Relationships

My stressful month

Decisions decisions

After no real agreement could be reached between the owner of the house and the guy who sublets us our rooms Dani, we had one year to leave and find somewhere new. But Dani has no chill and started looking for new houses immediately. In the beginning I had no plans to leave the little town I moved to over 2 years ago but then there was a lot of drama with my volleyball team and stuff and I realized that I don't really belong in this place. I'm starting to try and socialize more but in a place where everybody is already very interconnected since childhood it's harder. And there aren't people who share my interests here. Long-term I don't see myself staying here. It was great for 2 years and now I'm done.

stress
stress

Then I thought since we had a year to move out I could chill for a bit and then try and find a new place but Dani has no chill and started searching for a new house immediately and I needed some time to figure out what I really wanted. In the end I wasn't sure if I wanted to go with them or not. I was sure I'd move to Zürich no matter what but going directly was a bad option. I thought about living in a room by myself for a while it would give me freedom and also force me to pick up stuff again that I relied on others for recently. They really needed me for the extra rent though and they've found a great house and they tried to convince me really hard for 2 days and I was like alright.

Here comes trouble

Then came the work. We cleaned for 2 weeks. I did all the radiators in the house (18) Then I did all the dooorways. It was really rough for me. I started on a Thursday did 2 days then weekend then worked the whole week witgh a few breaks because of my dotors appointments and stuff. And then the next Monday I was already spent. At this point a good workload for me would be like 4 mornings a week that would be something manageable but I was working full time and it was hard work. Additionally We found out we could move in on the 23rd so we'd be spending the whole weekend moving and I knew I wouldn't be able to do that so I said I'd only work the mornings for that week.

Insanity

The moving was insane. We had a truck that belonged to Marisa's (the girl) dad's company and we had it for 3 days. It was a typical midsized truck similar to this. About 2x2x3 meters We filled it 12 times!!!!!

My stressful month

Also we had Danis van and filled that 3 times too and still no all of the stuff is moved. But we got most of it now. On the last day we had to do 6 runs because there was still more stuff than he expected. Dani and Marisa (his girlfriend )were fighting a lot too as they've been doing for a long time. When we were driving back with the last load Marisa threw a plant she was holding at the windshield because she was so upset and Dani never shows her any love and always just talks about getting stuff done and what she's doing wrong and he lacks a bit of respect aswell. And she is pretty childish sometimes and doesn't know what she wants to do in life and when she gets upset she just argues with him even if she knows she's wrong because she's so pissed at him but somehow they're still together even though in that fight she said I can't do it and I'm moving out in a year and stuff but then they just go back to normal like nothing happened and I'm just in the middle of this. Also he thanked his friends who came to help one day or half a day more than us that were there 3 days I thinked that pissed her off too because 95% was his stuff. Last time I moved it took 2 hours with a 30 minute drive and this was a less than ten minute drive and we were struggling for 3 days.

When I joined this group it was just singles living together well one girl had an on and off boyfriend but he was not living with us so we were all solo in the group. And it was a lot of fun but now it's very different. We got through the tough days even though my arms were pretty much giving out on me at some point.

The good side

The old house was huge 8.5 rooms 4 bathrooms and the new house is pretty sick too. The living space is way smaller only 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms and a living area that is pretty small. But it has a big garage, a huge barn which is completely full with Danis stuff already, 6 basement rooms and an attic which is also very big. It also has 5000 m2 of land behind the house which is pretty nice.

This was after day one of moving
This was after day one of moving
You can only se a fraction of all the stuff here
You can only se a fraction of all the stuff here
This is how the house looks from close
This is how the house looks from close
Thus is how it looks from down by the little stream
Thus is how it looks from down by the little stream
Marisa taking a dip with Aro our dog
Marisa taking a dip with Aro our dog

Dani offered me to have some space in the attic to set up my desk with the computer to make youtube videos and stuff and I'm thinking about it but I wanna see how the internet is when we get it and how it reaches up there. We have glass fiber but I don't think there's any outlets up there so that would suck. Like I said I will move from here again this is only a pit stop for me my real destination is going back to Zürich but when is not yet certain. When do I get my disability money? Will I find a good place soon? There's extreme competition for apartments in Zürich. There's a bunch of things that can affect when I'll go back. Also how much I'll enjoy it here and how bad the situation gets with these two roosters.

Love?

Aside from all this there was also a different development in my life I was on r/autism trying to gain some more insight and understand my life better and someone just wrote hi on my post. And I wrote hi back. And then she started messaging me directly and we started talking. It turns out she's a woman from india who's the same age as me and is also autistic. Her name is Tanvi. Getting along was so easy it was on one hand very nice but then I thought is this how easy it is for people without autism to understand each other? I've been alone af for my whole life even the people who understood me really well can't really get what the struggles we face are like. But with her I don't even have to ask for most of the stuff because I know she knows.

I honestly was tired of meeting people online because even if it feels great like this in the beginning it's just not the same and I feel like it's not good for me but now I am in a situation where I met someone and it feels so easy and natural like it should be and she likes me more than any woman has ever liked me and everything just fits. Also she said she will come visit me. So I am waiting for that :). We've done video calls once a week and they're great I feel a lot more connected. Her personality doesn't really come across in her writing as well as in person. She has supported me a lot through this whole situation and I feel like we compliment each other well.

There are some things where she has invested more and is ahead of me like working, planning and prioritizing your own goals and not getting sidetracked or having people take advantage of you. I asked her to help me stay focused on my goals and be able to exert the same energy on that as when someone else is pushing me to do stuff. And she said she'll help me with that. She hasn't dealt with her past trauma and emotions at all she's still in the completely blocking it out stage so I try and help her a little there and she was also diagnosed later than me so when I talk about things it often helps her realize things about herself.

Anyway it has helped me a lot in these not so easy times and I'm looking forward to what comes next :)

I hope you enjoyed this update :)

Love Lukas

My stressful month
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