The Unsettling Truth About Love in the Modern Age (Page 2)

[yaddayaddayadda02]

I don't believe that love is something that can narrowly be defined. I think we are capable of loving many people in many different ways. I've fallen in love quickly. I don't know that the love is any less valid than love that takes a long time to build.

[Betwyn]

ok, yes. I'm sure some people find it, and just know, pretty much right away.

But, more often then not, that doesn't last.. people just called the infatuation, the crush, love..

to validate it.. to claim it..

[martyfellow]

Yes, we are in an instant gratification mode, and expect EVERYTHING from a partner, but won't give anything but the minimum back! Then we wonder why we're discontented!!! All take and no give isn't going to make anyone happy. Personal relationships don't yield profit.. and if they're managed like a profit making enterprise, guess what..
They will go bankrupt! Really quickly!

[molan]

Love is many things, you mentioned Greek mythology, how about the Greek words for love, yes word (s).

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_words_for_love

Love is many things, being in love have nothing to do with love, it's infatuation nothing more and unlike love, it's selfish.

[Betwyn]

Right..

But we're not talking about Agápe, Philia or Storge at all here.

[molan]

Actually you entire point is about eros vs. philia, agape and storge is irrelevant though.

[Betwyn]

No, I'm not talking about friendship at all.

philia is like, platonic feelings.

I'm talking about Eros, in the physical sense of it.. and calling it all encompassing romantic forever love.

[molan]

To quote "philia is expressed variously as loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality, and familiarity. Furthermore, in the same text philos denotes a general type of love, used for love between family, between friends, a desire or enjoyment of an activity, as well as between lovers."

Eros is sexual passion (incl. being in love), philia is true love between lovers and between family members, so it's precisely this kind of distinction that is absent in the English language, but not in Greek.

[Betwyn]

hmm..

I've known philia to be the source of "platonic"

I was not familiar with the "as well as between lovers" part.

So, maybe this is the problem. People start with Eros, and, some Philia..

and as the Eros fades.. the Philia isn't strong enough to endure, or, perhaps, is more of the friends version of it, as opposed to the lovers version.

[molan]

Eros is what makes men and women marry, those who have been happily married for decades have developed philia - a strong, true, unselfish love. Unlike Eros the selfish and lustful love.

Philia is kind of a platonic kind of love, but a person can have both kinds of love, both the deep heartfelt "true love" as well as carnal lustful love at the same time.

That's the beauty of the Greek langues, to be able to express love clearly, in English we have to describe what kind of love we are talking about.

[Betwyn]

ok.. so to tie back into what I originally said..

People feel Eros.. and claim to have the perfect, lasting mix of Eros and Philia then.

[molan]

Indeed :)

[dori1024]

people are superficial. They try to pretend loving the other, because they think that "If i date this guy then we will know each other and love". They should go the other way around: meet someone this is what >I< want and not what the habits and rules dictate.
It is better to slow down and feel the growth of a relationship and not so hurry with everything.

[Roycaryn]

"Welcome to the Age of Entitlement... Welcome to the Age of I wanted it yesterday..."

Brilliant way of putting it. Western conceptions of "love" often never reflect reality or what love truly is. Attachment is not the same thing as love. Attachment along with that "don't leave me" feeling is self centered at its core. Love on the other hand consists of gentleness, reassurance, and cessation of judgment.

[Anonymous]

Yea well people these days rush. They want short term relationships... They get bored easily... :/ today's world is truly fucked up. people just have sex after sometime then they get fully bored n all then get interested in some other guy or girl then go for him or her... They mostly settle when they get tired of this bs mentioned above ^

[Betwyn]

See.. I don't have an issue with quick or short-term relationships.

I do them myself..

But, don't call it love...

[Opinion Owner]

well its not love... i dont see the point in hvaing those so i dont go for them :)

[arashmenalagha]

in modern times, sure. I see what you say all the time.
However some people can live the exception.

What I'm trying to say is what you're saying is mostly true for most people. Good Call...

[PiuBelloAmante]

Its misuse of the word, or perhaps over use people say "i love pizza" "i love chocolate" "i love movies."
Such a powerful word yet so misused and understood.
I think we should only use words we understand lol!

[Betwyn]

In our society, by the way we are using the word, we are changing what it means.

Love is becoming.. Really Like or.. a polite way of saying.. lust..

[PiuBelloAmante]

Exactly! now it no longer means the same thing.
In italy my family rarely uses it, i think American culture desensitizes a lot of things.
I think i love 4 people in my life, My best-friend since childhood, My older brother, My mother and my sister. These people i care about so much and they reciprocate these feelings.
I have never lusted any of these people but i love them all lol.

[Betwyn]

well.. those are different types of love.

[PiuBelloAmante]

So i guess love that doesn't last is a different type of love, love that was based on sex is a different type of love, and loving someone blindly is a different type of love. Everyone experiences this emotion differently. and love evolves too. People who are happy and in love for 40 years probably have felt different love for one another each and everyday.

[Betwyn]

if it doesn't last...

it was never love in the first place.

[PiuBelloAmante]

By your definition love has to last forever but..
Love is a completely subjective matter!
A little comic relief

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1W5vwhLcsw

[rUinSAYAN]

you mean sex? I would delay sex for years.. yeah years for the girls I still think about today, even if I admit I forgot them (sometimes I still think about her).
I accepted it that I can't have it.
for me it needs the same stuff to be true (now, I was shallow before too). and you should know that is hard af to find, I don't even know if this is already the right way to look at it cause how you described it it can lead into you not finding someone if you have bad luck.

[Anonymous]

Have you ever seen this?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3oSc8gMrGo

[Betwyn]

No.. what is this?

[Anno_Domini]

Hedwig and the Angry Inch!

Bizarre movie haha!

[Opinion Owner]

Yep @Anno_Domini, haha! VERY strange movie, but I like that song. It's the musical version of that story in Plato's Symposium.

[singlebee]

i want to say one thing only... don't ever rush in a marriage... live together and see how you are with each other.. live for a good 4 or more years.. don't marry, just live together like husband and wife.. if you can do better without marriage then you can do the same while married..
so first try and then and then marry... don't marry first and then try...

[pyramid_princess]

Love is not unconditional, there has to be boundaries within a relationship, if not then that would mean you are giving your consent for someone to treat you as they want. unless you have standards you live by , others would take advantage of that

[Betwyn]

See.. I disagree..

IF you both, truly love each other.. you don't need the boundaries, because neither of you will cross them anyways.

[pyramid_princess]

Even people who love each other need boundaries, or there is no respect. People make mistakes, people are imperfect, I would never enter into a relationship or friendship without boundaries. Unconditional loves mean you will forgive no matter what you do in a relationship! Its naive to have no standards within any relationship. Unconditional love does not exist. Even someone who truly loves you will have their limits.

[Betwyn]

You don't need boundaries if you respect someone.

Walls are needed when respect is lacking.

[Calex]

I agree with the take owner. You don't need to put a leash on a well behaved dog.

[rUinSAYAN]

I think every couple might have a row cause of the missunderstanding between each other, there is no perfect couple but fixing instead of getting something new is the goal: communication

[oldtom188]

I couldn't have said this better myself. My ex told me she loved me two months into our relationship. I eventually started saying it back to her because I felt bad. I have never been in love. When I think of love I think of people who've been together for 50 years. I'll never say it unless I mean it now.

[misupanda]

Completely agree. I've reflected on this topic a lot and I get to feeling so sad, because I want love. True love. That lasts forever. Then I realize it simply doesn't exist.

[Betwyn]

While I am the first to tell everyone that love is a lie...

I think it does exist. You just can't pick it up anywhere.

and.. I don't think you find it, so much as it finds you.

[misupanda]

Yeah, if it exists, that's the way it is probably.

[misupanda]

Unfortunately, I've never seen a relationship without infidelity, so I'm a bit pessimistic. I truly hope that kind of love exists. It just seems impossible.

[Phoenix98]

Love hasn't changed there is nothing wrong with it, its the people and the society we live in that has changed.

[sammy_31]

Can I say Amen? Because good lawd that was perfect. I couldn't have said it any better myself.

[Panorama]

Luckily for me, my journey has proved you entirely wrong.

[Betwyn]

I think you didn't read the whole thing.

[Panorama]

I did. I think you suspected that everyone would relate to your post and agree with it. No offense or anything...

[arashmenalagha]

You're awesome. Just sayin <3

[Betwyn]

If you have love, you aren't proving my post wrong.

I freely admit that it does exist.

I am just tackling the issue of the changing of the meaning of the word.

[Panorama]

Alrighty

[bunnyy]

love in the modern age is still better than being sold off to some old guy for two goats!

[DumpliingPrincess]

This^

[Betwyn]

That, is a completely different topic and discussion.

[bunnyy]

I wasn't trying to start anything it was just a bit of dark humor

[Flawless_Glamorous]

Nowadays it seems like people only want to get in relationships to flash on social media. They post all of their business on social media then get mad when people wish ill on their relationship and try to scoop up what was once theirs...

[Jbunch]

I don't really have much to add to the discussion, but that was super fun to read. Really well written, I wish we got more questions like this, on GaG.