Love in the 21st century

[BeSomethingDifferent]

"I love you" has become a phrase of popularity without any true meaning behind it the majority of the time. A relationship is now a hobby to most people, and only for the purpose of their own entertainment and satisfaction.

I first noticed this trend when my brother was seriously dating someone and after three years she broke it off because it was 'no longer casual dating' but serious. It used to be when you were dating someone there would be a purpose to it, not just a fling to keep you from feeling lonely. I suppose this is why I love older movies so much, because it wasn't just about the guy getting the girl, it was about them finding the person they wanted to spend the rest of their life with. A 'happily ever after' so to speak. And believe it or not, I think most of society wants to return to these 'golden days'.

I'm sure you guys have seen Win my heart, facebook posts, and others all over the internet that call for a return to the old style of dating. It may just be a generation gap but I miss the days when love was patient, love was kind, love didn't judge, love was loyal, fierce, and beautiful. I would be ecstatic if I found someone who treated me the way my grandfather treated my grandmother, like my father treats my mother, and hopefully one day I will.

The point of this for you, dear reader, is to remind you that relationships are for more than just a cure for loneliness, or a hobby. They are meant to be something special, that made you hope for a future together.

I hope you won't settle for anything less.

[Tanuron]

Think me and my girlfriend are a bit old fashioned in some ways cause yeah, we both feel and think the same like that in many ways. People throw the word love around like it means nothing, but more so also people have become so afraid to simply get to know themselves they dont really find what they want in life either from a partner cause they haven't figured out what they really want. We kinda court each other still after 2 years. Do romantic silly things at times.

But in my opinion, romance is not dead and the old ways can be transfered into a new digital way. Like I made for example romantic videos for her, electronic gift cards etc. Something you put time and effort into anyway to swoon her over basically :). And she has certainly left me pretty damn dumb too with the things she has as well. Its complicated to explain it all without showing, but its too personal to show also, but I think regardless as someone who is a bit old fashioned and to cope with the distance between each other we have done a great job to maintain a deep connection and find new ways to continue to breathe life into a relationship.

[kaylaS91]

I fully agree with your point. That to a lot, probably most people around my age range, love has basically become the equivalent to infatuation.
Your boyfriend said you look pretty, pays for your meals? Must be love. FB official, couple PF picture, 'I love you''s already exchanged after just 2-3 months together.

Thankfully I have not yet fallen victim to this trend. Might be edging into the unfortunate side of things, though. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years, those three words still remain to be said between the two of us. Bugs me at times, for sure. But then I ask myself, does he see us together long term? Do I see that he loves and cares for me through his actions?
Certainly. &In the end, actions speak louder than words. :)

[TheBasil]

People look more for lust and excitment sadly. Monogamy is on the way to disappear...

People marry over and over again, we need to actually take time and get to know people. Not be desperate to look perfect in the society eyes with children and a wife/husband. We don't need to be married and have kids to be happy.

When i look at my grandfather who lost my grandmother for around 30 years ago. He is married again, but he still visits his her grave EVERY single week and take care of the flowers there. He appreciated her, they where best friends and they always travelled, they had tons of memories together.
He have a new wife, but he still respects her for the memories and that she is the mother of his children.

We need to learn to respect our family and lover. Words, compliments doesn't mean much if there is not enough actions.

We throw around the word '' I love you'' to everyone, sometimes even to people we dislike. So those words have lost their meaning.

I know we have come a long way, but now i feel we just go backwards...

[Nicolás25]

"I think most of society wants to return to the golden days" i think you would actually be in the minority of young people that want dating to have a purpose again most of us just want to have someone in our lives and although it might not last forever cherish it while it does last.

"love was patient, loge was kind, love didn't judge, love was loyal, fierce, and beautiful" haha you started quoting a bible verse there are you going to be the cliche girl that reads corinthians at her traditional wedding? ugh.

"it wasn't just about getting the girl, it was about finding someone they want to spend the rest of their lives with:" "is to remind you that relationships are for more than just a cure for loneliness or a hobby they are meant to be special, that made you hope for a future together" i agree that there are people that use relationships as a cure for loneliness my problem here is that you seem to think that without the end goal of spending the rest of your life with someone aka marriage the relationship is somehow not worth as much but whose to say that you can't be in a special relationship where you hope for the future yet not believe in happilly ever afters and not worry about being together for the rest of your lives but just living in the present knowing that the future is uncertain making the moments you spend together much more precious?

[Nicolás25]

Oh @Gommes I missed you how've you been

[Nicolás25]

@Gommers

[imnotcrearive]

You're completely blind to what a relationship actually is. Not only that but you're living in a dream world, thinking the past was better. Your first sentence is opinion, not fact, based on 0 evidence. As is your 2nd one. To say relationships were more successful in the past is bullshit. Divorce rates average at what, 55% right now? And these are mostly people who got into relationships 10 to 20 years ago. If you want to go earlier than that to all those old classic movies where the couples always ended up happily ever after, those were made to appeal to the female psyche. Because back then as a woman not only did you not have as much of a choice for whom you're dating but you were also forced to stay in a relationship based on other society factors that have since then bettered themselves. That's not to say there weren't happy couples back then just like there are now. But please don't generalize ignorantly. As for what a relationship is, it can be anything you make it out to be. Just because you want a Prince charming lovey dovey relationship, doesn't mean everyone else is expected to want the same thing.

[BeSomethingDifferent]

The 'evidence' is called observation. You don't need to have a scientific research to acknowledge a trend. The only thing you need is a brain. And if you are all concerned with 'facts' where do you get enough to support your own theory that women were forced into relationships back in the 'golden age'? In my take I never forced anyone to agree with me, neither did I ask or expect them too. There is absolutely no way to make everybody happy. Any opinion is seen as a firebrand thrown in the midst of a cotton field, ready to burn as soon as the wrong person catches fire. We are each entitled to our own opinions but please don't call mine b. s. just because it doesn't agree with your own.

[imnotcrearive]

A trend is based on an observation of results... not opinions. As for my own evidence to supports that women had a harder life in the past, erm... history? And yes you're right, although you never forced anyone to agree with you you're stating your point of view as fact and generalizing far to much. Which is why I commented to start with.

[BeSomethingDifferent]

Erm history? History has never said that women were forced into relationships. However, it is possible it is true, but you still got your 'facts' from what you have observed. As did I.

A trend is based on the observation of society. And as you did your own generalizing, how can you criticize 'mine'?

[imnotcrearive]

OK, you clearly can't take criticism. Good luck with life.

[BeSomethingDifferent]

I'm more than happy to take it as long as it's constructive, there was nothing helpful in your comment just kind of. vindictive.

[imnotcrearive]

"Vindictive- having or showing a strong or unreasoning desire for revenge." Doesn't make sense in this context. Like I said initially, please think about what you're writing before you write then. Then think about it a second time to make sure you're not spewing out bullshit as fact.

[BeSomethingDifferent]

Like I said constructive only please.

[imnotcrearive]

It's very constructive, just not written in a nice way. Anyhow, I'm done.

[brain5000]

It's great to see some people still feel this way, although I never really doubted it. I suspect your brother was never really into that girl. She was just a piece of ass to him, and once she demanded something more it was over.

Just remember that those old movies were fantasies even when they were made. Love isn't like that. It never was. It is often combative, angry, impatient even while it was loyal, fierce and beautiful. All of it. That is how you know it is real.

Women have more choices and power now than they did with your grandparents and parents. They also have more and better education than most men. I do wonder what specific kinds of things your father and grandfather did that made their relationships endearing?

[BeSomethingDifferent]

My brother actually has decided to wait until marriage to have sex so it wasn't like that. He wanted to talk about marriage after three years of dating and she only wanted to have a 'casual relationship'.
The most endearing thing about my parent's marriage is how much in love they still are after thirty years of marriage. He still treats her like the most amazing woman he has ever met, and she still tells stories about their first date. They hold hands in the car, they never forget to kiss each other goodbye, and they are the best example of marriage I have ever seen.

[brain5000]

Oh, I am sorry I misread your post. :( It makes sense - your parents have a strong marriage, deeply in love, and you and your brother both admire that.

I think that girl did your brother a huge, albeit painful favor.

Your parents should be as proud as you are of them. What they have is rare and precious indeed. I hope you can find it too.

[BeSomethingDifferent]

Don't worry about it :D and I hope I can too

[Afr13]

So happy someone has the same feelings as I do. My exboyfriend recently broke up with me saying "It is not going to work", while all he is looking for is party with girls, surround himself with all the "friends" who do not care about him that much besides drinking and smoking.
After that, I have a really different perspective towards love. It makes me afraid of giving true feelings now, as well as having feelings toward people.
All I want to see is, there are so many more important things in the world besides love, and love is always around. xoxo

[BeSomethingDifferent]

Sorry about the breakup. But it sounds like he wasn't good for you anyway, hang in there!

[Cookies_AndMilk]

Awesome take, there aren't many takes I can agree with but this is one, and is something I was considering writing about myself. I don't understand how so many people could be afraid to love, if it doesn't work out that's okay. It just makes true love that much more meaningful.

[BeSomethingDifferent]

I completely agree. Thank you so much for your feedback I really appreciate it! 😃

[Love4taylor]

Once you love for the first time... you can never love the same way again.

First love is intense. It is special in its own sense. It is fiery with passion and you really give your fullest in the most pure way possible. You never been heartbroken before, so your love towards that person is unguarded.

After that, every lover is held to a higher standard. It isn't just loving just to love. Because you know you have been loved before and can be loved again.

Breakups become just a part of life.

But no matter what, your first is always held to a high regard.

A first will always be a first no matter what. But you can never guarantee to be someone's last. If you are the unlucky bastard that happened between the first and last, you blend in with all the subsequent exes. But you never forget your first.

[DeltsBrah]

That is bs first love is usually lust not love and happens in high school. I don't even remember or care to think about my first "love". And you don't just blend in with the rest.

[broadsword]

Agree totally great take. It's like so many other word that have lost there impact because of over use or out of context

Sorry. Now sounds like an excuse for bad behaviour.

Fantastic , Brilliant, awesome, 100,% all very badly used.

Love is terribly over used. Until you have felt its true meaning then people will not understand your take.
To many young people mix up , emotion sexual desire and deep feelings for love.

[BeSomethingDifferent]

So sad but so true, a lot of people give up hope for a real relationship and instead settle for 'friends with benefits'.

[broadsword]

You are very mature thinker for a woman so young. I congratulate you on your take and attitude.

[Anonymous]

Nice take, although unfortunately I think those days of old are long gone. People have become pretty cynical about "true love" and marriage. That is especially true of men, and for good reason. Men get the short end of the stick in marriage today, in a big way. I don't see that changing any time soon. That's why women are increasingly interested in marriage while the numbers of men who want to marry are at record lows and continue to decline.

Sadly, I think society has killed the 'golden days' for good.

[coldpieceofpizza]

I don't really believe in the "true love" thing. But I'm also not really looking for a relationship. Still I think dating should be about wanting to be in a relationship with someone after you've come to like them. Not wanting to be in a relationship so you go looking for someone who is passable. Relationships are hard work and if I'm going to put so much effort into someone I want it to be because I like them, not because I want a boyfriend.

[fragilebird]

I agree with your take. However, I don't think there are many people nowadays that wish relationship would go back to the way it used to be. I'm afraid many people are quite content with the way things are.

[Anonymous]

In the feminist West, marriage is now about LOVE, RESPECT, PARTNERSHIP and all that horseshit... and so obviously, its failing.

A woman is a sex-object that is acquired through marriage to be your slave and continue your bloodline. Marriage is nothing but a bill of sale.

Women should only speak when spoken to... if they do speak outa line, they will be consequences

[lanternhill]

I'm always amused when guys spew this crap and go anon.

Glad to know that I, am a woman, am a consequence for speaking "outa line." The logic astounds me. I mean, I understand "person of consequence" but I'm a little confused by your current notion. And use of the English language. Perhaps you should consider not speaking unless spoken to.

[Anonymous]

I gave up on relationships long ago. It's all about Pussy now. If all people are interested in is playing, then I'll just use them as a play thing. No reason for me to go unhappy.

[BeSomethingDifferent]

Then maybe that's why you haven't found a good relationship. Because you gave up on one, and I can understand if no one wants someone who's only after their 'pussy'. Take some time and start looking again, for a good girl not for sex. No one wants to end up alone, and someone may surprise you.

[mickylad]

@anonymous yes that is the truth of it I gave up on relationships when I was 24. I do think the future is individualistic.

[Love4taylor]

Dude I agree. There is no point in relationships anymore. After things go south with your first love, it just becomes a game.

Marriage is a hoax. I don't believe in marriage anymore. Divorce rates are well over half in the US.

[AlwaysBelieving]

Yes, I'm still "looking" for my unicorn. I agree whole heartedly.

[Love4taylor]

There is no point.

Like I keep saying, a first love will always be a first love. But you can never guarantee to be someone's last. If you are the lover in between the first and last you just blend in with her other subsequent lovers. But you never forget your first.

[sp33d]

Yes and then again no, too idealistic. You are not leaving the impression you know what it is you are actually talking about :/

[BeSomethingDifferent]

The thing is I may be young, and you may think yourself more experienced. But I am not quite as ignorant as you think. I have grown up watching my five siblings fall in love with all kinds of people, date, breakup, get engaged, and even marry. My parents are the best examples of an 'idealistic' love that puts the other first. Is it so completely unrealistic to hope for the same for me?

[sp33d]

You mis-understand, I am not here to show supremacy or to put you down because of your age. The part in your post "but I miss the days when love was patient, love was kind, love didn't judge, love was loyal, fierce, and beautiful." did it for me. How can you miss something you have never known or experienced yourself?

[BeSomethingDifferent]

Because I have seen it in my parent's and my grandparents lives. Just because I haven't experienced it myself doesn't mean it hasn't touched my life.

[OrdinaryGentleman]

You are very wise for your age, thanks for the awesome my_take:)

[BeSomethingDifferent]

Thank you so. Mich for your feedback!

[HookingSwan]

I completely agree

[abundantlyrich]

After love is porn.

[Bards]

Fantastic take!

[girlsvsguys1]

true and i agree.