What the friendzone really is!

[genericname85]

Omg he/she friendzoned me?

Most people just assume that they're in the "friendzone" because their crush said something like "we´re such good friends"... to those people: you are not in the friendzone! You are just looking for an excuse not to ask the person out! Don't make assumptions about stuff you can't be sure about! Ask the person out, don't make the argument: "i don´t want to break the friendship." you won't break it. It might be a bit awkward for a bit but it will eventually go away.

This is the friendzone

So you've just had a crush for a long time or you even allready are friends with your crush and you finally find your courage to ask the person out or confess that you´re crushing. she says she isn't into you though and tells you, you are just a good friend for her. Congratulations now you are in the real "friendzone"

One of the following reasons apply

1- The person is physically not attracted to you (most likely)

2- The person has a love interest in a third person, in which case you could try again later

3- The person is just not open for a relationship

4- They genuinely just want you as a friend with none of the aforementioned reasons (very unlikely)

What do you do?

Find out if it's not case number one, you could just ask her that. if it's not number one you might try again. there are guides on how to get out of the friendzone, those do only apply in case it´s not reason number one.

If it's no use and she just doesn't want you, you have to choose.

- Can you be a friend? if so, good for you, go for it.

- You can try to get interested in a new girl, the friendship might still work out this way.

- You can't because the feelings hurt you too much? In this case it is the best to cut the person out of your life or just reduce the contact to a minimum.

What I basically wanted to get out there is; don't assume stupid things, just go and ask the person out. Only then you can rightfully claim to be in the "friendzone" ;)

[Coffinspire]

I agree the first is usually the biggest problem, though that can be over come with personality.

I really don't think there is a friend-zone. Our moods just change or we grow out of things and our minds change. I've always dated my guy friends but that's after YEARS of knowing them. Sometimes it just takes us a while to realize what's in front of us. But forcing it def makes it worse. I agree though, it doesn't hurt to try once I a while as long as it's not pestering. I've turned down guy friends and still remained friends with them and it didn't make it awkward or anything.

[genericname85]

same here. i friendzoned a girl once and she found her boyfriend a few weeks after so we could stay friends but i myself can´t stay friends with a girl i have strong feelings for.

[dartmaul15]

Or 5. You waited so long with asking her that she had given up and drowned the attraction she used to feel for you, because she taught you saw her as a friend only.

Just a possibility

[genericname85]

yeah... i´m guilty of that one ^^

[dartmaul15]

Heh. Hence why a guy should just make a frigin move. Same goes for the girls.
Life would be so much easier if people made their interest apparent right away

[genericname85]

same goes especially for girls ! i´ve seen so much posts on here where she was about to give up, just because he didn´t make a move xD

[dartmaul15]

Yeah... If she gives up it's her own fault, and no pitty from me.
Just woman up and ask him

[dwiller943]

Yup. If I like a guy, I give up when it seems like he doesn't feel the same way and that he only sees me as a friend.

[genericname85]

@dwiller943 i personally never "give up" in the way you describe. if there´s a base interest from my side, that interest will never fade and if after years she comes out to confess she likes me, i´m still into her. i mean given i don´t have someone else in mind at that time.

[spuitkaas]

I agree with this, but there could be other reasons to not date someone. For example I have a friend and he might like me (hasn't confessed it, but some people asked me if I liked him) I don't like him, not because he's too ugly or anything. I think. he's too immature. I just clearly notice that he hasn't figured out who he is and has mood swings and still feels the need to impress his friends. This was just an example, but the reason I friendzone someone are the things you mentioned + just a personal reason why not to date.

[genericname85]

i´d put that in category 4 ^^ i know there are different reasons but i didn´t want to write a book :D

[spuitkaas]

Yes, but I wanted to clear number 4 up for the readers of your take. Like what could be an another reason

[genericname85]

ah ok ^^ thanks for your addition then !

[aficionado]

@genericname85
What exactly is accomplished by putting in bucketloads of effort to try to get out of the friendzone, although the chances of success are remote? Wouldn't it be wiser to put in a fraction of that effort to find someone else who would actually be romantically interested?

Guys (and girls) who go out of their way to 'escape' from the friendzone, are fools of the highest order. They should either stay as a friend (which is often difficult), or walk out of the friendzone with their head held high (the wise thing to do).

[genericname85]

i wasn´t going to tell you that you should try it. and i wasn´t going to tell people that they should obsess with one girl. i was just pointing out the possibility ^^ i mean in case you think she´s worth it, you might as well try it, before you move on.

[Kalinda]

Yeah it's not really sbout getting out. It'd making sure you're actually in b you move on. Unless you've had an unequivocal statement from her/ him denoting they see you solely as a fruend, then there's no reason not to make sure.

I think actyally when you susiect you're just a friend but are not positive, it's the best time. Bc youve basically conceded and there's nothingto lose:)

Once you cut out ambiguity thered no chasing or digging. You just move on. But why not make sure that's what should be done and move on in good conscience :-)

[aficionado]

@genericname85
I understand what you're trying to say. But then, I personally believe that no woman (or man) is worth putting in so much efforts because it usually ends in heartbreak.

@Kalinda
You make a valid point! Moving on is tough, especially when someone is made to feel that he/she is not good enough for the other person. But moving on is always the wise thing to do.

[genericname85]

in my opinion, if you´re really sure that you love a girl, it´s worth it. i mean if it´s just a crush, you´re probably right but sometimes you know a friend for years and then you know that you could probably live your life with her.

[aficionado]

@genericname85
Well... if a guy continues to be in love with a girl even when she doesn't reciprocate his feelings, then how can it be worth it? He can't keep waiting indefinitely for her to change her mind. Besides, it is a known fact that girls NEVER let guys out of the friendzone, unless under some exceptional or miraculous circumstances. And more often than not, such circumstances cannot happen.

Wouldn't it be better if he can just move on, after realizing that 'love' can never succeed if it is one-sided? We need to be practical here, and not just emotional, right?

[genericname85]

just because girls sometimes have complicated ways of thinking and sometimes say no if they really just need time to think. or there are other temporal reasons that might fade.

i mean what have you got to lose? sure you´d have to take into consideration how much time you´re investing and should stop, if it gets too much.

[Kalinda]

Yeah just saying when you're actually at the point you're thinking of moving on from the " hope", but you have not actually made certain they are not Intersted... Just make sure. You're moving on anyhow so nothing to lose.

[genericname85]

@Kalinda that´s exactly what i mean ^^ thanks. i mean you like her for something... its not just a random interest you have.

[Anonymous]

Nice take!!!

But how do you find out? What if say meet her when she is taken in a situation where you can't avoid her (e. g. on masters course you are in her assigned coursework group). If you keep your distance while still meeting up etc, can u be an option if she later becomes single?

I wrote a question on whether women are only dirty with guys who treat them like crap. Can u check it out? www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2078940-do-women-categorise-men-are-they-only-truly-dirty-in-the-bedroom

[genericname85]

well if she´s taken, you´re fucked. you can hope that she leaves her boyfriend any time soon but meanwhile you should definitely look around and try to get with other girls. if stuff happens later on, fine but don´t bet on it.

[genericname85]

i would not ask her out or confess your feelings as long as she´s taken. that will just be awkward. bear with just not knowing.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah sure, you continue with life as normal. Done.

But when she gets single? As she is now?

[genericname85]

Go for it then.

[Opinion Owner]

Dude, HOW?

Feel free to answer on my question by the way, if u prefer to type there. My point is I already know it is acceptable to hit on her now. But HOW

[genericname85]

You ask them out or ask then to do stuff together.

[Opinion Owner]

HOW as in the words/phrase that makes it clear it's 1 to 1

[genericname85]

so the thing is: you want to get to know her better, therefore you want to meet her. if you confront her with your intention of getting with her right away, she will pull away. you have to get to know her first. i can´t put words in your mouth, that will 100% work, cause
1: she might not be attracted to you at all so whatever i tell you won´t work anyway
2: i don´t know her personal preferences/hobbies and what she´s like overall and i don´t care to either. that´s your job.

i know this is hard but what you could do is finding a mutual interest and just ask her to do that thing together or maybe ask her if she wants to get something to eat together. don´t be pushy and needy. just casually getting to know her.

[Opinion Owner]

I already know her
She's moving back after a long time
So what/how to ask?

[genericname85]

Just casually ask her if she wants to hang out or something to test the waters xD maybe get a little closer physically than usual and see how she reacts.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah I'm asking how/what do u say to ask to hang out so it doesn't end up as a group thing

[genericname85]

Like i said xD come up with something both enjoy and ask her, if she'd like to do that with you.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok sure like dinner or coffee, but how do you make it clear it's just you two without sounding like a jerk? Cos if others live in the same city and she hasn't seen them in a while, she might mention shall she see who else is free or misinterpret it as something that could be a group catchup?

How do you make it clear you are inviting her and her ALONE out?

[genericname85]

Well let them see the others first xD or do something with everybody as a Welcome Back thing. Don't be selfish :P ask her when she has seen her people.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah but do YOU go to that thing. I agree not be selfish, but if you go to that, how can you then say you haven't seen her in ages and want to catchup when you JUST SAW HER.

For what seems to be the 100th time, HOW do you ASK by text in terms of meeting her alone so it's clear to the female friend?

Or are you saying do the group.

[Aud_Queen]

Excellent take! When I friendzone a guy it's usually because of #1 or I don't think they fit into my life as a boyfriend.

At the moment I can't date (personal reasons) but there is this guy who I really liked and he likes/liked me. I had to cut off most contact with him and turn him down. I tried the whole just being friends with him thing but couldn’t sit by and watch him date other girls in the mean time...

[genericname85]

yes... that´s the most horrible thing. that´s why i think it´s allways better to cut the person who friendzoned you off completely.

[Aud_Queen]

I don't think he friend zoned me. He judt figured I moved on even though I gave him soo much of my time. When I finally DID let him go, he was really hurt. But see, he was dating (his ex) a girl at this time. You can't have your cake and eat it too 😬

[genericname85]

i mean if you turned him down, what was he supposed to do anyway?

[Aud_Queen]

That's why I let it go. There wasn't much he could have done. I'm not mad that he did go out with someone else. Its more for he took everything I did for granted. I let go because it sucks to stand by and watch.

The reason I don’t sate atm is because my dad specifically asked me not to atm. High school was really important to me because of the college I wanted to get into. I got in, but at that cost. I don't think I would have were I dating.

[TheReturnOfRae]

When i friendzone someone, it usually means that they may have a chance in the future. If I brozone you though, then thats just it. I look at you as blood. Totally not into you. Then again, i brozoned this one hottie, but that was only because i felt like we could tell each other everything plus my mom called him son.

[MaskedSanity]

So there was a guy you were physically attracted to, a guy you can tell anything and be open with and you chose NOT to date him?

I'm seriously struggling to understand this logic. So if you can be completely open with a guy, that's bad for a relationship? Are secrets and awkwardness a requirement for your potential partner?

[genericname85]

i hontestly think the friendzone is in rare cases like this just an accident caused by the girl not knowing what is good and what she wants xD

[TheReturnOfRae]

@MaskedSanity he was attractive and good to talk to, but he wanted sex and I'm not into that at the moment

[Anonymous]

This make absolutely no sense. If someone truly "friend-zones" you (which is NOT the same as being a friend), then there is no point of asking someone out. Obviously, they're not interested in you.

Now, if someone is a FRIEND (not the same as "friend-zone", then it's a good idea to ask them out.

[miserybusiness]

You do realize that most "friend zoning" takes place WHILE the guy/girl is asking the person out, right? Many times, one is unaware of their position till he/she asks the guy/girl out... then gets an "oh no sorry but we can be friends!" in response

[genericname85]

yeah. i mean if you´re into a girl and you allready are friends, how do you know that she doesn´t like you if you didn´t ask her? sometimes it may be clear but there are some times too, where you can´t be sure.

[Anonymous]

If you're truly in the friend zone, you're doing something wrong. Suck it up and move on, as hard as it may be - either (s) he's going to realise what kind of person you are and come back to you, or you'll both move on to find new people. Simple as that. Take charge of your own feelings and you'd probably be surprised at how people begin reacting to you.

[genericname85]

what do you mean "take charge" of your own feelings? i mean you can´t really controll them. an yeah i know that you probably did something wrong but i just wanted to get out there what the friend zone is and what it not is.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah sorry I guess I just mean if you feel that strongly about someone and they clearly don't feel the same, do your absolute best to stand up for yourself in a "I don't want to hurt myself anymore by pining over you" sense. Just comes from experience I guess; made myself start to move on from someone and suddenly they shifted to realising what I actually meant to them, if that makes sense.

The "friend zone" to me is experienced simply when you like someone and they don't reciprocate. Maybe they do feel something for you deep down, maybe they don't. Only way to know for sure is to try to stop torturing yourself, take a deep breath and cast your mind away from them.

Funnily enough a girl I've gotten close to said "I imagine that I'd have friend zoned you if I met you when we were younger cause you're such a nice guy to me", just replied with "I doubt that, I don't believe in the friend zone, I would've moved on and you would've realised who I was to you". Confidence for your own life.

[genericname85]

yeah i know i have a huge lack of confidence though due to insecurities and i tend to take like months or even years to realize i have feelings for someone but if i do, they are really strong... i guess it´s better to be like you described but i don´t really know how to get there.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm the same to be honest - I have something called gynecomastia (puffy nipples basically) which dragged me down for years. You'll probably (hopefully :)) reach a point where any insecurities, you just won't care so much about anymore. Never give up on trying to improve yourself, as cheesy as it is, look at sites like goodmenproject. com and just take on board any advice you can find. Confidence comes eventually, trust in yourself and you'll see. :) Happy to give any more advice I can think of, anything you want to ask!

[genericname85]

even if i should get over my insecurities i don´t know how i can get interested in somebody in a reasonable time span xD

[Opinion Owner]

You'll just click with someone one day, and then you'll know. Won't take you long then. Trust me on that one. :)

[genericname85]

yeah someday ^^ when i´m 98 or something xD sorry i do apreciate you trying to help a dude out ^^ i don´t want to make it bad.

[Opinion Owner]

Haha to be honest you seem to have a similar attitude to me, seems like you have a sense of humour about it a little :) you'll see what I mean sometime soon I hope! ;)

[genericname85]

i guess you can kind of choose between depression and making fun of yourself ^^ i think the latter is more appealing.

[Opinion Owner]

It's what I've done, and it attracts people to you too. Just make sure that sometimes you talk seriously about how you really feel with people you trust sometimes and that'll help too. My mum/dad got divorced two years ago too and it got me down but I carried on my happy-go-lucky attitude. Slightly feel I should've got it out in the open with my mates earlier but all the better for it now. :) Hope I've helped at least a bit!

[genericname85]

yeah it´s important to be able to vent it. its vital to have at least one friend you can tell your deepest thoughts.

[Anonymous]

I personally have never been in the friendzone mainly because I'm a pretty good looking guy but I've had some friends who've claimed they've been friendzoned but I feel that it's like you said an excuse just to not ask someone else but I think that most of the time the girl flat out doesn't like them but they claim they're in the friendzone so they can feel better about themselves.

[genericname85]

how would being in the friendzone make you feel "better" ? XD i think it´s pretty much the shittiest sutation possible.

[CincinnatiRedsfan]

I don't think you people understand how the "friend-zone" process works. You don't refuse to ask someone out and find out you're in the "friend-zone." That makes no sense at all. The "friend-zone" is when you ask someone out, and the other person says "let's be friends."

[genericname85]

that´s what my whole take is about !

[Opinion Owner]

@rwfrg4g4gg That's what I'm saying the people who claim their in the friendzone most of the time are just losers who are claiming their in the friendzone when really they're just to chicken to make a move so they just go "Oh I'm in the friendzone" As an excuse as to why they can't get with that girl or they say "Girls always friendzone me." As an excuse as to why they can't get any girls the reality is they're not being friendzoned they're just losers.

[genericname85]

i don´t call them losers... i think that´s too harsh. they just did not try, that´s all.

[Opinion Owner]

Well tbh I've never seen someone who's a somebody claim to have been friendzoned

[genericname85]

i´ve friendzoned girls who are not losers... so does that automatically make them a loser?

[Opinion Owner]

clearly they weren't hot enough so ya

[genericname85]

That makes them a loser? Well then I don't want to be a winner by your definition...

[zehel]

The friendzone is the void below tartarus.
vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/.../latest
thou shall be doomed to spend an eternity in it for your unforgivable crime of asking your friend out to dinner.

[genericname85]

It's your decision to stay in it out not though.

[genericname85]

out=or... autocorrect fail

[new_girl22]

I agree, but I'm not sure if he is friend zoning me I will say 50/50 he said we are just friends and I don't think nothing more but a month later after saying that he was showing signs that he likes me more than a friend

[Scrambled]

End of discussion. Friendship zone exists but its the delusional negative connotation associated with it by men that makes it not... good times

[genericname85]

i don´t get it. makes "what" not? xD

[Scrambled]

Its not negative! it just is.

[genericname85]

well it´s a negative experience but it can´t be avoided and it´s nobodys fault.

[Scrambled]

I find guys who are good with women find the gamble between attraction and freindshipzone very fun. It shouldn't be a negative experience (even though it is when you really like her... and I have been there so often) but that's the thing, a neutral something happens and your perception of it makes it good or bad.

[Scrambled]

Love that meme ha ah

[genericname85]

yeah ^^ the thing is you can´t choose how bad your feels for her are :P

[SurströmmingLover]

...
2.bp.blogspot.com/.../friendzone.png
...

[genericname85]

i think that´s the special situation, where you kind of accept the defeat before it even happened xD you know, she´s way too pretty for you so you claim to just want to be friend anyways.

[LilWeezey]

Only one person is in the friend zone and he knows it and he's ok with it because he's friend zoned me back lol

[HeartsBloodDupre]

That's what all of those complaining guys should do!

[LilWeezey]

Lol well he's my bestie so this exchange is entertaining and acceptable but yes I agree

[genericname85]

in my opinion it´s not possible to friendzone a person "back" ... you are in the friendzone because you have feelings for a person and she does not. you can´t just turn that around xD

[LilWeezey]

We definitely do not have feelings for each other... Best friends for 10yrs dude is like a brother to me

[genericname85]

The you're both not in the friend zone xD you are just friends. The friend zone is if one wants more.

[Phoenix98]

I've actually never been friendzoned so I have yet to experience this. Though I'm sure ill come across it at some point.

[genericname85]

lets hope you don´t ahve to go through this ^^

[Phoenix98]

Yea, so far though the friend zone has not proved to be an obstacle for me, but only the future knows what's in store.

[Anonymous]

So this guy says he wants to be just friends, yet says I'm beautiful, hot, sexy, he wants me.. But nothing has ever went any further than him saying that! Friendzone?

[genericname85]

to me it just sounds like he doesn´t dare to make a move. you´re absolutely not in the friendzone !

[Watermelonoma]

no, abnormalzone

[genericname85]

maybe you should try to make a move ^^

[Opinion Owner]

I can't ever seem to get him alone. He says he wants to see me but never comes through. And I've said I'll come to him.. But it never works out

[genericname85]

keep trying. i mean why would he claim to like you xD that makes no sense.

[Opinion Owner]

He only texts. We've hung out with other people & he was extremely flirty.. Touchy.. Eye contact

[genericname85]

you have no reason to assume that you´re in the friendzone then.

[Opinion Owner]

Guess i assumed bc he said he only wanted to be friends and nothing more.. & then nothing is progressing

[genericname85]

lol so he did say you only wants you as a friend? before you said "he wants you" xD that´s quite a different story.

[Opinion Owner]

Lol. Sorry if I'm confusing you. He said he wanted me first. Then awhile after that I asked him what he wanted out of this situation and he said friends and nothing more.. Then he went back to all the compliments and saying he wanted to see me so bad but nothing has happened

[genericname85]

well then you should clarify the situation and tell him how you feel.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah I have.. Nothings changed

[genericname85]

so you said him how you feel and what did he reply?

[Opinion Owner]

He knows I like him. And I told him if we don't hangout that we shouldn't talk anymore. He said I agree. We had plans to hangout Tuesday he didn't show up. Haven't heard anything. He also goes a week or more without contact and pick right back up where we left off

[genericname85]

i don´t know what is up with this guy XD you should probably move on then.

[Opinion Owner]

Alright thank you for the advice !!

[genericname85]

you´re welcome. good luck :)

[GoldCobra]

You could just flirt and then try to kiss her when you're hanging out or I'd you're watching a movie together and you put your arm around her... Oops sorry about that, just stretching. Sorry about my lips touching your lips too. Oops!

[genericname85]

yeah but it´s basicly the same if she rejects you this way. but sometimes a girl will dodge a kiss just because they´re insecure and exited so that´s not a proper indicator.

[Anonymous]

One is only sent to the friend zone after he tries to ask out said person. Until he ask, there is no way of telling that he is in the friend zone.

[genericname85]

exactly ! so many people are just talking bullshit about the friendzone without even having confessed their feelings or having asked the person of their interest out.

[CincinnatiRedsfan]

Yes... apparently the person who did this "my take" doesn't understand this.

[genericname85]

@rwfrg4g4gg you probably didn´t read my take, because this is the exact essence of what it states...

[CincinnatiRedsfan]

Take Owner: I actually confused another person's comment with yours, my bad.

Anyway, now thinking about it, there is a way to be in the "friend-zone" without asking someone out. I've had girls tell me "I couldn't see us being anything more than friends" without asking them out. Sometimes, people just bluntly tell other people.

[genericname85]

yeah i give you that ^^ maybe they realized that you´re kind of into them and tried to spare you the turn down. did that to a girl once.

[Anonymous]

I have never seen so many damn people talk about the friend zone until I joined Gag and it's annoying.

[genericname85]

i learned about it on 9gag xD and i think it´s annoying too, given that a large number of those people didn´t even experience the friend zone.

[convo_king89]

YouTube it, people post tons of video about it cuz they have sooo much time.

[Paintingmydreams]

Amen!!! 👏

[genericname85]

thanks ^^