Relationships

Women, here are red flags in a man from a mans point of view

Trigger Warning: If you've had a bad relationship before that was so bad it caused PTSD than perhaps you shouldn't read this and should just turn around now. I give you permission to pretend you read it and leave a message anyway so you don't feel left out, just be weary of what you're about to read.

Le Toxic Masculinity Factory
Le Toxic Masculinity Factory


First, let me start by saying I'm a man and I have friends who are men. We grew up together in "manhood," which is separate and different from "womanhood." This distinction is crucial because the respect we have for each other is grounded in the respective cultures that shape our behaviors and expectations. As a result, I have male friends who aren't always nice to females, just as females have female friends who aren't always nice to males. These males are still part of my outer circle of friends or associates, serving as social connections for various reasons, from professional to recreational.

I use the term "outer circle" to illustrate that there's a different level of trust, connection, and privilege shared within the inner circle. Some groups remain exclusively inner circles, which I've observed frequently in female groups, but that doesn't mean gossip doesn't circulate. Think of a circle like a clique—not based on physical uniformity but rather on mental uniformity, while still being more malleable.

Now that I've explained why I have male friends who don't share the same moral values regarding respect for women, let's delve into the red flags to watch out for in relationships.

Early Warning Signs

Before someone becomes a significant part of your life, certain habits or behaviors may indicate potential red flags. Recognizing these early signs can help you make informed decisions about who to allow closer into your inner circle.

1. Excessive Dominance in Conversations
Individuals who consistently dominate conversations, interrupt frequently, or dismiss others' opinions may struggle with respect and equality in relationships. This behavior often signals a need for control and a lack of genuine interest in mutual understanding.

2. Inconsistent Communication
Frequent changes in communication patterns—such as being overly attentive one moment and completely distant the next—can indicate emotional instability or manipulative tendencies. This inconsistency can create confusion and uncertainty about their true intentions.

3. Lack of Accountability
If someone rarely takes responsibility for their actions, often blaming others for their mistakes, it can be a precursor to more significant issues in a relationship. This behavior suggests an inability to engage in healthy conflict resolution.

4. Subtle Disrespect
Small acts of disrespect, such as making demeaning jokes, belittling comments, or dismissive gestures, can escalate over time. These subtle signs may indicate deeper issues with respect and empathy.

5. Excessive Flattery or Charm
While kindness is valuable, excessive flattery or charm can be a tactic to manipulate and gain trust quickly. It's essential to distinguish genuine kindness from manipulative behavior aimed at controlling you.

6. Controlling Behavior in Small Matters
Early attempts to control minor aspects of your life, such as your choice of attire, hobbies, or social interactions, can signal a desire for dominance. This behavior often intensifies as the relationship progresses.

7. Disregard for Boundaries
Ignoring or pushing past your personal boundaries, whether emotional, physical, or social, indicates a lack of respect for your autonomy. This disregard can lead to more significant boundary violations in the future.

Recognizing these early warning signs allows you to address potential issues before they escalate, fostering healthier and more respectful relationships.

Red Flags

1. The Gaslighter

A Gaslighter consistently distorts reality to make you doubt your own perceptions and memories. Early in a relationship, this individual might display extreme anger, falsely accusing you of actions they themselves have committed. This manipulation serves to hide their inability to control their emotions and to make you feel responsible for their behavior. It's often a sign that they lack a respectful upbringing and see you as an obstacle to their desires, leading them to exert excessive control over you.

Key Traits:
- Denies or lies about past events
- Trivializes your feelings
- Makes you question your sanity
- Uses manipulation to gain control

2. The Isolator

The Isolator aims to cut you off from your support system—friends, family, and social activities. They create excuses to prevent you from maintaining these connections, especially after you show commitment or when they feel secure enough to exert control. This behavior fosters dependency, making it easier for them to manipulate and dominate your decisions.

Key Traits:
- Discourages you from socializing
- Creates conflicts with your loved ones
- Uses jealousy or subtle threats to maintain control
- Erodes your self-esteem over time

3. The Blamer

The Blamer never takes responsibility for their actions. Instead of acknowledging their mistakes, they shift the blame onto you or others. Whether it's a minor disagreement or a significant issue, the Blamer ensures you feel at fault, undermining your confidence and creating a toxic dynamic where you're always trying to appease them.

Key Traits:
- Shifts blame to avoid accountability
- Undermines your confidence
- Creates a one-sided dynamic in conflicts
- Avoids resolving issues collaboratively

4. The Manipulator

Manipulators use deceit and emotional tactics to control situations and people around them. They might employ guilt, fear, or passive-aggressive behavior to get their way without direct confrontation. This can leave you feeling confused, anxious, and unsure of your own perceptions.

Key Traits:
- Uses guilt or fear to influence decisions
- Engages in passive-aggressive behavior
- Avoids direct confrontation while controlling outcomes
- Leaves you feeling unsettled and doubtful

5. The Controlling Partner

Beyond isolation, a controlling partner seeks to dictate various aspects of your life, from what you wear and how you spend your time to personal decisions like your career or hobbies. They may use subtle methods such as criticism, micromanagement, or outright demands to assert their dominance, stifling your personal growth and leading to a sense of entrapment.

Key Traits:
- Dictates personal choices and behaviors
- Uses criticism or micromanagement to control
- Stifles your individuality and personal growth
- Creates a feeling of being trapped in the relationship

6. The Jealous Protector

While a little jealousy can be natural, the Jealous Protector takes it to unhealthy levels. They may accuse you of infidelity without cause, monitor your interactions, or become hostile towards your friends and family. This excessive jealousy is often rooted in insecurity and a desire to control your social interactions.

Key Traits:
- Accuses you of infidelity without reason
- Monitors your social interactions excessively
- Becomes hostile towards your support system
- Uses jealousy to exert control

7. The Competitive Partner

The Competitive Partner constantly compares themselves to others and feels the need to outdo you in various aspects of life. This competitiveness can create tension and resentment, as they may undermine your achievements or discourage you from pursuing your goals to maintain their perceived superiority.

Key Traits:
- Constantly compares themselves to others
- Undermines your achievements
- Discourages your personal and professional growth
- Creates an environment of tension and resentment

Extra Credit

I encourage you women to create systems to prevent having to deal with this as early as possible in your life, even if it means breaking someone's heart because it will prevent an enormous amount of suffering in the future for you. Consider trying to curate a collection of other women who have personalities that optimize vetting potential partners. No amount of money is worth a slice or sometimes all of your life.

Also it would be nice if us men could get a similar take about women from a woman. Hope you've learned something.

Women, here are red flags in a man from a mans point of view
Post Opinion