How to maintain passion in a long-term relationship


I just answered someone's question on here and without even realizing it, I learned that I had some good advice, so I decided to share it here.

Her question was whether love should be comfortable or passionate/exciting.

Love should be both--unfortunately it is really hard to have both but not impossible!


At first, love is always new and exciting:
There is novelty, risk, a sense of danger in a way as you discover new things about the person, you don't really know what's going to happen, etc. It's passionate and fun!

How to maintain passion in a long-term relationship


But eventually as you get to know the person better, "passionate love" turns into "familial love"-- you get used to them, comfortable with them, the love morphs into a similar love that you have for your family (not in a weird incestuous way ofc) but in a safe "you are my home, my family" kind of way. Which is also beautiful, just in a different way.

How to maintain passion in a long-term relationship

Some ways to maintain that fire, passion, and spark even in a relationship you are comfortable in is by creating your own novelty.

1. Perhaps get away from each other for a bit, take a trip on your own, allow yourselves to miss each other. When you are back, you will both value each other's presence even more and there will definitely be passion when you come back.

2. Show them you in your realm, for instance, if you play an instrument or sing, do that, if you are really good at I don't know, whatever you are good at, let them see you in your element--if they see you in a different light, it'll be like falling in love with you all over again.

3. Create novelty together--go on crazy adventures together, travel to a foreign place if you are able to, go skydiving or on rollercoasters together, try new positions/new locations wink wink, change your element together!

Final Thoughts:

Neither form of love is better than the other--they are both beautiful in their own ways, but when combined, you can create an eternal, everlasting love that is more divine than anything else in this world.

How to maintain passion in a long-term relationship


How to maintain passion in a long-term relationship
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Makeushiver
    Passion inevitably diminishes with time and getting to know each other. In strong relationships the passion that diminishes is made up for by an increase in affection, respect, trust and qualities that aren't quite as exciting as the heady first few weeks of any new relationship when you can't seem to get enough of each other. Please note the deliberate use of the word "diminishes" as opposed to "disappears".
    Is this still revelant?
  • Anonymous
    This is good advice, but it's pretty gynocentric in the sense that it doesn't address what maintains passion from a male perspective.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Interesting, would love to hear your take on how to maintain it from a male perspective.

    • Anonymous

      First, I want to say that your take is really excellent, and I don't want to diminish that in any way.

      But any discussion about maintaining passion in a long-term relationship should involve sex, since it is such a critical component to a healthy relationship, and especially where fostering and maintaining passion is concerned.

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • caring__1
    Passion cannot be maintained by mechanics or routine. Keeping the relationship new and alive is what feeds passion. Ways to do that would be to share your curiosity, be playful (free like a child rather than structured like an adult), be creative, be an active equal participant rather than a passive recipient, share how things impact you rather than make your partner guess, be clearly responsive, show interest in understanding the other rather than focusing on just being heard, take the other person's feelings into consideration (don't just do what you've been indoctrinated to do and expect that to work with anyone), prioritize making sure both people feel totally safe at all times (feeling entitled to say or do whatever you wish will destroy any relationship), be both teacher and student (be clear in your statements and show you want to learn), share the specifics of what makes the other person special to you and memories you hold dear, be observant, learn from your experiences, and other such things. The greatest pleasure a person can experience is sharing in the pleasure of someone we care about.

    Don't rely on money or extremes. When people get used to extremes, they become insatiable, with nothing ever being good enough. With extremes, people focus on the next extreme rather than savor the present experience. Subtleties can add amazing depth to a relationship. It's like getting used to a vibrator and then never feeling fulfilled with a real person.
  • Honestly this is why I prefer the early stages of any relationship, because there is actually passion and the passion fades over time, especially if the female gains weight. That's the situation I'm currently struggling with and have been struggling with for a while now.
  • Gedaria
    Passion is like a live thing, it needs feeding , and nurturing. It grows as time goes by. It's like eating the same meal every day. You might enjoy it. But how about who makes it, they will get bored.
    Variety is the spice of life, do is passion...
  • Browneye57
    So your answer is to spend time apart? Uh, no. That's definitely not how you keep passion in a relationship. LOL
    And while your comparison to 'familial love' isn't completely untrue, it misses the mark. I have never loved my wife of thirty years as I love my other family members.

    Me thinks you're just projecting. You think you know something because of your own feelings.
  • glock33sig357
    Have " I hate you " sex when you fight, make up sex when you apologize, always keep the lines of communication open, never hold grudges, forgive yourself & them for mistakes, support each others ideas even if they're half ass ideas & never let money become a problem.
  • DeltaCharlieEcho
    Stop believing that passion is constant, it isn't. It is fleeting and momentary, however effort should be eternal. And even effort you need to understand isn't about large gestures they are doing the dishes, going to work everyday, mowing the lawn, just making an effort to spend time with you every night. Men have 1000% more stress in our lives than we let on and women need to start being understanding of this because we put everything into relationships you only put 50-75% into.
  • EssenceOfLight
    Passion comes from desire, desire comes from specific stimuli. Ergo if you don't neglect to offer your partner specific stimuli she/he needs, passion and desire won't disappear from your relationship. Amount of trust that you both gain to each other will even amplify this desire, the opposite will awake doubts which cause some specific mutual defense mechanic.
    Passion is important and can even raise in relationships where both people fit sexually to each other, but there is a danger of becoming a victim of sexual Stockholm syndrome as well. If passion is the only one thing that matters.
  • ahmadali01
    Even the best long-term relationships aren't immune to the occasional romantic lull. I mean, think about it logically. If you're spending years and years and years with one person, the odds of every single day being a perfect 10 on the love-o-meter aren't too high. What makes a couple truly strong is the ability to move past the lulls and reignite that same flame they had on day one. That being said, knowing how to keep the passion alive in a relationship isn't necessarily a skill that comes naturally to all of us. So, for those of you wondering how to get the spark going again, I come bearing some extremely valuable advice. In a recent Reddit AskWomen thread, ladies in long-term relationships shared their best tips for keeping the passion alive.
  • JamesRandiDebates
    Keep his balls empty, his belly full, and don't talk too much. He will love you forever. Up until you get bored, start having affairs, and divorce rape him.
  • Thanks for the advice that I'll probably never need to use 😂
  • Beautifully written. 👏🏾
  • Younghungguy17
    That is good advice and truth for sure
  • Dave31989
    Merciful love
  • Kitty46
    This makes me wish I was in a relationship.
  • justbeingme74
    Keep it new. Try wild things. Make it her choice
  • robocop666
    give a guy a blowjob. problem solved
  • Anonymous
    Stick it in her bum
  • Anonymous
    • Anonymous


    • Top hurting yourself and seek help we all love you

    • Anonymous

      Sorry for the threat, I didn't mean to scare anyone away. I'm scared of self-harm, and sorry too of this is out of the blue but I can't get over her!

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