Why You Should Not Try To Fix People

[Creole_Flavor]

Sometimes we come across people or let them into our lives and we want to help them and then it turns into a full blown project that may never end.

Nobody is perfect we all have our own issues but it is up to us to fix them if they really need to be fixed. The same goes for others in our lives, their issues are up to them to fix if they want to do something about it then they will. Sometimes people are happy the way that they are even if we don't know why beause we are on the outside looking in. This goes for friends, family members, and lovers. What I have learned is that you can't help someone that does not want to be helped and they have to really want it and take the initiative.

Being kind is not a weakness. You have to know when someone is taking advantage of you or using you. you have to know how much to give and how much is just enough for them to pick up the slack for themselves. Most of all you have to know when to stop no matter how they feel towards you about your decision. When you are compassionate for others sometimes we neglect ourselves and we do so much for others that we sacrifice our own emotional well-being and before you know it you become the person that needs fixing and the only one that can do it is you.

You can hurt yourself trying to fix a broken person. We can convince ourselves that all they need is a friend, a lover, someone that cares. When they don't appreciate it we make excuses for them instead of realizing that no matter what a person has been through, they should not treat you bad. Hurt people tend to hurt other people especially people pleasers who just want to help them.

It's easy to fall into this trap when you feel like you can relate to the person that you want to fix.

Sometimes we are in the same boat and figure we might as well sail together but both of you will surely sink by bringing each other down. Misery loves company and I have been there. There is usually one that will want out and want better for themselves and the other person will get better and sabatoge your plans because you bonded through pain and they will feel like they lost you instead of getting on board with you to fix themselves as well. If you stay nothing gets better its just something toxic that gets harder and harder to break from.

[Mustachekitteh]

Most people that are broken tend to use that as an excuse to not get better. That they are way to traumatized. If someone is really that badly traumatized they need to see a therapist and seek serious help. To try and help them get out of that hole. But again like you said they have to want it. Just with anyone who was raped, almost died, etc . That keep repeating they were and acting all sad about it. Your not being killed now nor are u being raped right this second. It's in the past so try to let it be in the past. You letting what bad thing happened to u take away your happiness and own you life. I had a car wreck like 3 years ago where my car flipped upside down. I only walked away with my entire body being extremely sore. Now I'm scared to death to drive. I'm letting my fear of what happened 3 years ago rule over me. I've slowly tried to start driving like on back roads. I'm still trying to convince myself to try into town or a city. Just rise above what bad thing happened and reclaim your happiness.

[Sweety2087]

That's good to know. With the brain you have to do it gradually and than it will be a habit again.

[Creole_Flavor]

I'm sorry about your accident I have had so many friends and family get into accidents and that is why I don't have a license or drive but I decided that I need to get over my anxiety and try next month and I had to want it for myself.

[Mustachekitteh]

that's awesome for you working on getting your license. I would say if you ever get a car. Go for a tiny one like a small car. They feel less scare to drive on the road. Bigger ones make you feel like your taking up the whole thing.

[Creole_Flavor]

Thanks it's been challenging because they say the older you get the more cautious you are so its harder to learn but I'm at a point in my life where I need to get around on my own so I have to go through with it

[Mustachekitteh]

Well with my wreck it also had to do with me thinking nothing bad could happen. Then going around a curve and was a little in the other lane. Normally on that road nobody is really on it around 8pm but that night some was. I got over and didn't hit them, went off the road, got back on, off again, then the wheel got caught and lost control of the car. So as long as your still careful but not to careful it should be fine. Also if you ever feel scared or paranoid. Think about this. One of my bf's friends either last year or the year before. Was crossing the street. A car didn't see him because of a bus and hit him. Caused him to be knocked back like 29 feet I think. He had a lot of broken bones. Shockingly he's not terrified of crossing the street still and still runs like a mad man so he doesn't miss the bus, lol.

[Mustachekitteh]

my measurement might be off since my bf told me in meter's and I don't remember the exact number he said. but I think it was 9 meters.

[Anonymous]

Very true. I dated a broken girl who's been in multiple abusive relationships and early on she told me about how she was hurt, her life struggles with family, etc and I figured I could prove to her that I could be a great guy to her and treat her right. Boy was I wrong and naive. Although she came on really strong and got me attached, the moment I hinted that I liked her back, she pulled a 180 and went back to the ex she complained about. She even had the nerve to make a status saying why can't I find any nice guys with tattoos on fb a week after she ditched me. She also talks shit about me to the ex she's now with.

This girl is the most manipulative, two faced cunt I ever met. Pardon my language ladies. But I did nothing to deserve this from her. n

[Sweety2087]

I treated my first boyfriend the same way. This is going to get you upset but it's the truth. From the day that she met you she already knew she had low self esteem. When she saw you she saw someone who seemed like they had it all together. So she fed off your attention to boost her self esteem. Now she tells you all this about her ex to again feed off your jealousy. I remember when I was with my ex even though I wanted to love him my love was limited. My dad leaving made me feel men weren't good and I had to protect myself from them. I know now that's not the truth but I took the problem out on my ex. Don't let her use you that way if you want to friends with her that's fine. Still don't let her manipulate you.

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry to hear that about your dad. But with the girl I mentioned, there was way more to it than that. It was just too long to type.

[Creole_Flavor]

Same boat with my ex I thought I could prove that I'm not like any of the women or family members who hurt him in the past but what he thought about women as a whole was so screwed up there was nothing I could do to change that no matter how good I was to him. He ended going going back to the type of woman he says he was tired of and I thought something was wrong with me all I ever did was try to love him.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah the one I talked about could never be single. After she ditched me without an explanation, I was trying to figure out more of the kinda person she was so I looked at old Facebook statuses and whenever she'd break up with a guy she'd make a status about how all guys Are assholes and she was in relationships with three different guys in 2 months. She'd also make statuses saying about how she feels has about being single in the summer. Her friends would call her out on her fb too.

[Opinion Owner]

This girl was also desperate for attention. Before I met her in person, we met off a dating site, she sent me nudes to keep me from ignoring her. I'm thinking wow, you would have just gotten my attention by saying hi alone and then a few months after she ditched me, I go on reddit and she had nudes of herself on there. One of them she posted after her breakup right before she dated me. There are much better ways to heal than that. It's like that kinda behavior is why some guys see women as nothing more than sex objects.

[Sweety2087]

@Opinion Owner Thanks and yes now I am aware of my problem and am enjoying all the loving family I have. They make me feel whole as well as I have forgave my dad last year. I know it's frustrating to deal with her because my ex went through it all. This all happened when I was 18 and he wrote me a letter telling me he just wanted me to tell him everything that I was on my mind. The truth is I couldn't tell him that I didn't trust men because I know he would leave me. It would've been a hard pill for him to swallow so I would lie about it. Now I regret ever doing that to him but I just wanted him around for the attention he would give me. My best advice is to let her go because unless she's ready for a relationship she's never going to be happy in one. You deserve a woman that is ready for a relationship and wants to love you just as much as you want to love her. My ex was wanting to help me so much but I would always resent him because he looked weak to me. That's what that girl does

[Sweety2087]

@Opinion Owner she resents all the nice people. She has seen you as weak and she thinks your dumb. I remember I knew my ex would be the perfect man for me but I couldn't love him the way he wanted. That boosts her ego and she feels powerful over you. She feels powerful over the fact that she can bully you and it feels like she's getting back at the people that hurt her.

[Sweety2087]

@Opinion Owner Pretty much I wanted him to love me the way I wanted. I wanted him to give and give and give and for me to receive and receive. So I wouldn't risk getting hurt.

[Sweety2087]

@Take Owner Exactly that's what happens but you shouldn't blame yourself. All you did was try to love him but he couldn't love you because inside he feels he's limited to love. Unless he fixes what is bothering him he can't feel love. So what he does is use people to get the attention. I remember I left my ex for a bad boy too. The reason why they do this is because they are used to being treated bad. That's the only love they know and they know that it won't be surprising when the bad boy treats them bad. They are already used to it but with someone nice you have to actually learn to love and feel. To me it was something I didn't want to feel because I didn't trust men. I didn't want to give anyone the power of hurting me so I would hurt them first. With a bad boy you know he won't get hurt and he's just as selfish as you are.

[Sweety2087]

I wasn't used to being treated bad by my mom or anyone around me. I still had contact with my dad but when my dad left it made me feel like I couldn't trust men. So I used my ex.

[Creole_Flavor]

Wow I went back and looked at my ex Facebook statuses to trying to figure out did I miss something. Interestingly He frequently dated and things did not work out he would complain that women kept using him and cheating on him but he was lying he was the user and abuser if anyone cheated on him I could see why because he was mean, emotionally abusive, and manipulative. He would post things about how he was a good man and can't find a good women and I figured he just was picking the wrong women. Come to find out he was not a good man period and he was running the good women away

[Creole_Flavor]

@Sweety2087 My ex was abused and taken from his mother who said she didn't care so she did not fight for him she hated him. H never knew love all he know was pain and using people yet he wanted to find a wife and not even know what the concept of a relationship is. Despite what he put me through I feel sorry for him and whoever he ends up with.

[Sweety2087]

Trust me unless he forgives and lets go of the past he will never be at peace in his mind. It doesn't matter how many pictures you see of him and how happy he is. They aren't at peace in their hearts and minds. I remember when I was with my ex I was happy but I didn't feel joy. Joy is a feeling of enjoying your life but feeling happy is just short term. Love brings joy but if you never had it you will just continue down the tormented path. I used to take pictures with my ex and I looked happy in them. Little did he know that when I was alone I would cry a lot by myself. Something else that they are used to is self pity for themselves as well from others. Which is why they use people they need self pity and pity from others to make them feel loved. Yet when you are asking for love they can't give it back to you because they are empty and numb inside. I remember when my ex had told me I love you and I remember in my state of mind just staring at him like he was an idiot for saying those

[Sweety2087]

words to me. He didn't see that love destroyed me and I didn't want any part of it. At this same time I became very arrogant and my mom noticed it. She started telling me I was starting to act like my dad and she was right. I started to treat the people who most loved me bad. It's all a cycle my dad was abused by his dad as well. So advice to you is look at how these men interact with their family. You should even look and see if the grandfather was abusive to his grandsons dad. These things affect the dad which man you are wanting date. It's all a cycle and we need to stop it. I know that if I hadn't changed my ex would've not been the only guy I used. I would've used many guys more because I just wanted to use them. Like I felt my dad had with my mom. It's a defense mechanism.

[Sweety2087]

My mom was an amazing mother and she remarried so I had a good childhood. I was just wanting to know why my dad treated us the way he did. Usually when someone is rejected some take the high road while others are more emotional. Your ex feels the same way I did about my dad. The reason why they pick people that treat them bad is because it reminds them of their mom or dad. Not sexually but emotionally that is what they have in common. Something else that I struggled with which is what I'm sure he struggled with is that I was arrogant. At the same time though I had low self worth. So when my ex was with me I would resent him and tell myself how can a great guy like this want me. I am empty inside and I'm not worthy of anyone's love. Of course it's not true but these are things that the absence of someone that should be loving you. It's a very lonely place to be in. That's why he doesn't want a good woman like you because he feels your too good for him. He's looking for identity.

[Sweety2087]

By the way does he look like his mom? I looked like my dad and sometimes I wondered if I was like him? Was I going to leave my kids too?

[Creole_Flavor]

@Sweety2087 Yeah he looked exactly like her

[Sweety2087]

Well don't worry about him because he won't get better unless he addresses his problem. As for you just look for caring empathetic people who will love you for who you are.

[Creole_Flavor]

@Sweety2087 Thanks I will :)

[Sweety2087]

You're welcome I was very surprised I had become because up until I turned 18 I was a very caring and loving person. This generation women and men have become very into themselves which is making it harder for people to date. Look for signs on arrogant and selfish people and you'll find a good one.

[Opinion Owner]

The girl I mentioned who is back with the ex she complained about, had been dating this guy and on off between relationships over the past 6 years. I think that's very unhealthy. Do you think doing this can make a person broken?

[Creole_Flavor]

Yes a person that is in a relationship that is on and off is in a toxic relationship and they can't let go of it and if they see other people in between that time thy are hurting others and using them. Broken people use others to get better and then run back to the same person that hurt them,

[Opinion Owner]

What's even more ironic is when I called this girl out on being two faced and using me to get back at her ex that she's now with, she said I'm the asshole and I need to be a real man and stop being jealous when she was the one saying she'll tell him she's with a cooler guy now (me) if we ran into him and that I should make fun of him for his babydick. I even used that babydick comment against her when she got back with him and said I'm the one with the babydick and that I'm good for nothing but buying her drinks.

She is a very manipulative, two faced cunt. Pardon my language.

[Anonymous]

I used to once help someone. This person was very broken from some situation with a relationship. I felt bad and wanted to help the person out. We talked and got to know each other. As time went by, this person gradually changed. This person would talk about lots of personal things. I listened very well to understand what was wrong. The person told me that the people that the person knows said that the companion was cheating. I convinced the person to simply let the companion go based on what they said. For the person it was hard because of the amount of years knowing the companion. Eventually the person let go from the past and moved on. There were some moments where the person was very depressed that it stressed me out, but in the end the person moved on despite the difficulty of things. I learned that its very stressful to help someone that was broken, but can succeed if doing so regardlessly. If your going to help out someone that is broken, it will take time and patience to help out someone even if it can get you.

[Creole_Flavor]

I agree that sometimes it does work out usually that person has to want the help too.

[steveguitar]

nobody is a broken person, they just haven't had enough good things happen to them in their lives, or they don't have any way to express themselves. if and when good things start to happen them, they will turn around... honestly I don't think that anybody else can take them out of their hole except them. That's what I have learned in the past year.

they almost need to be released from society for a while and be able to figure themselves out. just stop being around people, let go of any bad people in their lives, maybe be a loner for a while, figure out something that they like to do, and go with it. learn it.

[Creole_Flavor]

If only it were that simple

[dipta]

Being kind is not a weakness. Actually, it takes a lot of courage to be kind, to show kindness to other people. But as anyone who has been taken advantage and found themselves in desperate situations know, you cannot be kind to everyone. You don't have the time nor energy to be kind to everyone so you got to choose carefully and, no matter what, the person you've to be the kindest to is yourself. Then be kind to people who are kind to you.
Yet don't treat anyone badly.

Broken people are the ones who think the world owes them something and don't want to see other people happy. Some sort of Gollum without the ring.

[Creole_Flavor]

You're right everyone does not appreciate kindness they take advantage of someone that cares when they are broken and have no remorse. Like you said the important thing is to be kind to yourself which is something we neglect to do when relationships consume us.

[BlueEyedHipsta]

This is just perfect! 100% true!
I've had minor depression for 4 years and my ex boyfriend had bipolar disorder. I was so consumed in trying to fix him that I didn realise how much he was breaking me. In the end I had to break up with him, because I realised he was selfish and wasn't willing to fix himself.

A few weeks after breaking up he messaged me and I made the mistake of replying. He asked me how I was and I did the same ( I said I was good) he said that "I hate my life, everything is shit". I realised then that even in our relationship all he wanted was someone to pity him. So thats what i told him, "I'm not going to pity you" he called me a bitch and I blocked him from everything.

[Creole_Flavor]

I'm so glad that you got out of that and moved on sometimes they use people as a clutch and when you are gone they play nice until they realize you don't want them anymore.

[Frost_Byte]

This is exactly what happened to me and my [now ex] gf. I wish i had realized this before it happened. She was broken. She was raped at 11 years old, neglected by hr family, beat up at school almost every day. Long story short, i feel in love with her, and , being the person i am, put her before my own needs. I ended up curing her of her depression and got her to stop cutting, but as soon as she realized she didn't need me anymore, she threw me away, and now i am where she used to be.

This is a warning to all you people-pleasers (like myself) out there. Walk away before its too late.

[Creole_Flavor]

I sympathize with you I had a friend that went through the same thing with a guy who was suicidal and when he got better he dumped her and now she is in and out of rehab.

[Frost_Byte]

Yeah, it seems like you can't cure another person without sacrificing yourself :(

[Creole_Flavor]

That's the thing thing we tend to neglect ourselves in relationships and we feel so lost when its over because we forget to love ourselves too.

[Anonymous]

I remember in middle school my classmates always try to 'fix' me. I was just a shy girl who likes to help other people. I would do things for them. But I guess when they saw people pushing me around and me willingly help them, they thought it was because I was too shy and scared to stand up for myself. It wasn't. I've been with my class for three years, but I ended up being treated poorly. They wanted me to become less 'quiet,' and although it first seemed as if they were standing up for me, it later just changed to critisism. They disliked me being quiet. I decided to bring myself out a little more and so I started showing people who I really was with my friends. You would think they would treat me better, but NO, they started calling me a 'fake.' WTF. Everyone then disliked me AGAIN because I 'changed' apparently. I fcking changed for THEM.

Moral of the story: Those people who are 'broken,' don't change for the sake of others.

[emmabee11]

Yes i get the same, i've got people even in college pushing me in front of them to talk to someone instead of them saying i should branch out and make more friends when the people i didn't talk to in the first place i knew that there was no potential in the first place for friendship because they hated everyone and held themselves at a distance from everybody, but i think they did it because they didn't want to hang with me ether... lol. They had no idea how awkward it was for me and even i explained (which i didn't), they wouldn't understand anyways... so i didn't waste my breath, i pretty much knew they could never accept me for who i am and hardly anyone can... i'm the outcast just for being more quiet, shy and less talkative... lol how can they they even think such behavior is right?

[Opinion Owner]

I know what you mean by the last sentence. I guess some people just don't realize that what they're doing is wrong and maybe even hurtful. Sometimes they are to deluded upon themselves that they don't realize they're doing the opposite of what they intended.

[Creole_Flavor]

I was that way in high school always told to break out of my shell, get a makeover, do this, do that and I had issues accepting myself. The same things happened in relationships. The few changes that I did make were because I wanted to.

[Anonymous]

I was depressed and broken, but was trying to pull myself out. The guy gave me immense support and was always there to help me. Surprisingly, I stopped being suicidal and started becoming better. I ended up falling in love with him. It has been more than a year and I am still very much in love with him. Just because I got better, it doesn't mean I don't need him in my life anymore. In fact, I don't think any other guy can ever take his place in my life. Whatever he did for me was quite selfless. Sometimes, he became prey to my anger issues. Though he always understood it. But still... even if we are hurt, even if we hurt you, it doesn't mean we don't love you. Broken people can sometimes love you unconditionally because you did something for them that no one else could.

[Creole_Flavor]

Yes they can sometimes it all depends on if you are grateful for what someone is doing for you and willing to put up with you. Not everyone is accepting and appreciative. I am glad things turned out good for you and this guy.

[madpete1111]

If you want to "fix" someone it means you can't get over a flaw they have, and as such you want someone like them, but not them. It might suck, but do everyone a favor and move on. Otherwise you risk a brooding resentment from either party for failing to change/accept the flaw.

[Creole_Flavor]

I agree sometimes it might not even be a flaw to that person it's just one to the other person who thinks that if they can just tweak you then they would want you more but nobody is perfect.

[bloodmountain1990]

It depends on what the fake is and how it affects you.

[trulyblvck]

This hits so close to home lol. I just left a relationship with a broken girl. She always told me that I was her first true relationship because her past ones were full of infidelity and emotional abuse. During our entire relationship I felt it was my duty to help her self esteem and help her understand what a good relationship is but she ended leaving me for another guy who was from her past, leaving me broken in the end. Trying to fix a person is extremely dangerous for your emotions and shouldn't be taken lightly.

[Creole_Flavor]

Same thing happened to me. My ex told me that he was tired of women using him and are always clubbing and cheating on him and then he complained that I was a homebody and didn't have any friends he was so damaged that he thought I was lying when I told him I did not have a side dude so he got angry and started talking about how he knows women so well. After we broke up he got back with the club going ex that would leave with another man right in front of his face. That really confused me

[bloodmountain1990]

Yeah I've been there and dated a girl on the rebound who came out of a rough relationship before seeing me. I was very naive and didn't know what a rebound was. Because I found her very attractive, had a lot in common, and was going through an extended dry spell I decided to go for it and try to be the opposite of her abusive ex's. HORRIBLE idea.

When she was coming on really strong and direct, I thought she was genuinely interested but she didn't want me, she NEEDED me, and once I gave her the ego boost and attention she needed, she tossed me aside like a sack of garbage, went back to the ex she said she never wanted to see again. Also had the nerve to say why can't I find any nice guys with tattoos, is that asking for too much? Right after she left me and got people to sympathize with her, making me look like the bad guy.

I'm no gynecologist, but I know a cunt when I see one.

[Creole_Flavor]

@bloodmountain1990 Being the rebound really sucks and its sad that people waste their time and someone else time when the know that they really want to be with someone else.

[bloodmountain1990]

Not only that but being used as a rebound can put you in the position of being the rebounder with the next person you date. I hate to admit this but I dated someone 3 months after the rebounder left me to help me take my mind off of it and I had no problem with the girl but I couldn't get emotionally involved with her because I still wanted the rebounder back. Like dating someone else did help take my mind off of it but at the same time, I still wasn't completely satisfied.

[Creole_Flavor]

@bloodmountain1990 You're right I was with a guy a few years ago months after a bad break up but I was not over him. I convinced myself that I needed to try to move on. Initially I did not plan on being with someone to get over him but since I was really vulnerable and the guy was wooing me and wearing me down. How could I say no to a guy that wrote me a love letter, cooked me breakfast, lunch, dinner, and presented me with jewels lol. I wish I would have said no as much it hurt because long story short this guy turned out to be my worse nightmare after about 6 months the mask came off and my life was in danger. Had my judgment not been so cloudy from my previous relationship I would have saw the red flags from the rebound guy. So I learned that mental stability is important for you and your partner.

[bloodmountain1990]

Why did this guy put you in danger?

And I agree with the whole red flags bit. Never ignore red flags because you think someone is cute or has a lot in common. There were red flags left and right with the rebounder and I was either naive or overlooked them because I liked her and had a long dry spell. She was one of the most attractive girls I'd been with, not that I just liked her for appearance only, but she was also the craziest person I dated. Even though I'm better off without her, the whole rebounded thing has left a lasting impression on me unfortunately and it's like even when I date a girl from now on and she shows me a lot of interest, I tend to not think much of it because it's like she probably doesn't mean it or might be on the rebound too if that makes any sense. That's why I play things by ear from now on and don't have any expectations.

[Creole_Flavor]

@bloodmountain1990 He is a pshcopath with a laundry list of other mental issues but he masked it so well until he got me where he wanted and then all was revealed. When he realized that I caught on to everything and I was going to leave him he held me captive. He was going to kill himself and he wanted me to watch but I don't know what was going on in his head I could have been first and then him.

[1GuyOpinion]

No idea why girl love to "fix" people. You can't. If they change, it because they want to change, otherwise, when you're gone, they will revert back to their former self.

You can help them realize that it better to change, but you can't really force anyway to change.

[Creole_Flavor]

Exactly love someone for who they are and if their flaws or issues are too much to deal with it would be better to leave then waiting around for them to change or trying to change them yourself.

[Unit1]

Well... I am broken but not by unhealthy addictive things. I am one of those, who need help. However, I would accept help AND contribute credit afterwards for those, who helped me out. I want a better future. I need a fix up from my broken shape.

Because nobody is there for me, I am on my own. I will discover, what awaits my fate/destiny.

[Creole_Flavor]

Well knowing that you have a problem and wanting to fix it is the first step :) many people don't even reach that point.

[Tormentarian]

I just never accept stupid excuses from my partners period - I just expect growth just as much I would be expected after all thats what life is all about. You can do bad (just not too bad), but what are you doing as a human, what are you doing that will teach the humans we are going to procreate?

[Creole_Flavor]

The more I grow the more I know now and I can easily spot red flags to avoid these situations. I just want other people to keep their eyes and ears open.

[WilliamWinslow]

From my own experience, people always do not when they should fix people, and if they should, they still do not know how to do it.
Sometimes when I feel really bad, I do not want to hear any word from any one, while many people talk a lot to me. I really just want to "shut the fuck up and get the fuck out" to them, but I cannot.
Sometimes I want someone to help and relieve me, but no one comes.

[Creole_Flavor]

I wish someone would help me too but at the same time I don't because everyone feel like you owe them something and the ones that I have helped I can't get them to do anything for me not even emotional support so I rely on myself because that is all that I have.

[WilliamWinslow]

Many times some people say "we want to help you", but in fact, at least based on personal experience, many of them are stupid and just want to patronize me.
While for someone who really wants to help me, they are so hyper-careful on how to do it that they try not to come and help me in order to to prevent them from harming me again.

[Creole_Flavor]

Last time someone claimed to want to help me they actually wanted to use me and convinced me that I had issues beyond what I had and that they genuinely wanted to help but it was all an act to cover up for their intent to use me because they needed more help than me. Perhaps they wanted to get me before I got them but that was never my intent. Why extend a hand to someone you don't trust and be untrustworthy towards them? They have some really screwed up people in this world that is why I stay to myself if I can help it.

[shyguy227]

I really agree with you really I do, if people still want to help some one they must first allow the person to help themself and then the best thing they can do is offer a hand if they person would wish it in my opinion : )

[Creole_Flavor]

You're right assisting someone that is actually trying is different

[Alexzktra]

Thanks for this. Though I hate to call anyone but myself "broken", I always feel guilty for not being able to fix my abuser. Like constantly feel like a failure even tho he hurt me, yada yada self-blame etc

[Creole_Flavor]

I understand I know the guilty feeling like a failure that you couldn't help someone but that is how some of them want you to feel so that you continue to be in their life its manipulation. You just have to remember that its' not your responsibility.

[kairon156]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ih61MJ72v1Y

Filler...

[emmabee11]

Evanescence is the bomb :) one of my favorite bands

[Creole_Flavor]

"Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken" my favorite part

[JackKerouac77]

FREE THE WORLD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yTC8ECjQBp8

[Creole_Flavor]

OMG i'ts Based God lol

[emmabee11]

Why would you even try? lol i think people are silly for trying... you can't tell anyone what to do or how to live, it will only result in making yourself look like a bully and an idiot, too many people try to change others though and they try to do it over and over again, other girls especially try to change other girls to be who they want them to be, they don't accept people for who they are, but then they get pissed when other girls get annoyed at them for doing so... what did they expect? lol cheek buggers.. The simple answer is you can't change people no matter what you say and do because they will do and say what they like anyways to spite your efforts lol so... just no point.

[Creole_Flavor]

Trying to help someone and completely change them are two different things but doing both can hurt anyone if it's not what that person really wants.

[emmabee11]

Kind of i mean if someone came along and was like "I can fix you" just out of the blue even when they didn't ask you to it's really rude because they are essentially just trying to turn you into who they want you to be and what's apparently "normal" to them to act as instead of trying to see the real them under the sad smile and wall of steal, which doesn't help at all... why can't they just try to bring out the best in them then encourage those qualities?, of course they might not want to see if because they are always pushing themselves down... This is essentially what people do in general... they don't like that you don't act in a way they consider "normal" so they call you "weird" and try to "fix" the "hidious mess" they think you are... lol.

[Creole_Flavor]

My ex pretty much tried to do that to me. He wanted me to change the way I looked and the way that I go about daily life even the way that I thought. Before you know it I would not even be myself anymore had I changed for him so why not just find someone that has what you want and leave people alone that don't so someone else can love them for who they are. :)

[emmabee11]

Sadly people love telling others what to do, they love being in control of everything, control freaks these days lol it's like if they don't even have control over the people around them everything they do in their life doesn't matter, so essentially they are another negative and insecure person not "positive" like they make themselves out to be lol these people are the fake liars not the people they try to "fix".

[Accipiter]

Typically women like to be fixers, and men like to be rescuers. I tried to rescue a broken girl and it turned my life upside down.

[Creole_Flavor]

Yep that's pretty accurate it's all the same and anyone can end up being hurt in the process.

[DarkHumorRUs]

Because people who need fixing are often weak minded and are unable to comprehend logic. That's it.

[Creole_Flavor]

I think its deeper than that everyone goes through different things in life and sometimes we get lost but we have to find our own way with our own will power not someone else that is the point of my take.

[DarkHumorRUs]

That makes sense I guess. But that doesn't mean that "broken" people have to ignore everyone.