To Love Or To Be In Love

DizzyDesii

How many significant others would you say you’ve been IN LOVE with versus how many you just LOVED?

#FeelFreeToList in the comments below. And please share how you came to know the difference.

Being in love and loving someone are not one in the same. When you’re in love, its kind of an unconditional love where their flaws no longer stand out and you feel like you don’t want a future without them. Do not confuse the statement above with wanting to die if you cannot have them. Thats some next level stuff.

But what better way to explain a few of these relationships with a song. For some of the songs, just reverse a few of the lyrics as if its this girl singing about the guy. Funny thing is, these are the songs I used to lie around staring at the ceiling singing when thinking about the guy and what we’d been through.

To Love Or To Be In Love

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I want to say I’d been IN LOVE with 5 guys. But now a days, I question if i ever really was…

—One was possibly one sided but that is still to be determined (potentially infatuation or unrequited love). He was my childhood friend and crush. It often felt mutual but when controlling parents get in the way, tables turn

—One was unable to be explored (practically the one that got away). We both had mutual interest in eachother, but we were just too young for our parents to allow us to date. And now that we’re old enough, we never appear to be single at the same time.

To Love Or To Be In Love

—One was forcing me to feel more (basically peer pressure). And he was that same one who took advantage of me and took my virginity. He was my first boyfriend and the greatest escape

To Love Or To Be In Love

—One was forcing me to change myself in order to be with him (technically extreme toxic love). Never will I ever consider giving up my relationship with the man from up above for some snake in the grass.

—One was second pick rather than first choice and a lot of the relationship turned out to be a lie (probably fake love). But being second pick didn't make him a rebound. I chose who I thought was better at the time. In reality, he turned out to be the exact same if not just as bad.

I mean I’m sure all of the above were toxic in some way. But at the time, I felt i was in love. Feelings for the unrequited and one that got away will likely remain subconsciously deep down until I get closure.

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As for just simply “loving” but not being in love with the person, I’d say there were 8 other guys.

—One was in the mist of a love triangle. I loved him but chose someone i felt i was IN LOVE with. In reality, it was the other way around. I turned down who i was IN LOVE with for the one I loved.

—One was my first time loving someone in return because he loved me more. Im ashamed to have turned down his proposals in front of everyone TWICE. I really hurt him and now all he does is brag about hating hoes and only wanting to screw them and nothing more.

To Love Or To Be In Love

—One was a mutual love but short-lived. It may have just been a summer romance. Yet everytime we cross paths, it feels like we’ve fallen all over again.

To Love Or To Be In Love

—One was because he said he loved me first. It was the first and last time I ever said it back as a reflex without thinking. Damn those karaoke duets!

—One was nothing more than a toxic fantasy of us both wanting the same things in the future. But how we’d go about getting them was just not on the same page. Yet, we’ve crossed paths again and he's asked to write a new chapter. Had I not learned from the first time around, I might've given it another chance.


—One was his insecurities pressuring us to move fast. He was obsessing over me and would play the depression and suicidal card if I tried to escape. It was always me trying to keep him happy and fix him. Sorry, but i want to be girlfriend, not doctor.

To Love Or To Be In Love

https://vimeo.com/257436850

—One was an in the moment thing but it grew into me really loving him. However, he loved me back too late for I had moved on.

To Love Or To Be In Love

—One I grew into loving… Only for it to end up one sided. He was the last time that I’d tell someone I loved them before they even showed me that we were on the same level of feelings.

To Love Or To Be In Love

As said in the lyrics of an LL Cool J song, #WhoDoYouLove …Are You For Sure?

But hey, its 2022 and I feel I’ve finally learned from my past mistakes. Love may or may not be for me. But to love and to be in love were experiences I’ll never forget.

To Love Or To Be In Love
To Love Or To Be In Love
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Most Helpful Girl

  • melanieeeB
    I never deeply loved a man and also never said the words I love you to a man.

    But let me say it like that:
    1. He was the guy I had my first time with. I loved about him, that he never judged me and that he made me feel alive with this complicated Rollercoaster we had. I would never do it again but it was fun at some times. Sure toxic tho

    2. My recent ex. I loved about him, that he showed and teached me how beautiful it could have been and I loved to see, that a man can be kind, emotional, loyal and there for you. That was all new to me.
    Is this still revelant?
    • DizzyDesii

      Its sad that toxicity is often fun lol. Bt what do you think it will take for you to love someone?

    • melanieeeB

      I honestly don't know, like I sure was like fond with them two and I could imagine a possible future with the 2. man but I wouldn't call it being in love love.
      I will let you know when I deeply fall in love with someone.

    • melanieeeB

      You know what, I could have fallen in love with the 2. one.. guess I needed more time

Most Helpful Guy

  • RobT312
    I have loved 7 , been in love with 2, and luckily I am with one of them now.
    No complaints from me! For me it’s a feeling and you just know
    Is this still revelant?
    • DizzyDesii

      You either know or you dont

    • RobT312

      👍👍Haha true. I agree you can tell the difference

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What Girls & Guys Said

718
  • t-8900
    Only after getting hit like a ton of bricks by this girl I'm with now do I really understand what truly being in love is all about. Like wholly, totally, in love. I dont shed tears, yet somehow she makes me. I've never felt fully appreciated until I met her. She really thinks I'm the best thing ever. She thinks I'm extremely smart, creative, spiritual, fiery, passionate, sexy (all according to her words). I told her to calm down and hold them embellishment and she was like NO I'M NOT LYING! I was like O. O huuuh? But I'm nothing special. And then she goes on into the finest, tiniest details about how I'm so special and why. She remembers things I've said word for word since we first met and hangs on them all. I never felt so amazing and appreciated and important, never once. This is my song to her. I made her cry and it's just like she's got such a beautiful heart and soul I can't get over her. She's got her claws sunk in but I'm not event trying to fight back. https://www.youtube.com/embed/uTlPPqPodiAOnce you know what he's saying you'll realize why she was crying so hard Desi. I love my baby! *teary eyes* <3

    translation:
    When I live alone
    I dream a horizon
    lack of words
    in the shade and in three lights
    everything is black for my look
    If you are not with me, here
    you in your world
    separate from mine
    by an abyss
    Hey, call me
    I will fly
    to your distant world
    for you I will fly
    wait, I'll arrive
    My end of journey is you
    to live it both
    for you I will fly
    by skies and seas
    up your love
    opening my eyes at last
    with you I will live
    when you are far away
    I dream a horizon
    lack of words
    and I know that
    you're always there, there
    a moon made for me
    always illuminated for me
    for me, for me, for me
    for you I will fly
    wait for me to arrive
    My end of journey is you
    with you I will live
    for you I will fly
    by skies and seas
    up your love
    opening your eyes for you
    with you I will live
    for you I will fly
    by skies and seas
    up your love
    opening your eyes for you
    with you I will live
    for you I will fly
    I will fly
    • t-8900

      like she says something to me and it strikes me in the heart and I'm like "oooh... oh what is this? Stop it! Stop it! What am I feeling right now?"

    • DizzyDesii

      Awww dont make me tear up. Im happy for y'all

    • t-8900

      you'd be the third girl I made cry in the last 16 hours. Stop it! XD

      I want this for you too. Very soon! you need it and deserve it!

  • Aerissa_Jade
    I could say I've been in love with two for sure, I will have re-evaluate the others but they are the past and don't really matter so maybe I won't.

    I was definitely in love with my first love, the one who helped me get past my issue being touched by a man.

    Now I'm definitely in love with my current man, not just love but totally and absolutely in love with him. I've told him everything about my life, all the secrets and he has 100% accepted me for who I am. He has done the same and we are so for each other.
    Like 1 Person
  • PositiveNote
    I've never stopped being in love. I fall in love periodically when I meet a woman who meets my love standard. LOL Really. At least once a year... that's probably why I don't do well in a marriage. It's not that I'm looking for a new relationship, I just love women.
    • DizzyDesii

      Lmao i can relate 🤣 this is one of my longest breaks in about 10 years

    • You know, some would throw rocks at a person for loving more than one woman, but I am really sure that most men are like me. It's ok to fall in love—it's just not ok to go around stealing women from other men! Same for women. It seems to be more allowed for women to talk to men and and to have close relationships with other female friends. It's always been a bit of a double standard, but hey, that's fine.

    • DizzyDesii

      I just can't date more than one at a time. I can talk to multiple but once I've fallen for someone, everyone else gets dropped

  • NathanDavis
    I had both things and even more with all of them... they were all significant for me and very important parts of my life (they still are, actually) all different stages of my life, of course

    but I'm quite selective, so they've been few
    • DizzyDesii

      What makes them still significant

    • my first two girlfriends were time ago (age 16 and 20) so they both are best friends of mine nowadays... and that was so long ago that we don't actually refer to one another as exes but life long time friends, and friends are a very important part of my life

      while my other two ex-girlfriends and more recent ones, we're not such best friends but we're still in touch from time to time, we're in good terms and good friends and that is very significant to me, because it shows that I can be part of someone's life and they can be part of mine and it will be alright if that cycle "ends" because it ended in good terms, they didn't wreck or brought havoc to my life, I didn't do that to theirs

    • DizzyDesii

      Yeaaaa, dont tell your next girlfriend this 🤣

    • Show All
  • exitseven
    I have been in love twice. I loved somebody for a while until she dumped me.
    I think this describes that relationshiphttps://www.youtube.com/embed/gjc0dJhRs6U
  • MysticDevice
    I came close to loving and SO once. Didn't last forever though.

    I think I can say that I'm in love with my best friend cause she's literally the sweetest and most wholesome girl I've ever met. But at the same time I have no intention to ask her out or anything cause I already know it's not gonna work. And that's fine. What we have is already pretty much perfect and I'm happy with it.

    I just need to find a girl like her that I can actually date.
    • DizzyDesii

      But then what if you date a girl who senses you're in love with you're bestie and she asks that you two not hangout alone anymore

    • I'm still working on that lol.
      Me and her don't actually get to hang out a lot. Different shifts and all.
      But I see your point.

  • VarddaanKaushikk
    To Love someone is not necessarily as passionate as being In Love with someone. I remember that Monologue from Goodwill Hunting. It kind of tells you what 'To Love" and what "Being In Love" means. If you lose someone that you decided To Love , it won't matter as much , but if you lose someone who you fell In Love with , the pain will be unbearable.
    • DizzyDesii

      I agree. Thats what inwas trying to detail above

  • tessarae29
    I have always loved each partner except one. (still love and care and hope for the best for them). I have been “in love” once and it was with one of my exes when I was 16. He was the first guy to make me feel special and well-loved. I really believe that being “in-love” only happens once in a lifetime…And that is okay!
    I absolutely love my husband, he is so sweet to me but I have never had that “in-love” feeling with him and that is why I married him! We don’t have much in common except we love the Lord and we now how to be funny with each other. Everything is so simple and balanced with him, I feel so secure and never have to worry 😊
    • DizzyDesii

      How did y'all marry with lack of being “in love” and having stuff in common? Was it arranged marriage?

    • tessarae29

      We have an unconditional love for each or her. A healthy love. Not an arranged marriage. Our love for God and wanting to help others is what brings us together.

    • DizzyDesii

      Well thats beautiful. I haven't found many that i could love unconditionally. Only one... my childhood exfriend who i hope to have something with some day

  • Anpu23
    I don't think I have ever felt that "in love" feeling. There have been 2 or 3 that I care about and one (my wife) that I care for very deeply.
    • DizzyDesii

      you're not in love with your wife?

    • Anpu23

      Not like the storybook head over heels feeling. I care about her. I honestly don't think I have the ability to feel that.

  • TrueConfection
    Loved and in love twice.
    Loved, but not in love once.
  • loveslongnails
    I've loved two women in my life. Everyone else I just "thought" I loved, so I call that being "in love". Now, I can "fall in love/lust" everyday !! LOL
    • DizzyDesii

      Ahhh i never saw it that way. But i consider falling in love extremely different from being in love. I also consider lust and infatuation different from loving someone. They’re temporary to me while loving someone was not

    • Actually loving someone is, of course, completely different. I use the terms "in love" and "fallen, or falling in love" to mean pretty much the same thing. I don't believe there's some kind of intermediate process like "falling in love" between "thinking" you love someone and actually loving them. So when I hear someone say " I think I'm falling in love" , I just roll my eyes !!

  • Mark987
    Difficult question? I have been in love with two women.. that I can say " ya there was more than just a fling there".
  • Fromdusktilldawn
    I've had many crushes and been in love, though the girls I had feelings for never had any knowledge of it.
  • Jamie05rhs
    What's the point of having a significant other if you're not in love with them?
    • DizzyDesii

      It normally takes more than 3 months for me to be IN LOVE with someone. Out of the 5 i listed i was IN LOVE with, only one was less than 3 months. Out of the 8 i loved but was not in love with, 4 were better off as friends and the other 4 did not surpass 3 months so therefore i did not fall in love with

    • Jamie05rhs

      @DizzyDesii I think that falling in love has less to do with time and more to do with intention.

    • DizzyDesii

      Yes and in that short time i learned their true intentions. Thus i did not end up in love with them.

    • Show All
  • Swordnen
    I have been in Love
    She was my everything.
    I respected her
    adored her
  • Guido
    I would say 2 and I married them both.


    Not at the same time though.
    • DizzyDesii

      Thats good though that it lasted so long

  • bigbluey
    Move to love
  • Pink2000
    I’ve only been in love with one.
    • DizzyDesii

      Is that the one its still going strong with?

    • Pink2000

      Yes. I know I thought I was in love before and I wasn’t.

  • Phoenix98
    Only once for both.
  • Agape93
    To me it's one and the same
    • DizzyDesii

      Loving someone for me is like how i can love my family. Its an extreme deep care and passion and not wanting to let them go. But being in love is where I’m willing to love them unconditionally and make huge compromises and sacrifices. Not only do I not want to let them go, but a future without them doesn't burn as bright

  • Show More (5)
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