're glad to see you liked this post.
You can also add your opinion below!
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
72Opinion
Part of the reason for this is the fact that society picks and chooses what groups are allowed to be seen as victims. For example, many men who are abused as children by mothers and other women are told by mainly be women to "man up and get over their mommy issues", while women abused by fathers are allowed to capitalize and use he abuse to get away with all types of wrong doing. THis create resentment where if a woman is raped or accosted you have other ignored vicitms ready to say blame them for their own abuse.
If we stopped elevating certain groups above others, this wouldn't happen.
The only thing I disagree with is women are the ones to tell men to man up, a lot more I see men doing that to other men, unless it the women that are abusing the boy. Men are the ones telling other men not to show emotion, it's unmanly to cry. There's some women who may be that way, but I see way more that are not. Noone should ever suffer the abuse at the hands of someone else, whether boy, girl or man, woman...
I said mainly women, not only women. WOmen love to say men show no emotion but when they have a boyfriend or partner who is crying and bumbling about their feelings - y'all get bored and irritated. I've seen dozens of times from dozens of women and it's happened to me. I've NEVER , as an adult man been told by a man to "be a man". In my area I've literally seen women beat their sons for crying and call them homophobic slurs, it's really an out of control problem and no one wants to talk about it. I will never victim blame and say things like a women brought rape on herself for dressing slutty. I think that's ignorant and heartless, but I do also sense that today we have a sort of competition for oppression and victimization that's going to create more problems than it solves.
I have had a troubled childhood bullying and much worse relevant to the topic at hand and is better to not feel like a victim or blame others EVEN if people are indeed responsible. I know it makes no sense and I'm not talking about ignoring criminals or denying responsibility but about this whole idea of reminding people they are victims. Problem here is not what happened but the effect it has on them in the long run. Trouble take away your power and control over your own life. Reminding people they are victims prevents them from moving past their problems and they remain forever locked into the victim mode unhappy and without power. When I started to forgive people and myself I started to heal and grow past my trouble. I know is makes no sense but hating others or constantly reminding yourself about what others did will make you unable to grow. Is better to be a survivor than a victim.
No. This is whats wrong with the world. Some, not all, but most "victims" are partially or fully at fault.
1. The girls who seek out violent ex cons who are getting in bar fights and shit like that... they are not victims. They know its likely they will be slapped around and subjected to that lifestyle. They seek it out.
2. The men and women who refuse to have sex with their SOs... duh no shit you got cheated on. Sure its not right but anyone and everyone knew it was going to happen. Dont play stupid.
there's a million other scenarios but here are two where the "victims" are clearly at significant fault.
1. The baby who gets shaken
2. The little boy or girl that gets molested
3. The young children and teenagers that get exploited and used for sex trafficking.
4. There elderly that get abused by family or in nursing homes
5. The abused spouse who had no where to go because the other spouse controls everything or is afraid to leave cuz was threatened if tried to.
The partners who are still having sex, yet their partner cheats anyways-you still buying that cheaters excuse of no sex at home, yeah ok-then leave they partner right?
Clearly those victims are not at fault, yet they get blamed or shamed anyways
Its not always clear cut but sometimes it is. I just dont think blanket statements like "dont victim blame" are useful. Because there are too many instances they deserve blame.
Typically i dont see people blaming babies for getting shaken or anything like that.
I've seen and heard people of sexual abuse get treated differently once they tell their partner they were molested as a child. And that's wrong, very wrong.
how is that wrong? It might not be their fault but its something that could get in the way of a future relationship.
So people of abuse can't make good partners that's bull... Not everyone is damaged goods because they were abused.
Not all but some.
I don't know about all of this to be honest. I think the militant "no victim blaming!" camp is missing something REALLY important, which is that if you study large numbers of bad events, you may be able to learn something as to how to reduce the likelihood of said bad event occurring.
Take bicycle theft for instance. If you learned that using a good, visible bike lock reduced the likelihood of having your bike stolen--that would be good to know, no? Then if someone says "you should use a bike lock" that would constitute USEFUL advice, no? Is it "victim blaming?" I don't think so, since you're not saying that the thief is in the right.
And that applies to child abuse how? Or partners cheating on their partner?
Child abuse--not at all. Because children aren't adults and lack agency to take on good advice in the first place. But in the second case I think there IS applicability since the aggrieved party is also an adult and does have agency. There's a lot that can be learned from studying good and bad relationships to try to tip the odds in favor of having a good one and reduce the chances of ending up in a relationship that ends up with infidelity. Can it eliminate it 100%? Of course not. But just like locking up your bike doesn't guarantee your bike will not get stolen, it's STILL a good idea to try to reduce the chances.
People love blaming the victim so they can justify the evil doers of the world. Even so they can partake in the evil doing of the world themselves. I hate that people always blame the victim.
Thank you! So do I... The more victims who don't come forward, the more abusers/criminals out there that don't get charged for their crimes and are free to do it again to others
I wonder if some of it is because people have a "that could never happen to me" mentality. so that when they hear that someone became the victim they assume it must because of some fault of their own
That's a perceptive answer
Being the victim is easier than taking responsibility for your own life. I think it’s also a part of human nature that makes us weak as humans. Being a victim, even if you are rightfully a victim (rape, assault, etc), you still give that power to others to treat you badly.
Not true.. tell a child that...
This is directed towards adults, dear.
No it wasn't not all of it... It was any victim that gets shamed or blamed.. How you telling me if I wrote it... And the insert of the female user talked about her abuse as a child and being blamed for it... But adults shouldn't be blamed or shamed any more than children.
Then she needs to seek out help and figure a way to get through life. I have also experienced sexual abuse as a child and have been raped twice. As an adult, screaming out that you are a victim will only handicap you. You need to take action to ensure to become a healthy person.
I’m not saying anything about blaming victims, but they can’t depend on society to fix them because that won’t happen. Do you think the person who fucked them up with suddenly apologize? Or course not. You have to take care of yourself because no one will do it for you. This is the lesson of someone who has been through it and knows what it takes to get through it.
That doesn't mean they should be treated as weak or less than... They are survivors and strong. And you should get what I mean if you are s survivor of abuse... Nowhere did I say society should fix them, do don't know where that came from. Just don't shame or blame.
Of course they are survivors of abuse. What I am saying is to not look at themselves as victims and having that mentality. It makes your life so much harder and you’ll never be able to heal.
Obviously victim blaming is super fucked up. I’m referring more to the after math. I’ve met a lot of angry women who were sexually assaulted and it takes over their entire life. I was able to forgive the person who abused me and now my life is better. But I was angry for a long time and completely unable to move forward. No one in my life, including my parents, wanted to hear about it which is why I was on my own to help myself.
Okay, that I get.. No I don't believe you can blame every hardship or bad choice in life on being abused... But there was a question on here once.. Would you have sex with someone who was sexually assualted like that person is nasty now or something... That's just some straight up BS right there
I can see what you mean. But there is a factor of putting your self in danger.
Like a young girl walking home at night down footpaths through woods. We know you should be able to do this but a world like we live in is a very dangerous pastime...
But there is also young children who get abused. Elderly people that get abused. Men as well both old and young
True.
Especially if they were manipulated by the abuser. Often times you are lured into the relationship thinking everything will be fine but over time it gets bad and by that time you are not sure if it is them or you.
That is so true 👍👍
" Why Do Some People Have This Blame The Victim Mindset? " ... in some cases , to deflect their own guilt / wrongdoing.
Well said and so true. Until it happens to one of their loved ones or themselves. Unfortunately these days it's more the norm to spread hate then kindness. Hope you and yours are doing well and the pills helped with your daughter's cramps 🙂
Thank you , they have not yet fully taken effect yet , as you will likely know yourself , that may take time. She turned 14 on Tuesday.
" Unfortunately these days it's more the norm to spread hate then kindness. " ... Yes very true , and mainly because the vast majority let 3 rd parties , such as the BS controlled " media " think for them , all part of it's owners plans !!
Yeah true
People blame the victim to feel better about themselves
so that they believe it can’t happrn to them
That may very well be true.
There’s a book called “your body keeps score”
Check it out
👍🙂
Blame the victim? We all are to blame for our choices... if you play the tease and get raped welll... You teased and paid with your experience and the rapists go to jail.
I posted my opinion and imma be downvoted and some woman out there gonna talk shit...
Fair? Don’t matter. The fact is women acting in such large numbers as sluts makes men used to such things. Then they act with the wrong head and ops you done fucked up.
This happens. take steps to avoid, find a good man that will protect you and your good.
I’m bothered by women screaming feminism but then can’t beat the he’ll out of a rapists. Can’t walk dark alleys. Require men to change because they don’t like something...
Also a bullet is the answer for rape and molesters. Carry ladies.
Men don’t feel ‘used to such things’ because of how women act. Raping someone is a violent act, no one in their right mind would do that no matter how many sluts they’ve seen.
You misunderstood. Men get used to seeing women as sex objects by being around it and seeing women act as such all the time. From there they devalue/dehumanize them and it makes it easier to commit horrible acts as their no longer seen as human or they see it as they wanted it.
No I got your point. That may cause bad behavior from men such as aggression and they may even hit someone.
But my point is a rapist isn’t a normal person, they abuse violently and you can’t blame their reasons on women.
Would you say that same shit to a child that gets sexually assaulted? Funny how some people go right to the if a woman gets raped... Even though there's other forms of abuse. And there's men that get abused as well, both as children and adults do are they asking for it to? And so if a woman gets attacked and raped walking to her car, she was playing the tease? God forbid you have a daughter that ever gets abused, is that what you're going to tell her? Or your mother? Your way of thinking is exactly the issue I'm addressing here. Last question if a man bigger and stronger then you pointed you and raped you in the a*"it would be your fault, right? Be careful then not to come off as a tease less you get what you deserve sir 😉
Why do people get raped and assaulted? Is it cause men are bad people are bad society’s bad? What makes the 40 year old accountant touch his little girl? What makes the homeless guy kidnap and rape the hiker? How does the man get sexually assaulted?
The man gets assaulted by a girl cause he don’t man up and slap the shit out of her... or beat the mans ass...
The hiker got kidnapped cause she ran through a dark alley or in the woods alone...
The little girl got touched because... well to be honest I don't know wth some pedo would be thinking but I know he wasn’t a pedo when he was born.
Shit happens all we can do it limit the possibility and protect ourselves and each other. And a woman dressed in see through clothing walking down a dark alley in the bad part of town definitely shares responsibility.
A person going outside in a hail storms not gonna blame Mother Nature when they get hit by a fucking piece of ice... you know there’s risks and you took the risk...
And I ain’t saying all have a responsibility I’m saying risk management should be considered
You can be as responsible as you want and that don't always mean shit... You can take care to keep your vehicle in good shape do all the maintenance, be a safe good driver, never speed, be a good defensive driver, and all it takes is ONE BAD or DRUNK driver to hit you and cause serious injury to you or damage to your vehicle So then that's your fault right? Or you should just not ever drive then right? 🤔
Read my last sentence again. That will answer your question.
Thanks for sharing this post with me! Sorry for coming off harsh on your other post !
It's all good 👍👍🙂
I am sorry and I feel awful :'(
Don't you're good no worries 🙂🤗
Okay thank you <3
👍👍💜
Extremely relatable... And great lengths to legitimize and justify and even paint me as a liar and to say I'm the one engaging in things.
Hell a whole lot of it has been going on recently
Exactly
i think they blame the victim because hindsight is 2020.. Say i was hypothetically robbed.. Im the victim.. But in that situation my mind goes to all of the things i could have done differently and all of the things i will do differently to prevent it in the future.. People suck..
The problem i have with people who cry victim blaming.. is If someone simply offers a bit of advice on how to better protect ones self, its automatically seen as victim blaming..
Take this as a for instance.. Rapists rape. There is literally nothing we can do to stop it.. No amount of education will irradiate mentally damaged horrible people that want to take from others.. So a rape victim might want to take a self defense class, carry a weapon.. But merely suggesting that someone learn to defend ones self is seen as victim blaming. which it is not. Everyone should know how to protect them selves, man or woman..
fml.. Eradicate not irradiate auto correct you SUCK
That's true and would not be seen as victim Blaming. But if a woman gets raped and someone says "What were you wearing" now see that's different...
yeah thats disgusting.. A rapist doesn't care about clothing.. Just opportunity.
Exactly! And my autofill sucks to 🤣
Because it's easier than getting proof that someone else did something. And they are probably already putting blame on themselves so they might believe you.
I never had this mindset though I been accused of doing so cause I once asked a question on why can't people who feel like victim of rape and sex assault won't just take shit with their own hand and practice martial arts and defend themselves. but of course and again this cause a lot of whiny little babies to accused me of advocating victim blaming
Maybe that's because that's only one form of abuse? What about the girls that get molested at a young age, or the boys that do? What about the elderly that do. The replies show the minute you bring up abuse or victim, most men immediately went to rape and how it usually is the woman's fault. Yet this take was also bout physical abuse suffered at any age, sexual molestation, and spousal cheating...
Sometimes cheating happens because that person is not getting sex, so it's not *always* the cheaters fault. Look up the sexless marriages.
But then again, it is also possible, that the partner doesn't want sex because their lover is not treating them right in order to want to have sex.
Not having sex is not excuse to cheat... If you're unhappy in the relationship work on it or leave the relationship 🤷🏼♀️
I'm saying it's a cause of cheating.
On another note, sure, sometimes the victim is just that - a victim (imposed poverty, being dragged out of home far away into the poor east, child abuse)
Other times the victims refuse to be responsible individuals and point their finger at the others whilst putting themselves into risky situations.
No excuse for cheating regardless. I was in a relationship six years no sex I didn’t cheat and neither did he. The break up wasn’t due to sex either. If you love them you won’t go and sleep with someone else regardless whether you’re getting it or not.
@Sarahr123 So agree here 💯
Then that's where we'll have to disagree. We men are almost literal sperm factories and require emissions. Those, who don't need to ejaculate have (as a biologist has said) a defect in their body. It's functioning just like carbon emission on cars exhaust pipes.
So if your wife or long term partner got sick and couldn't have sex, you couldn't love them enough to abstain from sex? Those people just shouldn't get into relationships then
That is not what I was saying at all 🙄
I'm talking about purposefully weaponizing sex.
But that's assuming all females do that 🙄
Do they?
I can't speak for all females now can I, not would I assume... Neither can you, nor should you
Simply put - in healthy relationships this isn't going to be a problem. In healthy relationships both want to have sex with each other. If not, then it's not going to be a happy relationship. One will want the sex, the other is in it for other reasons, possibly shady or shallow reasons.
No only unintelligent men who lack consciousness have this animal need of having to release their load in anything that will offer to be a cum bucket. You have a defect in your brain and don’t speak for all men.
@Sarahr123 You need some enlightenment in men's biology like really urgently. The sooner you accept the simple science of the T hormones, the better for you and your future relationships. Unless you're into sexless marriages 😂
You sound like you have a sex addiction problem. If a man has no control over his sexual desires then he has an issue. Oh and men and women aren’t that different. You think I don’t have feel the urge to pounce on every good looking guy? Of course I do. But I can control my desires just like normal men do.
@Sarahr123 And we resort to porn. That's how we control it. We can stay in sexless relationships but these are then called friendships, not relationships.
What else besides mating is animalistic? Breathing. Drinking water. Eating. Sleeping. I can count pretty much all bodily functions.
I think even if it is the victims fault or not, we should become a better person for them because they are hurting. You may never know that little act of kindness means the world to them.
Very true, and well said... Thank you! Someone that gets that whether it could of or could not if been avoided, that's not the best thing to say to someone cuz that could make them feel worse. a lot self blame anyways, other people don't need to!! Again, great answer 💜🙂
I think that happens when the person doing the victim blaming relates more with the perpetrator than with the victim and sometimes it's understandable, for exemple if someone really close to you were accused of rape it would be understandable if you took the side of the accused
I wouldn't tho if they were guilty
but before you knew who would you be more inclined to believe?
That would depend on how well know the person