What should I do if I feel like my boyfriend isn’t “smart enough” for me?

[Anonymous]

I love my boyfriend to pieces because of the sweet and funny person he is. We’ve been dating for almost 2 years now and as much as I love him I do get bothered at times that he’s not exactly a big thinker nor has he ever taken school or knowledge seriously. We have fun together but our conversations get dry at times. He doesn’t have much knowledge about anything other than his hobbies, which are cars and video games. His vocabulary seems limited and he has even asked me to re-word things he doesn’t understand when I speak to him. When we get in arguments or even in basic communication he doesn’t look at the bigger picture, it’s like he is just stuck at the surface. Sometimes I wish I was dating someone more intelligent, but I wish It could be him. He told me he barely passed high school because he was too busy being the “class clown” and failed his only semester of college because he didn’t take it seriously. I have my bachelors and doctorates in scientific fields and I’m not saying I am a genius, but at times the differences in our education levels bothers me. Any suggestions?

[hellionthesagereborn]

Education is utterly meaningless as it pertains to intelligence. Michael Faraday who practically created the field of study involving the properties of electricity (electromagnetism, electrolysis etc.) was not "educated", he was a blacksmiths apprentice. In fact if you look many brilliant people never went to school or did so after the fact.

So that is not intelligence, its elitism, so keep that in mind. As for his intelligence, well if he is funny and has a quick wit then he by default has to be intelligent (you can't be both quick witted and slow witted at the same time).

So what your issue is, is that he is not CUIRIOUS not that he is unintelligent. Those are two different things. You can work on cars and love videogames and be very intelligent, but because you are not curious you will be ignorant on many topics.

So I would say two things, one, why do you think he has less value then an "educated"(schooling means very little, in the words of mark twain, "I've never let my schooling get in the way of my education") person (because this is what you think, you have placed value on education and knowledge. I'm not saying their is anything wrong with that per say, but its important to note, you wouldn't be able to get anywhere without a car, you wouldn't be able to get your food if it where not for truck drivers and farmers either. All of those things are built and maintained by people who are "uneducated", yet your existence is dependent on them not the other way around).

Second I would say if you want him to have a wider variety of knowledge (perfectly understandable, I've studied pretty much every subject so I am very much interested in a woman who can carry a conversation at least on some of the subjects), then maybe you should try getting him curious instead of being upset with him.

Most educational systems do not encourage curiosity nor do they particularly support male learning (studies have shown a significant bias against them in schools which has been growing over the past thirty or so years), so most associate these things (education, history science etc.), with a school system that did not engage them nor care much about them. Find a way to link his passions with something more educational.

For instance their is a youtube channel called "because science" where they take video games, movies, and various other pop culture phenomenon and analyze it scientifically. The host, Kyle Hill, does this in an entertaining fashion but also keeps it at a level where any one can understand what he is saying (if your demanding him to do calculus when you haven't bothered to teach him basic math then he is not going to be inclined to learn, you have to use baby steps and make it approachable or its going to overwhelm him). So try that.

[OlderAndWiser]

Suggestions? Learn a lesson from this experience. Having a relationship with someone who is such a mismatch is probably doomed to failure. A good LTR requires

L liking, lusting, and loving
T trusting
R respecting

Obviously, with the discrepancy in intelligence, education, and ambition, you do not have respect for him in all the ways necessary. The toughest thing in the world is to initiate a break up with someone who you love but it seems inevitable. Think about this: would you want him to be the role model for your children? If not, then the outcome is obvious, right?

[tara987]

I guess you just need to balance all of the things we look for in a partner - kindness, humor, looks, intelligence, etc. If it's too much of a drag on things, you have to move on. He's probably not going to become smarter. You can encourage him to broaden his horizons and maybe he will begin to be more of what you want him to be. A guy broke up with me once and one of the big reasons he gave was that I wasn't up to his education status. It hurts but I guess he was telling the truth.

[Monster_Recluse]

You need to ask yourself if this is a genetic or an environment thing.

If he's just genetically made to be dumb your options are to stay with him or leave.

If you think it's because of how he is living, it means it can be helped. Educating yourself is hard and time-consuming and he will not do it unless he has a very strong reason that can keep him motivated for years on end. It needs to be his choice. If you've been to public high school you should know that someone that doesn't want to learn can spend 6 hours a day for 4 years with people trying to cram knowledge into their head and it won't do anything, at best they will be able to parrot off some bit of trivia which they will forget the moment it stops being repeated to them.

[Rebel8688]

I understand completely how you feel! Im the type of person who needs to be mentally stimulated along with physical stimulation otherwise I'll get bored and loose interest fast. I love matching wits with other people cuz thats how i grow as an individual and intellectually. I've broken up with a few chicks after a few months of not being able to hold a good conversation even though they had some damn good bedroom skills i still got bored with them. I've gotten horny a few times to the point of erection over some good conversations that were very intriguing and playful. So all in all personal growth is very important especially in relationships. Have you tried to educate him a little to see if he has the potential to be able to see the bigger picture or does he not care to? One day if things dont change for y'all you're gonna come across a guy thats gonna make you fluster just by talking to you and you may just find yourself cheating by accident, i speak from personal experience

[markscott]

His lack of intellectual interest will likely get to be more and more of a problem as your relationship lasts. It's not so much the difference in education, as the lack of his willingness to get an education and to be more informed, As you mature and become more aware of things in life, as your interests widen, he will likely stay stuck where he is, in ignorance.

[johnsmith2116]

I think you are right to be concerned about this. If you are in a relationship with a man who isn't your intellectually equal at the least, it can affect you socially, maybe financially, and your relationship. You may want to consider leaving your options open

[Chevy990]

I don't know if he is not as smart as you or he is just at others things, anyway try to talk more deeply about something he knows about and see how it goes, but if it's not working for you you should talk with him about it and see what do both of you expect from each other, I think this will be a problem in the long run if you don't solve right now

[Rob171977]

Yeah try to get him interested in the same intellectual topics you're into. Start reading some books with him to help expand his mind and if that don't work suggest to him he join a group of some sort to help him think more or encourage him to go back to school

[AustinMan]

It sounds to me like you can do a lot better but you have to pay the price of a break up to get there.

[madgoat]

You've out grown him. Unless he's significantly under performing. Sounds like you've pretty much decided what you need to do next.

[UglyestGuyEver]

lower ur ego... ururself probably not much smarter than him hunny... what makes u feel so special like ur a queen demanding only the best men? damn...

[UglyestGuyEver]

fuccin schools always tryna teach girls that there the greatest gift t god jus cos they have a pussy... always enforcing over confidence... its not acceptable

[Iron_Man]

That has to be your call and let your conscience be your guide if anything do educational things with him

[Shiva987]

Then you become smart and let him be the house wife

[Anonymous]

and it took you 2 years to see this?

[cavmanier]

Yeah that seems to be the issue here.

[clampfan101]

Suggest college for his dream job.

[outside_Toronto]

Doesn't sound like the right guy for you.