Space in Relationships: Why It's Necessary


Space in Relationships: Why It's Necessary

I've always been someone that values space. I don't mind spending time by myself. I actually prefer it if I'm being honest. That's not to say that I don't get lonely, because I do. But I don't mind solitude. The other day a friend of mind asked me "How do you expect to stay in a relationship if you need all this space?" And I told her that space in a relationship was not only a good thing, it was vital to keeping the relationship healthy and on food terms. Here's why.

You Need Time to Miss Each Other

This is a major thing that I think a lot of people don't take seriously. Constantly being with your SO leaves you little to no room to miss them. And when you don't have a chance to miss them, they begin to annoy you. It's like when you got a new toy for Christmas. You were so excited and happy that you played with that toy everyday. And what happened to the toy after the first week? It ended up in the bottom of your closet or worse, broken. Now look at relationships that way. If you're always around your SO you're bound to get bored. And every little thing they do (things that you once thought were so cute) will start to get under your skin. You need to have time apart from each other. You need to have time to miss the cute way that he slurps his cereal. Or the adorable way she laughs. It's extremely important to have that space. You'll appreciate each other so much more.

You Don't Alienate Your Friends

I don't know how many "friends" I've lost because they got in a relationship and forgot that they had a life before that. Being in a relationship shouldn't mean that you stop going about your normal routine. Case and point: I was really close with my first set of college roomies. We lived together but all had hectic schedules. Thursday we all had off so we would always cook dinner together and have roommate day. Until my one roommate got a bf. She started spending every day with him and some nights. Including Thursday. And when we called her on it, she flipped on us and called us miserable and jealous. She pretty much moved in with him after that. They were broken up after 2 months. Come to find out, he told her he felt smothered. He told one of my other roommates that he constantly told her to come hang out with us and she never wanted to. After they broke up, things never got back to how they were with us. Sad to say, but she ended up moving out. It is possible to have friends and a bf. You shouldn't have to pick one over the other. There needs to be a balance.

Space is the Key to a Successful Relationship

I'm not saying that you need to cut all contact with your SO for days at a time, but spending the day with friends once a week won't hurt. I like to be able to genuinely miss you. It makes seeing you and hearing from you that much more special. Always being around your SO and never really getting time to yourself will make you start to feel resentful and that's never a good thing. So take that time to yourself every so often. Spend some time with friends and family. And see if it doesn't help you to appreciate not only your SO, but the relationship as well.

Space in Relationships: Why It's Necessary

Space in Relationships: Why It's Necessary
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Anonymous
    I find it difficult to believe this is news to anyone. Most people don't spend every single day together. Bc they simply don't have time.

    Also that roommate day you guys shouldn't call someone out on wanting to use their tie how they see fit. You guys didn't own her time she could do with it why she wanted. My roommates had a dinner day which was nice idea but very stressful bc if you wanted time to yourself they took it personally.

    I like spending the night with my bf I like my days to myself. And if either if us wants to be alone it's not a big deal. I don't see relationships as that which I orbit around but if some people do so what. That's their business.

    The guy who dumped the woman for smothering him... He let it happen. If he stood firm about what he wanted instead if telling her to go something then she'd never have had the chance to " smother" him. So I don't think he's trustworthy and probably got a kick out iff honing she wanted him so much then Used it against her.

    I also think people obsess about missing each other for no reason. When you are away you may miss each other big that doesn't mean you have to miss each other in order to not annoy each other. If you need space you need space and you should say so.

    The drama occurs when people don't say what they need or pretend the don't need it so the other person doesn't feel bad the get pissed off and leave without saying they need space. The other person has no idea what's going on. But missing has little to do with not getting suffocated. It's just another poorly used metaphor that has people trying to accomplish extraneous things.

    Just communicate openly and honestly , and don't get into or stay in relationships with people who want to see you every day when you want to be alone for 6 days a week. And vice versa.

    If people were honest with so , they wouldn't have to find out from strangers what to do in their personal relationship which is subjective and can't be answered in universal terms.
    Is this still revelant?
    • We called her out because she would commit to it and not show. That's not ok. Getting a bf does NOT mean you become a shitty friend. Sorry, not sorry. And her boyfriend did tell her numerous times that he needed space. She refused to listen. So there's that.

      Communication is definitely key no matter what, but just because you likentonsoend nights with your guy doesn't mean everyone does or has to. I'm a firm believer that space is necessary in a relationship. Hence why I wrote this.

      You're entitled to your opinion and I'm entitled to mine. I think space is good, if you don't then you don't.

      Thanks for taking the time to read this.

    • Like to spend*

Most Helpful Guy

  • ReneDS
    hmmm i think this take is BS to be honest. is modern mentality, to play stupid mind games. ofcourse you need your own hobbies and friends, and some me time but going off for a few days simply because you are getting bored by spending a lot of the time with the person you love, is in my opinon utter bull. I see this quit often and i find it rather disturbing. so what if that person is a father or mother, is married , you simply walk away to get some space. thats now how life works. my moms uncle and aunt, were married for 50 years. not a day went by without them spending time with each other. you see love these days is all about playing games. My ex gf was exactly like this, in a situation that didn't allow to play games like this. she was pregnant, and she felt pressured by me, trying to figure out if she wanted our child or not. I was trying to save a life and thereby not letting her make a decission she would regret. because 1 day she would be fine and another day she told me our child had to go. she blames the miscarriage she had on me for coming by so often. was i so wrong? all i wanted , was to know what will happen, because i had to take care of things. find a better job, or a second job, live cheaper, spend money, maybe sell my car and so on. what option did she leave me. i wanted to help her out, at work i helped her, bought her extra food, played with her daughter, tried helping around at her place. to her it felt like i was invading her space, which i wasn't, i wanted to share that space with her. what you are discribing her, it breaks my heart. were is the sincerity in loving someone, yes you said, everybody needs his or her own hobbies and friends, but simply taking space because you aren't willing to fully commit to someone is hypcrit. my ex gf only wanted me around when it was on her terms, never on mines. she only wanted to be intimate when she wanted. the game '' taking space'' is a twisted way of taking controll, by playing with peoples fares of loss
    Is this still revelant?
    • ReneDS

      because i was scared of losing my gf whom i deeply loved. i was so confused about why she would withhold affection, why she would tell me we aren't together anymore and 2 days pass and she ask me to come over. it was this sick game of taking space. just tell me, that you want to see me in a few days time but dont act like you are busy. the succes in a relationship lays in trust and communication. i had neither of those 2 in my relationship. i couldnt trust my ex gf because she was also affectione to another guy, thats the way she is, jumping from guy to guy, and we never communicated. i tried and i tried , every argument she started, i was never listen to, she would block me on social media and wouldn't even let me defend myself because most of the times i didn't do anything. but yes, she wanted her space just so she can do what ever she likes.

    • You need to let it go bro. its not easy but the longer you hold onto the resentment of what happened in the past the harder itll be for you to have successful relationship in the future

    • ReneDS

      im trying to let go, its not easy when your whole world crumbles down, and there is nothing i can do. i was a captain of a shinking ship. the point im trying to make, there is no such thing as space in a relationship. having hobbies and friends, sure, fine everybody needs some me time but really taking space because you feel robbed of your freedom. i think its bs. i feel more free when i can be myself around the girl that i love, than hanging around buddies in crowded areas were people expect me to act in a certain way

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • XNicholeMariex3
    I completely agree. :) Sometimes all a relationship needs is a little air. :)

    One thing I have no doubt, love is like a little sprout.
    Treat it with care, give it air.
    Some sunlight, water and a bit of attention.
    Then you'll have love with no tension.
    • I love this! You get the point I was trying to make. Sometimes people in relationships get annoyed with each other. It's normal. Especially when you're up under each other often. So why not take a day to yourself? You come back refreshed and refueled. I don't see the harm in that.

    • MonaAmour

      So cute!

    • Thank you both :)

  • YourFutureEx
    Thank god my friends understand that & the best thing is they always prefer me over their SO.

    Very good take, I liked it! Good read. ^_^

    For me, I have infinite space
    • You and me both. My relationship are with movies and books and most of the time they don't disappoint

    • @bluehairgirl21 - *gives you hi-5*
      I am committed with my History/Political Science books, Food, Video games, Music, Internet and Street dogs. They don't disappoint me either ^_^

    • @bluehairgirl21 oh books never disappoint! Except for when they have to end and I'm forced back to reality.

    • Show All
  • bomba78
    I could not agree more!
    Some people just can't see the difference between "together" and "together-so-much-I can't-breathe"

    I love my BF to pieces, and don't mind spending every waking hour with him. But once in a while I like to do my own stuff. I like to hang out with my gang. Go on rides with my Bike Club etc. And he does the same.
    We synch our agendas as much as possible. So when I have a a girls night out, he would try to make his own plans and vice-versa. Sometimes he'll go fishing for a whole day, he enjoys the quiet and comes back totally refreshed and relaxed. Why on earth would I need to intrude on that? I'd just go shopping or something. At the end of the day we would compare our "catch of the day", he shows me fish and I show him my new shoes lol

    It is so refreshing to be in a relationship where both feel the same and respect each others personal space.
    We don't have to talk about something permanently. We can sit together in total silence reading or listening to music and be perfectly content.
    • And that's what I'm talking about. People seem to think that when I say space, I mean going away for weeks at a time with no contact. That's not what I mean. I mean taking a day to do your own thing. You don't have to do everything with your bf or gf. It's not necessary. And someone brought up marriage. Like married couples still have days to them selves. You said your guy fishes, so did my dad. And my mom would do her own thing as well! People say that wanting space in a relationship us selfish. What's selfish is not understanding your bf or gf when they say they need a moment. That's selfish.

      But thank you so much for taking the time to read my Take!

    • bomba78

      I agree! Assuming one has the right to every single minute of someones life is 100% selfish.
      also, another thing. I absolutely hate it when I try to make plans with a girlfriend and she always has to check back with her bf or she absolutely HAS to be back home at 7 pm because he gets back from work... I mean, really? Of course I don't just decide whatever plans without considering my bf at all, but to base every single outing on wheter the SO "agrees" or not just kills me. for instance, we usually reserve Friday and/or Saturday night for each other, so during the week we just "inform" one another about any other individual plans that might pop up spontaneously with friends. If someone needs me for something on a Friday night I just make sure that I am not bailing on any plans with my bf that I might have forgotten about. It's about mutual respect and honest communication.

    • Omg I hate that too. I had a friend like that. Every time I'd suggest we do something, her automatic response was "well I have to see what he wants to do" and I'm like really? There's a difference between communicating with your bf or gf and asking permission! I'm like if you guys didn't already have plans then what's the big deal? She would always drop everything for him. And he ended up cheating on her!

    • Show All
  • ILikeToilet
    Oh sweet Jesus, THANK YOU for this Take!

    Funnily enough I was talking to a guy today who broke up with his girlfriend and everyone started hating on him without knowing the whole story. These 2 might I add were the couple that everyone thought would graduate and get married. They were together for 2 years and you hardly saw them a part. I went up to him and asked why he broke it off because nobody bothered to get his side of the story.

    He felt like he was being smothered by her and felt he couldn't be himself. They were always together and it began to annoy him because he never had space and she constantly criticised everything he did and kept talking to him about marriage. He had that feeling for months, until he told her it was over.

    The point is you need SPACE. All the couples I've seen who are never a part haven't made it far and some end up on bad terms (like this one, the girl went on a date with his friend and posts the whole break up on social media. It hasn't even been a week)
    • Thank you for reading! And I agree, sometimes you just need a moment to yourself. Being around someone constantly can become stifling.

  • PonyCar
    I've actually been on the other side of this coin & that's how I know the take to be accurate. I have always had a life outside my relationships. Significant others that had a problem with that fell by the wayside rather quickly, and it was for the best. I look at my parents relationship (one where they are together almost every second of every day they're not at work) and I cringe because I can't bear the idea.

    Despite being extroverted, being with someone every waking minute is something I personally find exhausting as it creates a time crunch for all the other things I'd like to do at a more leisurely pace. Also I tend to feel as though I'm neglecting my friends when I (consistently) run out of time to spend with them when we try to do something together.

    On the flip side, people who like their personal space tend to be very easy to date (so long as you're not clingy) because they'll always understand when you say "I have some work to do, I can't hang out." They don't take it personally so long as they think you're being honest (& not just blowing them off).
    • Right. A day with friends here and there is healthy. Being up under your bf or gf all the time is not.

    • Sometimes people forget that they had little es prior to getting in a relationship

    • Lives*

  • MaskedSanity
    If you need time away from your partner in order to appreciate them, I'm sorry to say your relationship is most likely shit.

    It's one thing to require space for yourself to do your own stuff, see your friends and whatnot. But if you need time away from your significant other, because they ANNOY you, you're doing it wrong.

    Honestly, it's the most absurd thing people say about relationships. If your partner annoys you, why on Earth are you with them?

    Based on that logic, are you planning on getting away from your husband every few weeks if you guys choose to get married?
    How would you cope, if you had to live together?

    If you're feeling resentful towards your partner because you see them often, there is something seriously wrong with that relationship.
    • This always confused me too.
      My parents have been married for more than 60 years. The longest time they have ever been apart was the 2 weeks that my mom spent with my sister & her new baby (cross country travel). That was one of the saddest times in my dad's life.
      Of course they have different friends. Of course they have separate interests. But they happily share themselves with each other.
      That is a better goal to strive for.


    • So because something my partner does annoys me, I need to leave them? Being annoyed doesn't mean that I don't love them. People get annoyed with each other all time in relationships. And what do they usually do? Take a minute to themselves to regroup. Even married couples take themselves. Nobody said it had to be weeks on end. I'm sorry that I don't feel like spending every waking moment with your bf or gf is healthy.

      But thank you for taking time to read it. I respect your input, but we'll agree to disagree.

    • @gray_sailor and that's fantastic, I'm sure they've spent the day with friends on many occasions. And I'm sure before they were married they didn't spend every day, all day with each other. That's what I'm talking about. I shouldn't be mad out to be a bad guy because I like to have a moment to myself. But thanks for reading.

    • Show All
  • ThisGurl
    I very much agree. I do not prefer to be alone by myself, but it is necessary for me to have my quality time with myself. Almost to recharge. :)
  • Homebakedcookies
    I guess you can say that "space" in a relationship is to be able to trust in one another. It doesn't feel good to not be trusted by your partner. That partner will then refuse you alone time and constantly breach your personal space.
    • Good point. Trust is definitely a component of space.

  • linkywinky
    I agree with this. Space sucks and is rough to deal with at first, but it's good in the long run.

    ... still fuckin' sucks though haha
    • Lmao it definitely can suck at times. No argument there.

  • KHaskins
    Early in my relationship (long distance) I got used to us talking almost every day. Even adjusted my work schedule to make it easier on both parties with the time difference. We've since eased into where we can go several days without talking, but when we do find time to talk it can go on for as long as it ever did in the beginning. Makes the time that much more meaningful.
    • I agree. After that day or so not talking or seeing each other, it's that much better when you do.

  • been_waiting
    I've never been in a relationship and I'm honestly a bit worried about that aspect of it, because I *NEED* alone time. In every kind of personal relationship I have I need space. I don't want to spend all day everyday with someone.

    I agree with your points. Although some people seem to not only have no need for space, but also hate it.
    • Thanks for reading! And yes, it does seem like some people hate the idea of space in a relationship. God forbid you want to spend the day apart. You just became the worst person on the planet. Now you longer love your bf or gf! Lol, I don't get what's so wrong about wanting (and in some cases needing) time away from your bf or gf.

  • Kshppatel
    It's important to still do the things you did before and be in contact with the people you were with before the relationship. Just cause you have a bf or gf now doesn't mean you have to cut out certain people or activities to make time for said bf or gf. Good take. I like it.
    • Thank you! And I agree, you don't cut people out just because you get in a relationship. That's not cool.

  • 1GuyOpinion
    Summary : Don't be clingy as fuck!

    Part of being in Control.

    Practice your 3 C's! : Confident, Control, and Challenge.
  • GirlsLie
    I actually love this take and you're right, I've always enjoyed alone time.
  • EidolonsGhost
    Loved your article. It was well written and makes a good point. :)
  • dan6122
    Your spot on here. Well at least I think you are lol. Lots of people are very needy and insecure so they constantly need the validation of their significant other. I can't even tell you how sad it is to me when I see my guy friends freak out when their GF is not around so that people can see them with a girl.

    I am similar to you in a way that I need my space and being alone does not bother me. I have not had that many relationships though so I suppose I cannot offer much advice on how to tell your partner this other than by being direct about it.
    • Thanks for reading! But yes, I value space. And if and when I do get into a new relationship I will let my partner know that. Space doesn't mean being MIA from your partner for days at a time. Space means telling your partner that you're going to the bookstore for a few hours and then shutting your phone off. Or going out for dinner with some friends. That's what I mean by space. Sometimes you need to shake the routine up.

  • AnayaWilliams
    Such a great take, that's something that I learned from my last relationship with my ex. Which is what ran him away from me. Space I can see now is important, just because you love that person so much doesn't mean you have to be up under them 24/7. It can get in the way and it can run your partner away to the point where they don't want to be with you anymore. It happened to me but I'm learning from it. You should write more takes about relationships please you are very good at writing them. Another thing is I didn't really have any friends when I was with my ex. But I can understand that having friends when you are in a relationship is important. Just so you don't lose yourself. A lot of people do that when they get a boyfriend they cut out all of there closest friends and have no one left. But I can understand where you are coming from. Hopefully this advice will help me in my future relationships. Thank you so so much (: I think I see where I went wrong with my ex.
    • Well first off, thank you so much for taking the time to read this!

      But yes, I think that space in a relationship in so important. It's easy to fall in the routine of always being around your SO. But that routine can and does grow old quick. You need that space and time to yourself. You never wanna lose yourself in a relationship. It's unhealthy.

      I really do hope that this helps you. Feel free to inbox me about anything. Any topics you want advice on or anything. And thanks again for reading it!

    • I can see how its important now I wasn't really realizing htat when I was with him but after he left me I started to realize what he was talking about. And that's what happened to me I lost myself, and no it isn't good it is unhealthy. And you are welcome no problem, I really needed the advice hopefully this will help me in my future relationships.

    • Aww well I'm sorry you had to lose a relationship as result, but you live and learn. The fact that you see what the problem was and acknowledge it is a step in the right direction!

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  • JohnBhoy94
    You know what? I completely agree with you, 100%

    When my GF and I first started dating back in April last year, things we're very clustered: we would be spending almost every day together, and in hindsight, it was quite overwhelming once we passed the honeymoon stage.

    When her exams approached we obviously had to spend much less time together. I started to miss her, and so did she.

    We had this very deep conversation in my car before I dropped her off at her house, and we laid out plans to see each other ever 2 weeks (during the weekends).

    At first it was such a pain, but we gradually got used to it, and we actually love the space we have now. It's only made our relationship that much stronger.

    Good take!
    • Thank you very much. Some people don't agree, and that's fine. But I'm a firm believer in being able to miss someone. If you're constantly up under each other all the time, it can and will get to be too much.

      Glad you and your gf figured things out!

  • Nexus5
    Old take, but i just found it after knowing that you are an editor.

    Great take, agreed 100%.
  • TheWorldEndsWithYou
    We had alone time... Let's just say we're not together anymore due to her trust issues. Some people need it and some don't.
    • Trust is number one in any relationship. If you don't have that, then eventually all else will fail no matter what.

    • I agree with you 100 % just sad when you know you're not doing anything and you've given all the proof and facts to back it up, but still the accusations. I always trusted her.

    • I can imagine. It's hard to deal with people that have trust issues tho. You can give them all the proof in the world, and sometimes that's not enough. It's not you, it's them. That's why there needs to be an established level of trust before things get too far.

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  • yourfriendforever
    I absolutely agree with this
    I prefer donating some time to myself
    Though am single...
  • MonaAmour
    Great advice and well written too...
  • pezzonovante88
    How about "Relationships in Space"?
  • Anonymous
    This worries me because I've always thought this but my boyfriend and I see eachother every single day. I've always valued my alone time and solitude. I sometimes crave it but I need to see him and be with him and he feels the same.
    • Thanks for reading! And it's ok to take a moment to yourself in a relationship. I personally feel like if you don't, you'll end up regretful.

  • Anonymous
    I agree with you :)
  • Anonymous
    I've been with the same girl for almost 4 years, except in reality we've spent maybe a year of time actually together total. When we're together it's like nothing I've ever felt and I'm so glad to have met her but when we're not it feels like I'd rather be dead than have to face life alone. Living is a taxation and you wonder how your body continues when your soul has stopped.

    People like I'm a fucking idiot though, maybe they're right but she's the best I've ever had. What am I going to do? I have not heard from her since last July and I've tried to be with other girls but it feels wrong, being with her feels right. I just share this because distance isn't really that great.
    • Space doesn't mean no contact for weeks and months. That's not the type of space that I mean. I mean instead of spending all day and night with your SO, maybe spend a day with friends and a night at home. I don't feel like it's necessary to be around your bf or gf 24/7.

    • Anonymous

      I'm tired of being alone

    • I can understand that. I get tired of being lonely as well.