My boyfriend is too smart for me. What should I do?

Question

My boyfriend is a genius and I am pretty stupid. He knows so much about everything and he is always educating me on everything from the renaissance to the electoral college. He loves to talk about politics, art, culture, business and current affairs. I like to talk about stupid things like gossip, celebrities and fashion. He asks me brainy things like "what is your opinion on Crimea?" or "What do you think about the European Union?". I don't even know what the European Union is! When we are in bed, he'll usually be reading some massive book about some important topic and I'll be reading some stupid girl book like Twilight or playing around on my phone. He works for the State Department and his boss is the ambassador to England. I work at Forever 21 and my boss is a complete nobody.
I always feel stupid whenever I am around him and it makes me feel really depressed. He is the best boyfriend I've ever had and he treats me like a Queen. Even when he is travelling for work or really swamped, he always takes time to make sure I am doing well. He is amazing but I can't help but feel so inadequate. I feel like a loser when I'm with him. What should I do?

loveisbeautiful · Accepted Answer

Personally, from everything I read. I think you're being too
hard on yourself and should just be you. I mean, there are A LOT
of smart people like your boyfriend that wouldn't even be bothered
with people who weren't as smart as them. But, you're guy knows
that you don't know the samethings he knows and yet he still wants
to talk to you about it, to me that speaks volumes. So, what you
can't rattle off facts like you're Dr. Spencer Reid from the T.V.
show criminal minds, A LOT of us can't. But, that doesn't mean your not smart. And, that doesn't mean that you don't contribute anything
to the relationship. Don't sell yourself short, trust me I'm an expert at selling oneself short. And, it messes with your confidence.

So, now about what you should do. I know friends aren't the same as relationships, but I know a guy who is an engineer and we talk
about his work a lot and he uses all these terminologies I don't
understand and I just ask him what it is and he explains it to me.
I have another friend who tells me about the stock market and
sports, which I know nothing about either. So, I just ask him what
he's talking about and he explains it to me. My point is, instead of
reading all these books so you can talk about stuff he likes. Why
don't you ask him questions about stuff and have him explain it to
you. That way you're taking an interest in his stuff, but not trying
to change who you are to please him (which is NEVER a good idea, despite what people say). And, asking questions about stuff means your seeking knowledge or information which means
you're willing to learn. And, if you're willing to learn then it means you're smart. Give that a try and see what happens.

Also, a little advice for yourself. I read in one of the comments
that you love fashion, have you ever thought about having a career
in it? because, it's a great career to have and it might make you
happy to do something you're passion about and love. *to be continued*

craZy_4_musiC_o0 · Accepted Answer

well, if you don't feel comfortable at all with it, it's no use to continue the relationship. You should be comfortable around your S.O.
that said, so what he's smarter than you? I find intelligence, and more specifically superior intelligence to mine a hell of a turn on! As long as he's not cocky or arrogant about it, I wouldn't be bothered. Let him tell you about all the smart things he knows. Make him laugh with all the "silly" gossip-y things that get your heart rate up and make you feel happy. Embrace and cherish how different you are in that aspect, and how fascinating the other person is. If you feel insecure/inferior to his knowledge, try to read up on stuff a little bit. Is he asks you again "what do you think of xy" make him tell you about xy first. You'll be surprised how quickly you'll be able to respond to his questions and how many more things you'll be able to talk about!
If he treats you well, and you like him a lot, try to keep him around! best of luck!

MaskedSanity · Accepted Answer

You must be really hot and great in bed, because I see no other reason to be with someone so simple - but that's just me, I need a partner I can have these types of discussions with. I know I wouldn't be able to be with a guy, who was a sports meathead, for example.

He's still with you, so he probably doesn't care that you're not on the same level, he still loves you for who you are, even if you do feel stupid.

If you feel inadequate compared to him, why don't you take interest in the things he's well versed in?
If you think you're stupid, why not go ahead and educate yourself? You have access to humanity's thousands of years of studies all on your smartphone - take advantage of that.

Or is it a case of you like the way you are, don't want to change and are just feeling insecure in comparison to him?

Prettygurl12 · Accepted Answer

Try absorbing what he's telling you and borrowing a book from his shelf. It might be a bonding thing for you guys if he were able to teach you things.

My boyfriend and I operate on relatively the same intellectual level. We're both rather intelligent but at the same time enjoy being really dumb together. I'm better informed about some topics and he is better informed about others. We educate each other all the time. That is, when we're not being completely retarded and wandering around the store wondering why peanut butter isn't next to the bread and jelly.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Better yourself. What's holding you back? I'm sure he would support you in whatever you tried to do, which is pretty rare these days. I'm sure Forever 21 isn't your dream job, so what is? What are you passionate about and want to do with yourself? I think his intelligence isn't what is making you feel so bad, it's his potential that he's living up to. If you were living up to your potential, whatever area of interest that might be, I don't think you would feel this way, inadequate.

He accepts you for you, which is pretty spectacular, so I wouldn't condone breaking things off over this. I think you should step your game up and become the person you want to be instead of settling for how things are (which depresses you). If you were truly stupid, I doubt this guy would be with you. He probably sees the potential you have and that you're not stupid, you just haven't taken the initiative to be the kind of person you can be, which is why he's constantly challenging you with these tough questions you don't know much about. It's not that you couldn't understand the stuff, you just don't because you're not trying to. There's a big difference. He probably just wants to see you doing the best you can.

1932ct · Accepted Answer

ok this mite sound harsh , but I can tell your form first hand experience if he is around higher society people all day like the embassy he probably sees lot of "smart" girls the problem some guys find with them isn't that there smart but that they just about always have a snotty attitude even act more masculine (not dress just personality) that very difficult to get alone with let alone like. What I am trying to make a point of is yes he wants to talk about common stuff with you but the fact that your are different is probably one of the big things he likes about you. he is in a relationship with you for a reason there is things he likes about you if not he would be with one of those high society girls

you said he treats you like a queen just try to be happy doing everyday things together instead of worrying about competing for who is smarter

Luna-o3o · Answer

You're so lucky. It's hard to find a guy that has brains and treats you like a queen.
Most guys are like "sup" "I'm horny" "send me a sexy pic" "nm just here" "I'm bored".
Ugh!!! It lowers my intelligence. I want to be able to speak about anything, have a enemy friendly debate. A guy that will have time for me.
If he is smart and knows lots of things, then that must say a lot that he picked you.
You should try to understand him and learn from your guy. Guys love it when you take interest on things they are passionate about.

JSmuve · Answer

1) Why is it important to be as smart as he is?
2) He's with you for your body first and foremost and your thoughts second, regardless of what you think or anyone tells you. He's in it to slam it. That's just how us guys are.
3) Your lack of intelligence makes him feel smarter and more like man. Don't take that away from him.
4) That city in England with the big clock is called London...and the big clock is called 'Big Ben'.
5) I can't believe you don't know what the European Union is.
6) You don't need to be a genius in all subjects. You just need to know a little bit about a lot of things. Go online and start reading the news. That'll get you up-to-date on the world's affairs. Start reading up on topics you think are important and that you'd like to know more about. If you want to be able to discuss his interests with him, then read up on those things first. Or better yet...have him teach you. Guys like to flex their mental muscles and teach people, so let him do that.

Anonymous · Answer

If you have a real interest in the topics he does.. then i'd say start talking to him more about those topics and learn more yourself. But if those topics do not spark an interest in you than don't. Everyone has different interest and things they are passionate about. Many times opposites attract. My bf is really into sports, any sport you name he watches it, knows it inside out, will read or watch anything to do with it. But you couldn't pay to have an interest in it. So i don't. He's also big on politics, i have more of an interest in certain policy or programs but not politics as a whole. We are different people thats all but we still work just fine.

I'm really into certain outdoors activities that he's not into. Its a matter of as a whole do you work well together, are you both happy in your life together. Thats all. I"m sure you two have some common interest, after all thats where your relationship probably started and you bonded.

Bluemax · Answer

"...and I am pretty stupid"

You are not so stupid as to know that perhaps you could learn more. Perhaps you aren't as intelligent as he is; perhaps you have different interests.

Let me ask you something, if you never met your boyfriend, would you still want to learn more? What could you do to expand your mental horizons?

rgb008 · Answer

I always feel stupid compared to the guys I date. (That sounds REALLY bad lol).
I'm more artistic and not very good with math and science and stuff. All the guys I've dated are pretty much the opposite of me, but I love that.
There are probably lots of qualities about you that he loves! Otherwise, he wouldn't be with you in the first place.
If he's insulting you and making you feel bad, then I wouldn't stay with him though.

washize · Answer

Get more educated and cultured so that you don't feel so stupid. It's that simple.

WoIIie · Answer

Keep doing what you're doing. The smartest heterosexual man in the world can be swayed by his penis.

Consider yourself upgraded. A lot of models or wannabe models hang around and sleep with men who have stupid high status and/or intelligence because that's where the money is, and satisfying their penis will ensure a genetic upgrade and wealth.

At least you don't even realize the mold you're fitting and you actually feel bad about it.

stoney1215 · Answer

Unless you are competing against him in jeopardy he is not too smart for you. Believe me he would not ask you what you think about things or try educate you about things if he thought you were too dumb for him.
Him knowing more than you does not make you dumb. Does Steven hawking knowing more than him make him dumb? I am sure there are plenty of things that you know more about than he does.
you are not dumb because you don't know about things you have no interest in.

dudeman · Answer

well same with me and my gf, i like her because she lets me turn off and we can just be fun together like kids. if i wanted to talk particle physics is call my buddy and we get some rum

Anonymous · Answer

If I were him and genius like, I might think you are cute, totally opposite of my character. Dont worry He loves you the way you are and be honest that you dont know the answer with innocent eyes.
https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images? q=tbn:ANd9GcR7ZFOdnbsuq7NikKohQZK5VuhMCgpttnoZzFmFatrN_6XV33MTgQ

BrunetteNYC · Answer

Don't you realize that MANY men wouldn't have it any other way? Men, many but not all, don't like/want a smart girl. When they're smarter, they feel better about themselves. Relax.

lumos · Answer

Talk to him about it. And maybe start reading more if you want to become smarter. And I don't mean Twilight.

Anonymous · Answer

Insult his dick size and tell your mom he is condescending even if none of this is true
Dump him.
Date people as stupid as you, realize they are horrible then
wait years and send him a message begging him to date you again after he has clearly moved on

this is how it has been done for thousands of years

harakiri · Answer

You shouldn't be with someone that makes you feel like a loser. No matter how nice he is.

MonsterCookie · Answer

Read books and you'll learn. Nobody is stupid unless they want to be.

abundantlyrich · Answer

He is obviously with you because you are down to earth and homely unlike the minds of the ratrace. He doesn't sound choosy.

Anonymous · Answer

Every smart girl knows... Looks matter most to guys and brains not so much. They're practically a burden.  Just don't let him be condescending to you.

NoblesseOblige · Answer

Don't stress. He obviously likes you just the way you are. I bet you're super hot.

mario1321 · Answer

Be yourself thats what he likes about you, if you try and change it will be awkward for both of you

ThreeIn · Answer

Break it up yo, you can't be happy with him.  Unless you just get over it.

Anonymous · Answer

Well you shouldn't be doing it to keep up with him but if you want to get smarter take some classes read more, ya know? No need to feel bad lol :)

Anonymous · Answer

This is one hell of a mismatch. If the gap between you is that large, I don't see how it can be bridged. Time to break up, I think!

Anonymous · Answer

Maybe he likes you exactly for that. Maybe he wants to be the smart one. Maybe he wants you to be under him. I dont think its bad at all, you're worrying too much.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm sure he likes you just the way you are :) and you don't sound stupid at all.

Anonymous · Answer

Be grateful. Men don't require so much out of their partners like women do.

Anonymous · Answer

you don't do nothing , he likes you becouse of what you are... don't change , he likes you that way

missalbanian92 · Answer

Put a dictionary under your pillow

kheserthorpe · Answer

I call shenanigans.

My boyfriend is too smart for me. What should I do?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

What should I do if I feel like my boyfriend isn’t “smart enough” for me?

My boyfriend is too smart for me. What should I do?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

What should I do if I feel like my boyfriend isn’t “smart enough” for me?

We're glad to see you liked this post.