A situationship isn’t love, it’s emotional abuse in disguise…

[LiaRaven]

We live in a time where “it’s complicated” has become a normal relationship status. Where casual hookups are expected, and commitment is seen as pressure. But there’s a painful truth underneath all the mixed signals and blurry boundaries, a situationship isn’t love. And for many girls, especially young women learning to navigate relationships, these “almost-relationships” can be emotionally abusive, even if no one wants to call it that.

What Is a Situationship?

A situationship is when two people act like they’re in a relationship, spending time together, being intimate, sharing emotions, but without any commitment or clarity. One person usually wants something real, while the other avoids defining it. And the longer it drags on, the more painful it becomes.

You might hear:
• “I’m not ready for a relationship.”
• “Let’s not ruin what we have.”
• “You’re too emotional, just chill.”

They want the benefits of a relationship, your body, your time, your emotional support, but without the responsibility. That imbalance is not just selfish. It’s manipulative. It’s damaging. And yes, it can be a form of emotional abuse.

How It Becomes Abuse

When a guy (or anyone) knowingly keeps a girl in a situationship while knowing she wants more, that’s not “being honest.” That’s using her feelings against her.

It’s abuse when:
• He knows you’re emotionally attached, but still keeps you as a backup.
• He gives just enough attention to stop you from leaving, but not enough to make you feel valued.
• He avoids labeling the relationship, but still expects loyalty, intimacy, and your full emotional investment.
• He gaslights you when you ask for clarity, calling you “crazy” or “needy” for wanting more.

This type of behavior chips away at a girl’s confidence. She starts blaming herself for “wanting too much.” She questions her worth. She stays quiet about her needs to avoid pushing him away. She shrinks herself for the chance to be loved, even just a little.

And that is not love. That is control.

The Harm It Causes

Girls in situationships often end up emotionally exhausted, insecure, and confused. They’re caught in a cycle of hope and disappointment. They wait for something more, but it never comes. And yet, walking away feels impossible, because he’s still kind, funny, there… sometimes.

But staying in this kind of relationship teaches girls the wrong lesson: that love is one-sided, confusing, and full of pain. It lowers their standards. It normalizes emotional neglect. And it makes them feel like they’re not enough, when the truth is, they’re just too much for someone who’s not ready to grow up.

You Deserve More

If you’re in a situationship and it hurts, please hear this: your feelings are valid. Wanting commitment, clarity, and respect is not asking for too much. It’s asking for the bare minimum.

Someone who truly loves you won’t keep you guessing. They won’t call you crazy for wanting to know where you stand. They won’t use your love as a safety net until something “better” comes along.

Walking away isn’t weak, it’s powerful. You’re not being dramatic for wanting more. You’re setting a boundary. You’re protecting your heart. And you are choosing yourself.

Final Words

A situationship isn’t love. It’s emotional labor without emotional safety. It’s hope without security. And when one person keeps another hanging on, fully aware of the pain it’s causing — that is abuse.

Girls deserve more than “almost.” They deserve love that is real, clear, honest, and safe. Anything less is not love. It’s harm pretending to be affection.

You are worth more than waiting for someone to make up their mind. You are already enough, and the right person won’t need convincing.

[Finchie40]

I wouldn’t consider it emotional abuse , considering they have a choice on whether they want to be in one or not , Me personally doesn’t like to rush into a commitment with a girl , until her and I really Get to know each other. if she is looking for a relationship right away , I will let her know upfront that I do as well , but not until we really get to know each other , because unfortunately people change their minds all the time , and sadly they do not look at the big picture when they meet someone they are interested in , They just assume that person wants the same exact things that they do , and that’s where it goes wrong , so I prefer being FWB’s with a girl with some strings attached , meaning her and I only have sex with each other and promise not to have sex with anyone else , if we end up doing so , we promise
To end the benefits part between us and just remain friends’ This only works with mature honest people. If one of them gets deeper feelings for the other , it’s their job to open their mouths and express their feelings to them , giving them a Choice on whether they want to be in a commitment or not. Some people have sex with someone and want to get married or committed to them the right after it , which sadly is stupid to do. So situationships or FWB’s isn’t a bad thing , if you both are on the same page with things and you both have a choice

[QuestionObsession]

All that long rant, can be shut down in just one line - If she does not like a situationship, SHE CAN LEAVE.

Nobody is holding a gun to her head to stay and get abused. Women are born with a brain. They just need to remind themselves that they can use it.

[LiaRaven]

Let me introduce to you all… a “player”

[QuestionObsession]

Let me introduce to you... a "thief".

Will you willingly ever leave your home unlocked despite the knowledge that there are thieves in the neighborhood?

If a woman knows of "players" and still goes after them, she is leaving her home unlocked and it is on her.

[LiaRaven]

You remind me of someone lol

[LiaRaven]

You missed in that poor description and depiction lol

[QuestionObsession]

Ohh, you were calling me a Player 😄👌🏻 I thought you were referring to the guy you were in a situationship with.

Either way, if a woman wants to be with a player, it is her choice. She has a brain she can use or choose not to use it and go around playing the victim of abuse and manipulation whatever.

It is because of such dumb women that 'players' exist. Just like addicts exist because drugs exist. :-)

[QuestionObsession]

And also, there are a lot of women who do use their brain and stay away from 'players'. Smart and wise women do exist 👍🏻👌🏻😉

[DishLady]

It's not "emotional abuse" bc both parties WANT the situationship. Is it TOXIC? possibly. But it's basically just "friends with benefits" crap painted a different color.

It's not dating but it's not nothing. It's not friendship but it's not nothing.

People settle for these bc they have low self esteem and don't consider themselves worthy of more.

[Nikki1989]

The label “emotional abuse in disguise” is a real stretch, but it does highlight the very real and significant emotional distress and manipulative dynamics that frequently arise in situationships for people who are simply not emotionally mature enough.

[ohsheeT]

We are the last Generation that understands commitment, bond , real passion trust respect and choice.

I'm old school I love giving myself to someone that wants the same as me

The thing is every makes there choice
Love your self enough believe in your self enough to walk away if things start going that way. Because someone that has had these type of relationships doesn't really about anyone but themselves... either follow or lead

[Purpleronnie]

Nice take , and an interesting insight into something that I hear banded around in conversation but never have or likely to experience. Your take , as based on your personal experience is perfectly valid and agreed , I see how it “could” be seen as emotional torment or even abuse ! , should the actions and words be used to deliberatey manipulate and or control. But that can be any relationship … right? doesn’t have to be a “situationship”
Would it be a stretch to say that there is more chance of feelings being hurt defining it and accepting that it IS a situationship?


I can absolutely understand the feeling of wanting more in a relationship and feeling like your giving more than your getting , while hoping that will change , continually being all in and , not being seen and having your feelings belittled and undermined…. But I would say this is person specific , and not acceptable in friendship nevermind adding the complexity of intimacy into the mix


My point of view is entering any relationship you need to be clear on who you are and what you want. Listen to what’s being say but people are read mostly by their actions and the disparity between the two. Should a person not be able to prove worthy of a friendship there can be no relationship psuedo or otherwise.

[Shiprex]

And a guy who makes a commitment then loses his freedom his independence and is required to fit someone else's wants and agenda that can end up losing his identity his freedom to choose which friends and when he has personal relationships with. He has to give his time and resources to someone who demands all of him and his attention and emotional energy to regulate theirs while they may end up trapping him in something he doesn't want or need in his life.

After he has given up his freedom and independence to this person he may end up because of the law, committed to supporting this person and others he may not have wanted who come along because he gets no say once conception occurs and then after her goals of a house, family and resources she can quit the intimacy because it's no longer something she finds rewarding, make the relationship become a barren space for him and he's stuck with the long term commitment to upkeep of this housemate and the offspring she chose to have.

[ProbablyClueless]

I generally agree! Situationships are usually abusive. But we have to admit that people who stick around situations like that have to enjoy it on some level.

The fact people are willingly participating in it has to count for something though. I'm sorry the person is treating you like crap. But, if you knowingly agreed to be treated that way... you wouldn't be in that situation if you didn't want to be.

I know a lady who is in a 10 year entanglement with an absolute jackass. All they do is teeter-totter back and forth between codependence and avoidance. Even though he's a jackass; she's a weapons-grade bitchy nutcase in her own right.

I'm sorry she's having her time wasted, but what is there to say, besides that she knows what she signed up for.

[spartan55]

I agree with most of this except that one partner is knowingly leading the other on hence emotionally abusing them. They don't necessarily know that the partner wants more, because they are both playing it casual. Sometimes it may be the case, but not always.

[exitseven]

nobody wants to put in the work to have a a real relationship. Too bad because they are worth the trouble.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/4Gx6s1ARfOk

[Pohjolan]

It's neither love nor being abused.

It's sex without commitment.

Moreover this is a case of stated Vs revealed preference.

If the woman wanted a relationship then that is what she would go for.

Don't come here to whine that you are dating a fuckboy when you chose to date a fuckboy.

[Geo1970]

Yes this does seem to be the case these days. Even more so I would say, the casual hookup!
The commitment seems to be draining away in society replacing it with a fleeting fancy.

[anon1903]

It's bad but I wouldn't call it abuse necessarily

[Anonymous]

I was in one during nearly 10 years but I was the avoidant one not the guy.

[bddddd]

So put a ring on it, or walk away

[bddddd]

It seems to me the era of meaningless app-based dating is passing, slowly, like if you accidently swallowed a penny, and the tide is towards actually meeting people at sports, schools or volunteer work again. I'm not in the market, but that is my impression.