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Why You Should Not Try To Fix People (Page 2)
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I love this MyTake! This line is perfect: "When they don't appreciate it we make excuses for them instead of realizing that no matter what a person has been through, they should not treat you bad. "
@HeartsBloodDupre Thanks :) we always "see" something in them that they don't and want to keep trying and when they hurt us we use the reason for them being broken as an excuse. I was with a guy that was beaten as a child by his mother and and when he was taken away she said she didn't care because she hated him anyway. Whenever he would say cruel things to me or show anger after I tried to help I thought about his harsh upbringing and not having affection as a child to make excuses for how he acted. I realized that was not acceptable.
I like this because I. hate when people say if they get in a relationship. with a. depressed person they want. to. fix. them or emo people like they. don't need help
I'm not sure about emos but I have definitely been with a depressed person and I didn't try to change him but I did try to help him the problem with that was that his issues were beyond something that I could fix he needed professional help and the whole relationship was his idea of a "fix" for his pain but he realized companionship was not helping only hurting. All I got out of it was being emotionally and mentally drained also loss of myself and fear of a crazy ex that won't let go.
Ok...
More people need to realize that if most people change it is because they decided it on their own not because of the help of others. Most of the time you can't change another person.
Right it's a waste of time and energy and if you think someone needs to change then you need to be with someone else that is the person that you want instead trying to change someone into the person you want them to be. My next take will be more in depth about something similar to this.
Yeah I am sure your next take will be as awesome as this one.
I dont consider myself broken. I consider myself cracked and fragile. I'll break easily.
Well that's different I can be that too sometimes
how are you fixing them? what do you hope to make them into? are they willing to be fixed? can they make these changes?
Is that something you wanted to add?
I was asking you
Well I have tried to help my family members find work and stop doing drugs but sadly it turned out that they are comfortable living off welfare and don't want anything out of life. I just wanted the best for them and for them to have something for themselves and not have to ask me or anyone else for anything. I no longer pity them. I had an ex who I tried to help he was suicidal but I didn't find out until months later I felt bad for wanting to leave him but I couldn't take it anymore. I even had a guy try to fix me lol and he was the one that needed help I just did not fit into his world.
umm
wow
imma
get back with you on that one in a week or so. :O
just know that you can't change what isn't willing to change and in some cases people you help do try to change but don't treat the right cause or they never get to the root of the problem and their might be something dark or scary preventing them from doing just that. dose that make any sense?
Of course it makes sense more now then when I was going through it. I had to learn.
I agree, what person feels they have such entitlement to "fix" someone.
Sometimes people see someone in a different light so they try to change them even if they don't have a problem. As the old saying goes if it ain't broke don't fix it.
I think people who feel broken themselves, it's a kind of coping mechanism - "I can't help myself, but I can help others".
Excellent article, a lot of well written points. Its a shame more people don't realize this.
Thanks hopefully my take will enlighten some people.
This right here is the truth. My last relationship actually ended off something like this.
Mine too
Thank you... I needed to read this.
You're welcome :)
You know, corporations are people too.
say what?
Only idiots try to fix people.
Are you saying broken people are condemned to eternal loneliness?
Some will die feeling that way. Even though they have a partner and full of family and friends they will still feel lonely. They will feel like something is missing. Like that saying about how weird it is that you can be in a room full of people and still feel alone. When someone has never been taught how to love or was ever loved they don't know that emotion. In return they start to hate themselves and get into relationships with others to feed off their love and compassion. I used to feel this way but I was brought up in a loving family. I was taught compassion and love for others but I was still missing something in my life. It went back to childhood and it was that I hadn't healed on my dad leaving my family. I had a very happy childhood but this loneliness hit me when I was 18 and started dating. The problem is that these people don't identify their problem and fix it. That's why it lingers on them.
I understand that @Sweety2087 thanks for your time
I never said anything about not being in a relationship with one I said you should not try to fix them.
Exactly if you don't want a broken heart it's better to stay away from people who haven't fixed their own inner problems. I'm telling you from experience they have limits as I did when I was broken myself. I wasn't aware of what I was broken about so I just kept on looking for anything that would fill my void. I did hurt one guy but I did find out what was bothering me and I was able to be aware of my problem. Now I'm aware of it and have learned that I have to leave it in the past if I want to have a peaceful future. I was very fortunate to have very loving family and I didn't realize how lucky I have always been.
they DON'T have
Agreed 😏😏