So, I’ve spoken about flirting, about love, about keeping a conversation going…. Yes, I’ve checked those off, but here is one that bugs me. Players!
Now, sure, I know how it’s done. Have I used it once or twice? Sure. On my girlfriend? Yes. On every other random women I see in a bar or walking the streets? NO. Why? Maybe she has feelings?? Maybe she has a dad or a brother who has a 12 gauge waiting for a prick who thinks he can get lucky? There are whole lot of maybes, reasons why a guy would, a guy should, not manipulate words and a lady’s feelings just to sleep with her….. and yet, here we are.
So, ladies, I hope this helps. If your still unsure, I know where you can get a good Ruger SR9c that’ll fit snugly just about anywhere and will sure as hell do the job if the time ever comes. That being said, here goes:
It’s hard to get away with much in the new world of social media. Still, you can waste a fair amount of time and energy being played before you realize what’s up. It’s very difficult in the early stages of attraction to know the motives of the other person, you know, those hidden agendas. Does he really like me? Do we want the same thing? Hey, I agree, it can be very challenging to assess someone’s character objectively, especially if they’ve got you feeling butterflies. Let’s face it; infatuation is all about putting the other person on a pedestal, seeing them in the best possible light and well, maybe getting away with murder, so to speak.
How can you be careful and still go with the flow? No, there are no easy answers, sadly, but it pays to be on the lookout for the ‘red flags’ that signify a person is “not relationship material”. Now, let me make something clear, Ladies. Some men, unknowingly will do certain things that will cause someone who cares about you to doubt their motives in a relationship. These sad guys may not even know what they are doing, but then again maybe they do. That is why it is so hard to tell, therefore, be careful but not too careful, you want to deep down he has the potential to be a prick so if it happens you know you had some idea it was there, it didn’t just hit you from nowhere. And at the same time you want to give him a chance, because maybe, just maybe, he’s a genuine and sincere guy. Do not ever forget that. Not every guy is a Player with sex on his mind…. Well, all guys have sex on their mind, the question is whether their willing to be in a committed relationship as well.
The 101s. The Things you SHOULD and now WILL (Hopefully) consider each time a guy comes up to you…..
1. Understand that he is in it for the sex.
First things first, all men are in it for the sex. Deny it if you want, Gents, but at the end of the day, we’re wired for sex from day one. Now Ladies, the question is, are they open to the idea of being in a committed relationship? At first, for males at least, it is attraction that interests us, grabs us, then the affection comes with time. That is how we work, so, in order to beat us at this game, Gals, you must operate under the assumption that he is not seeking anything more than sex. Until such a time comes when you can confidently say and prove otherwise (Sounds like a court of law doesn't it.)
2. Ignore what he says. YES!
Men say a lot of things to flatter women. A LOT! Players are obviously better at this than everyone else. By better I mean a lot better. So after all these words (because that’s what they really are aren’t they, just words, because you’ve known the guy for how long? +/- 2 hours?) He has you thinking this already:
He’s really into it? Doubt it. Possible, but doubt it.
He is thinking about you all the time? Mmm-hmmm. Yeah, I think about food all the time. I think about my girlfriend all the time, she’s my girlfriend, I love her, not a girl I met just then.
I’m not hooking up with anyone else right now. Literally, right now. Last night? Different story.
He is in sales mode. He wants P in V. Very few men are looking at you wondering if you would be a good mother. Obviously, if he says any of the following things and you get involved with him, you are beyond my help:
I don’t see what the big deal is about sex. Sex feels great, so why shouldn’t we just enjoy it?
I would be a terrible boyfriend.
I’m young, I want to have fun.
Call me if you want to hang out sometime.
so on and so forth.
3. Pay attention to what he does.
Players are obviously going to be more impatient in their desire to get sex fast. Not all, that is why I said this is not straight forward, but most. i.e. the inexperienced. Impatient behaviors include:
- Overly relying on texting to make plans. May also text in the early stages with “cute” and “sweet” messages, like “Good night, sleep tight” or “How was your day?” or “Home safe?” Players know that these kinds of texts make women melt and think they are real good guys, caring guys. Texts are fine if they are backed up by other methods of communication. A player will not ask you to study together or call to say he’s thinking of you, for example (well, maybe he will now, if he’s reading this, so add those two to your “potential” list)
- Texting for plans last minute. He’s keeping his options open for as long as he can. Players are known for sending friendly inquiries out to multiple women at the same time, and then choosing from the responses they get, back board for declining being a reason out of his control. A guy who likes you will make a plan that includes spending time together in public at a reasonable hour. It doesn’t have to be a date, but if you’re being treated like a dirty little secret, beware.
- Wanting sex early. This is obvious, and many Players will walk away within days if you don’t put out. However, some will hang in there, going for the touchdown over a period that can last weeks. Of course, once they’re in the end zone, it’s Game Over. So be careful.
Here’s the key: A player will pressure you for sex. Even if it’s charming and he couches it in terms of wanting you really badly, it’s still pressure. A man who wants something real with you will respect your decision about timing; in fact, the time will be yours to set. Most players in college (inexperienced) won’t put up with a girl who doesn’t hook up immediately. And a girl who hooks up to make out but won’t go all the way? She’ll be dead to him on campus come Monday. If this happens to you, be thankful you got out quickly.
4. Observe how he carries himself. Red flags include:
- Careless Body contact with women
- Grinds on the dance floor with anyone
- Extroverted, enjoys being the center of attention
- Eye f*cking. Watch his eye contact.
- Moves into your personal space boldly
These are all signs that you are not likely to be someone special over a period of time. Men like this go from hot to cold with the flip of a switch. If you observe this behaviour when you meet a guy, be extremely careful, do not give in to quick.
5. Understand his relationships.
What are his male friends like? What is the friendship based on? What do they do together? Is he close enough to any guy to confide in him? Trust.
Do his friends seem eager to reassure you that he is a really good guy, all the time? This is usually a bad sign. In fact, it means he is a total douche bag. I do it SOMETIMES to friends of mine but it is done at random on the spare of the moment. Guys don’t get their friends to wing for them in this way if they have no need of providing extra reassurance to back up their ulterior motives.
Are most of his friends women? This is a bad sign. There are some very good guys who don’t have a lot of female friends, but there are very few good guys who have no male friends. Tough one to gauge but be wary.
Is he still connected to his ex? Being cordial is fine, but making plans, talking, texting, etc. are not. I mean, there’s a reason she’s “The Ex” right? If a guy is in regular touch with his ex for any reason, he is unavailable emotionally. That means he isn’t capable of wanting more than sex from you.
How do women in his circle regard him? If you see women pulling him aside at parties and in hallways to “talk,” you can be sure he has unfinished business, at least in the eyes of those women. If women are inexplicably hostile to you, it often means that he treated them poorly, and they resent your coming on the scene as the new favorite. Anytime a guy says, “She’s a psycho” or “I don’t know what her problem is,” be careful. Usually, this is projection, and the woman has a very good reason indeed for being pissed off. Usually. So see if you can find out why.
For a good guy, is it important to him that you meet and like his friends? He should be more than just willing, he should be invested in making this connection if he has any interest in something lasting.
With a Player, he may even use you to get to your friends. Is he eager to meet your friends? Does he go out of his way to be attentive and interested, determined to make a good impression? If he is all about his own circle, expecting you to come to him all the time, he is not relationship material.
6. Watch how he displays physical affection.
Hand holding is a must, but lots of players know this, and use it to pretend to be caring. Same thing goes for the nose kiss and the forehead kiss. Hugs are completely meaningless.
He should be at least a little nervous about the first kiss. If he has his tongue down your throat an hour after hello, move on.
When you’re out together at a party or gathering, does he stick close by, making it clear you are together? You should have a sense that he is attentive and a little protective. He should also be anxious to show you off if he is invested.
All in all.
At the end of the day be perceptive enough to identify mannerisms that show fault in what he is trying to show. If he slips up you should be able to see it (yes they do slip up now and again).
All I have said are potential signs. It’s like body language, the tips are just that, tips, not concrete. Use the above as means of identifying potential problems and thus work accordingly to either react to them or completely ignore them and move on. Genuine guys sometimes display a few of these signs, so do be careful. If a guy shows quite a few of these be sure he is a Player, if one, then you have the right think he may be a genuine guy.
Good luck Ladies, I wish you all the best out there. And as for guys, I’m not saying all girls are saints, some are equally manipulative but this was not on them, so suck it up. If you have anything to add or disagree with please do let me know. Cheers!