The differences between men and women; Emotional needs and expressivity in a relationship

xJeremyx

I decided to post this mytake after reading this question by @ KrakenAttackin.

Ladies, when you say you want a man who is "emotionally available", WTF do you really mean?

This made me think not just about emotional availability in a relationship, but also about the differences between the male and female perception of emotional support and presence within a relationship, and here are my two cents on the matter.

There is an interesting conundrum to be considered here.

Women nowadays (the good ones, at least) want a man who is able to express their emotions and thoughts. After all, that is what women themselves will do and they would want their man to listen, and be emotionally present.

Here's the thing. Men really aren't great at expressing emotions in general. Yes, that can be attributed in major part to the way parents and society teach our sons that they have to be "strong" and "fix the problem while disregarding the emotions", but it also has to do with the male mind just not being as good as the female mind, when it comes to words.

As a result, men have this train of logic that always stems from having a problem and trying to resolve it as quick as possible, to shut out the emotions and stop it from affecting them. This is why in many relationships there is stress created when the man wants to solve his partner's problem as fast as possible, but she just wants him to listen.

Sometimes though, us men seem to be emotionally absent because we are plain bad at processing emotions. It could range from difficulty expressing love, gratitude, concern, care, sadness, grief, sorrow and even emotional support. I mean, most of us men can be melting with joy or overwhelmed with grief on the inside but have the same stone cold face(Those of you with a strict father, especially my fellow Asians out there, would understand). That creates the feeling that we "don't care/trust about our partners enough to be emotionally invested", or that we "don't want our partner to help us deal with our emotions".

Relationships are not always smooth, They get rocky and icy, but thats what makes them beautiful.
Relationships are not always smooth, They get rocky and icy, but thats what makes them beautiful.

Also, keep in mind that when a man is going through a hard stretch, sometimes he doesn't want to talk and just wants the company of his partner. Her emotional presence in the form of being physically present and spending time with him is what he wants.

This is also a problem when it comes to our ladies expressing themselves to us. More than anything else, they want empathy. And sometimes they find that whenever they pour their heart out to their man, he just sits and stares into blank space. There are two possibilities here: 1. he is trying to come up with a solution, or 2. he is listening but seems to be staring into blank space, because he has no idea what to do, what to say, and how to comfort her. Us men are sometimes just that bad at processing emotion.

So ladies, it would be a good idea to talk with your man about this, and tell him exactly what you want from him when it comes to emotional availability. Instead of being vague and saying "you would know if you really cared!", tell him what you want from him when he supports you emotionally. You could also teach him to express himself more verbally! Also remember, when your man is down and feels absent after shit hits his fan, just be there for him. Sit with him on the couch, cuddle/hug him, just make sure you are emotionally present in the way he wants you to be. You could also encourage him to talk about it (thats a healthy way of dealing with emotions after all), but make it absolutely clear that he can talk about it when he is ready to. Go at his pace, not yours.

My lads! Its time to learn to talk more, and express ourselves more freely. Its hard to express emotions sometimes, but we have to learn to show our apreciation, love and support to our partners. Learn to practise active listening, pay attention to your lady when she is venting to you, and learn to express empathy. Eye contact will establish your emotional presence and show that you care. Pay full attention to her when she is venting, do not do anything else. Also, we gotta learn how to express negative emotions more healthily. And you are not taking this journey alone, your lady should be there with you every step of the way.

Do you guys agree or disagree with what I have said? Do feel free to add your opinions below, we can have an interesting discussion.

Otherwise, I hope everyone can take away something from this mytake, have a good day!

(I would write more, but i'm too lazy XD)

The differences between men and women; Emotional needs and expressivity in a relationship
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